Categories > Original > Drama1 Reviews
Lana cuts herself, and it's her biggest secret. But when it comes out, it turns out that she's not the only one with a secret.
She has been writing for a while, but she's bored now, because there's no one on msn to talk to, and she feels really lonely. She gets up and gets into bed. But after watching tv for a while, she gets that burning desire again. It's such a familiar feeling by now. She has tried ignoring it for a while, and she could, but she doesn't see the point anymore. It's not like anyone cares. Her online friends do, but they don't know what her life's really like, and how incredibly lonely she really is. So they don't count.
As usual, she gets up, grabs the small black towel from her bottom drawer, and goes to the bathroom. It has become such a ritual, that she doesn't even have to think about it anymore. She knows she's alone in the house, but still she locks the door, just to be safe. She grabs her razor, and turns the water on. She waits until it's warm, and makes sure the razor is covered in warm water. She rolls up her sleeves and gets a feeling of pride when she sees the scars. Some are fresh, some are a couple of months old. The razor is still in her right hand, and she puts it on her arm. Of course she knows what she's about to do, but that feeling of excitement still goes through her whole body. She moves the razor to the right, pushing it deep into her skin, and she sees the three scratches turning red quickly. She makes more scratches, and then washes the razor, and put it back where it belongs. This was only the beginning.
By now the scratches are starting to bleed, it always takes a while. But now it's really started. Blood is starting to drip off of her arm, into the sink. It always makes her feel really proud. She also feels like a failure for giving into it again, but the pride always wins. She lets it bleed for a while, then she washes her arm. But it's still bleeding. She grabs the black towel and wipes her arm dry. Now she washes the sink, so her mother won’t find out. She goes back to her bedroom, covering her arm with the black towel.
As she sits on her bed, she stares at her arm. Whenever the blood gets too much, she wipes it away with the towel. This is why it's black, so the blood doesn't show. She never washes it though, she's afraid that the blood will get onto the other towels, and then her mother will find out. She's starting to feel normal again, and the sick feeling in her stomach is growing. It always happens. Her usual loneliness and misery has come back, now mixed with shame. But those couple of minutes of not thinking about her life, just focussing on her scratches, is worth the pain and the shame. When the scratches stop bleeding, she puts her sleeves down again. She only wears black shirts during the night, and everything on her bed is black too, so the blood won't show. If there's any blood in it, it isn't a lot, so she lets her mother wash those things. Now she's tired, and she turns off the light, lays down and tries to sleep.
When Lana gets out of bed, she feels her arm burning. Now she's glad that she only did it on her left arm. She has an important exam at school today, and she doesn't want to fail it because she can barely move her arm. She goes to the bathroom, and as she crosses the hallways, she sees that her mother hasn't come home, because her bedroom door is still exactly the same. Lana sighs and just starts getting ready for school.
At school she goes to her usual spot, on the top floor, in the bathroom. No one's ever there during the breaks, so she can eat her food without getting called names. She isn't popular at all, but she's used to that. But before this year, she was never very unpopular, she was just a normal teenager that never got noticed. This year is different though, they're a bit older, all around seventeen, and the popular girls have become meaner, and they've started to call Lana all sorts of things, simply because she has no friends, no one to defend her, no one to turn to.
After the break she goes to class. The exam is in two hours, now they have two hours of biology. But when they're all there, and it's ten minutes after the break ended, the teacher still isn't there. Lana grabs her books, and starts studying for the exam later today, but as usual, she's the only one. Everyone else is having fun in the classroom, or they leave. When there are about ten of them left, Lana, and the nine most popular people of their year, Lana decides to leave too. But just when she gets up and grabs her back, two girls, Dina and Jackie, come up to her. The others are watching, and Lana feels nervous right away. She's afraid that they'll beat her up.
"Why are you always wearing long sleeves? Its summer, hello." Jackie rolls her eyes.
"It's none of your business," Lana says, and she wants to leave. But the girls stop her, and push her back to where she was standing before. She starts to feel like she's going to be sick, and she really wishes that someone would come and help her. But she knows that no one cares what happens to her.
"Are you hiding something?" Dina asks, and she walks up to Lana, 'till she's standing so close, that Lana can feel her breath on her skin. Jackie walks up to her too, and the others don't do anything. Before Lana can do anything, Dina has grabbed her wrists, and Jack has rolled up her sleeves. It all happens so fast, that she can't even stop them. She fights them now though, but she's too weak, and everyone's standing around her now, staring at the fresh scratches, and all the scars. Lana has zoned out from it all, and she doesn't even hear what they're all saying. She knows that they're making fun of her though.
"This doesn't make her a freak or crazy, you know?" Chris, one of the most popular guys all of the sudden says, and they all look at him, including Lana. She can't help but to think that he'll now make some cruel joke. But he doesn't. He rolls up his sleeves, and they're all shocked to see the scars. Dina lets go of Lana's wrists, and turns to face Chris. Lana grabs her bag, and runs out of the classroom. She sits down on the bench next to the emergency staircase. No one can see her there, and she starts to cry. She feels horrible, and she knows that everyone will know her secret in a matter of hours. She stares at her arms, and she feels even more horrible. She hears something, and she turns around to see who it is.
"I saw your bag," Chris says, pointing to Lana's bag, who has made it obvious that she was sitting there.
"What are you doing here?" Lana says, trying to sound pissed off, but she just sounds incredibly sad and hurt. Chris smiles and goes up to her and sits down next to her.
"I used to cut myself too," he says, but Lana doesn't say anything. She just feels like this is all a set-up, because Chris is the popular guy, and he has never even said a word to her before. "It doesn't make you a bad person. It just means that you're having problems."
"I'm not crazy."
"I know, but you do have problems, don't you?" Chris asks, and Lana looks up at him. She nods and wipes her tears away. "My problems were that my dad wanted me to be a professional basketball-player, but I'm not good enough, so I felt horrible. I felt like I was a failure, and of course I couldn't talk about that to my friends, because guys don't talk about their problems. So I started cutting myself, until my mum found out two years ago."
"Sorry to hear that," Lana says, because it's all she can think of right now. She simply doesn't know what to say, because this is all too weird. Chris rolls his sleeves up, and he shows Lana his arm.
"See this one?" he asks, and he points at one on his wrist. Lana nods, and she touches the scar. She can't stop herself, she just needs to touch it. She expects Chris to push her away, or worse, but he doesn't. "I tried to kill myself."
"There isn't one on your other wrist."
"No, I waited too long, and I passed out after one wrist. But my mum found me in my room, and that's how she found out. I don't want that to happen to you."
"Like you care. You don't even know me," Lana says, and she feels tears stinging in her eyes again.
"I do care. No one deserves to feel so horrible, that they turn to cutting themselves. I know that we don't know each other, but I want you to know that I'm here for you if you want to talk, if you need help," Chris says, and Lana feels weird, but she actually believes him.
"Really. You're not the only one who does this. I've been there, and I know that it's so fucking hard to get through it alone, so you need someone to help you. I can be that person for you."
"I might take you up on that," Lana says, and she can't help but to smile. She believes Chris, and she wants to get through this, and she wants someone to care, and someone to help her.
"Good." Chris smiles, and he wraps an arm around her shoulder.
"Thanks," Lana says.
"No problem. There's just one thing that you need to remember, always."
"What's that?" she asks.
"You're not alone in this."
a/n: I hope you liked it. If you did, please leave a comment =)
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