Categories > Books > Lord of the Rings

Ring of Mass Destruction

by Elliekin 0 reviews

The whole WMD fiasco seemed somehow familiar to me, and whilst going through some old accounts in Rivendell I unearthed this curious exchange...

Category: Lord of the Rings - Rating: G - Genres: Humor - Characters: Elrond, Other - Published: 2006-05-09 - Updated: 2006-05-09 - 299 words - Complete

Ring of Mass Destruction
Written circa 2003 by Elliekin

Elrond: (entering Sammath Nuar) There you are! Have you thrown it in yet?

Isildur: Uh ... sure.

Elrond: So why are you still in here?

Isildur: No reason. What're you doing?

Elrond: Well, my proposal was to spend half of the morning making harsh but necessary cutbacks to the forces of Sauron on the battlefield; however on my inspection of Mordor I found that they are still coming out in force, and I surmised something may have gone wrong up here.

Isildur: Well, one would expect some empathy for the circumstances at this time. However, if one goes and examines the Fires of Orodruin again, there is a very real chance that evidence of the Ring falling in will be found.

Elrond: If you will allow me to refer you to your chamber this morning, and I quote, "It's mine, my Precious, we must protect the Precious".

Isildur: Well, if I may refer you to a little while afterwards, you will recall that the Ring was cast into the Fire within 45 minutes.

Elrond: The latest research has clearly shown that it would take much longer than 45 minutes to finish fawning and climb the mountain. Therefore, evidence of unacceptable levels of golluming is plain to see in this case.

Isildur: If the Fire is inspected more closely then evidence of a Ring of Might will be found!

Elrond: Ring of /Power/! You cannot avoid responsibility simply by changing the terms of the search.

Isildur: Look, what's important here is that we work together to express the positive aspects of the contents of the Fire which are available to us: you know, some of this heated rock would make a really cool lava lamp...

Elrond: What about the Ring!?

Isildur: It's in my pocket.
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