Gerard tries to care for Anna. Christa and Clarie talk about the bond.
He turned and saw that Anna had not moved since leaving the venue. Taking out his phone he sent a quick text to Mikey explaining that he and Anna would meet up with the band around noon. After that he got out of the RV and walked inside the front entrance to secure a room.
When he returned to the RV with key in hand he saw that Anna’s eyes were open. “Hey Sugar. Come on.” He said as he grabbed just a few things he knew they would need.
“Why have we stopped?” She asked still making no attempt to sit up.
“Just thought it would be nice to stop for the night.” He said trying to sound casual.
“I will remain here.” Her voice sounded flat and lifeless.
He’d been afraid she’d say that. “Anna, come on. You’ve had a fuckin’ shitty day. We’ll relax and talk about it.”
“There is nothing to say.” She whispered.
He reached down and took her hand. “Sugar, please. I promise it will be okay.”
“No, it can not be okay. Nothing can be okay ever again.”
“Anna.” Gerard said softly, “We have a room. Let’s go.” He tugged on her hand. To his relief she sat up and he was able to pull her to her feet. They left the RV and walked hand in hand across the lot. Once he opened the door Anna walked in and immediately laid down fully clothed on the bed.
Gerard set down the bag then turned to the bed. He felt overwhelming despair when he saw that she had closed her eyes but there were now tears streaming down her face. He crossed over to her and sat down. Without speaking he pulled her up and lifted her tee shirt over her head. Anna’s eyes remained closed. Next he removed her shoes, socks and jeans. When he was done he stood back trying desperately to quell the passion he suddenly felt looking at her clad only in her bra and panties. He had to fight the feeling. Anna’s fragile state of mind was more important than any sexual emotion.
He stepped back and quickly undressed down to her boxers then crossed the room to retrieve the small black bag. He glanced over his shoulder to see that her eyes were still closed but she was still crying. He readied the injection adding the small amount of serum Claire had given him all the while praying this was the right thing to do.
When he returned to the bed he lifted Anna’s arm, she never opened her eyes.
“I love you.” He whispered as he pierced her skin with the needle.
Suddenly her eyes flew open. “What have you done?” She cried out.
He removed the needle and stood. “You need this. I can’t let you break down.”
Her eyes were wild. “No, I do not want this.” She sat up. “You had no right.”
Gerard backed away then quickly replaced the items in the bag. Anna was glaring at him.
“I love you and that gives me the right.” He said softly.
“This will make it worse.” Her voice shook, “This just proves I can not stay in control.”
He had prepared himself for this. “No right now you can’t. Too many things have happened all at once and you’re struggling. I understand, Anna, I really do. You need to shut your thoughts down and this will help.”
She shook her head wildly already feeling unable to keep a complete thought in her brain, “Oh, Gee. I do not want you to see me like this.” Her tears were falling faster.
He sat back down on the bed, “Sugar how many times in my life did you see me out of control?”
“It is not the same you are mortal.”
He smiled slightly, “What? So that means it’s okay for me to be out of control and act like a jackass?”
“Yes.” She hissed suddenly sitting up and scooting away from him on the bed. “Yes, mortals act like jackasses but not my kind. We are superior to you.”
He did not let her words hurt him. “Maybe that’s true. Jury is still out on that one. All I’m saying is you’ve seen me so many times lose control so it’s okay for me to see it happen to you. You need this Anna. You can’t let yourself give up.”
“You do not know what I can and can not do.” She shook her head trying to dispel the feeling taking over. Suddenly she was filled with anger. “Can and can not.” she said mocking herself, “Can’t. Can’t . Why the fuck can’t I say can’t?”
Gerard smiled, “Anna you just did.”
She ignored him still feeling anger towards herself, “I am such a mess. I speak stupidly.”
“No you don’t.”
The serum was taking over. “Yes I do. Oh shit I am so messed up. I can’t be mortal and I can’t be what I’m supposed to be. I fail.”
“No, that’s not true.” He said sliding on the bed to move closer to her. “You are not a failure. You are special and you need to come to terms with that.”
Anna pulled her legs up and clasped her arms around them. She began to rock back and forth. “You don’t understand. You can not.”
He felt at the moment the best thing to do was to keep her talking, “Can’t”
It took her a moment but then she understood, “Can’t. You can’t understand. Why can’t you understand I am wrong?”
Gerard realized she was now thinking back to her conversation with Jacob. “You aren’t wrong.”
“You do not understand.” She muttered.
“I do. I get that idiots would say you were turned wrong. That’s a load of shit.”
Once again she glared, “Oh so Claire told you about my conversation with Jacob. Well you know what? He is right. I was turned wrong. He should have handled it.”
It was hard for him to contain his anger. “Bullshit. I don’t wanna hear you ever say that again.”
“Why?” Anna challenged. “It is the truth and he knows it. All I do is cause problems for those who care about me.”
“Anna that’s not true. I would be dying if it weren’t for you. Claire would be dead and you know it. How can you say you cause problems for those who love you?” He tried to reach out for her but she moved away.
“Do not touch me.” She screamed.
Gerard realized he’d made the right choice getting a room towards the end of the complex. Neither room was occupied around them. No one would hear her voice.
She moved to the side of the bed and got up but he saw she was swaying.
“Anna, lay back down.” He said getting to his feet.
“No, I don’t wanna.” Her words were becoming slightly slurred. “I am tired of people telling me what to do, how to act.”
“Okay then act however you wanna act. If you wanna scream then scream. If you wanna laugh then laugh. Do what you want Anna. Right now their ain’t anyone here but you and me.”
She looked over at him blinking rapidly. She was still trying desperately to stay in control but could feel it slipping away.
He moved a step closer, “What do you want to do?”
At that moment the world came crashing down on her. Words she had kept locked inside for so long came pouring out. “I want to die but I can not. I want to be alive but I am not. I want to be what I can not be what I can never be. You make me want to be human and I hate you for that. I hate that you make me want to be something that can never be.”
He stood still feeling his heart breaking for her.
Anna suddenly began to sob. “I am sorry. I do not hate you.”
“I know that, Sugar.” He said gently. “But I understand your feelings.”
Suddenly she felt completely overwhelmed. “I am afraid I can never live in your world.”
He took a deep breath to calm his fears. There had to be a way to make her understand they could be together. “You have to live in my world because I can’t live in it without you.”
Her whole body began to shake. “Oh I hate this. I can not think straight.”
“That’s the point.” Gerard said moving even closer. “That shit is doing what it’s supposed to do.”
Anna closed her eyes trying to think, “It is supposed to fuck me up?”
He smiled, ‘Yeah, so you’ll stop dwelling on shit. So you can get all of these thoughts out of your system that you’ve been holding inside. It’s what needs to happen.”
She opened her eyes slowly. “This is just so hard. I try every damn day to stay in control.”
“Yeah, I get that. You struggle everyday to stay in control because you have to. But like I said it’s just us here. There’s no reason for you to stay in control right now. Let those feelings out.”
“No, no, no.” She screamed. “You forget what I am. This is dangerous.”
He rounded the bed but did not attempt to touch her. Taking a seat on the bed he smiled, “Anna, I am not afraid. I know in my heart you won’t hurt me.”
“I could.” She whispered.
“Yeah, you could but you won’t. Now give in and let go. You need this.”
She stared at him trying to process his words. Suddenly a new feeling took over. He was slightly surprised when she laughed.
“What?” he asked.
Anna waved her arms around. “Of really this is funny. Good Lord I bet you never in your wildest dreams thought you’d be with a vampire type creature let alone a fucked up one.”
He was guardedly optimistic that this new attitude might be better. “Yeah, that’s pretty much true. But we don’t use the word vampire.” He kidded.
She looked at him a moment then laughed, “Oh hell why not? Vampire, Healer who cares? I am what I am.” She crossed the room towards the dresser. Once there she gazed into the mirror. “You know when I look at myself I feel like I am looking at a stranger.”
She nodded her head, “Yep. I am not sure why but that ain’t me.” She said pointing to her own reflection. “I guess in my head when I think about me I still see me as I was before.” She lifted a piece of her hair, “Stupid white hair. What the hell?”
Gerard grinned, “I like it.”
Anna leaned foreword a bit to look closer at her reflection. “No, not me.”
He got to his feet to stand behind her. “Yes that’s you and you are beautiful.”
Her thoughts changed track again, “Perhaps you just think that cause you have to think that.”
That puzzled him, “I have to think that?”
“Sure.” She nodded looking at him in the mirror. “You have to because I have bonded you to me.” She giggled, “Vampire Anna took control of you.”
He shook his head realizing that by using the word ‘vampire’ she was showing disdain for what she was, “No vampire Anna didn’t, you did.”
“But I am vampire Anna,” Her bottom lip trembled.
He slipped his arms around her, “You are just Anna. You are Anna the beautiful woman I love.”
His words just made it worse. “No, I am vampire Anna. You just think I am more.” Pure hatred for herself laced her words.
“I know you are more.” Then he made a mistake and added, “Others know that too. Others who love you for it.”
Her face crumbled, “No.” She cried. “They hate me for it. Jacob hates me now.”
With that she tore away from him and fell to a heap on the floor.
“Can’t sleep.” Christa whispered as Claire walked towards her. The others were asleep but she had been unable to keep her eyes closed so she’d moved to the front of the bus and was sitting in the dark.
Claire sat down next to her and spoke in a hushed tone. “You are worried about Anna.”
“Yeah.” Christa nodded glad to be able to speak to someone who understood.
“I am worried also but Gerard is caring for her.”
Christa sighed, “I just felt so bad earlier when I found her crying. God she was sobbing and I didn’t know what to do or say.”
“She often struggles because she is different.”
“Different than the others of her kind?” Christa asked.
“Yes.” Claire confirmed, “Because she is different it is very hard for her. She must hide her emotions and sometimes that just overwhelms her.”
“And whatever she and Jacob talked about really got to her.” Christa said struggling herself to understand a world so new to her.
Claire leaned back tiredly, “Yes it was a very difficult conversation for her. The bond between her Maker is one we can not begin to understand.”
Fear made Christa ask, “He really wouldn’t hurt her, would he?”
“No, I do not believe he would but you must understand as a Pure that causes him distress. He goes against the ways of their kind to protect her. He always has.”
For several minutes they sat in silence. It was Christa who spoke again.
“This is all just so overwhelming for me, you know? I mean suddenly I understand that a whole world I only imagined really does exist.”
“A world you know exists but can never speak of.” Claire reminded her.
Christa nodded, “I know. Believe me I would never do or say anything to put Anna in danger.” She paused a moment then added softly, “I love her.”
Claire understood immediately that the words Christa had spoken conflicted her. She reached over and took her hand. “I understand. Feeling love through a blood bond is a unique emotion. It is one that is not known to others so we find it hard to explain.”
Tears appeared in Christa’s eyes. “Can I tell you something?”
Christa took a deep breath then whispered, “I’m just so confused. When we bonded I kissed her. I’m kinda embarrassed about it.”
Claire smiled, “Do not feel that way. I understand completely. The bond makes us feel a love that goes beyond what we have felt before. It is a pure love is the only way I can explain it.”
“It is.” Christa said softly, “I suddenly just felt so close to her. I guess it was just me wanting to show her how I felt.”
“Yes. It was.” Claire agreed. “But soon that feeling will lessen somewhat.”
Christa was silent a moment then said, “You know it’s strange but I really don’t want it to.”
“It will lessen but it will not completely disappear. You will always be bonded to Anna unless another erases the memory.”
“They can do that?”
“A Pure could do that but it is unlikely. However the bond Gerard and I have with her could never be erased. It is too deep.”
“Because she saved you both from death?”
“Yes, because of the degree of healing.”
“I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that Gerard was really dying. Did Anna know when she met him?”
Claire thought a moment deciding if she should tell Christa the truth. “Yes, she knew.” She answered slowly.
“Thank God she met him then.” Christa said not understanding the truth.
Claire nodded having decided that if Anna wished to tell the woman that she had actually known Gerard most of his life that would be her decision.