It’s not that their homophobic or anything... it’s just… It’s complicated. One shot.
I’ll never be loved properly. The guy I’m with? I’m sick of him. He pisses me off, no matter how much I love him. I think we’d be better off as really good friends. I’m not even 16 yet, I’m a couple if years away but I know how I feel and it’s overwhelming and almost unbearable. The ones I love? They’ll never give a damn. I’m heartbroken and empty. And the ones that don’t know I like them? Well, if I tell them, they’d kill me… literally. It’s not that their homophobic or anything... it’s just… It’s complicated. I never thought I’d ever feel this way so young. I hate this feeling. The awful feeling of rejection, the one that burns like acid in your throat. The way the stutters are force themselves out without me giving them concent and a simple sentence can’t be formed. I hate how I hug them in a friendly way and can hear my heart speeding, beating faster. I hate how I can barely breathe and the feeling of suffocating as they speak. I hate how I always sit next to them in class because I stop thinking and then have to try not to flirt with them. I normally fail. I need them. I crave them.
It does my head in. Sometimes I wish I were dead. I wouldn’t have to deal with all of this shit I was dead. It’d be easier. I just wish someone fire a bullet into my brain. I dream that someone will slit my throat and slash my wrists. I want to stop thinking. It hurts.
And no one gives a fuck.