Categories > Original > Humor > The Book of Hondo

Macabre 8

by shadesmaclean 0 Reviews

…And Back Again

Category: Humor - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Fantasy,Humor - Characters:  - Published: 2011/01/09 - Updated: 2011/01/09 - 592 words - Complete

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‘Booby Trieth On Jesus’ New Snow Shoes’
Damn!’ quoth Richard, ‘didst thou see Bob the Kiwi come onto the scene? That was one hell of an entrance!’

‘Aye!’ quoth Casey, ‘that was fuckin’ awesome! Or when the sky shattered! I didst not know it could do that!’

‘Aye, that was rather interesting,’ quoth Scoot. And it came to pass that the Ass-Kickin’ Apostle didst return unto his original form, having relinquished the Might of Old. ‘But to wield the HellRazor at that power level fuckin’ ruled! I never knew I had it in me…’

‘Yeah!’ quoth Yoco, ‘or when Bob the Kiwi didst summon the Russelville Players! I thought Trampus was just making that shit up! Didst thou see the look on the Gods’ faces? That was priceless!’

‘Or when he caused a fish to be stuck up The Man’s ass!’ quoth Nori. ‘Verily I say, that was the shit!…’

And so it came to pass that the Dudes didst go back thru the Spooky Doors, that they might gather their fellow Dudes on the way.

And so one by one, Adria, Dirty Uncle Orty, RJ, Myles the Unbeliever, and Booby, all were reunited with kickass tidings of victory.

And there was much rejoicing.

’Twas a long road, but so stoked were the Dudes that scarcely they noticed the many miles of their journey.

Finally, they came unto the very field in the land where no shadow falleth, from whence their quest had begun.

But the field was now buried under many feet of snow, and the Spooky Door stood atop it, as if mocking them in the Hour of Victory.

‘However shalt we overcome this obstacle?’ quoth RJ, for the snow was too deep for even Casey to pass.

And the Dudes didst quantemplate, but they couldst find no solution to this bizarre and unexpected complication.

But then Booby said unto them, ‘I knoweth how to do this!’ And he didst bring out Jesus’ new snowshoes, which had fallen out of the sky after Bob the Kiwi and the Russelville Players had danced up a storm.

And with the snowshoes, Booby didst walk upon the snow, passing unto the Spooky Door with ease.

‘Look!’ cried Dirty Uncle Orty, ‘he is walking upon the snow!’

‘ ’Tis a sign!’ cried Adria.

‘I don’t believe it!’ quoth her brother. ‘No wait a minute! This is actually scientifically possible. I do believe it!’

And the Dudes were confusticated.

‘Hey!’ quoth Nori, determined to piss off Myles, ‘Booby! Hast thou still thy flying carpet?’

‘D’oh!’ And Booby didst slap his forehead. ‘Why do I always forget about that?’

And he didst fly his carpet back over to the Dudes, and they didst hop on for a lift.

‘I’m afraid this is where we must part ways,’ quoth Narayana, ‘for I still have much to do, now that The Man hath been defeated. Till next our paths crosseth, fare thee well, Dudes…’

And the Stranger, the Goddess’ Hand, who had been their guide through the perilous Journey of the Spooky Doors, didst part ways with the Dudes and resume her long walk down the Path, wherever it leadeth.

And so it came to pass that the Dudes didst cross the snow unto the Spooky Door, beyond which Booby wouldst later show off his new treasure, holding it high over his head and gloating, in accordance with the Thirty-Seventh Commandment. Hence it was said that one couldst findeth naked pictures of Booby on the Internet wearing Jesus’ new snowshoes.

And it was very scary.
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