Categories > Original > Humor > The Book of Hondo

Spooky Doors 7

by shadesmaclean 0 Reviews

Booby the Vampire Slayer

Category: Humor - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Fantasy,Humor - Characters:  - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2010/12/26 - Updated: 2010/12/26 - 498 words - Complete

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‘I am told that there is a Spooky Door in the dungeon,’ quoth the Stranger.

‘Art thou ready?’ quoth Scoot.

‘Why do people always ask that question right before doing something very unwise?’ asked Pookie, for the entire castle was about to collapse, yet they were about to venture deeper underground.

‘Tradition,’ quoth Scoot.

And so the Dudes went forth into the dungeon of Castle von Färtnøkker, and therein was a stairway leading downward to a red Spooky Door.

‘Hark!’ quoth RJ. ‘This is most different from any we have encountered before.’

And beyond that Spooky Door was a stairway which led unto a blue Spooky Door. And beyond that Spooky Door was a stairway which led unto a green Spooky Door. And beyond that Spooky Door was a stairway which led unto a yellow Spooky Door. And beyond that Spooky Door was a stairway which led unto a purple Spooky Door. And beyond that Spooky Door was a stairway which led unto an orange Spooky Door. And beyond that Spooky Door was a stairway which led unto a black Spooky Door. And beyond that Spooky Door was a stairway…

‘Is it possible for these doors to get any spookier?’ quoth Pookie, for the Ultra Jolt had worn off, and his hair had returned to its normal length; no more was he Super Afro Man.

‘Ye had to ask…’ quoth Casey, as they came upon the spookiest door yet.

And beyond this Spooky Door, this last in a long series of different-colored Spooky Doors which led deeper underground, thirteen miles down, was a room in which there was a coffin.

And, of course, another Spooky Door.

‘I wonder if anyone hath been stuffed in that coffin…’ quoth Casey as he didst reach for the coffin lid.

‘No, dumbass!’ cried Nori.

And the coffin didst pop open, and a vampire with an alarm-clock time-bomb didst spring forth, saying, ‘Blah!

And Booby didst pulleth out a wooden stake and jammeth it through the Vampire’s heart.

‘Where the fuck didst thou pull that stake from?’ cried Nori. ‘Out of thine ass?’

‘Dost thou not also keepeth thy weapons and items up thine ass?’ quoth Booby ‘I thought all heroes didst…’

And Booby was greatly embarrassed, and his face didst turn an awkward shade of red.

‘Hey dumbasses!’ quoth Nori. ‘Is anyone going to do something about the bomb? The alarm is about to go off!’

And the Dudes didst shrug their shoulders.

‘Come on, “Booby the Vampire Slayer”!’ quoth Casey. ‘Do something!’

‘I’ll handle this,’ quoth Scoot, and he didst hit the Snooze button as the clock struck thirteen o’clock. ‘No Problem!’

‘ ’Tis about fucking time, dumbass,’ quoth Nori.

‘Take this,’ quoth Scoot as he didst give Booby the Skeleton Key the vampire was holding. ‘Watch over the Spooky Door. Oh, and forget not to hit that Snooze button every five minutes or so. See ya!’

And so the Dudes went forth into the Spooky Door.
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