Categories > Anime/Manga > Pokemon > Forever Legendary
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In death, we are all equal in the sense that nothing matters.
In that respect, only a fool would trade even a day of his life for immortality in legend.
It is not immortality in the true sense of the word…
But what if one's life wasn’t in the true sense of the word, either…?
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Another peaceful morning had come and gone at Ledian’s Café. Tying an apron tightly around her stomach and grabbing various utensils in her four arms, the eager Ledian stood ready to face the torrent of hungry customers that would surely be stacking up in droves before long.
Instead, the only thing she was greeted by was yet another peaceful afternoon, much like every other day. Being situated in Azalea Town near the infamous Pokeball inventor Kurt did its best to keep anything but the locals away, and her rural café had become a habitat for less than a dozen regulars. Still, every day she got worked up, hoping that today would be the day that she would finally get to show what she was capable of.
“This seems to be the place…” a voice could be heard from outside the cafe. Ledian’s interest piqued. She didn’t recognize the voice, it was deep and very masculine.
“’Bout time! My feet are killing me!” another voice came from outside. Another voice she didn’t recognize, although this one was fairly high pitched. The doors opened slowly with a dull creek. All the regulars looked over to see if it was someone they knew, but were surprised as they saw three unfamiliar figures standing at the entrance.
The first figure was short as well as brightly yellow, and most of them could see that it was a Pikachu. The second figure was tall and very handsome, which most of the women instantly recognized as a Gallade. However, no one knew what kind of Pokémon the third one was. It stood on two legs with a brown, hard shell covering its body and face, with two giant scythes sticking out of its body.
“Hey!” the Pikachu said loudly, “Does anyone here know the way to Ilex Forest?”
“No, eat!” the Gallade whined, “We’ve been traveling for days! I was ten seconds away from nibbling on one of those stinkin’ Zubats!”
“Instead of the other way around…?” the shelled one sneered. His bites hadn’t been as bad, thanks to his rock-hard body.
“Alright, let’s get something to eat before the big fight!” the Pikachu said with a big smile, “Lady, we’d like to order some food! Something dry, please!”
“C-Coming right up!” the Ledian said quickly as she rushed into the kitchen, threw the utensils up into the air, combined several ingredients, threw the food up as well, caught the utensils on their way down and started working on the exquisite cuisine in midair.
The trio had barely gotten seated before the Ledian came out with three plates of Pamtre Poffin servings. However, even she was blinded by the speed of which the three of them started eating ravenously the moment the plates had been set down.
“E-Enjoy!” she exclaimed with a smile, before looking over at the brown, shelled one. She didn’t see a mouth anywhere, but the food was still disappearing into its body just fine.
“Excuse me, but…” she asked after a few moments, not wanting to be rude but the curiosity eating her up, “… What kind of Pokemon are you?”
“KabuCHOMPtops” the Pikachu said between bites, “You won’t SNARF find many of those BITEaround here.”
“Or anywhere, seeing how we’re extinct…” the Kabutops said, courteous enough to not talk while eating.
“Ah… Uh… Impressive!” the Ledian said while at a loss for words, before trying to change the subject, “So… What brings you all here to Azalea Town?”
“Celebi” the Pikachu said bluntly, making a few of the regulars turn around and look at him, “Well… Mostly, anyway.”
“E-Excuse me!?” the Ledian yelled in surprise, “Did you say ‘Celebi’? As in THE Celebi?”
“Yeah, that MUNCHone” the Pikachu said, swallowing down his last bite in a hurry, “You wouldn’t have some kind of dark town secret, would you? It might help point us in the right direction.”
“But…” the Ledian was at a loss for words once more, “But… Celebi is a legendary Pokemon! What do you want to do with it?”
“Oh…” the Pikachu said while drifting off for a while, “I’m gonna beat it up, of course!”
Now everyone in the café was looking at them.
“B-Blasphemy!” the Ledian burst out, “Celebi is the mother of all Pokémon! Why would you…”
“Nah, you’re confusing it with Mew” the Pikachu said with a smile, “Although I’m gonna beat her up as well when I find her.” Neither the Ledian nor the regulars could believe what they were hearing.
“Infidel!” one of the regulars shouted from behind them, “You think we’re going to let you!?”
“See, what’s going on right here is the reason I’m going to find Celebi and beat it up” the Pikachu said loudly with anger forming in his voice, “Have any of you ever met a legendary Pokémon? Have they ever done anything for you? No, yet still they garner such admiration and respect! Why is that!?” The Pikachu leaned back with a confident smile, before he jumped up on the table and pointed up to the sky.
“Know this!” he shouted, “I am the Pokémon that shall surpass the legendaries! I shall become a legend myself! I AM PIKABLU!”
Everyone started laughing.
“You won’t be beating anyone up!” the Ledian said, “Legendary Pokémon are far stronger than we are! Everyone, they’re just joking, calm down…”
“Joking?” Pikablu said as he got off the table, “I’ll have you know, I’ve spent the last 5 years perfecting a legendary-killing tec-”
“Please, don’t cause another scene” the Ledian said calmly, tired of this silly display, “Just pay for your meal and leave.”
“Pay? Hah!” the Pikachu scoffed, “Nah, I’d rather just fight instead.”
“Um…” the Ledian mumbled, “Excuse me?”
“Yeah!” the Pikachu exclaimed, “Let me beat your strongest fighter, and if I win we go free.”
“A-Are you out of your mind!?” the Ledian said hopelessly, “That’s not how things work! You have to pay!”
“Maybe we should pay…?” the Kabutops said in a voice devoid of all emotion, “They might get angry…”
“Eh, who cares?” the Pikachu said with a cocky smile, “Food was crap. It’s not like we’re coming back here, anyway.” The Ledian couldn’t believe it. Finally she gets some new customers, she works so hard to feed them, and then they turn out to be a bunch of douche bags!
“Seems that we are at an impasse” the Gallade said in a smooth voice, having remained silent until now, “How about this? Pikachu’ll fight your strongest fighter, and you get to give me a kiss.”
“W-What!?” the Ledian stammered angrily, “Who’d want to do that!?” The Gallade lowered his head in shame and Pikablu laughed at the rejection, drawing the attention of everyone in the room.
“I’ve had it!” the Ledian finally burst out, “Either pay, or I’m getting the police!”
“Wait!” one of the regulars suddenly shouted before standing up from the table. It was an Armaldo, a very large and intimidating one.
“Let me fight him” the Armaldo said, “It will be my pleasure to teach this lowlife some manners.”
“Oh, a Rock-Type?” Pikablu said before flexing his arms, “I might actually have to get serious!”
“NOT IN HERE, YOU DOLTS!” the Ledian cried with all her might, “TAKE IT OUTSIDE!”
“Alright! Thanks for the food, lady!” Pikablu yelled as he ran outside. The Gallade and Kabutops quickly followed.
“No, wait, you still have to pa-“ the Ledian started.
“Don’t worry” the Armaldo interrupted, “I’ll make him pay. I’ll make him pay double.” He absolutely beamed of confidence as he left the café to face the Pokémon that had ruined his afternoon by insulting the owner of his favorite café.
Five minutes later, he’s surrounded by onlookers staring at his magnificent café-owner protecting body. He’s also unconscious.
“No way!” one of the onlookers shouted, “Aren’t Rock-Types supposed to be strong against electricity?”
“Common misconception” the Kabutops sighed, “Ground-Types are, which many Rock-Types are as well. I am not, and this one wasn’t.”
“Hahaha, I’m the best!” Pikablu cheered, “I didn’t even have to use 25%!”
“YOU!” the Ledian burst out of the door with a furious shout, “STOP BEATING UP MY REGULARS! AND PAY FOR YOUR MEAL!”
“Sorry lady, but we had a deal!” Pikablu snickered before turning around, “Come on guys, let’s scramble!” The three of them ran away, and the Ledian made a small effort to catch them before sighing and returning to check up on the Armaldo.
“Just wondering” the Gallade said as they were running, “If you’re going to become a legendary Pokemon, shouldn’t you be going around and doing heroic deeds instead of running away on the tab and beating up strangers?”
“Still more than any of the current legendaries did!” Pikablu shouted angrily, before pointing at the Gallade, “And you! Why the hell weren’t you talking in there!?”
“Hehe, remember that Lopunny we ran into in Violet City?” the Gallade laughed to himself, “She told me girls dig the strong, silent type!”
“She only said that because you spent all night talking about yourself…” the Kabutops said depressingly, even as he was running.
“Guys, look!” Pikablu said while increasing his speed, “It’s Ilex Forest! We made it!”
“Slow down, slow down!” the Gallade shouted, “We’ll scare Celebi away like this!” But Pikablu was far too excited to stop, thinking Celebi would be waiting right behind one of the trees, and they all ran into Ilex Forest.
Although the forest was so heavily overgrown by giant trees that the sunlight hardly peeked through the leaves, it didn’t take long for them to find an open road to follow. Pikablu stopped and looked around. Nothing but trees and Bug-Type Pokémon anywhere.
“Pfft, how disappointing” he scoffed to himself, “Now where’s that shrine?”
“They said follow the road…” the Kabutops said, with slight signs of exhaustion slipping into his voice.
“… And that’s what we’ll do!” Pikablu said triumphantly before starting to walk down the road, “After that meal, I feel like I can take on anyone!”
“You’d better, Celebi is a Grass-Type…” the Kabutops muttered, “… I wouldn’t stand a chance.”
“Huu…” the gallade whimpered sadly after walking for a few minutes, “If I find a girl here, she’ll have no arms, no legs and eyes to spare!“
“Not to mention mandibles…” the Kabutops said in a creepy way.
“… Pikablu, can we get out of here and go somewhere else?” the Gallade said after a while, “I guarantee Celebi wouldn’t be spending its time among these creepy insects.”
“You can go whenever you feel like it” Pikablu said coldly, “Actually, why are you even here to begin with!? I’m looking for legendaries, Kabutops is looking for ancient Pokémon…”
“I told you!” the Gallade said with a hurt tone, “I’m looking for a woman worthy of my beauty!”
“But you’ve found like 14 of them already!” Pikablu continued with annoyance in his voice, “You run up to every half-decent broad we come across, killing her libido for months with all that talk of your ‘beauty’ and their ‘destiny’!”
“I’ll have you know that my track record is beyond exceptional!” the Gallade said before swiftly pounding his chest.
“It’s not that we don’t acknowledge that…” Kabutops sighed, “…It’s just that we don’t care.”
“Oh yeah? I doubt you’ve even gotten laid this century!” Gallade laughed, but stopped himself as he saw Kabutops lower his head, “Wait, really? Aw geez, man, I’m sorry!”
“Hmpf, it’s not like I can’t…” Kabutops sighed once more, “… I just don’t want to. Women nowadays are far too soft and cuddly.”
“Don’t say that! I went out with this Onix girl once…” the Gallade started while patting Kabutops’ back.
“Guys, could you please stop?” Pikablu said in a huff, “I’m trying to focus! For all we know, Celebi could be listening in on us right now!”
“… Together with half this forest...” Kabutops said sternly and looked to his right where he saw a Weedle looking at them. She became startled, and crawled away into a bush.
“Yet another suitor, passed on by me…” Kabutops whispered to himself while snickering.
“… What the hell was that?” Pikablu said in shock, “Did you just laugh?”
“… Yes” Kabutops responded with a dull tone.
“Something was funny enough to make your stoneface move, and now you’re not even going to tell us what!?” Pikablu shouted angrily, startling a nearby Spearow and making it fly off. However, she didn’t see where she was going in the darkness, and flew directly into a big branch, rendering her unconscious and crashing her against the ground.
The three of them saw this and laughed as they went on their way. Kabutops remained silent. Not long after that, they came across the shrine. It was small and made out of wood, just barely standing out against the sea of trees. They approached it, but before any of them could say anything, a small creature appeared on top of the shrine. They were all very surprised by this, and stumbled backwards. At a first impression, they saw that creature was covered in green leaves and brown mud with hints of yellow flashing through.
Then Pikablu saw what it was. He started to sweat profoundly. For a moment all the pain and grief lifted from his heart, and he wanted to do no more but to run up to him, hug him, hold him close forever…
“Pii-Chu!” the little creature exclaimed cutely.
“A-A Pichu!?” the Gallade exhaled in relief, “Covered in mud and leaves? Geez, I thought it was Celebi!”
“You might not be the first one…” Kabutops sighed deeply, “… And in that case, we were led astray.”
“Pii-chu pichu-u!” the Pichu said.
“Look at its ear!” the Gallade said while pointing at its ear, which had a few tufts of hair sticking out like spikes, “It’s kind of jagged or something! Is that normal?”
Pikablu stood frozen.
“Hey, Pikablu!” the Gallade said while knocking him on the head, “I’m talking to you!”
“Uh, wha-“ Pikablu said while coming out of the daze, “Huh? No, not really.”
“Pich-Pich-Chuu!” the Pichu said, while jumping up and down.
“She can’t even talk, must be an infant” Pikablu said with traces of malice in his voice, “So Celebi wasn’t here? Damn it, we came here for nothing!”
“A big disappointment…” Kabutops said depressingly, “… Then again, it’s not really a disappointment if you already know you’re going to fail…”
“Pichuuuuu!” the Pichu suddenly cried, jumping right at Pikablu.
“No!” Pikablu shouted as he took a step back, “Stay away, you creepy little thing!”
“Aw, will ya look at that?” the Gallade said softly, “She must think you’re her father!”
“I’m not your daddy!” the Pikablu said, still trying to avoid the advancing Pichu, “See? My ears are normal!”
”Curious little skit…” Kabutops mumbled happily, “Ah, to have a family…”
“OK, one more step and I’m going to fry you like a Magikarp!” Pikablu finally said, standing firm and shooting electricity from his body. The Pichu was startled by this and fell backwards.
“Whoa, cool it!” the Gallade shouted, “It’s just a bit curious!”
“Oh yeah? Well, it’s making me uneasy!” Pikablu said, not wanting to completely divulge the daze he had ended up in earlier. The Pichu looked at him confused, then walked up to him again.
“One more step, and I’m gonna thunderbolt this entire area!” Pikablu threatened, with more electricity escaping his body.
“You’re not serious, are you!?” the Gallade said frightfully, “No, stop it! It can’t even understand what you’re saying!” The Pichu proved this by taking yet another step towards the raging Pikablu, trying to comprehend what was going on. As Pikablu started with fury into her big eyes, a memory long hidden within him suddenly sprung to life.
You’re the best, big bro!
“… Forget it” Pikablu said, ceasing the electricity and turning around to leave, “Our mission was a failure. Let’s go.”
“Finally!” the Gallade said happily, “Now where to? Goldenrod? It’s supposedly the best-”
You’re the best, big bro!
“You, shut up!” Pikablu shouted while shaking his head and pointing at the surprised Gallade, “YES we’re going to Golderod and YES they have the best looking girls!”
“Uh…” the Gallade stammered, “I was going to say ‘the best groomers’, but this suits me fine too!”
“You get grumpy whenever we do not find a legendary…” Kabutops sighed slowly, “… When we do find one, I shall be awaiting your reaction with expectations…”
“Oh sorry, could you extend that sentence a little more? It felt a little short” Pikablu said with sarcasm before regaining his usual demeanor, “Anyway! Let’s go to Goldenrod to enjoy the food and girls, while we figure out or next target!”
“Oh, hell yeah!” the Gallade exclaims happily, “Now I can…“
“Wait, is that…!?” a loud voice sounded from behind them, making them go silent and turn around. It was a human. A young female, with a Pokeball in her left hand and several more clipped to her belt.
“A Pikachu! In this forest!?” the female trainer said surprised before she suddenly squealed, “Kyaaa, it’s so cute! Boy, am I lucky!”
The Gallade started laughing, as Pikablu took a few steps forward. Then, he spat on the ground and struck an intimidating pose.
“Bring it, bitch.”
________________________________________
The battle of fates was now over. Pushing himself to his very limits, he had been so close to victory… But as his battered body lay immobile on the ground, he knew that he had let everyone down.
“Oh, Armaldo! My courageous Armaldo!” a sweet voice sounded from above him. A Ledian…?
“Forgive me, my dear…” he whimpered in a manly kind of way, “I let them get away with the money…”
“Never mind the money, what about you!?” she wailed sadly, “Why did you fight so bravely for my sake!? I…”
“Oh, sweet Ledian, if only you knew…” he said with a sad chuckle, “The truth is, I’ve always…”
“Oh, Armaldo!” she cried while embracing him.
“Ledian…” he responded as they started to kiss passionately.
“WAKE UP!” a voice resounded, and Armaldo felt a sharp pain in the groin. He quickly sat up and saw a furious Ledian next to him.
“You lazy bastard!” she yelled angrily, “You said you’d take care of it, so I didn’t have time to get the police before they had escaped!
“L-Ledian…?” he said confused, “W-What…?”
“What do you mean ‘what’!? Get your ass in gear, go hunt them down and make them pay!” the Ledian said in a huff before throwing her fists up into the air, “I. AM. SO. PISSED!”
The Armaldo rose to his feet, clutching his pained nether region before walking away. And even though he had been a regular at Ledian’s Café for several years, he knew that he would not be returning any time soon.
In death, we are all equal in the sense that nothing matters.
In that respect, only a fool would trade even a day of his life for immortality in legend.
It is not immortality in the true sense of the word…
But what if one's life wasn’t in the true sense of the word, either…?
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Many eyewitnesses claim to have spotted the legendary Pokemon Celebi near the shrine in Ilex Forest, Jotho. Celebi is known to be a Grass/Psychic-Type and is said to be able to transcend time. It is highly valuable, and a more thorough research of Ilex Forest is being prepared.
- We're there, dude!
Another peaceful morning had come and gone at Ledian’s Café. Tying an apron tightly around her stomach and grabbing various utensils in her four arms, the eager Ledian stood ready to face the torrent of hungry customers that would surely be stacking up in droves before long.
Instead, the only thing she was greeted by was yet another peaceful afternoon, much like every other day. Being situated in Azalea Town near the infamous Pokeball inventor Kurt did its best to keep anything but the locals away, and her rural café had become a habitat for less than a dozen regulars. Still, every day she got worked up, hoping that today would be the day that she would finally get to show what she was capable of.
“This seems to be the place…” a voice could be heard from outside the cafe. Ledian’s interest piqued. She didn’t recognize the voice, it was deep and very masculine.
“’Bout time! My feet are killing me!” another voice came from outside. Another voice she didn’t recognize, although this one was fairly high pitched. The doors opened slowly with a dull creek. All the regulars looked over to see if it was someone they knew, but were surprised as they saw three unfamiliar figures standing at the entrance.
The first figure was short as well as brightly yellow, and most of them could see that it was a Pikachu. The second figure was tall and very handsome, which most of the women instantly recognized as a Gallade. However, no one knew what kind of Pokémon the third one was. It stood on two legs with a brown, hard shell covering its body and face, with two giant scythes sticking out of its body.
“Hey!” the Pikachu said loudly, “Does anyone here know the way to Ilex Forest?”
“No, eat!” the Gallade whined, “We’ve been traveling for days! I was ten seconds away from nibbling on one of those stinkin’ Zubats!”
“Instead of the other way around…?” the shelled one sneered. His bites hadn’t been as bad, thanks to his rock-hard body.
“Alright, let’s get something to eat before the big fight!” the Pikachu said with a big smile, “Lady, we’d like to order some food! Something dry, please!”
“C-Coming right up!” the Ledian said quickly as she rushed into the kitchen, threw the utensils up into the air, combined several ingredients, threw the food up as well, caught the utensils on their way down and started working on the exquisite cuisine in midair.
The trio had barely gotten seated before the Ledian came out with three plates of Pamtre Poffin servings. However, even she was blinded by the speed of which the three of them started eating ravenously the moment the plates had been set down.
“E-Enjoy!” she exclaimed with a smile, before looking over at the brown, shelled one. She didn’t see a mouth anywhere, but the food was still disappearing into its body just fine.
“Excuse me, but…” she asked after a few moments, not wanting to be rude but the curiosity eating her up, “… What kind of Pokemon are you?”
“KabuCHOMPtops” the Pikachu said between bites, “You won’t SNARF find many of those BITEaround here.”
“Or anywhere, seeing how we’re extinct…” the Kabutops said, courteous enough to not talk while eating.
“Ah… Uh… Impressive!” the Ledian said while at a loss for words, before trying to change the subject, “So… What brings you all here to Azalea Town?”
“Celebi” the Pikachu said bluntly, making a few of the regulars turn around and look at him, “Well… Mostly, anyway.”
“E-Excuse me!?” the Ledian yelled in surprise, “Did you say ‘Celebi’? As in THE Celebi?”
“Yeah, that MUNCHone” the Pikachu said, swallowing down his last bite in a hurry, “You wouldn’t have some kind of dark town secret, would you? It might help point us in the right direction.”
“But…” the Ledian was at a loss for words once more, “But… Celebi is a legendary Pokemon! What do you want to do with it?”
“Oh…” the Pikachu said while drifting off for a while, “I’m gonna beat it up, of course!”
Now everyone in the café was looking at them.
“B-Blasphemy!” the Ledian burst out, “Celebi is the mother of all Pokémon! Why would you…”
“Nah, you’re confusing it with Mew” the Pikachu said with a smile, “Although I’m gonna beat her up as well when I find her.” Neither the Ledian nor the regulars could believe what they were hearing.
“Infidel!” one of the regulars shouted from behind them, “You think we’re going to let you!?”
“See, what’s going on right here is the reason I’m going to find Celebi and beat it up” the Pikachu said loudly with anger forming in his voice, “Have any of you ever met a legendary Pokémon? Have they ever done anything for you? No, yet still they garner such admiration and respect! Why is that!?” The Pikachu leaned back with a confident smile, before he jumped up on the table and pointed up to the sky.
“Know this!” he shouted, “I am the Pokémon that shall surpass the legendaries! I shall become a legend myself! I AM PIKABLU!”
Everyone started laughing.
“You won’t be beating anyone up!” the Ledian said, “Legendary Pokémon are far stronger than we are! Everyone, they’re just joking, calm down…”
“Joking?” Pikablu said as he got off the table, “I’ll have you know, I’ve spent the last 5 years perfecting a legendary-killing tec-”
“Please, don’t cause another scene” the Ledian said calmly, tired of this silly display, “Just pay for your meal and leave.”
“Pay? Hah!” the Pikachu scoffed, “Nah, I’d rather just fight instead.”
“Um…” the Ledian mumbled, “Excuse me?”
“Yeah!” the Pikachu exclaimed, “Let me beat your strongest fighter, and if I win we go free.”
“A-Are you out of your mind!?” the Ledian said hopelessly, “That’s not how things work! You have to pay!”
“Maybe we should pay…?” the Kabutops said in a voice devoid of all emotion, “They might get angry…”
“Eh, who cares?” the Pikachu said with a cocky smile, “Food was crap. It’s not like we’re coming back here, anyway.” The Ledian couldn’t believe it. Finally she gets some new customers, she works so hard to feed them, and then they turn out to be a bunch of douche bags!
“Seems that we are at an impasse” the Gallade said in a smooth voice, having remained silent until now, “How about this? Pikachu’ll fight your strongest fighter, and you get to give me a kiss.”
“W-What!?” the Ledian stammered angrily, “Who’d want to do that!?” The Gallade lowered his head in shame and Pikablu laughed at the rejection, drawing the attention of everyone in the room.
“I’ve had it!” the Ledian finally burst out, “Either pay, or I’m getting the police!”
“Wait!” one of the regulars suddenly shouted before standing up from the table. It was an Armaldo, a very large and intimidating one.
“Let me fight him” the Armaldo said, “It will be my pleasure to teach this lowlife some manners.”
“Oh, a Rock-Type?” Pikablu said before flexing his arms, “I might actually have to get serious!”
“NOT IN HERE, YOU DOLTS!” the Ledian cried with all her might, “TAKE IT OUTSIDE!”
“Alright! Thanks for the food, lady!” Pikablu yelled as he ran outside. The Gallade and Kabutops quickly followed.
“No, wait, you still have to pa-“ the Ledian started.
“Don’t worry” the Armaldo interrupted, “I’ll make him pay. I’ll make him pay double.” He absolutely beamed of confidence as he left the café to face the Pokémon that had ruined his afternoon by insulting the owner of his favorite café.
Five minutes later, he’s surrounded by onlookers staring at his magnificent café-owner protecting body. He’s also unconscious.
“No way!” one of the onlookers shouted, “Aren’t Rock-Types supposed to be strong against electricity?”
“Common misconception” the Kabutops sighed, “Ground-Types are, which many Rock-Types are as well. I am not, and this one wasn’t.”
“Hahaha, I’m the best!” Pikablu cheered, “I didn’t even have to use 25%!”
“YOU!” the Ledian burst out of the door with a furious shout, “STOP BEATING UP MY REGULARS! AND PAY FOR YOUR MEAL!”
“Sorry lady, but we had a deal!” Pikablu snickered before turning around, “Come on guys, let’s scramble!” The three of them ran away, and the Ledian made a small effort to catch them before sighing and returning to check up on the Armaldo.
“Just wondering” the Gallade said as they were running, “If you’re going to become a legendary Pokemon, shouldn’t you be going around and doing heroic deeds instead of running away on the tab and beating up strangers?”
“Still more than any of the current legendaries did!” Pikablu shouted angrily, before pointing at the Gallade, “And you! Why the hell weren’t you talking in there!?”
“Hehe, remember that Lopunny we ran into in Violet City?” the Gallade laughed to himself, “She told me girls dig the strong, silent type!”
“She only said that because you spent all night talking about yourself…” the Kabutops said depressingly, even as he was running.
“Guys, look!” Pikablu said while increasing his speed, “It’s Ilex Forest! We made it!”
“Slow down, slow down!” the Gallade shouted, “We’ll scare Celebi away like this!” But Pikablu was far too excited to stop, thinking Celebi would be waiting right behind one of the trees, and they all ran into Ilex Forest.
Although the forest was so heavily overgrown by giant trees that the sunlight hardly peeked through the leaves, it didn’t take long for them to find an open road to follow. Pikablu stopped and looked around. Nothing but trees and Bug-Type Pokémon anywhere.
“Pfft, how disappointing” he scoffed to himself, “Now where’s that shrine?”
“They said follow the road…” the Kabutops said, with slight signs of exhaustion slipping into his voice.
“… And that’s what we’ll do!” Pikablu said triumphantly before starting to walk down the road, “After that meal, I feel like I can take on anyone!”
“You’d better, Celebi is a Grass-Type…” the Kabutops muttered, “… I wouldn’t stand a chance.”
“Huu…” the gallade whimpered sadly after walking for a few minutes, “If I find a girl here, she’ll have no arms, no legs and eyes to spare!“
“Not to mention mandibles…” the Kabutops said in a creepy way.
“… Pikablu, can we get out of here and go somewhere else?” the Gallade said after a while, “I guarantee Celebi wouldn’t be spending its time among these creepy insects.”
“You can go whenever you feel like it” Pikablu said coldly, “Actually, why are you even here to begin with!? I’m looking for legendaries, Kabutops is looking for ancient Pokémon…”
“I told you!” the Gallade said with a hurt tone, “I’m looking for a woman worthy of my beauty!”
“But you’ve found like 14 of them already!” Pikablu continued with annoyance in his voice, “You run up to every half-decent broad we come across, killing her libido for months with all that talk of your ‘beauty’ and their ‘destiny’!”
“I’ll have you know that my track record is beyond exceptional!” the Gallade said before swiftly pounding his chest.
“It’s not that we don’t acknowledge that…” Kabutops sighed, “…It’s just that we don’t care.”
“Oh yeah? I doubt you’ve even gotten laid this century!” Gallade laughed, but stopped himself as he saw Kabutops lower his head, “Wait, really? Aw geez, man, I’m sorry!”
“Hmpf, it’s not like I can’t…” Kabutops sighed once more, “… I just don’t want to. Women nowadays are far too soft and cuddly.”
“Don’t say that! I went out with this Onix girl once…” the Gallade started while patting Kabutops’ back.
“Guys, could you please stop?” Pikablu said in a huff, “I’m trying to focus! For all we know, Celebi could be listening in on us right now!”
“… Together with half this forest...” Kabutops said sternly and looked to his right where he saw a Weedle looking at them. She became startled, and crawled away into a bush.
“Yet another suitor, passed on by me…” Kabutops whispered to himself while snickering.
“… What the hell was that?” Pikablu said in shock, “Did you just laugh?”
“… Yes” Kabutops responded with a dull tone.
“Something was funny enough to make your stoneface move, and now you’re not even going to tell us what!?” Pikablu shouted angrily, startling a nearby Spearow and making it fly off. However, she didn’t see where she was going in the darkness, and flew directly into a big branch, rendering her unconscious and crashing her against the ground.
The three of them saw this and laughed as they went on their way. Kabutops remained silent. Not long after that, they came across the shrine. It was small and made out of wood, just barely standing out against the sea of trees. They approached it, but before any of them could say anything, a small creature appeared on top of the shrine. They were all very surprised by this, and stumbled backwards. At a first impression, they saw that creature was covered in green leaves and brown mud with hints of yellow flashing through.
Then Pikablu saw what it was. He started to sweat profoundly. For a moment all the pain and grief lifted from his heart, and he wanted to do no more but to run up to him, hug him, hold him close forever…
“Pii-Chu!” the little creature exclaimed cutely.
“A-A Pichu!?” the Gallade exhaled in relief, “Covered in mud and leaves? Geez, I thought it was Celebi!”
“You might not be the first one…” Kabutops sighed deeply, “… And in that case, we were led astray.”
“Pii-chu pichu-u!” the Pichu said.
“Look at its ear!” the Gallade said while pointing at its ear, which had a few tufts of hair sticking out like spikes, “It’s kind of jagged or something! Is that normal?”
Pikablu stood frozen.
“Hey, Pikablu!” the Gallade said while knocking him on the head, “I’m talking to you!”
“Uh, wha-“ Pikablu said while coming out of the daze, “Huh? No, not really.”
“Pich-Pich-Chuu!” the Pichu said, while jumping up and down.
“She can’t even talk, must be an infant” Pikablu said with traces of malice in his voice, “So Celebi wasn’t here? Damn it, we came here for nothing!”
“A big disappointment…” Kabutops said depressingly, “… Then again, it’s not really a disappointment if you already know you’re going to fail…”
“Pichuuuuu!” the Pichu suddenly cried, jumping right at Pikablu.
“No!” Pikablu shouted as he took a step back, “Stay away, you creepy little thing!”
“Aw, will ya look at that?” the Gallade said softly, “She must think you’re her father!”
“I’m not your daddy!” the Pikablu said, still trying to avoid the advancing Pichu, “See? My ears are normal!”
”Curious little skit…” Kabutops mumbled happily, “Ah, to have a family…”
“OK, one more step and I’m going to fry you like a Magikarp!” Pikablu finally said, standing firm and shooting electricity from his body. The Pichu was startled by this and fell backwards.
“Whoa, cool it!” the Gallade shouted, “It’s just a bit curious!”
“Oh yeah? Well, it’s making me uneasy!” Pikablu said, not wanting to completely divulge the daze he had ended up in earlier. The Pichu looked at him confused, then walked up to him again.
“One more step, and I’m gonna thunderbolt this entire area!” Pikablu threatened, with more electricity escaping his body.
“You’re not serious, are you!?” the Gallade said frightfully, “No, stop it! It can’t even understand what you’re saying!” The Pichu proved this by taking yet another step towards the raging Pikablu, trying to comprehend what was going on. As Pikablu started with fury into her big eyes, a memory long hidden within him suddenly sprung to life.
You’re the best, big bro!
“… Forget it” Pikablu said, ceasing the electricity and turning around to leave, “Our mission was a failure. Let’s go.”
“Finally!” the Gallade said happily, “Now where to? Goldenrod? It’s supposedly the best-”
You’re the best, big bro!
“You, shut up!” Pikablu shouted while shaking his head and pointing at the surprised Gallade, “YES we’re going to Golderod and YES they have the best looking girls!”
“Uh…” the Gallade stammered, “I was going to say ‘the best groomers’, but this suits me fine too!”
“You get grumpy whenever we do not find a legendary…” Kabutops sighed slowly, “… When we do find one, I shall be awaiting your reaction with expectations…”
“Oh sorry, could you extend that sentence a little more? It felt a little short” Pikablu said with sarcasm before regaining his usual demeanor, “Anyway! Let’s go to Goldenrod to enjoy the food and girls, while we figure out or next target!”
“Oh, hell yeah!” the Gallade exclaims happily, “Now I can…“
“Wait, is that…!?” a loud voice sounded from behind them, making them go silent and turn around. It was a human. A young female, with a Pokeball in her left hand and several more clipped to her belt.
“A Pikachu! In this forest!?” the female trainer said surprised before she suddenly squealed, “Kyaaa, it’s so cute! Boy, am I lucky!”
The Gallade started laughing, as Pikablu took a few steps forward. Then, he spat on the ground and struck an intimidating pose.
“Bring it, bitch.”
________________________________________
The battle of fates was now over. Pushing himself to his very limits, he had been so close to victory… But as his battered body lay immobile on the ground, he knew that he had let everyone down.
“Oh, Armaldo! My courageous Armaldo!” a sweet voice sounded from above him. A Ledian…?
“Forgive me, my dear…” he whimpered in a manly kind of way, “I let them get away with the money…”
“Never mind the money, what about you!?” she wailed sadly, “Why did you fight so bravely for my sake!? I…”
“Oh, sweet Ledian, if only you knew…” he said with a sad chuckle, “The truth is, I’ve always…”
“Oh, Armaldo!” she cried while embracing him.
“Ledian…” he responded as they started to kiss passionately.
“WAKE UP!” a voice resounded, and Armaldo felt a sharp pain in the groin. He quickly sat up and saw a furious Ledian next to him.
“You lazy bastard!” she yelled angrily, “You said you’d take care of it, so I didn’t have time to get the police before they had escaped!
“L-Ledian…?” he said confused, “W-What…?”
“What do you mean ‘what’!? Get your ass in gear, go hunt them down and make them pay!” the Ledian said in a huff before throwing her fists up into the air, “I. AM. SO. PISSED!”
The Armaldo rose to his feet, clutching his pained nether region before walking away. And even though he had been a regular at Ledian’s Café for several years, he knew that he would not be returning any time soon.
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