Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Living In a World Without You
Gerard’s POV
I was lying on my stomach on the couch in the back room of the tour bus. Everyone was still loading their things on the bus, but because of my cocaine bender I wasn’t able to sleep and did everything early. Thoughts from last night invaded my mind.
After he had discovered the bruises and marks that were on under my shirt I couldn’t stand to look him in the face so I locked myself in the bathroom until his cries died down and I knew he had fallen asleep. He wouldn’t have discovered them if I would have just continued to kiss him instead of pulling away. It’s not like I expected him to be thinking of me, it was obvious he was just lonely and craving attention because his wife wasn’t there to give it to him. He didn’t feel anything for me… no one felt anything for me, all they wanted was sex. Both him and Bert. Was I unlovable?
Bob walked in. “Hey dude, come hang out with us”
Before I could answer he grabbed my hand and pulled me up, dragging me toward the front of the bus. Everyone was lounging around, sitting on either the couch or at the table. As I was glancing around I made eye contact with Frank, he quickly looked away and began to focus on something else. He regretted touching me last night, I could see it in his eyes. An awkward silence filled the room.
Ray cleared his throat. “So Gerard, how are you feeling?”
“Uh I’m fi…” My words caught in my throat as I sat down across from him at the table. Pain rushed through my lower half and I clenched my eyes shut as I tried to relax. I opened them again and saw that everyone was giving me a funny look. Thank god they decided to drop it. I opened my mouth to say something to him when a sick tiredness swept over me and the room looked as if it was shifting. Cocaine withdrawal, son of a bitch.
“Gerard, are you okay? You look a little pale.” I couldn’t tell who had spoken, because I was already getting up and walking to the back.
“I’m f-fine, I just… Sleep”
I collapsed in my bunk and closed the curtain, my consciousness drifted away. I didn’t dream.
*
I woke up, my head was pounding and my nose was a little stuffy. I could hear everyone outside the bunkroom yelling about something. This would be interesting.
“Bert, you dumbass!” Yelled Frank
“He fucked Bert? Is that why he couldn’t sit down?” Ray said
“Yes! And last night I saw bruises all down his sides, and little cuts that looked like fingernail marks!” Frank said frantically.
“What the fuck are you serious?” Mikey said in a weird yell/whisper.
“Yes! I'm so fucking scared for him, and his eyes were bloodshot when he got to our room. I don’t know if it was from crying or maybe he even did drugs with that motherfucker.” Frank’s voice shook.
Great, now everyone knew the horrible things Bert had done to me last night. Thanks a fucking lot Frank, why the fuck would he tell everyone? I couldn’t trust anyone, although I didn’t specifically tell him not to tell everyone I would think he had enough sense not to! Nausea hit me like a train. Now they were all going to be bombarding me with questions about me being on drugs and this withdrawal wasn’t helping my case. Then I started to feel angry, though I'm not sure why. I felt angry towards myself, Frank, Bert. I stormed out of the bunkroom.
“Just so you fucking know, I can fucking hear all of you fucking talking about me!” I screamed angrily.
They all just sat there staring at me in shock, obviously not knowing what to say. I couldn’t even believe this, first Frank fucking uses me to kill his loneliness and now he’s telling everyone that I hooked up with Bert and now put the idea in there head that my eyes were bloodshot from drugs.
Mikey decided to be the first to speak up. “Sit down Gerard, we need to talk.” I sat down on the couch, hiding the strain in my face from the pain I was feeling in my ass.
He had a stern look on his face. “Whatever it is that you have going on with Bert, ends now.”
“Fuck you Mikey! You’re not my fucking mom; I can do whatever I damn well want!” I screamed.
“Gerard, look at what he did to you! It was only a few days and you already got wasted and raped!” Frank screamed back at me, tears streaming down his cheeks.
Like he fucking cared. “He didn’t rape me Frank, I wanted it. I wanted him...” I made sure that my eyes were fierce and pierce into that hard skull of his hoping to show him how much he hurt me last night. I mean yes, Bert hurt me too, but I loved Frank… And it stung so much more by the fact that he didn’t even care about me. Not even as a friend because of what he tried last night…
Frank sunk back into the couch and didn’t say anything. But Mikey sure did “Gerard, we’re only thinking about you when we say this. You need to stay away from him!”
“Yeah, it’s obvious he’s just using you!” Ray added
Before I could hold my tongue I yelled out “If you’re worried about someone using me then why don’t you talk to Frank, he’s the one that felt up his crying friend for a quick fuck!” I stormed out of the bus and sat down on the concrete, lighting up a cigarette.
My eyes widened, realizing what I had just admitted to everyone.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks for all the comments :) I'll try to update this thing regularly. You can follow me on twitter for details on when I'll update. http://twitter.com/nikki_killjoy
But Im not updating until I get more views and bunches of peeps favoriting the story and posting a review. Muahaha :) and twitter followers would be nice too
I was lying on my stomach on the couch in the back room of the tour bus. Everyone was still loading their things on the bus, but because of my cocaine bender I wasn’t able to sleep and did everything early. Thoughts from last night invaded my mind.
After he had discovered the bruises and marks that were on under my shirt I couldn’t stand to look him in the face so I locked myself in the bathroom until his cries died down and I knew he had fallen asleep. He wouldn’t have discovered them if I would have just continued to kiss him instead of pulling away. It’s not like I expected him to be thinking of me, it was obvious he was just lonely and craving attention because his wife wasn’t there to give it to him. He didn’t feel anything for me… no one felt anything for me, all they wanted was sex. Both him and Bert. Was I unlovable?
Bob walked in. “Hey dude, come hang out with us”
Before I could answer he grabbed my hand and pulled me up, dragging me toward the front of the bus. Everyone was lounging around, sitting on either the couch or at the table. As I was glancing around I made eye contact with Frank, he quickly looked away and began to focus on something else. He regretted touching me last night, I could see it in his eyes. An awkward silence filled the room.
Ray cleared his throat. “So Gerard, how are you feeling?”
“Uh I’m fi…” My words caught in my throat as I sat down across from him at the table. Pain rushed through my lower half and I clenched my eyes shut as I tried to relax. I opened them again and saw that everyone was giving me a funny look. Thank god they decided to drop it. I opened my mouth to say something to him when a sick tiredness swept over me and the room looked as if it was shifting. Cocaine withdrawal, son of a bitch.
“Gerard, are you okay? You look a little pale.” I couldn’t tell who had spoken, because I was already getting up and walking to the back.
“I’m f-fine, I just… Sleep”
I collapsed in my bunk and closed the curtain, my consciousness drifted away. I didn’t dream.
*
I woke up, my head was pounding and my nose was a little stuffy. I could hear everyone outside the bunkroom yelling about something. This would be interesting.
“Bert, you dumbass!” Yelled Frank
“He fucked Bert? Is that why he couldn’t sit down?” Ray said
“Yes! And last night I saw bruises all down his sides, and little cuts that looked like fingernail marks!” Frank said frantically.
“What the fuck are you serious?” Mikey said in a weird yell/whisper.
“Yes! I'm so fucking scared for him, and his eyes were bloodshot when he got to our room. I don’t know if it was from crying or maybe he even did drugs with that motherfucker.” Frank’s voice shook.
Great, now everyone knew the horrible things Bert had done to me last night. Thanks a fucking lot Frank, why the fuck would he tell everyone? I couldn’t trust anyone, although I didn’t specifically tell him not to tell everyone I would think he had enough sense not to! Nausea hit me like a train. Now they were all going to be bombarding me with questions about me being on drugs and this withdrawal wasn’t helping my case. Then I started to feel angry, though I'm not sure why. I felt angry towards myself, Frank, Bert. I stormed out of the bunkroom.
“Just so you fucking know, I can fucking hear all of you fucking talking about me!” I screamed angrily.
They all just sat there staring at me in shock, obviously not knowing what to say. I couldn’t even believe this, first Frank fucking uses me to kill his loneliness and now he’s telling everyone that I hooked up with Bert and now put the idea in there head that my eyes were bloodshot from drugs.
Mikey decided to be the first to speak up. “Sit down Gerard, we need to talk.” I sat down on the couch, hiding the strain in my face from the pain I was feeling in my ass.
He had a stern look on his face. “Whatever it is that you have going on with Bert, ends now.”
“Fuck you Mikey! You’re not my fucking mom; I can do whatever I damn well want!” I screamed.
“Gerard, look at what he did to you! It was only a few days and you already got wasted and raped!” Frank screamed back at me, tears streaming down his cheeks.
Like he fucking cared. “He didn’t rape me Frank, I wanted it. I wanted him...” I made sure that my eyes were fierce and pierce into that hard skull of his hoping to show him how much he hurt me last night. I mean yes, Bert hurt me too, but I loved Frank… And it stung so much more by the fact that he didn’t even care about me. Not even as a friend because of what he tried last night…
Frank sunk back into the couch and didn’t say anything. But Mikey sure did “Gerard, we’re only thinking about you when we say this. You need to stay away from him!”
“Yeah, it’s obvious he’s just using you!” Ray added
Before I could hold my tongue I yelled out “If you’re worried about someone using me then why don’t you talk to Frank, he’s the one that felt up his crying friend for a quick fuck!” I stormed out of the bus and sat down on the concrete, lighting up a cigarette.
My eyes widened, realizing what I had just admitted to everyone.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks for all the comments :) I'll try to update this thing regularly. You can follow me on twitter for details on when I'll update. http://twitter.com/nikki_killjoy
But Im not updating until I get more views and bunches of peeps favoriting the story and posting a review. Muahaha :) and twitter followers would be nice too
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