Why I don't want to be Byakuya's fukutaicho anymore...(bold lettering is the new chapter :))
Those dark stones for pupils were coming to life
Vaguely did I see that look on his face
But I’ve made up my mind. “I’m resigning,”
“No one resigns in the Gotei 13,” he said slowly,
Deliberately, as if he wanted each syllable to sink in.
I swallowed hard, swallowed the knot in my throat
And thought carefully for my next choice of words.
“I do not wish to work as Kuchiki-taichou’s fukutiacho
Any longer. My passion for being a shinigami has
Dispersed for me. That need for fighting, for protecting
As left me. I am resigning my position.” Sasakibe-fukutaicho
Seemed utterly surprised. Sou-taicho stood up
From his seat and said, “Abarai Renji! You swore an oath
To be in the Gotei 13 and work as a shinigami in Byakuaya’s
Care, in my care. Who are you to make rash decisions without
Consoling it with your taicho first?” My heart sped up.
His grip on his zanpakuto tightened and I looked at
Sasakibe-fukutaicho for some sort of closure. None. I was
In this alone. “No one resigns from the Gotei 13.” Sou-taicho
Said again. I removed Zabimaru from my waist and placed her on
Sou-taicho’s desk. I took of my fukutaicho badge and placed
It on his desk also. I bowed my head, “I am truly sorry,” I said. I rose
Upward and looked at Sou-taicho. “Then I shall be the first,”
Tick-tock-tick-tock. Taicho was given this clock from Rukia.
His birthday just past and like every year on his birthday, he
Went missing. Maybe he found it too humiliating to deal with
Traditional birthday occasions. No, that’s not it. Hardly anyone
Knows it. Tick-tock. It’s a cat with wide eyes and hangs a little
Lopsided on the wall. Taicho is a bit short. Even if he’s too embarrassed
To admit it. I offered assistance but his glare sealed my offer. So,
I watched him struggle until he forced me to run an errand for him.
I even got him a gift. I didn’t get anything supersized or anything extravagant.
Just something that would make him happy and didn’t draw too much attention.
I went to a shop that sold charms. Some charms had the kanji letterings
For strength and glory. I wanted something that fit his personality
And protected him. I ended up finding a silver bracelet instead. It was a bracelet that
Swallowed my whole paycheck and would grace his gray eyes.
“Protect him with a thousand pedals that fill the sky,” It said. It was almost as if
I was made to buy him this bracelet. I picked it up and headed back
To the office to see him seated at his desk with a lopsided clock. I smiled
To myself and never told Taicho I got him something. Just placed his
On his desk. I turned my back and headed to my desk to do some work.
I never got the chance to see his reaction but he merely said, “Thank you,”
Not a day went by when he wasn’t wearing it.
His bracelet complimented his pale complexion and glistened
Like his kenseikans. The stones on it were called “moon water”.
The pink linen was the color of the sakuras that danced around
His finger tips when he demanded Senbonzakura to scatter.
But what I loved most of all about it was realizing he took pride
In wearing it. He did not have any shame saying I got it for him.
He ignored the blank stares everyone gave him and let everyone admire it.
“Abarai Renji,” Sou-taicho said. “Reconsider.” I was dismissed
He gave me back Zabimaru and my badge. At this point, I felt
If I didn’t cooperate, my life could be at risk. I heard that no one survived
The flames of Ryujin Jakka and I’m sure he has no problem
Turning me to ash. I’m confident he sees this as a sense of betrayal.
He is probably shocked that it’s coming from me. Ise-fukutaicho
Seems like the type to flee…even Kira. However, he seemed applaud
That it’s from me. To be honest, I am a little shocked as well.
I’ve review the circumstances over in my head. Thought of possibilities
That would not allow me to come to this choice. Nothing worked. Nothing
Made any sense. It wasn’t making me feel any better regardless.
So, abandoning it all together seemed like the only thing to do.
I left Sou-taicho’s headquarters and walked into my squad.
“Thank you for the hard work, Abarai-fukutaicho!” Subordinates
From my squad said. I nodded in acknowledgement and felt
A little guilty. One day, I’ll work up enough nerve to reframe them from
Calling me ‘fukutaicho’. I turned the corner to walk to my office
And collided with Yumichika-san. “Ow, ow, ow.” He said softly. I rubbed
My head and his lavender eyes landed on me. “Abarai, you have a
Hard head,” “I’m told that a lot,” I said. I helped him up and felt a headache
Spring from the center of my head. Great. “I’m looking for Ikkaku…have you
Seen him?” I shook my head no and asked. “Why are you looking for him?”
“We’re going on a date later on tonight,” Sting. “And it’s his turn to pay.
So, he’s probably bailing on me…what a hassle.” He pouted and smiled.
“How is everything for you, Abarai-kun?” I shuffled uncomfortably
And said, “Everything is fine. Ikkaku-san is probably fighting with
Iba-san. You know how those two are,” I said, quickly changing the
Topic. Yumichika-san nodded. “I’ll check. Thank you, Abarai-kun,”
He jogged away, allowing his dark hair to lift in the faint breeze.
Today is a nice day and I know I don’t have much work. Maybe I should
Sunbathe and try not to feel as guilty about my choices. But I know there is something
I must do before I run away from my troubles…
We stood on top of a hill, allowing the breeze to run its fingers through
Our hair. “Show me, Renji,” Taicho said. I concentrated on my zanpakotu.
“BAN-KAI!” I yelled. Zabimaru transformed and placed a coat on me. When her
Transformation was complete, I said, “Hihio Zabimaru,” “Ban-kai,” Taicho said.
“Senbonzakura Kageyoshi. Renji, you’re goal is to get me down on both
Knees since you have accomplished getting me on one long ago,”
Senbonzakura danced around my head. “I’ll do my best,” I said passionately.
He directed Senbonzakura to me and I dodged it. “Zabimaru!” I yelled.
Zambimaru growled and launched her body at Taicho. Taicho jumped
And directed Senbonsakura to me. “Senkei” he said. multiple rose
Colored blades came. He took one and threw it at me. Zabimaru blocked
It for me. He launched another one and another one right after, just as fast.
Taicho realized that his blades were not touching me, so he settled for
His next technique, “Gokei” He said. I tightened my grip on Zabimaru and said,
“Hikotsu Taiho!” Taicho’s eyes widen and he jumped. “Taiho!” I said.
He used Shunpo and again, “Taiho!” He was gone. I lost sight of him
Which was not a good thing. I heard his foot steps behind me. In sheer desperation,
I tried a move I am terrible with. “Hado #31, Shakkaho!” I managed to get him
And see him fly a bit. His feet sank into the ground to stop himself
And he came down on both knees. A smirk landed on my face as he
He held his chest. “That took me by surprise.” He said. Senbonzakura
Began returning to its zanpakotu form and blood slipped from his fingers.
“Taicho,” I started but Senbozakura sliced over my arms. He smiled
Himself. “Never let your guard down, Renji,” I fell face first.
I knocked twice. “Come in,” Taicho said behind the door. I opened
The door and he didn’t bother to look up. I’m confident he knew it was
Me. “I’ve come to check if there was any work for me,” I said. I closed
The door and he pointed to my desk. A new papers. Nothing ridiculous.
Before sitting down, I took note of the missing bracelet on his left
Wrist. My bracelet. I felt the pain welding up inside of me and grow
Within every passing moment. I sat at my desk with my vision blurred
And my hands shaking. Everything just seems like a dream.
I held my calligraphy pen and heard Taicho painting away as he
Signed documents silently. I stood up and he asked. “What is it,
Renji?” I walked to the front door and walked out. When I heard
Taicho’s footsteps behind me, I sped up. He let me go. He let me
Walk off the board walk and into the grass, away from everything.
He let me go like he did so long ago
Tossing me to the side as if I was nothing more than an object
That reinforces his principals—an elaboration of where he stands…
The wound wasn’t so deep. It was a nasty gash while I was left
Immobilized in my bed. At least I took him down pretty quickly.
“If you would have maintained focus, you might’ve won the battle,”
He said. “Renji, do not become so distracted when blood is shed,”
“I’m truly sorry, Taicho,” I said. He shook his head, “Don’t be. You
Have improved so much. Take pride in that, Renji,” His flattery
Was out of the ordinary. I consider moments like these small treats.
He believed in me and that was enough motivation I needed to succeed.
Taicho was mysterious in that aspect. Always doing something kind that
Either motivated me to try harder or shocked me. I always show my gratitude.
He never showed me his face, never showed if he was elated or wary
He just showed, in his lukewarm moments, he cared.
I remember, one evening while I laid in my room, I felt the cushion next to
Me. I remember how warm it was—as if someone just got up from it.
I thought of Rukia being there until I saw Taicho walk in. He wasn’t wearing
His shihakusho or his haori. He was actually wearing a gray
Kimono, His hair was free from his kenseikan and his eyes landed on me.
“How are you, Renji?” He asked. I sat up and smiled. He sat
On the cushion and handed me some tea he made. I sipped,
The hot liquid and felt it slide down my throat to warm my insides. “Sorry,
Renji,” Taicho said. “I didn’t mean to take it so far,”
“It’s fine, Taicho,” I said. “I appreciate the fact you gave your
All into our battle,” A small smile appeared on his face
And I thought to myself, when did Taicho become so beautiful?
Was it the gray of his kimono that brought out his eyes or
The gentleness in his smile that reminded me was human?
Maybe it was his delicate fingers or his soothing voice.
Whatever it was, he appealed to me. He played a tune in
My heart I wasn’t too familiar with. “Get some rest, Renji,” He said quietly.
“You need to heal properly,” “Goodnight, Taicho,” I said after he stood.
He nodded his head in my direction and stepped out.
I tried sorting out my feelings, understanding the scenario.
I couldn’t grasped anything and I let it all slip. I couldn’t make sense of any
Of it and felt too exhausted to even consider the thought of doing so.
But I did know one thing, Byakuya was more than a captain to me.
The sun sank slowly in the sky. It turned the sky pink, orange, lavender,
Navy blue. The stars poked out and I debated on whether I should return
To my squad or sleep in my room. Sleeping sounded more appealing but
I felt a little too scared to walk there. I know Taicho is still around.
I started walking and felt the bluest I’ve felt in years. Each step made
Me contemplate on my choices of resigning and my reasons for doing so.
There was something obvious about that which probably pissed Sou-taicho off.
I love Byakuya. I will always love Byakuaya and that’s what makes it all
So painful. After being wrapped in his arms for so long, he slipped from me
And made sure I always remained at arm’s length. His eyes wielded coldness
I didn’t quite understand. But I never questioned it. Never reconciled with it.
Never accepted it. I reached the 6th Squad chambers and walked on the
Wooden floor. I walked slowly and saw Taicho down the hall. His eyes were
Fierce and on me. I awaited the scolding he’s bound to give me but felt
An utter sense of shock when he walked right by me, as if I wasn’t standing there,
Occupying the small pace in the halls. This has gotten from bad to worse.
By this time, I was well enough to move around. My arms still ached
A little bit but it wasn’t enough to paralyze me. During this time, I often
Left my red main down my back and let it get tangled in the faint breeze
By my window. People from the 6th Squad that attended to my care seemed
Puzzled by my crimson mane. Each red stand forming a loop when it
Fell loosely on the window ledge. I always felt that my hair was what
Described me best: Passionate. At night, when Byakuya went to see me,
I felt my limbs burn with passion. Passion I was too afraid to show him.
Each night that passed, he seemed a little bit more profound in his own way.
His style was always unique and his mannerisms are what made him.
But something lied deeper than that and crept onto me in a way I didn’t notice
Until the moment his delicate fingers caressed my cheek so tenderly.
Concern was imprinted on his face and my heart accelerated.
Our eyes were engaged in some sort of romantic conversation
And I grew too weak to speak. Before I could move a little,
Our lips met in such a passionate kiss that left my body quivering.
I licked my lips after our tongues fondled each other.
After our lips crushed each other in an unspoken desire
After or groans and moans flooded the room.
He tasted so sweet.
And I felt it, my heart growing faster by the moment.
I began stepping over my rational of the scene
And formulated fantasies I dare not to speak of.
That was when I realized I loved Byakuya…
“Renji!” My eyes darted open and a headache was summoned.
I looked at my doorway and saw Ichigo sitting by it. “Wake up!”
“Oi, Ichigo,” I said, feeling completely annoyed, “Do you even know
What time is it?” “Did you hear, stupid?” Ichigo shot back, “Some
Fukutaicho you are.” I sat up. Thought about choking him until his
Eyes rolled back or slapping him into the next room. I crossed my legs
And covered my semi-naked body with my blanket. “What is it, Ichigo?”
“Byakuya’s getting married and he’s requesting for everyone in the Squad
To be there,” I froze. It felt like Taicho placed his zanpakuto into my chest
Himself. “He wants everyone to see him off. Rukia invited me,” “Ichigo,” I said
Lowly, “Did Taicho ask for me exclusively?” “No,” He said. I laid back down
And closed my eyes, “Renji!” “Leave, Ichigo,” I said. He was quiet for a moment
Before getting up and walking off. I heard him suck his teeth and mumble
Something incoherent underneath his breath. When I heard my door slam
Shut, my sobs came violently. It’s been 11 months already?
Have I been dwelling in the realm of my self-loath for that long?
“Taicho! What…” I whispered heatedly. He crushed his lips on mine
And kissed the trail down my neck. I arched my back up and felt him
Bite my neck softly. His hands were on my lips and I felt like I could get
Lost in his arms forever. He was gentle and patient about this. Because
Of his patience and his love for foreplay, my toes were tingling. I felt like
I couldn’t captivate any of moans anymore. My heart began pounding in my
Chest so lowly. The heat of his skin sent me into a pool of pleasure.
My mind began to go blank…
My arms encircled his frame as we rocked together. His kisses delivering
Silent whispers of love, words he had not yet uttered to me. “Renji,” he moaned
Softly. My eyes fluttered open and I took note of my name sounding like a song leaving
His lips. For the first time, I thought my name was utterly beautiful.
I kissed his lips and begged for more. He was so gentle, caressed my back
And looked into my eyes the moments he changed his pace. It as if he was
Looking for a sign of discomfort. I just wanted more of him. During sex, I wanted
Every inch of his being. I was greedy, ferocious, and lewd all at once. I wanted
Kuchiki Byakuya. Sometimes, he grew tired and left me to finish; let me take
Control of what he felt like he couldn’t complete. I held onto his shoulders
And moved my hips just how he liked it. He sighed and smiled. I moaned
And fell even more in love with Taicho.
The moon hung brightly in the sky. I cannot believe I honestly stayed in
Bed for the whole day. Let alone skip out on such an important ceremony.
“Renji, what we had is in the past now. I’m getting married,” Why is my heart
Still looming over his words? Why am I lingering in my own abyss?
I sat up and a headache threatened to take over. I closed my eyes and tried
To arrange the features of his wife. She’s nameless, faceless, irrelevant.
Yet, she is his wife. She’s probably holding his hand right now…or holding him
Like he’s held me so many times before.
There weren’t any signs of indifference or discomfort. He just one day
Told me he was getting married to a woman who will always remain
Faceless. I wasn’t sure if he loved her. I’m not even sure if he even loved me
But I know that he’ll never grow to love me.
What I had with Byakuya is something I cannot let go. I’ve never loved
Anyone the way I loved him. He held me hostage to his smile
And his patient touches. He always sang my name every time his gray
Eyes landed upon me. Painful. I sighed and laid back down to focus on the moon.
It’s similar to a pearl, this evening. It also looks stuck—as stuck as I’m
Feeling. Tomorrow I’m going back to Sou-taicho and I’m giving him
Everything back. I, personally, don’t want to live in anguish anymore
Or see the face of the person who is causing it. I have to suffice my departure.
I closed my eyes and invited the shadows of my room.
Sitting in my own misery is something I’ve done for months.
The familiar agony locking up my bones and numbing my mind.
The cursed tears that warm my face…
When I left to missions in the real world and returned, Byakuya always felt
That I should personally meet him in his minor. A few rooms down from
His shrine of his wife who passed away years ago. It’s a little frightening
To realize how much she resembles Rukia.
Most of the nights that I stayed there, he couldn’t resist the urge to touch me.
His delicate touches heated my body in ways so profound that words cannot
Explain. But it was enough to make remember that there was something
Worth living for. As long as he and I stayed like that, I felt like I couldn’t ask for more.
But, on rare nights when our skin did not touch, he helplessly ran his fingers
Through my hair. Crimson strands looked a little odd on his pale skin. In the shadows,
My hair resembled blood. But, that obvious fact did not stop him for having
This keen fascination with my hair. Instead, he twirled his fingers in it
And often kissed my temples. “How is it like, sleeping in the real world?” He’d
Whisper into my ear. I’d feel a smile form on my lips when I felt his soft
Lips brush on my ear. “It’s like being in Soul Society. There is life everywhere,”
I felt his lips press onto mine and along my jaw. “I’ve missed you, Renji,”
There it was, the swelling in my chest that reminded me I have done
The inevitable and fallen so deeply in love with him. He’d let me hold him
And run my hands down his back to comfort him. He held me so tightly,
So fiercely, in ways I currently romanticize now.
His actions screamed that he cared for me, that I truly meant something.
His sadden eyes showed that they missed seeing my face.
His hands roamed every space on my body to show that they’ve missed me too.
But to hear those words leave his lips is almost as breathtaking as if he was saying “I love you,”
Hisagi-san bumped into me when I decided to go to the bath house.
“Oh, Hisagi-san. I’m sorry. I didn’t see you,” I said. It was hard meeting his eyes.
“Ah, Abarai…Are you ok? It’s been a while since I’ve seen you smile,”
“I’m just tired with work. It’s been really kicking my ass,”
“I see. Kuchiki-taicho’s wife is beautiful. She graced us with her presences
Yesterday. You missed it, Abarai. What were you doing?”
“Napping. I was feeling under the weather.”
“Oh, I hope you feel better.” He left. He greeted everyone he laid eyes on...
Polite, intelligent, reserved, kind. He had a heart that would melt anyone away.
His genuine concern was always something I liked about him. His patience
Is something I truthfully admire. He’s perfect in his own way.
Why didn’t I fall in love with him instead?
“Senbonzakura is beautiful but fierce,” Byakuaya said, “He has a will similar
To mine when I was a child,” “I can’t imagine you impatient or impulsive,”
I said. “It doesn’t seem like you to be anything but stern and reserved,” Byakuya
Chuckled and lightly touched my face. “I was impatient and impulsive.
Why do you think I married so young?” I saw it. A brief sadness in his eyes
When he reminisced about his marriage prior to our relationship. Something inside
Of him shifted a little bit when his mind drifted to the days I was sure he desired to
Relive. Even if he never openly admitted that he wanted to see his wife again,
His body screamed it. It was, perhaps, the only thing I disliked about him…
Aside from the obvious fact that he never wanted to tell me how he felt.
Even thought I consoled him and showed him I loved him unconditionally,
It seemed obvious that he felt satisfied with hiding everything within himself.
I never pushed or hinted anything. I simply waited for the day he would at least
Let me read a page of his heart. Nothing came. His book never opened
And nor did he have any plans to open it. Even thought he made me feel like I was
His entity, I, in the end, just simply believed I was, perhaps, just another person.
I wanted to fix his life and allow him to mold me into his ideal lover.
I wanted to be the person he cried on when he was upset and the person
He spoke with honestly when he was angry. I wanted to be the one thing,
In this universe, to remind him that he’s human…who was I kidding?
Byakuya turned to me and the sadness never lifted. Even if the thought I never
Noticed it, I saw it there. It cast shadows on his gray eyes and slightly rose
His eyebrows upwards. I saw glimpse of his pain and private anguish. I saw
His hidden desperation. But why couldn’t he take me in and let me heal
The wounds his wife left behind?
Why didn’t he entrust me to repairing what has been broken for
Too long? Did he believe I wasn’t fit for the job?
Or is because it hurt too much to remember?
“Abarai Renji,” Sou-taicho said, “Still? Nothing has changed your mind?”
“No, Sou-taicho,” I said. Sasakibe-fukutaicho placed his eyes on me for
A moment and then looked at Sou-taicho. Sou-taicho, remarkably enough,
Seemed a lot calmer and accepting towards my choice. This deeply unnerved me.
“Abarai, I will not grant your wish,” He said. I opened my mouth for objection
But both he and Sasakibe-fukutaicho gave me a sharp look. “No objections,
Abarai-fukutaicho. You know your place and who you serve. Quarrels
Concerning both you and Kuchiki Byakuya will not become any of my business.
However, You were not taught to cop out in tough scenarios. Rumors
State that you and Kuchiki-taicho are not even speaking to one another. I am positive
It is the reason why you suddenly don’t want to be a part of his squad anymore.
Thus, I will not take the opportunity to evaluate it thoroughly because this reason
Seems mediocre. Abarai-fukutaicho. You are entrusted with the lives
Of your squad when Kuchiki-taicho is gone. You are to make sure that everything
He does places him out of harm’s way. You are his right hand man and a man
That is difficult to replace. I will not grant you this, Abarai-fukitaicho. But,
I will say this: Today is Kuchiki-taicho’s birthday. You have until your
Birthday to settle this or I will invade and render the circumstances to my liking.
You are dismissed!” Defeated. That’s how I feel but he is right. My reasons were
Not good enough to back up my withdrawal from the squad. I left Sou-taicho’s office
And let the obvious fact that it was Byakuya’s birthday sink in. A few years
Ago on this following day, I gave him that bracelet. Last year I wanted to
Give him a ring but settle for taking him to dinner. On the last day of next
Month will be the anniversary of when he broke my heart…utterly devastating…
One time, I got his see his face flush. He placed his hand over his lips
And tried to muffled his own sounds. I wasn’t sure if it was pain or pleasure
That he was feeling. But I was aware of the unspoken rule: Never call him
Taicho during these moments. “Are you ok…Byakuya?”
He was a little startled that I used his name without a suffix at the end.
Our relationship was intimate so shouldn’t we call each other intimately
Privately? His cheeks grew redder and his eyes closed. “I’m fine,” He forced out.
He held onto my biceps and I kissed his lips. Soft, gentle…it made
My heart flutter. “Are you sure this is ok…?” I asked him. He opened
His eyes and a moan escaped his lips. I found it. His voice is so soft
And so clear. I could not believe I was living my fantasy. He moaned
A little louder and I held him closer to me. Only I was allowed to see this.
“It doesn’t hurt?” I whispered and then kissed his ear. “No…no,” He managed.
I kissed him passionately and took my time devouring him. We were finally
In sync and I’m losing myself in all this passion. “Byakuya, I think I love you,”
My words were drowned out by his moans. I couldn’t think after that.
“Happy Birthday, Taicho,” I said. A small smile appeared on his
Face but never reached his eyes. “It’s funny how you, of all people,
Tell me happy birthday,” He said coldly. I narrowed my eyes.
“What do you mean?” I asked. He stared at me, long and hard,
And said, “You run out of my office and avoid me for a few days.
On top of that, you do something utterly idiotic and miss my wedding
Ceremony,” The smile left his face, “How dare you,” I didn’t say anything
Else. He was right. But I wasn’t sorry for it. I removed myself from
His presence and started on my work. The less he spoke to me, the easier it was.
But, my sudden absence didn’t stop him. I heard him move from his desk
And heard his light footsteps touch the floor. He was going for the kill.
“I wasn’t done speaking,” He said at my doorway. I looked at him.
“I didn’t think it mattered,” I said. He narrowed his eyes, rarely did he lose
Composer, and grabbed my collar. “Remember where you stand, Abarai-fukutaicho,”
“I don’t care where I stand, Kuchiki-taicho,” I spat back at him, “You
Don’t have any relevance in my life,” That was a bold lie but I think I seemed
Convincing because he let me go. Just when I thought he would leave me be,
His left hand came crashing into my face, sting my cheek and blurring my
Vision with new tears. I felt the blood rush out of my nose. He smacked me
With pure force. I looked at him as he recoiled his hand and saw the bracelet dangle
From his wrist. My bracelet. Was he hiding it? Did I hurt his feelings? Does he
Care after all? But, isn’t married? Is he trying to lure me into a trap and break
Me into a million pieces again? Is he some nonchalant sadist? But, I must’ve stricken
A nerve if he suddenly felt the need of smacking me into the New Year.
However, I feel like this is a moment for me to reiterate on the obvious philosophy that lies
Within fukutaichos and taichos: our strength difference. Fukutaichos are to follow
After their taichos, protect their taichos while taichos carry the responsibility
Of everything within their squad. I’m growing strictly wary of these games.
“I’m truly sorry, Taicho,” I said. “That was wrong of me to stand out of line like that,”
“Renji,” He settled to calling me my name. His voice…my name. My heart fluttered.
I looked at him and he was looking away from me, hiding his face. “Just…just get
Back to work,” He sounded a lot more defeated than I felt. What am I to do now?
“Different,” Byakuya said. “It was different but not so horrible,”
“It hurt?” I asked. I probed myself up on one elbow and looked at him better
While he rested on his back. “Sort of. It was uncomfortable if anything,”
“You don’t have to do it anymore if it makes you feel like that,” I said.
He looked at me, his gray eyes shining with something I’ve never seen before
And he semi-smiled. “It was awkward but it’s only fair to switch every now and again,”
“Perhaps,” I started, “But I want it to be pleasurable to both of us,”
“I never said it was bad,” He said, “I just said it was merely different,”
“Byakuya…” “That’s not me being kind, Renji. I trust you with myself in all ways.
I think it’s only fair to step out of my comfort zone to make your wildest dreams
Real. I think you deserve that much,” My heart froze and I blushed. “Taicho, I appreciate
Your efforts. But it is completely unnecessary,” He swatted the side of my face and
Said, “Renji, you make each of these moments beautiful in your gentle way.
You managed to place more smiles in one day that I’ve had more in one lifetime.
The least I can do is let you have your way. And don’t call me “Taicho” when you
Are holding me so tightly in your arms,” I kissed him softly. Just when I thought
I couldn’t love him anymore than what I already did. His fingers tangled themselves
Into my hair and my heart thundered harder. When I pressed my chest onto his
And kissed his harder, I felt his heart beat. It was, just a little, faster than mine.
But I pretended not to notice. I just focused on kissing him so passionately.
“I’m calling it a day, Taicho,” I said. Taicho avoided my eyes and nodded.
“Goodnight, Taicho,” I said. “Goodnight, Renji,” He said. I closed his door
And let the facts sink in. Taicho was wearing my bracelet and was
Unusually upset. He didn’t take shame in showing me his feelings. My head
Started to hurt. When I turned the corner, I saw Ichigo. “Oi, Ichigo,” I heard someone
Say. I turned behind me and noticed Taicho. Behind him was Ikkaku-san and
Yumichika-san. “Abarai-kun,” Yumichika said. “Kuchiki-taicho,”
“Why are you two in my squad?” Taicho asked sternly. Ikkaku-san rolled his eyes
And Yumichika-san said, “We came to see, Abarai-kun and Kurosaki-kun,”
“Hm…” Taicho said. He looked at Ichigo. “Kurosaki Ichigo. My ceremony is
Over and done with. Why do you remain in the Gotei 13?” “Oi, Byakuya.”
Ichigo said, “I was asked to stay longer. Come join us. We are going
To go drinking.” “I am the 28th head of the Kuchiki Family. Do you think I have
Time to drink?” He asked. I cracked a smile. It was very much like Taicho
To say something like that. “Don’t be so uptight, Byakuya. That’s why you
Never have fun,” “No,” Taicho said, “I generally don’t like you and don’t enjoy
Doing anything that involves that orange head of yours. Your life should
Never tamper with mine,” That was rather harsh. He walked by all of us
And Ikkaku began to speak to cut Ichigo off, “Jeez. What’s his problem?
He was just as nasty at the wedding ceremony,”
“Maybe it’s stress. I’m sure he’ll be fine soon,” Yumichika said. Ichigo just looked
Dumbfounded. “Let it go, Ichigo. It’s just how Taicho is,” I said.
“Why is he your captain? He’s such an asshole. That big eyed loser…”
I smiled and wondered what the hell is going on.
The snow was falling. My heart was crumbling. Air was having a hard time
Getting into my lungs. It was so cold. So horribly cold.
“Byakuya,” I managed. His eyes were as cold as ice and my lips stopped moving.
“What we had is now in the past, Renji. I’m getting married,”
“Married? What? Married? Why so short noticed?” I asked. He grew colder, placing a gap
Between us after slowly removing it. “Look, Renji. You and I are men. It is impossible
To continue this relationship,” What? Men? Since when did being a man become a problem?
“So, that’s it?” I asked. He nodded and his face softened. “I’d like for you to attend my marriage,”
“And see you off with a woman? Are you out of your mind? How fuckin’ heartless
Are you?” “Abarai-fukutaicho. Don’t talk to me that way.”
“Fuck you, Byakuya…” I ran away from him and into my own misery.
The tears never stopped flowing. I could not believe it was happening.
For a while, I felt so numb. Every day seemed like the same day. Taicho
Avoided me like the plague and I did all my work. My social life was
Diminished because I was afraid of leaking my pain while Taicho attending
Meetings regarding his wife. And then I thought, why me?
I came back to my room late and with jello legs. My head was spinning
And my eyes could barely remain open. After a while of lying down, I looked
Out my window to see Taicho standing on the window ceil. “Taicho?” I called and
Then, he was gone. Maybe I was hallucinating. Did I miss him that much?
Knowing how down and out of it I’ve been for a while,
I seriously don’t consider it odd to go insane. I closed my eyes and heard
My window open. My eyes could barely keep themselves open but I swore,
For a brief moment, I was looking into the steel eyes that belong to Taicho.
I tried to speak but my exhaustion engulfed me and made it close to impossible
To be aware of anything. I felt his fingers on mine and saw a deep sorrow in his eyes.
“Renji, don’t speak,” He whispered. My eye lids closed and I lost all feeling
In my body. Am I dreaming?
He ducked away from me, made sure our paths never crossed.
Our eyes never met and our fingers never touched. He pushed me away
The farthest he could in a short amount of time. I felt like I was placed
Back into square one, the square when we first met.
It hurt more than anything to see our relationship change so drastically.
We went from making love to barely speaking at all. It was acutely bizarre
And devastating. He didn’t even imply that he missed me or missed us.
He didn’t imply if he wanted to be my friend…at the very least.
Instead, he did his work and left. No good mornings. No goodnights.
No more ‘thank you’s for your hard work. It was just silence. A silence that probed
At my mind all the time. Was it his way of hiding something? Or, did he
Truly detest me?
What I hated most about this was the obvious change in how he called me.
It was a change not only I saw. He reverted back to calling me ,”Abarai –
Fukutaicho,” Hisagi-san asked, “Did you guys fight?” I shook my head no
And walked behind Taicho with a space between us. We no longer walked
Side by side. I was always behind him. A few steps behind him.
I never crossed his path, walk past him, or near his side. I stayed
Away and made sure we didn’t come in any contact. I couldn’t bare the
Thought of our past love affair. It just seemed unreal to me…this change…
I woke up with a headache that could kill a nation. My eyes squinted at the
Sun that leaked in and all I wanted to do was kill Ikkaku and Ichigo for making
Me drink so much. “C’mon, Renji. Don’t be a wuss,” never will I let them clash
With my ego and feel ashamed for only taking the safe route. I’m sure those
Heavy drinkers don’t feel this level of pain and frustration in the morning.
I sat up and wanted to freshen up but felt a wave of dizziness overpower me.
Maybe getting up so suddenly was not a smart idea. I tried to even my breathing
And sat up but slowly. Wasn’t as bad but still bothered me.
I started to get dress and combed out my hair. In the mirror, I noticed something
Odd but shockingly familiar. I turned around and looked at my futon’s side
To see that it was there. It was. Senbonzakura was by my pillow.
Why did Kuchiki-taicho place it there?
I went to pick it up and heard someone running outside my door.
“Hado #33, Blue Fire, Crash down!” I heard Taicho yell. My door flew open
And Ukitake-taicho and Kyoraku-taicho kept yelling, “Kuchiki-taicho!
Stop this! You are over doing it!” I stepped away from an enraged
Byakuya, something I’ve never seen, and saw him look at Senbonzakura.
“Scatter! Senbonzakura!” It scattered and all of the cherry blossoms came
Charging at me. my whole wall collapsed and I landed on the other side.
Everyone who was out there focused on me. “Bankai!” he continued.
I got up with blood leaking from my mouth and an upset stomach.
“Senbonzakura Kageyoshi” “Kuchiki!” Ukitake-taicho yelled. Frustrated,
He took out his blade, “All waves, rise now and become my shield. Lightening,
Strike down and become my blade. Sogyo no Kotowari!” He stood in the
Way of Byakuya’s bankai. “Move, Ukitake,” Taicho snarled. It was highly
Unlike him to lose so much composer. “Kuchiki-taicho. Please. Let
Abarai-kun explain,” Ukitake-taicho said calmly. “NO!” Byakuya yelled.
I noticed Sou-taicho standing on a roof top far away. Now I got it.
“Bankai,” I said. Ukitake-taicho and Kukichi-taicho looked at me.
“Hihio Zabimaru,” ”Senkei!” Taicho yelled. I jumped and dragged Zabimaru
With me. “Hikotsu Taiho.” Zabimaru opened her mouth and shoot out
Her famous cannon. “Abarai!” Ukitake yelled. Byakuya blocked my move
And jumped up to get me. “My, my,” Kyoraku-taicho said. “Such stubborn
Children they are. Flower wind rage and flower god roar. Heaven wind rage
And heavenly demon sneer. Katen Kyokutsu,” “Jushiro! Shunsui!” Sou-taicho
Yelled. To everyone’s shock, they turned their heads. “Leave these two
Be,” “Sensei!” Ukitake-taicho said. “Yama-jii. Have you lost it? These
Two are bound to engross themselves in such a horrible blood bath,”
“That’s right,” Ukitake-taicho said, “They will hurt one another and I am sure
Either one of them will forgive themselves,”
“Let them fight. Maybe it would knock some sense into them,” Sou-taicho said.
With rage motivating Byakuya, I might actually lose my life. But he wanted to
Challenge my faith and loyalty to the squad, he was entitled to. Our blades finally
Clashed and I looked into his gray eyes. Menacing…full of rage…
One morning, I realized I couldn’t take the awkwardness and pain anymore,
I wanted to leave. I had this intense desire to turn my back on everything
And everyone involving the Gotei 13. I didn’t want to be with Byakuya
But at the same time, I wanted to become his everything.
I was nervous about saying something. Terrified that Sou-taicho would harm me.
Without the Central 46 to make a choice about resigning my position left me
In Sou-taicho’s grasp. That old man is utterly unpredictable.
I don’t even know what he takes seriously anymore.
However, the thoughts of Taicho kissing and touching a woman after kissing
And touching me made me rather upset. It was enough motivation I had to
Walk down the halls of the Gotei 13 until I reached Sou-taicho’s office.
I regretted it instantly but I didn’t change my mind. I was desperate.
I opened the door to his room and asked him to forgive me
About my intrusion. Momentarly, he was silent and then asked, “What
Is it, Abarai-Fukutaicho?” I looked at the ground and then looked at him.
Forcing every brave molecule in my body to summon itself.
“I want to resign,” I said. His eyes, widening ferociously suddenly
Terrified me. My body trembled and swallowing became impossible.
My heart was frantic and I looked Sou-taicho in the eyes just in case he didn’t
Get it. “I’m resigning,”
“Why did you suddenly want to leave my squad? What have I done to you?”
“Are you just blind or stupid? I cannot believe you’re asking that,”
“Why is it so hard to believe? I don’t even speak to you,”
“That’s it. It’s a factor to why I don’t want to see your face anymore,”
“So, this is simply because you don’t want to be around me?”
“Isn’t obvious, Byakuya? I can’t even stand the sight of your face!”
“What happened to adoring it so much?”
“Those days are long gone dead, Byakuya,”
“If they were so dead, then why does it matter if you see me or not?”
“You are not playing fair. Just leave me be,”
“You are my fukutaicho, Renji. How can I just ‘leave you be’?
“You’ve done it for almost a year. Why not continue?”
“Because you pulled such an idiotic and selfish move that managed to irritate me,”
“I’m not sure irritation can cover the immense amount of rage you were feeling,”
“It’s not rage, you moron. It’s pain. Pain that I’ve held in my heart for so long,”
“Pain? Pain from what? Your wife?”
“No, pain that my family won’t even allow me to marry the person I love,”
“Which was who?”
“You, Renji. I always loved you and it hurts that I can’t be with you,”
“You are such a sadistic liar,”
“Why would I lie to you? I’ve never lied to you,”
“Yes you did. You told me you wanted me forever and look where we’re at now!”
“That’s because I am the 28th head of the Kuchiki family! I cannot marry a man!”
“Go to hell, Byakuya!”
“Why are you so stubborn about it? Just let my words sink in,”
“If I give my heart to you again, how will I know you won’t crush it?”
“That is a risk you take when you are in love,”
Why did Taicho sound like me? Why did it feel like I was arguing with myself?
“Sou-taicho told me about your foolish resignation. Blinded by rage, I
Attacked you. I am sorry but I want you to be sorry too. Not for what we had
But for what you did,”
“I believe what I did was the right thing to do,”
“And because of that mentality of yours, you are now here… and inable to
Breathe on your own. Only you can get me this angry, Renji,”
“And do you think this is ok?”
“There’s something I wanted to say, something I must share before
I get married. Something I feel like I should have told you.
Something I’ve kept to myself for far too long…
Renji, I love you.
I love you more than God loves his creations. More than a mother
Loves her child. More than the sun loves the moon. More than
The meaning of life itself. I’ve never loved someone with such
A level I cannot fully comprehend. It has managed to shake ever fiber in
My being. My heart throbs for you and my soul cries for you. As long
As you are alive and well, it is enough to satisfy me. However, I am
Going to miss our late night discussions and our miniature moments of bliss.
I feel like it was temporary…I’m sorry I could not make it an eternity…
Renji, I never want you to forget what lies in my heart and what
I had buried deep in my soul when it comes to you. Words cannot describe
The fierce entity that I love you with. Nothing can replace the happiest moments
Of my life, Renji. No one can replace you.
I know the day will come when I will hold the hand of a woman
And create our future to satisfy my family’s needs. I wish, truthfully,
That I can escape all that binds me to this woman. I wish I had enough
Heart to break my parent’s oath and love you like I’ve dreamed of loving you.
I am sorry, Renji. I am truly sorry. It breaks me to realize that in our
Future, there will never be an ‘us’ again. Our moments of bliss have vaporized
Into something abstract and constricted my heart in ways unrecoverable.
However, no matter the circumstances, Renji, I will always love you…”
I opened my eyes and noticed Taicho was next to me, resting.
He had a scratch on his cheek and bandages covering his chest.
Our battle was fierce but our argument was even worse. My head
Didn’t know what to make of this mess.
These tubs inside of my nose were driving me insane and I could
Barely move my hands. Senbonzakura is not a joke when it’s in its
Shukei: Hakuteiken form. The power was so unrealistically
Strong that I felt those pedals dance in my blood streams. That led
Me to panic. However, I thought this fight was a battle of wills.
It felt like Byakuya was trying, with his whole being, to make me
Submit to him. No, it was a battle of understanding where he stood
And how he felt. However, his words still have not penetrated me.
How easy it would have been if he would have told me so in the beginning.
How much pain could have been avoided if he could have conveyed these
Words sooner. Instead, he left me in the dust and married a woman I am sure
He doesn’t even love…because of his responsibility of being the head of his family
What a load of bullshit all of this is. I mean, can’t he say no
And ignore the principals of being the head? Couldn’t he break the oaths
To his parents once again? Wasn’t my love relevant enough to
Go through such troubles just to make it last forever?
No, sadly enough, it was not. Byakuya is fixated on the theory
Of living in his home with his two friends: law and order.
He has been giving the position to take charge of everything and must
Construct the family in a harmonic way and keep intact his noble heritage.
It is his duty to create the next heir and I know once he does,
He will never separate himself from the woman he married.
They will raise that boy to be the next heir of the family
And he would be forced to accept all responsibilities attached to it as well.
Being rich sounds harder than I thought. When Byakuya’s eyes
Fluttered open, I closed mine. I wasn’t ready to talk to him…
Let alone be bedazzled by his eyes. “Renji,” He said quietly.
He ran his fingers through my hair and signed.
For a moment, I thought of opening my eyes and telling him it’s ok.
But my heart still wanted to be angry with him.
I know it is very selfish of me to do so but I don’t want to operate on
Anyone’s terms. It makes me feel like I lose a piece of myself.
Surprisingly enough, I felt his lips on mine. My eyes opened and closed
Slowly. I responded to his kiss and felt his tongue trace mine.
My heart raced and my body grew so hot. He leaned a little closer
To me and deepened our kiss. He was bringing back everything I casted away.
Before I could get lost, he let go. While I sank into a daze, he left me.
There it was, the kiss I feared. Our goodbye kiss.
I wanted to scream, I wanted to call him back. But I knew it was futile.
He was never going to change his mind…nor was I going to change mine.
I sighed and looked outside in the bright blue sky. His footsteps
Were faint and suddenly, gone. My heart fluttered fast but sank into
It’s unwanted yet familiar territory. It fell back into that terrible abyss
I call despair.
How many moons would it take for me to let him go? I don’t know.
How long will it take for me to look him in the eyes as the captain
He should’ve been in the beginning, I’m not sure. When will serving
Him feel like a step closer to my goal of surpassing him? I don’t know.
I do know that I can’t linger around him. I know if I stay longer,
I may end up losing the little bit of sanity I have left. I placed my hand
Over my mouth and let it all come forth. The anguish I kept locked away.
The anger of being left behind. I let it come and devour me.
I started to cry. Silent tears sliding down my face and landed on my ears.
I sat up slowly and the anguish seemed even heavier. I started to sob
And sob hard enough to draw attention. I never wanted someone to
See me like this but with this severe level of pain dwelling in my heart,
It would be close to impossible to not catch anyone’s attention. Of all
People, Ukitake-taicho was there and sat in my room. All he did was
Place a hand over mine and look deeply worried. For some odd reason,
I felt some level of solace in this moment. It was surprisingly…refreshing…
“Yama-jii knew,” Kyoraku-taicho said. “He knew of the love affair.
That man may be old but he is not dumb. It is hard to hide anything
From him. He pulled Kuchiki-taicho aside and asked. Kuchiki-taicho
Didn’t lie. Yama-jii wasn’t pleased and left this up to Ukitake and I.
“We spoke to Kuchiki-taicho enough to get an idea of where he stood.
I could tell, by the look on his face, he was deeply in love with you.
I told him to be honest. Ukitake said, ‘if you can’t speak it, the write it
Out and give it to him when the time is right’” However, what we didn’t
Know was Kuchiki-taicho’s obvious decision of never letting you know. He
Believed that if he ‘dropped’ it, it would ‘go’ away. He was greatly disappointed
To realize that doing so would only worsen everything. He was livid.
Ukitake and I pushed for him to tell you how he truly felt but he decided against it,
Thus, lead him to stop coming to us. You see, Ukitake and I have been
Together for more than 100 years. Our love is stretched beyond the universe.
I may joke about my love for women but there is only one set of arms I
Go home to and they do not belong to any woman I know.
Ukitake gave you that note because he found it in Kuchiki-taicho’s office
And felt that right now was the best time to give it to you. He felt
Like you deserved to know. I am sorry everything turned out so
Bad, Abarai-kun. I am truly sorry…”
“I’m sorry to trouble you, Hanataru.” I said. “Abarai-fukutaicho. It’s fine,”
He said. The wounds on my body were almost gone. I can see it
Was wearing him out. He was working hard for a good 2 hours.
Byakuya made sure I wouldn’t defy him again.
“Ah, all better,” Hanataru said. “You should be perfectly healed now.
I just want you to rest a bit—“ I sat up and moved out of my futon,
“W-w-w-wait! Abarai-fukutaicho! You should rest. Getting up so suddenly
Is dangerous.” I frowned. I wanted to leave as soon as I could and not
Deal with the hassle everyone was bound to give me. I had to be
Clever about my next steps but didn’t want Hanataru to be involved
Anymore than what he already was. I only thought of making him believe this
Was a dream. “Hanataru. Thank you,” I hit him as hard as I
Could on the back of his neck which shocked him and sealed his eyes
Immediately. Placed him properly on the futon and checked the hall
To see if anyone was on patrol. I started to run down the hall. It was empty
Which gave me the advantage of carrying out my plans.
When I turned a corner, I ran straight into Unhohana-taicho. “Abarai-fukutaicho.
What you doing?” she asked. “You are not well enough to move around
So vigorously,” I didn’t anticipate running into her. I should’ve, though. I mean,
This is her squad after all.
Before I could respond, a wave of cherry blossoms appeared. My heart
Began to pound hard in my chest. Jesus, not again. A small smile appeared
On her lips and she said, “Love is beautiful and yet, dangerous.”
I didn’t understand what she meant. I was a little too afraid to know
What she meant. And, did she know about the affair too?
Was word just helplessly getting around? She sighed and said, “I never
Saw anything. I never saw you or Kuchiki-taicho,” she turned around to face
Byakuya. He’s completely surrounded by Senbonzakura. He seemed
Completely prepared to fight for his life also. Unohana-taicho offered a sad
Smile when her eyes landed on me once again. “Take care,
Abarai-fukutaicho, Kuchiki-taicho,” He didn’t say anything but let her walk away. I looked
Directly at Kuchiki-taicho and took note of his missing hoari, kenseikan, and
His white tekkou. But he kept his scarf. His dark hair began flying all over
The place without his kenseikan to keep it in place. “Renji, I am abandoning
My duty as a captain and my responsibilities of a family head to spend the
Rest of my life with you. It is obvious, no matter how hard I try, you are still
Very determined to leave me. So, please, I beg of you, take me to
Wherever you wish to go, to whatever land you want to spend your years
At. If it is to the ends if the Earth, let it be. Just please, allow me to
Remain at your side and take my love seriously.” He got down on
His knees and bowed his head long enough to touch the ground.
“I beg of you! I have loved before and it was sweet. I never thought I could
Love again and realize it is the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted. Please,
Renji, take me with you.” Before I could respond, the bells of an emergency
Went off. I couldn’t hear what the person was saying but I was sure
It was an alert of some form of dismay. The bells started to ring
And people began banging on the wooden planks to cause awareness.
I wanted to attend the emergency meeting but the shinigami began to appear
Before us. Byakuya rose his head and looked at me.
“Just get up, stop humiliating yourself. We can talk about this later.
Right now, we seem to have a huge problem on our hands. Why
Are the shinigami randomly attacking us? I asked.
“Forgive me. I’ve caused a little bit of trouble,” he said. “Thank you, Byakuya,”
I told him sarcastically.“Bankai,” Byakuya said. “Senbonzakura Kageyoshi,” He
Cleared the path. Cherry blossoms spewed everywhere and we made a run for it.
I grabbed his hand to keep running. I can only imagine the faces
Everyone was making when they realized what we were doing. Byakuya let
Go of his scarf and held my hand tighter. I can tell by the tightness of his
Grip that he’s as terrified as I am. “Howl, Zabimaru!” I said. I moved more of the
Shinigami out of my way and felt the reiastu of others…Hitsgaya-taicho,
Matsumoto-san, Hisagi-san, Kira, Ukitake-taicho, Kyoraku-taicho, Sou-taicho…
They were letting us escape while everyone else was rushed towards us.
Zaraki-taicho’s laughter was metallic in the air. Yumichika-san and Ikkaku-san
Released their shikais with a frown imprinted on their faces. Soifon-taicho missed
Her attack. My hair fell free. I saw Rukia opened the gate for us and said, “Farewell,
Nii-sama…Renji,” Knowing that she may be executed for this. If
She dies, I will never be able to forgive myself. We nodded at her and took
Two of hell butterflies with us. The gate sealed behind us once we were on the
Other side. Maybe the shinigami will hunt us. Maybe they’ll try their
Best to kill us. Or, they can understand that our love goes beyond
That. Maybe they’ll understand…for an odd reason, it felt like they were
Seeing us off. Was that goodbye? Did they know that we were going
To escape together regardless? We stepped into Karakura Town and
Watch the gate close behind us. Byakuya embraced me and I did so back.
Our lips touched and the warm put me under his spell. My heart felt
A little uneasy and my mind is in disarray. Byakuya stopped kissing me
But never moved to let me go. A man of honor. A man of pride was crumbling
In front of me. He never seemed like the type to let his heart consume him.
I don’t know what changed his mind and I don’t want to. Something told me
I shouldn’t know regardless. I let him sink into my arms and kissed his forehead.
He was always the one to comfort me and remind me that everything will be fine.
It’s a little strange to me for us to switch roles.
“Let’s find Ichigo so that we can stay the night,” I suggested. Byakuya shook his head
No and didn’t move after that. His eyes were closed tightly. He’s truly afraid. Then,
It dawned on me. He was showing me who he truly was. His anguish, his fear,
His love. Everything. He was showing it to me.
“Byakuya, I love you,” I said. “I just need time, ok? Time to accept all this and
Forgive you properly. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you any less. I just want to
Be the one for you 100%,” He looked at me with tears falling out of his eyes.
“What should I do?” He asked in a shaky voice. “Just remain my friend until
I’m ready,” I said. He let me go and looked at his hands. “You don’t trust me?”
“Not as much as I use to,” I said. “My pain told me not to, at least, not immediately,”
“I’m sorry,” He started. I felt relieved that he was apologizing in person instead of
On paper. That honestly eased my heart a little.” I know. But I still
Am hurt, Byakuya. I still am angry. How do I know this is not a front,”
“It’s not!” He said. He was hysterical now, “I left my lineage. I left my title!
I can get executed for that! I left it all behind to be happy with you. What more
Do I have to do to convince you that I’m in love with you?”
“Nothing,” I said. “Just give me time. Let’s fine Ichigo. I feel like I should rest,”
He didn’t move a muscle. “Byakuya?” “Renji,” He asked in that shaky voice.
He didn’t turn around to face me. “You’ll at least make love to me, right? I’ve missed you,”
I blushed. Never would I thought he’d be bold with his desires. I hugged him from behind and told
Him. “I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll love you more than anything in this world.
I’m just asking for some time to recuperate and suck up these life
Changing events.” I separated from him and he looked at me. He looked
Defeated but grabbed my hand nonetheless and said. “Just don’t let me go,”