- Nice interaction between Draco and Harry. I am glad you didn't go the whole, "Harry takes control of the Snake" route. I like the idea of leaving the broken Horcrux's with the dead serpent. Both a little taunting and psychological warfare at the same time. Another thing that bugged me was why Quirrell didn't open the chamber in year one. If I were Voldy, I'd have done it and had someone read the diary and enroll his 16 year old self in Drumstrang or something.
Anyway, good stuff. I look forward to more. - Jim
Author's responseI can't say I like the basilisk being redeemed either, although it can work. Of course, Quirrell may have gone into the Chamber for all we know, but if so, he certainly didn't release the basilisk. Obviously, in this Potterverse Voldie is being a bit more pro-active, so he will be visiting the Chamber the night before term begins. This will set a cascade into effect.
(#) Lira_Snape 2006-05-07Brilliant story - and it seems this place has less problems about putting up a story fast! ;)
There's just two minor things in this chapter I noticed: "defensive of his remaining two Horcruxes" - shouldn't that be "protective..."? Defensive just sounds wrong in the context.
And the last line "She was not to know..." sounds somehow weird. I'm not sure what you are trying to say with it: Is it "she didn't know", "she couldn't know", "she would never know"?
Author's responseYes, this site has instant uploading, which means there are no checks -- which can be both good and bad.
I chose 'defensive' over 'protective' because Voldie is acting defensively, not proactively. As for the second point, the first & third choices wouldn't make sense in context (to me at least). I prefered my choice to your second merely because it highlights the formal narrative voice over the conversational tone of dialog. Your choices may vary.
(#) whatareyouevensaying 2006-05-07Good story, keep it up. I ordinarily don't like stories that don't go into a great deal of specifics and summarize a great deal of things, but you've pulled it off in a way that I downright like. Update soon, please.
Author's responseGlad you're enjoying the story
- Well, let's see if this web site allows the author to comment on reviews, and notification of said comment to be e-mailed back to the reviewer/reader. Otherwise I might have to stick to Schnoogle for my reviews; I've grown accustomed to enjoying the exchanges between you and your readers there.
Ugh. Tiny small review window.
Interesting slant on the diary. Up to now I'd always thought that Tom Junior's plan to take form was something of a co-incidence, incidental to senior's machinations. Just Lucius trying to hurt the Weasleys, no greater goal than that. Maybe I'm forgetting something out of canon? In any case, the deliberations of the DEs about the diary and its use were most interesting.
As always, enjoying the Hermione scenes and asides throughout these chapters. I've found your assertion that, in this story, this time around, she'll find in Harry the epitome of her ideal leader most fascinating. You've said that in your review comments; but the sentence in chapter 8 that she had total faith in Harry as an authority figure still came as a surprise. Just a slight change of wording, but still packed quite a punch, for me.
Also the possibility of Harry 'knocking off some of her rough edges', and perhaps making a romantic match of things with her. I just really really like this Harry/Hermione thread here -- I think we're seeing her 'used' more, her utilising her brains, much more than in the original time line. Giving her all the information, letting her get into top gear.
'"We'll figure things out," Hermione said'.
All the above said, I thought the sentence about her respecting Harry as her authority figure was a bit clumsy. It meant more to me, maybe, because of your out-of-band discussion of same in your review feedback exchanges. Most of the story is in a - will I get the term right? - 'third person narrative' style? The switch all of a sudden to Hermione's perspective, telling us what she thought, in mid-sentence like that, was jarring. Normally a change in style, from outside to inside a person's head, would occur in a new section. Just being picky.
The idea of Dumbledore still keeping things secret is a really interesting plot thread. What is his motivation; I dearly want to find out. Does he seriously believe his abilities to plan the offense against Voldemort eclipses the others'? Does he not trust them? I can see how this could lead up to a crisis at some stage in the story, maybe even have Dumbledore's secret machinations, or withholding of information, lead to peoples' deaths. And then a major H/Albus confrontation.
Harry and Draco talking about ministerial aspirations ... as mere eleven year olds? I accept that H & Hr are acting 'mature' - I think you have a reference to their 'adult' talks after the kids' games - but Draco taking an eleven-year-old Harry seriously when Harry promises to defeat Voldemort and put him (Draco) in as Minister just seemed a bit far-fetched. Necessary for the story, but stretching things a bit.
Always thought a true Malfoy would never bow down to the dark lord like that. I've often wanted Harry to walk up to Draco at Hogwarts, slap him on the face and shout "You're a MALFOY, for God's sakes, you shouldn't bow and scrape to ANYBODY, let alone a monster!". Maybe I have read that scene before; I can recall times you've come close to that in several of your other stories.
Ugh, this review window is SMALL - it's TINY. Infinitesimal. I hope what I've written above makes sense.
Thanks for sending out the updates via your Yahoo group to let us know what was happening. It was good to print up to chapter 10 here on ficwad so I could read three chapters at once tonight with tea. Cheers.
Author's responseWhile some authors give Albus dark ambitions or motives, I think his habit of secrecy is mere habit. At this point, he's probably been keeping own council for at least 50+ years, and it must be tough breaking a 55 year old habit!
I think Draco is very in-character for an 11 year old, dreaming of growing up and becing Minister, not realizing that even with a Harry who defeated Voldemort backing you it could still take many decades to achieve. Draco was in a hard spot, and Harry gave him an out he grabbed without thinking how it would actually work.
- You write: "in its death throws"
You mean the homophone, "in its death throes".
I'm only submitting this little correction because I like the story. Thanks for writing, Dr. T. I hope your position search is going well, or that it has come to a successful result.
- First I l,ike how this ones going except having Luna die in the new timeline. And the changes are IMHO good. having Slytherins on the right side can be good but I'm gonna feel so sorry for this Pansy in this story!
Oh well there still is Daphne right!
(#) Cassandra30 2012-06-27I like this story. It makes sense to me that Draco would think about being Minister of Magic. In one a lot of children think about being President of the US. In another way, think Slytherin. Would it be so out of character to plan it? Percy Weasley certainly did.
I do feel sorry for Pansy and well as Pandora.
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