Ray gets a say!
Well, what do I say? My school friends are great but I'm focussing on Gerard, Mikey and Frank here.
So I meet Gerard in the movies a day after coming back...
He seemed a little different but what surprised me most was that he was making out with a dude in public. I mean, I've sort of guessed he wasn't the girl type but to actaully see the proof is something else: I saw the two tongue-fighting twice in one day. I don't have anything against it but when it happens around you, you do feel kinda strange. I don't want them getting so touchy right in my lap.
It's a little weird but for Gerard to be open about being gay, I remember him as being so secretive.
I could tell that he probably was earlier, way earlier, but he's always denied it if I hinted at my suspicions. There was this one guy who set of the little alarm in my head a few years back, him and G were so close. They were known by everyone to be unseparable, terrifyingly so at times. They never seemed to be kissing but I just had this feeling from them that maybe they shared something more.
I still love Gerard but coming back has been so strange, I'm a little more detatched from Gerard thanks to Frank. I still meet up quite a bit but something is gone, something from the old times seems to be missing. He's changed somehow.
Frank's okay though. Kinda stupid or intense at times. Because of him I don't get to see Gerard half as much as I'd like. But that's not a great reason to hate him, is it? I should give him a chance but he is very clingy but at the same time comes off as pretty daring.
Mikey? I guess he's okay too. Gerard's been beating the kid less apparently. Still skinny and geeky as ever. I see him a little more than I used to, he's slowly emerging from the shadows. It's so nice to see him smile again.
I gotta laugh when I see him watch G and Frank kissing! He stares intently the whole time!
Aw, he's so funny. I hope that he won't be hurt as often as before. Those were bad times, from what he's confessed to me. I really don't understand why Gerard would hit him, though I do understand he has 'issues'. I have to respect that.
I wish I could see them all more but Gerard is so into Frank, unlike his previous obsessions. I mean, this reminds me when he stalked that Teresa girl when he was 12. Nothing sexual there though, he just did it "becuase he could and it was funny".
I phone Gerard up these days and I hear giggles like hiccups and Gerard almost always says he is busy.
I'd laugh if the two got separated, to be honest. The look of confusion on thier faces at first would be hilarious. I haven't seen them apart for quite some time. I'd be sad for them but boy, it'd be a sight to see! A Gerard without a Frank dangling fomr his neck or waist is like seeing a car without tyres on the road. Or soemthing, that alsways has something attached.......
One minute they're fucking horny and full of sick innuendo pretty much jacking off where they sit, the next, they're shy and withdrawn around each other! I really don't understand them sometimes.
Any relationship I know of that Gerard's been in has ended in tears though. Like, 99% have been crappy endings. Fucking creepy endings.
Maybe Frank and Gerard (Gank? Gerank? Frerard?) will last. I hope for Gerard that it will, he doesn't deserve another crappy ending. Maybe Gerard actually understands convential love this time. Now that is something I have to see, him in a power-equal realtionship.
I suppose that if I want to be with each of the guys more, I gotta speak up. And before this Shane does as well. I don't know who the hell this guy thinks he is! He's taking my place. Why do they even hang out with Shane? Frank only met him pretty recently. He came outta nowhere!
Or, instead of bitching, I could try and get to know him. Where he goes, Frank, Mikey and therefore Gerard follow... Then maybe i'll see the light about mysterious Shane. He could turn out to be a totally awesome guy. Probably.
It might bring all four of us closer or something. I hate being an outsider to things and I can't drift away from Gerard and Mikey. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I'd never met those two... Would Gerard be less normal, or Mikey, more stressed?
Right, I'll phone Gerard and see if he's free and we can arrange something from there. He'll soon remember how good life was when we were as close as we were. Before Gerard exploded, not that he wasn't weird at first.
I remembered the first time I met him in school, we were about 6 and it was our first day of 'proper school'. He was all alone in the classroom at the window in recess. I left my new-found buddy to go see what was up with this lonely looking boy. I hated seeing sad people because everyone at home was always happy.
I crept up from behind and tapped on his shoulder curiously.
"Hello? What's wrong?" Gerard jumped and turned around. He stared with wide eyes.
"I'm Ray." I added. Gerard looked puzzled and his mouth gaped open.
I smiled, hoping he'd copy me. Gerard looked at me for a second, gloomlifintg from his face bit by bit.
"I'm Gerard." He muttered, "And I miss my brother." He was in a sulky mood as a few others in the class were but missing a brother was the first time I'd heard that all day.
"C'mon, smile Gerad!" I struggled with the name. Gerard's mouth twitched as i pulled a stupid grin.
"See! You aren't sad!" I smiled and this time he did too.
"Are we....Friends, Ray?" Gerard sounded astonished but looked excited at the prospect. I nodded and he grinned happily at me. He was interesting, much more interesting than the kids who just piled on top of everonye, stating thier name age and hobbies, trying to befriend everyone at once. No, I had to be his friend, he was sad and I wanted to make him happy and I wouldn't be satisfied that day until he was.
It's funny how kids assume frienship in a matter of seconds and then state it like it's destiny, so predetermined.... When you've grown up it's so much harder to find friends that are as close as ones in school.