It's a beautiful day. Subaru thinks he might be happy. Seishirou thinks it might be time.
Bliss: A Definition
By Ariss Tenoh
Subaru thinks he's happy at the moment. He can't really tell. The emotion categorized as Happiness is foreign to him.
It's an ordinary day, though a beautiful one. The sky is clear and blue, the birds are calling one another and the sound of their flapping wings comes to Subaru from all around him. The ice-cream he's eating is sweet and sticky and lingers in his mouth.
They're sitting on an old wooden bench. The paint is flaking and bits of it stick to his coat, he thinks it looks cute and ignores it.
He steals a glance at Seishirou and Seishirou pretends he doesn't notice it. Subaru feels an urge to thank him.
The man had invited him to an outing and he'd reluctantly agreed. Subaru had thought they'd go to some fancy restaurant or new cool cafe. Instead Seishirou walks quietly beside him for several blocks from Subaru's apartment, then makes them both walk several more blocks to a small shrine with its own surrounding park yet more blocks away from home. Seishirou buys him ice-cream, half cajoles and half orders him to sit, and they sit and eat their ice-creams in silence.
Subaru can't remember a better outing in weeks.
He's thankful for Seishirou's thoughtfulness, the man's unspoken understanding.
Subaru's green eyes look at his black hands wrapped around the cone. He's not normal. He knows that. His sister doesn't though, and the more she tries to make him feel normal the more freak-like he feels.
He's sick of hiding. Behind loose blindingly colorful clothes, equally blinding black gloves, and big smiles that threaten to tear his face in half every time he puts them on.
He wishes he could stop hiding. He wishes he could tell Seishirou. Tell him I know and /I do too/.
Subaru thinks Seishirou would understand. He saw him once without the glasses on. Seishirou had taken them off and was wiping them with a handkerchief. He hadn't heard Subaru coming from behind him.
Those amber eyes cut him deep, raw, and wide open.
Subaru had never felt so alive, so /there/, in his life.
He keeps thinking if there are ways to steal Seishirou's glasses without him noticing.
A strong wind blows by and Subaru smells cigarette smoke from his friend. Seishirou never smokes in his presence. Subaru knows his sister jokes but doesn't really joke about her dislike of smoking.
So Seishirou doesn't smoke in Subaru's sight.
Subaru wishes he would.
Cigarette smoke is a lot like blood, he muses. It can't be washed away and it always leaves a mark on its wearer. Subaru likes the scent. He thinks he's understood the adjective smoky better since he's met Seishirou.
He turns his head just a fraction to look at him and lets his eyes settle long enough for the term Glance to shift into Gaze.
Seishirou decides to look at him. Subaru thinks those eyes are asking are you all right? So Subaru tilts his head and hopes his eyes are saying yes, I am
He's young and inexperienced and doesn't know that eye language is a delicate thing. His eyes stay a little too long on Seishirou's face.
Amber eyes darken and green eyes become soft. Neither notice.
Seishirou seems to not quite smile and not really smirk. He tucks a wayward strand of hair behind Subaru's ear.
He's too experienced and possessive and doesn't know when to stop. His finger traces the boy's ear until it slides down his jaw to his chin.
Subaru tries not to shudder and fails. Seishirou thinks he might be hungry after all.
Seishirou's mind tells him the boy didn't blush or move away. Seishirou thinks it might be time. He wonders how expressive the boy's face will be when he tells him /I know/, /you don't/, and /I want you anyway/.
Seishirou's thoughts are broken when Subaru's eyes leave his.
Subaru turns and looks at the trees and doesn't see them. He takes a deep breath through his nose and exhales slowly the same way.
It's a beautiful day, he decides. The sky is blue, the birds are flying, the ice-cream is sweet, and Seishirou's here with him.
Subaru thinks he's happy or as close to the definition of the word as he can be.
He's willing to bet on it.
~ End ~