Jared can't hide how much of wreck he is anymore. R/R
The man stared blankly up at the white ceiling and wondered how this had happened. How it had gotten this far.
He let one hand travel down his naked chest and he pinched the skin on his stomach. "I still have a lot of work to do." the man breathed for himself and placed the hand on top of his clearly visible hipbone.
He laid like that for hours. The powers failed him every time he tried to move his aching and trembling carcass. He felt how the hunger ripped and shredded his stomach to little pieces from the inside and he smiled. No pain, no gain, the man thought and felt pleased. When the pain was at its worst it meant that he was going to see some results.
Suddenly the doorbell rang.
Ring, ring, ring.
He couldn't force himself to stand up as his thin and effete legs were like two strands of wobbly spaghetti. Panic washed over him in huge waves of discomfort.
"Who is it?" he called out loudly.
"Shannon." a raspy call came back through the other side of his front door. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to be seen in that condition.
"Come in!" he shouted and closed his eyes in agony. This was it, now he would be scolded and yelled at mercilessly.
The lock in the door was turned and he heard heavy steps coming closer. It sounded like Shannon just stepped in with his shoes on. That would have upset him as he had dedicated a whole day to cleaning up his house. But he just couldn't find the strength to have such a draining and exhausting feeling as anger.
He didn't have to open his eyes. He knew that Shannon was standing next to him, looking down upon his body. The fat, disgusting repelling body.
"Jared... What the hell are you doing lying on your kitchen floor without a shirt?" Shannon asked, probably a bit shocked. Shannon had seen his brother in some pretty bad conditions but this was probably the worst one. His little brother didn't have an ounce of fat on his body and looked like a living skeleton. It made Shannon want to scream, and cry, at the same time. Mostly just cry.
Jared exhaled loudly and searched his mind for an answer that wouldn't sound too stupid.
"I'm thinking." he said slowly, tasting each word as they left his dry lips. He heard a barely audible sigh from his older brother.
"About what?" Shannon asked softly. He didn't know how to handle the new, fragile Jared. Most of all he just wanted to scream and yell at the breathing skeleton but that would help neither of them.
"I'm thinking about... whether or not I need a new kitchen floor." the younger brother said, still with his eyes closed. The answer didn't make any sense, but Jared was still insanely proud of himself for delivering such a quick line.
"Get up." Shannon blurted out with a harsh voice. He didn't want to play any games with his brother anymore. The stakes were too damn high.
Jared scrunched his face up. If he even tried to get up, Shannon would notice how weak he was and get mad. He wasn't in the mood for being scolded like a little boy.
"I don't want to." Jared said stubbornly and puffed out a mouthful of air. Shannon rolled his eyes, annoyed with his little brother.
"Don't be silly, just get up." he said with tension in his voice. Shannon was on the edge of exploding but tried to keep himself calm and collected. He was the older brother and used to winning arguments.
Jared pursed his lips into a thin line and shook his head. His long dark hair moved on the floor like a black mop.
"I'm a grown man. I am the captain over..." the singer started but got harshly cut off by his brother.
"You're acting like a fucking child. Get the hell up now!" Shannon growled. His eyes shot angry lightnings. Of course, Jared couldn't see that as he persistently kept his eyes shut.
Jared knew very well that it had only been matter of time before Shannon would lose his patience with him and start screaming. It actually made him feel better as anger was a much less complicated feeling to handle than, for example, hurt and disappointment.
"No." Jared said persistently. Shannon exhaled roughly and raked his short black hair with his hand.
"I fucking warned you, man." he snarled and bent down to violently pick his little brother up. The feeling of Jared's thin limbs in Shannon's hands was unpleasant and Shannon could do not but shiver as he forced the breathing skeleton up to his feet. Jared grunted and his eyes shot open as he felt Shannon's hand roughly grabbing him and lifting him up until he stood upright.
Jared looked at his brother who still held on to his arm. His dark eyes were starting water and he let go of his firm grip on Jared.
Jared felt how his thin legs started to buckle underneath him. He obviously didn't have the energy to stand. Jared leaned desperately against his fridge and breathed raggedly.
The first tears escaped Shannon's eyes as he watched his brother tremble and holding on to the fridge for dear life. He knew that Jared was in a bad shape but he hadn't known that he would be that powerless. That weak. That pathetic.
"When was it you ate the last time?" Shannon asked with a big lump of cry in his throat which made him speak with a thick voice. Jared turned his back against the fridge and used it as a slide as he slid down it with his back until he was sitting down on the floor.
He let his hair hang in front of his face so that Shannon couldn't read his expressions.
"I don't know. I eat all of the time so it isn't like I would remember..." the younger brother lied. Shannon felt so angry and betrayed that his own brother lied to him like that. If you lie you should at least do it good, he thought.
"Bullshit! Now tell me the fucking truth." Shannon growled agitated and slammed a cabinet shut. Jared's gaze flickered over his fingernails. At the chipped nail polish. He cleared his throat loudly and looked straight at his brother's glazed over eyes.
"A banana three days ago. Are you happy now?" Jared screamed so that his spit flew like a cascade out of his mouth. A moment of silence followed after his outburst. Jared tried to catch his breath and stroked a few strands of hair out of his deep red face.
Shannon couldn't express any feelings at all. The tears were stuck somewhere behind his eyes and his speeching abilities failed him. He knew that his brother needed serious help.
"Are you happy now when you know that your brother is a fucking mess? Huh?" Jared growled. Shannon shook his head slowly, incapable of doing anything else.
"I can't be as perfect as you are. I've tried. But I can't." the younger brother then whispered. He lowered his eyes and stared at his lap. Shannon walked over to where Jared was and sat down next to him and put his hand on top of Jared's bony jeans-clad knee.
"I'm sorry." Shannon blubbered and the tears came running once again. Jared felt so confused and guilty. He hated himself for making Shannon cry. Or hate wasn't the right word. Disgust, repulsion and loathing towards himself was more like it.
"Why? Why are you sorry?" Jared asked with panic in his eyes. Shannon shook his head and wiped away a few of the tears that ran down his cheeks in big streams.
"I'm sorry that you think that I'm perfect. I'm not perfect. No one is." he said.
Jared shook his head violently. That wasn't true and he knew it.
"No. You're the wise older brother. Everyone likes you. You are outgoing and smart." Jared rambled and felt a tear that found its way out of his eye.
"Right. You're the one who got both the talent and the looks. You are a fucking actor and a great singer." Shannon sobbed and dug his fingernails into his arms.
"I'm too fat to be an actor..." Jared whispered and looked away. It was a touchy subject.
Shannon closed his eyes and sighed.
"I should have never taken you to that damn audition." he breathed.
Shannon had heard about an audition for the lead-role in a movie called Requiem For A Dream. He had told Jared about it as his younger brother loved acting and needed a job to finance their first album.
Shannon had even driven Jared to the audition. Of course, Jared got the role as Harry. But with that role came that Jared needed to shed a few pounds to get into the role of being a junkie.
Sadly, Jared just couldn't stop even after the movie was all shot and finished. He felt like he needed to lose even more of his weight in order to be loved and successful in the industry.