This is what happens when you insult a cranky Gabe Saporta's merchandise. Literally.
"Well gee, I wonder why." Mikey retorts, rolling his eyes.
"Shut up," Gerard grumbles.
Amidst their brotherly argument, (entailing Gerard whining and Mikey reprimanding his irresponsible behavior) Kiku wandered off into the airport, trying to find Lainey.
Around six minutes, Gerard realizes that a member of the party is lost.
"Hey, uhm, Mikes...?" Gerard trails off.
"What?! What is it now?!" Mikey glares.
"We lost the little Asian one." Gerard states.
"No we didn't. She promised she'd be righ- well fuck." Mikey sighs
"WE LOST HER AND NOW SHE'S GOING TO GET STABBED!" Gerard exclaims.
"Calm the fuck down it's three AM. No one is at the airport at three AM." Mikey snaps.
Gerard starts swinging his head furiously, left, right, left, right in an attempt to find the girl.
"Calm dow- Hey Gerard!" Mikey exclaims. "Calm down! I found her! She's right there!"
She's standing by the luggage claim, obviously waiting for her bags. They're around twenty feet away when a tall, hooded figure approaches her.
"Oh my God he's going to kidnap her Mikey we need to run!" Gerard whispers furiously to Mikey.
"Oh my God he's just getting his bags Gerard!" Mikey whispers back in a mocking fashion.
As they get closer they see Kiku slightly move away from the man
"You smell like a strip club," she crinkles her nose, "And your patches are tiny and the basement is cold." she says in rapid succession.
"You lainey in jersey? From that tumblr shit?" he asks.
"No. I'm Kiku." She shrugs
"Oh, I'm Gabe Saporta." He's slightly drunk and is a little stupid.
"Mikey that's Gabe he's going to put her in his basm- MIKEY ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME RIGHT NOW?!" Gerard exclaims waving his hands.
"HEY GABE," Mikey yells in obvious frustration
"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM BRO?" Gabe answers back, throwing his arms out in an invite to fight him
"ARE YOU GONNA KIDNAP THAT GIRL?" Mikey points at Kiku
"I might," Gabe says calming down, "She said I had small patches. That's an allegory."
"But it's the truth so you really can't be mad at me," Kiku says crossing her arms.
"HI GABE, PLEASE DON'T KIDNAP THE ASIAN ONE," Gerard screams running at Gabe.
"If you don't stop screaming I'll kidnap you both and leave Mikey here all by his lonesome." Gabe answers rubbing his eyes.
"I'll pay you to take them from me," Mikey says.
"WHY DO YOU HATE ME MIKEY? WHY? WE'RE BROTHERS." Gerard starts whining.
"Yeah Mikey, why do you hate Gerard? Why?" imitates Kiku.
Mikey and Gabe look at each and shake their heads. "Come on Mikes, walk and talk with me."
"Oh, we're really that bad," Kiku states watching the two walk away.
"Well then. See if I save any coffee for him."
"At least the 'asian one' is tiny," Gabe grumbles, "If I need to sedate her I can." He glares at Gerard
Kiku blinks, "I feel like there's a theme tonight-- hey wait up!"
The three men are all father ahead of her (Gabe being the farthest, Mikey then Gerard) and she's quickly scampering to keep up with their strides.
Gerard kindly waits up, only to hear much cursing from the clash of purple ahead.
"WATCH IT TINY PATCHES," A girl with bright purple hair hisses at Gabe.
"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" Gabe answers back.
"I'M MOTHERFUCKING LAINEY. AND YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE WHO LIES ABOUT BASEMENT TEMPERATURE."
"It's not my fault you can't work a thermostat."
"YOU WANNA GO EIGHT CANDLES?"
"WHAT'S WITH ALL THE NICKNAMES?"
"Okay! Lainey, hey, Gabe, let's not get into a good ol' Jersey fistfight here!" Mikey interjects with a fake smile.
"You broke pokerface," Lainey starts, "And I still haven't said hi to Kiku yet."
Kiku leaps out from behind Mikey.
"LAINEY MY TWIN, MY CELLMATE, MY TEAMMATE, MY FRIEND"
"KIKU, MY TINY CHIPMUNK, TWIN, AND CELL MATE!"
"GERARD! MIKEY'S BROTHER AND THE GUY WHO WANTS TO SAVE THE COFFEE! What? I felt left out," he answers to everyones questioning stares.
"Now there's two, oh man. What did I do to deserve this?" Mikey stares up at the ceiling.
"Bro," Gabe says putting a hand on Mikey's shoulder. "You're fucked."
"Are you gonna be the one fucking him?" Lainey asks.
"You're one of those creepy ones that write stories about guys in bands fucking each other, aren't you?" Mikey asks narrowing his eyes and hardening his pokerface.
"Nooooo... What ever gave you that idea?"
"I'm not sure... it's either the purple hair, the plethora of nicknames or the fact that you called Mikey 'pokerface'" Gabe snickers
"Fuck I have four of them." Mikey groans.
"Four?" Kiku questions, "But there's just Lainey and I."
"Dude, the Asian schooled you at math," Gabe points out
"Four," Mikey ignores Gabe, "Because of Gabe going from sullen to giggling about pokerface, Gerard being... Gerard, and then you, the Asian chipmunk and your 'twin'"
"Oh." Kiku replies defeated
Lainey is still looking at Gabe with this off glance.
"What?" Gabe says looking back at her
"You're really tall..." She says trailing off, "And Gerard, you're not as tall as I thought."
"What!?" Gerard exclaims standing on his toes.
"Relax," Kiku interrupts, "I'm still the shortest."
Gabe nods, "You're smaller than that Hayley girl from paramore"
"That's why she's a chipmunk! She's tiny. Oh man, hey, is there anywhere we can get some good coffee? I feel like I'm dying."
"OH MY FUCK. YOU'RE THE FRIEND~! NO. YOU CAN'T HAVE COFFEE. AND NEITHER CAN YOU!" Gerard starts to scream throwing fingers at Kiku and Lainey.
"Oh dear god, I'm leaving and getting a hotel before Gerard gets arrested for acting like a mad man," Mikey says.
"Now what kind of brother are you?" Lainey scolds. "Leaving your brother who can barely wash and change his clothes alone in an airport? Shame on you Michael Way. Shame on you."
"... I can change my clothes.." Gerard interjects.
"NO YOU CAN'T." scream Kiku and Lainey back.
"How does Lindsey hug you? I mean, I just don't even." Lainey shakes her head.
"I might smell like a strip club, but you smell like a homeless man." Gabe agrees.
"I DO NOT."
"you really do," Mikey says.
"Well anyways, I'm not changing until I save the world and coffee." Gerard states proudly.
"Speaking of coffee, I'm going to have a fucking miserable hangover if I don't get some soon," Gabe trials off.
"So can we get coffee then?!" Lainey asks cheerily.
"You don't want coffee for that," Kiku says pointedly, "You want a slurpee. It's just better. Trust me."
Mikey stops and stares. "And how would you know this?"
"My dad's a cop." she shrugs
"OH SHIT YOUR DAD'S THE PO-PO" Gerard screams
"YEAH AND THEY'RE GOING TO ARREST YOU FOR NOT CHANGING!" Lainey exclaims
"I think we should stop at a 7-11," Kiku sighs, watching Lainey convince Gerard of the wonders of "soap", while Gabe stands miserable and drunk, "We can get Gabe a hangover cure, Gerard a shirt, mikey prozac, and Lainey and I coffee!"
"Yeah, that sounds good!" Lainey agrees, pausing from her scolding
"Sweet," Gabe finishes, signaling the end of madness, "I'll call a cab"