And now it was only one week till he would come back home. And I was happy, well at least happier. I called Spencer and Jon and Pete and Patrick, telling them that I was still alive. I got grocery's for the first time in the past few months. And I visited everyone that was worried about me. They were all happy to know I wasn't lying dead in my apartment.
Tonight was two days before Brendon would be back, and I was eating out with Pete and Patrick.
"What are you going to do the night he comes back?" Patrick asked.
"Spencer told me he arranged a taxi to pick him up and drop him off at our apartment." I responded playing with the food on my plate. I just wasn't hungry.
"And what are you going to do when he get's home?" Pete asked with a small smile.
"I don't know...I guess I could make him some dinner or something." Pete and Patrick laughed.
"You've been waiting for months for him to get better, and you don't know what you're going to do?" Patrick asked.
"Well, it's not like we're in a relationship. We're just friends."
"He went to rehab for you." Pete said looking somewhat serious.
"And himself." Patrick added.
"You're not helping. Look, he may not know it yet, and you may not know it, but it's crystal clear for everyone else that he likes you. And you like him back." I shrugged at Pete. "You need to just wait. He'll figure it out." I nodded.
"How do you know?" I asked, biting my bottom lip. Patrick laughed.
"How do we know? It's the most obvious thing ever Ryan. You two are just so...oblivious."
"I guess that's true?" I said it and it ended up sounding like a question. Everyone was quite for the rest of the meal.
The rest of the night I heard Pete's words echoing in my head, he thought that Brendon liked me. Sometimes I wondered if Patrick and Pete were as smart as they acted. Because that wasn't a smart thing for them to say. It wasn't even a smart topic for them to bring up. Or maybe, the reason why I didn't like it was because I knew it was the truth, and I didn't want to admit that we were both being...oblivious.
The next day I went to a movie with Spencer and Jon. We were laughing at the commercials, the ones before the previews. We always go to the movie about 40 minutes before the previews, so we can just make a ruckuses in the theater. Spencer was throwing popcorn at Jon, who was screaming at him.
"You whore!" Jon was laughing like crazy as he yelled it over and over again. Spencer started tickling Jon, which made him laugh more.
"Brendon would love this." I said quietly with a smile, and they both looked at me.
"We should do this when he get's back." Spencer said excitedly.
"He'll be back tonight. And we'll come over. We can have like, a movie night or something." Jon said smiling at me, he was getting just as excited as Spencer. The two of them were practically jumping in their seats.
"Oooo, yeah! We can have Pete and Patrick, and we'll all welcome home Brendon with some pizza!" I just stared at the two of them.
"And we can watch horror movies!"
"And we can buy Red Bull, Brendon would love that!" I nodded.
"Okay. I guess that will be fine." I said it, but I wasn't sure if it was a good idea.
The previews started, and we all quieted down. That was, until no one else came into the movie. Other than some teen's that were running in and out of the theater. So we continued to throw popcorn, and yell at each other. And I continued to think about how much Brendon was missing.
The movie ended, and Spencer drove us to my apartment.
"You keep this place so clean!" Spencer yelled. I nodded.
"Yeah, it's not that hard."
"You're such a girl." Jon said ruffling my hair.
"I'll call Pete and Patrick. When did I say Brendon was getting here?" Spencer asked.
"About five or five thirty."
"You're a good kid." Spencer said walking off to the kitchen to call Pete, or Patrick. It doesn't really matter, their almost always together anyway. Jon looked at all of the movies Brendon and I had. Most of them were his, he loved movies. I remember watching ten movies in one day with him. His smile lasted over a week. I loved his smile.
"Ryan, hello?" Jon was waving his hand in front of my face.
"I'm sorry I...I guess I was spacing out." I shook my head. "What was it you were saying?"
"What were you thinking about? You seemed so happy." I smiled a little, and shook my head.
"If you say so." Spencer walked back in the room.
"It's all set. Pete and Patrick will be here at four thirty." I looked at the clock. It was a little past four.
"Okay. Wanna watch cartoons until then?" Jon asked smiling.
"Yes!" Spencer and I said, he said it about two times as loud as I did. But his voice is louder than mine. We all sat down on the couch, and Spencer turned on the TV. It was like old times, only without Brendon. There was one of us missing, and it didn't feel right. I ended up spacing off for the majority of the time. I couldn't stay focused. I missed him, and he was finally coming back. I was happy, but kind of scared. What if he just fell right back into it again? Would they take him away from me again? I didn't know if I could take that much time away from him again. At least the other months he was sober for some of the time, and even if he wasn't, he was there. That's all that really matters. I was interrupted in my thoughts with a knock on the door, and I lifted my head. I watched Jon and Spencer race to the door like little kids, and open it so that Pete and Patrick could come in. Pete was in first, looking around, followed by Patrick, who automatically came over and sat down next to me.
"You're so organized Ryan." Pete said walking back over to sit on the floor by Patrick.
"Thanks." What was with people and pointing out how organized and clean I kept everything? We're they trying to push the fact that I act like a girl? Jon sat down on the couch and Spencer pouted.
"Where am I supposed to sit?" He asked and Jon patted his lap. "Fine." Spencer sat on Jon's lap.
"So how are you Ryan?" Pete asked looking up from the floor at me. I hated it when people asked me that question.
"Good enough. Brendon's coming back. That helps everything."
"We're going to make him tell you the truth tonight." I furrowed my brows and looked at Pete in confusion.
"God Ryan, he's talking about how Brendon loves you." Spencer said, it was funny to look at him sitting on Jon's lap.
"Oh." They continued to chatter amongst themselves, and answered when they talked to me. At five Spencer called the pizza place, and everyone was screaming in the phone. I felt bad for the person who was just trying to work, until they screamed that they were a big fan, and that we all had to sigh some stuff for her when she delivered the pizza. I thought about how disappointed she'll be when she shows up and Brendon's not here. He's our front man, and most people like him more than everyone else. At least Pete and Patrick will make up for that. Or at least, I hoped they would.
The pizza came about ten minutes later, and everyone signed the things she gave us. She left after talking for about five minutes. We walked back in and I got out drinks and such for people. They couldn't get them themselves, and the worst part? They used the excuse that they didn't know where it was, even though our apartment is like a second home to all four of them.
I heard the door open when I was in the kitchen, and walked in, trying to contain my happiness. I saw Brendon, and I felt my smile grow, until I saw the red headed girl standing next to him, his arm wrapped around her waist. Jon noticed me standing there, the only one who noticed. He walked over to me, pushing them out of view, as I was pulled into the kitchen. "He came back with a girl." I felt tears brimming in my eyes, daring to fall.
"I know." He hugged me. "He met her at the rehab center, she's going to be living with you two." I closed my eyes shaking my head and hugging him back.
"I don't want her to live with us." I said quietly. "I want it to be like it used to be, when he was always sober, and we were always happy."
"I don't think you're getting days like that to come back anytime soon." I started to cry.
"Why? Why dose he have to be so mean without knowing it?"
"He doesn't mean to." Patrick walked into the kitchen.
"Brendon wants to see, oh. Um, you should go upstairs, and calm down a little."
"What dose Brendon want?" Jon asked him.
"To see Ryan, but I think you should get him upstairs and feeling better before he sees him. You okay Ryan?" I tried to nod at him, but it was hard, my head was on Jon's shoulder.
"Okay. Just tell them that Ryan needed my help getting something down off a shelf or something. Ryan, we're gonna go upstairs." Jon practically carried me upstairs, making it to where Brendon didn't see me. I flopped down on my bed and just cried. I hated crying, but it's something that I do a lot. I thought of all the things I could do as Jon looked through the old records I had. Then I remembered that I still had a few drugs that I took out of Brendon's room. If there was ever a time for taking one, it would be now. I stopped crying and Jon looked over at me. I listened to the music that he chose and sat up, smiling at him.
"This is one of my favorites." He smiled at that.
"I'm going to change shirts, this one's slightly damp. I'll be down in a minute." I said standing up and getting a shirt out of one of the drawers.
"Okay. I'll come and get you if you're not downstairs in five minutes." He walked out of the room and I changed shirts, pulling a pill out. It looked like LSD, and I took it without worrying what it was. I waited a minute, letting it run through my system before going downstairs.
"Ryyyaaannn! I missed you so much!" Brendon pulled me into a bear hug, and I realized how much smaller I was compared to him.
"I missed you too." The girl looked at the two of us, and I felt the tingling of the drug as it numbed me.
"You're Ryan?" She asked walking over to us.
"Oh! Right! Ryan, this is Sarah." He said waving over at her. "She's going to be living with us." I nodded, and smiled.
"Okay." He gave me, a 'are you really okay with that?' look and I just shrugged. The rest of the night started to become a blur, I only heard half of what people said, and when I tried to talk it came out slightly slurred. I don't think anyone really noticed though.
I can't really say when I fell asleep, or where, but I woke up in my room. In my pajama pants, which I didn't remember putting on. My head started to pound, and I noticed that I was sitting on the floor. With a blanket and a pillow. I look up to see Pete and Patrick sharing my bed. They couldn't let me sleep in it too? I got up, dragging my body out of the room as quietly as possible. It wasn't that hard, I didn't weigh much. I walked down to the kitchen, Jon and Spencer had the couch. I started to make some coffee, taking some medication for my pounding head. I sat down at the table, waiting. I can't even really say what I was waiting for. If I was waiting for someone to wake up, if I was waiting for the coffee, or if it was something else. But I don't think it really matters. The coffee finished, and Spencer and Jon walked into the room, Jon sat down across from me and Spencer just stood and stared.
"What?" I asked him.
"I could ask you the same thing." Spencer said, he got the three of us mugs of coffee, sitting next to Jon on the other side of the table. I took a drink of mine, it was scolding, but in a good way.
"So what drug did you take last night?" Jon asked.
"I don't know...I just took one out of Brendon's old stash. I just needed to be numb." Spencer sighed.
"You know, you were so numb, you agreed to move out." Spencer said shaking his head.
"I did?" Jon nodded.
"Yup, Brendon asked you if you would be willing to move out so him and his girlfriend could live together. You said yes without a second thought." Jon said. They were perfect at talking like they were one person.
"I guess I have to. I can't believe I said yes." I put my head in my hands. Pete and Patrick walked downstairs, Pete was practically hanging off of Patrick, complaining about how early it was, and how he wanted to go back to bed.
"I can't believe he asked." Spencer said with a sigh. Patrick got the two of them mugs, filling them with coffee while Pete continued to hang off of him.
"Who asked what?" Patrick asked.
"Brendon asked Ryan to move out." Jon said, waving his hand loosely in the air.
"Oh yeah. Haven't you guys been living together for years?" Pete asked, finally slinking down into a seat on his own, with Patrick next to him. I nodded.
"Yeah, but if it makes him happy, I'll move out. I think it would be better for my health to move out. I don't think I can see him with his arms wrapped around someone else all the time. It was okay when it was a different person every night, but the same person just proves that everyone was wrong."
"We'll help you. You can have your own small house, in the suburbs. And each of us can have a key." Spencer said. I sighed a little.
"I want an apartment. I don't like houses. You of all people, should know that."
"Great! Let's get started." Patrick said standing up. We walked up to my room, and everyone borrowed my clothing. It kind of irritated me, but I tried to just shrug it off. Jon and Spencer said they would pack my things while Pete and Patrick took me to look for an apartment. We walked out into the warm air, going out to their car. I wondered which one owned it, I guessed it was Patrick's since he got in the drivers seat. We drove around, they kept on trying to make me get a big apartment, one at least the size of the one that I shared with Brendon, but I wanted a smaller one. I actually wanted a kind of crappy apartment. There was just something about the idea of having a bad apartment that I found appealing. Maybe it was because if I could, I would live my life like a hermit. But my friend's won't allow it. We finally agreed on a smallish one, telling Jon and Spencer where it was.
Spencer said that Brendon and his toy woke up, and that Brendon kept on pestering him to tell him where I was. It made me laugh. Like he actually cared? He finally got out of rehab, and the first thing he dose is break my heart, the second thing he dose is kick me out. And he cares where I am? Everyone left me in my new small apartment, they all had their own keys to it, even Brendon. I knew he would be the only one to never use it. He got really involved with the people he dated, and all of the others around him became nothing. He's done it before. So why would this be any different?