Sure they cost a lot and it was sweet Gerard offered to get me others but I hated not having decent vision for so long, it gave me headaches and it was a headache enough panicing so badly all the time. I really should've had the courage to confront him but I was too scared in case he came back trashed one day and used that against me in any way. I was convinced we could fix it all up somehow and I was going to start by finding out just why Gerard was going to ex-nemesis Shane for drugs in the first place.
Luckily Gerard was out somewhere so I had the room to myself and I was watching one of his many videos. But he could've came back soon in whatever state he pleased and I knew how to stop this all.
I crawled over to my phone in the corner. The soft light illuminating the screen was soothing compared to the bright colours of the TV.
'I'll love you forever.... It helps me forget' I was still nervous about taking action, I felt as if I was going against a promise or something but it really had to be done.
I want Gerard's love, I want him to be happy but drugs can't be the way. Surely. He doesn't know how much this hurts me. I want something simple, something pure. What love I get though is followed by rage or lies or expectations of me at the moment. Still love but it can be so easily follwoed by other things.
No matter what I do, I'll never get real love when he's being messed around by drugs of any sort. I don't care who's doing this, but how to make it stop. I'd do anything for him to be happy and I know that he hasn't felt plain happy for a long time in a while. Even if it hurts for a bit, I'd do anything. It'll be better in the end.
With that I pressed a button to go onto my contacts list. The text was so small but I had to try. I started texting Shane.
'i HAVE to see you' I hit the 'send' button as soon as I had finished and almost sighed with relief.
The phone hit the floor as the footsteps ascended the staircase.
I prayed Gerard had gone to the Mall as he said he did.
"Mikey." The lights suddenly flicked on and Gerard entered. I put the TV on mute and turned my attention to him instead.
I saw his slightly blurred figure, holding a mix of bags. I could have sighed heavily, but contained myself.
"Gerard! Did you get me new glasses?" I backed away from the phone, unsure of the consequences if he were to see what I had just sent.
"You bet I did. Nicer than your old ones. Rectangle shaped!"
"Cool! Can I....?"
"Ah! But didn't you enjoy our time together, honey?" He knelt down in front of me, smiling.
"Yeah, but it'd be nice to see stuff." I joked sarcastically.
"Okay..." Gerard rustled around in a bag and pulled out a box. "Here." He placed them on me carefully, like he did when he put band-aids on me.
"I'm sorry I broke them." he pulled me in to hug. I was glad I could see again and that Gerard gave them to me right away. That's G for you, never breaks a sober word.
"It's fine." I whispered, "Everything's fine."
Even as I lay in bed that night, all I wanted to do was get to the bottom of the problem. I had spent the rest of the day with Gerard and promised him I'd stay the night as well. I didn't want to look like I was just being nice for the glasses. "Stay there, sleep." Gerard instructed calmly. "I'll only be a few minutes." I was so thankful he wasn't going out that night.
As soon as he left the room, I was on the floor in an instant. I checked my phone, anxious for a reply, It better be an invitation to his house or a chance to meet up. I didn't have any new messages so turned the phone off and tossed it across the room. I hopped back into bed, awaiting the night where Gerard would be sober, even if nothing happened but he just fell asleep calmy and in a healthy state. I shut my eyes, falling asleep and anticipating another vivid dream.
With a soft moan, he got into bed beside me, facing me even. I tried to avoid his looks but at such close proximity, that was impossible. Gerard smiled innocently. He always looks innocent when he's plotting things.
I was blushing again.
"Mikey, when will you give in?"
G clasped my shoulders. Pulling me dangerously close to his lips, I inevitably puckered up.
"Admit it." His voice was distant, maybe non-existant. Short nails dug into my shoulders with an unrealistic pain. My mouth was too dry to answer and my body, too weak.
"Say yes and I'll do things so bad... Say no and I'll do worse." the last word was barely audible and short. I knew it was a dream from the instant he uttered those words, he's never like that in 'real life', he'd never say things like that.
I tried to close the gap between us, but I never reached Gerard. I never, ever do.
"Bad things." I murmured. I knew this was a dream so I figured anything is okay. I'm still unsure if I'd want such things from him ever but I'm totally free to do whatver I want in dreams, especially ones you can completely control. Gee laughed.
GERARD: Mikey was asleep when I came back from the bathroom. I watched him silently, touching his back and watching him stir. I thought about something, an uncomfortable feeling welling up inside. It was about what Shane had insisted.
He kept telling me how Mikey confessed all these fucked up things to him, it pissed me off that he told me that but what overshadowed me was what Mikey allegedly told him. I didn't believe him. I'd never rape him. From what Shane tells me though, Mikey would not call it rape. I don't believe Shane, I can't allow myself to.
Then I started to doubt my methods.
My mind span off in many directions then. Falling further into fantasy, where I loved to live. Where time, law, reason don't exist. Where I can run freely, avenging, holding, talking. Reality is better in your head. It's the best place to be. Forgetting all the years of trust we had between us, only reveling in my fantasy world. Forgetting his feelings yet again.