"Thanks." I said sighing a little and taking Brendon's arm. Patrick left and I looked a Brendon, who was still giggling. "Are you drunk?" I asked. He stopped giggling and looked away, refusing to look at me. "Brendon, look at me." I said taking his chin in my hand and turning his face. Forcing him to look at me.
"No." He slurred as he closed his eyes. I sighed.
"Okay, don't talk to me." I said letting go of his face. "Get yourself changed, and then go to bed." I said going into the bunk room and getting in my bunk. After a few minutes of peace and quite I heard Brendon.
"Are you mad at me?" he asked, climbing into my bunk. I sighed again, my eyes closed.
"No, just slightly disappointed. But it is your life. You can do what you want with it." I opened my eyes and smiled at him. "Just be careful." He nodded and then held his stomach.
"There's a storm rumbling in my tummy." he slurred. I helped him over to the bathroom, holding his hair back as he emptied the contents of his stomach. When he was finished I got him a glass of water that he could rise his mouth out with, helping him to his bunk. "Can you stay with me tonight?" he asked like a little kid with a puppy dog face. Who could resist a face like that?
"Sure." I said getting in next to him.
I waited till he was asleep, which didn't take that long, and then I got out of his bunk. I went to the kitchen and sat down at the table. I always had a hard time falling asleep, so most of the time I would either take a sleeping pill or would just stay up. Tonight I decided to stay up. And about an hour of reading a new book, Spencer walked into the room yawning. "Couldn't sleep?" I asked with a sympathetic smile. He nodded.
"Did Brendon make it back?"
"Yeah. But he was dunk off his ass. I just don't understand it. He's normally such a good kid."
"You really do love him, don't you?" Just like Spencer to always see the emotions I was feeling. I looked at my hands and nodded. "He loves you back, I think. He just doesn't know it yet."
"As always." I smiled.
"Wanna watch a movie?" I asked.
"Sure." he said smiling.
Spencer fell asleep about two thirds of the way through the movie. I put a blanket over him and looked at the time. It was already 6:30. I sighed. Still to early to do much of anything, but I was bored out of my mind. I went back to my bunk and started writing lyrics in my notepad. Most of it was just ideas. When I got bored of that it was seven and I decided to start making breakfast. I made pancakes and put them on the small table. Spencer and Jon woke up at the smell and sat down to eat. "You going to eat Ry?" Jon asked. I shook my head.
"I'm going to check on Brendon real quickly." I said going back into the bunk room. I pulled his curtain back a little and looked at him. He slept like a five year old. Holding onto the blanket like it was the only thing keeping him on this earth. He was curled in a small ball and he was absolutely beautiful. I shook his arm gently and he waved a hand at me.
"Five more minutes." he mumbled into the pillow.
"Brendon, there's pancakes." I said smiling at his kiddish reaction. He opened one eye.
"My head hurts." He said getting up. He garbed my shoulder for support, his other hand going to his head.
"You can take some Advil after you eat something."
"You act like his mother." Spencer said laughing a little.
"You do." Brendon said before shuffling into the kitchen area and sitting down at the table.
"But he needs it." Spencer said and I walked into the kitchen, putting a plate with a pancake on it down in front of Brendon. He smiled happily at me, and then looked at it for a few seconds furrowing his brow.
"No whipped cream?"
"You can have as much of Ryan's whipped cream as you want." Jon said laughing. I hit him on the shoulder and Brendon just looked more confused.
"I heard we have a hotel tonight." Spencer said with a wide grin. Jon smiled with a matching grin, and hugged him, picking him up and kissing his cheek.
"That means tonight will be more exciting than normal." He said with a wink. I looked away and back at Brendon who was eating his pancakes calmly.
"Save it for tonight." I said sighing slightly.
"Fine you killjoy." Spencer said.
"I think I'm going to take a nap." I said walking into the bunk room, and laying on my bunk. I took some sleeping pills and took a nap. I woke up to the sound of Brendon yelling at me. "Ryyyyaaaannnnn! Ryyyyaaannn! Your skank's outside!" He called.
I really didn't like her, in fact, I despised her. But it's not like I could have Brendon. So I figured I might as well date her. And I was not happy to hear that she had went out of her way to see me. I sat up, groaning. I would just pretend not to feel good or something. Then I wouldn't have to deal with her all that much. I got out of my bunk and walked into the common room of the bus, looking around. "Where is she?"
"Outside." Brendon said smimply. He was reading some magazine that I had never heard of, then again, I didn't stalk celebrities like he did.
"Where's Jon and Spencer?" I asked while opening the door.
"Out." He said uninterested, I nodded and looked at her.
"We need to talk." She said grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the bus and into the sunlight. It was sunset, isn't that odd? I must have slept the day away.
"What's up? Why did you come all the way out here to talk to me?" It was slightly cold outside and I folded my arms to try and make them warmer. I had started to wear short sleeves again, you could still see my scars, but a lot of them had faded.
"I've been thinking, a lot. And I realized that when I'm not with you, I feel happier than when I'm with you. Besides, you're such a girl." She said throwing her arms in the air with the last word. I just stared at her. I felt the same way. Like I would be mean enough to tell her that. She was the one who asked me out. I just happened to have something poured in my drink and was slightly tipsy at the time, so I said yes. Bad decision right? It's certainly not the first. Making bad decisions is what I'm good at.
"I just don't think we should see each other anymore." I just kind of stared at her, I know I most likely looked confused. But I didn't bother to do anything. I just stood there for a while. "Are you stoned?" I didn't respond. "That's it, I'm leaving. I don't think I'll be seeing you again." She said this and then walked away. I felt high. It was weird. Like, when you know something bad is happening, and you want to stop it, but you can't. Like watching a train wreck. Only this time, I wasn't the one watching. I stood there, staring at where she had just been standing. It was almost dark now, the sun just barley shining in a thin sliver of light.
"Hey, I'm going to a party with Pete." I continued to stare, I shouldn't be sad, right? I didn't like her. But it's like, if I wasn't good enough for a slut like her, then what was I good for? "Hello? Ryan? What's wrong?" He put his hand on my shoulder. I blinked back slight tears, and then looked at him.
"Nothing, just go to that party. Have fun, okay?" He looked at me cautiously, like he thought I would do something reckless if he left. But his want for alcohol was grater than the need to watch over me, so he just gave me a sad smile. And then he left. I thought of what I should do. I started walking, somewhat aimless, it was weird. Normally, my mind is constantly working. Thinking of a million things a moment. But I couldn't think.
I passed a Starbucks, there was a guy standing outside, tattoos covering his arms. Mohawk hair that was red orange and yellow, and a black band tee. He was smoking. I stood in front of the shop, debating whether or not I should go in. "You look awful." He said staring at me. I hadn't even noticed he was looking at me.
"Thanks." I said with a sigh. Why should I bother telling someone I've never met about something I didn't even tell my best friend about?
"Here. You need it more than me." He handed me a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, and walked away. Normally, I wouldn't do something stupid like take up a bad habit. Especially from someone I didn't know. But he was gone. And my mind was fuzzy. I lit one, taking it up to my lips and taking a drag. It calmed me down, better than a talk with Spencer. I finished it off and walked into the Starbucks, buying a coffee and then leaving to go back to the bus.