Frank can't take any more rejections. one shot.
“Gerard, please… Please just fucking listening to me” I begged, fighting back tears as he shoved me into the lockers again. This wasn’t the Gerard I’d met. I changed him. I told him the truth because I hated the term ‘liar’.
“You’re a faggot! Tell me why I should listen to you!” he snarled. I breathed a sigh of relief as he released his grip on my shirt. Unfortunately, he made a grab for my wrists, causing me to wince in pain as he held me against the lockers. I was nothing more than a mere hostage. I could hear people cheering Gerard’s name and mocking me. Mocking me because I was in love. It wasn’t my fault, but they didn’t understand. He continued to throw insults my way and when he finally let go of me, he kicked me to the floor. The teachers walked past ignoring me as I tried to stand up. I was uneasy on my feet and I knew I wouldn’t last the rest of the day in school. Screw that. I knew I wouldn’t last the rest of the day. I left the school, stumbling along the street until I reached my house. My parents were at work so I wasn’t bothered about being caught. I walked into my bedroom, staring around at the red and white poster covered walls. This was the only place I truly felt safe. I grabbed my blade from under my bed and stared at it for a while. I couldn’t wait any longer. Tears began to pour from my eyes like a flood as I began to cut my wrists with the sharp metal. I cut as much as I could. I didn’t need to worry about consequences because I had no one. No one would miss me. My last thought as my world faded to black was him. Gerard.
-3 days later-
“I’m terribly sorry, Mrs Iero…” I whispered to Frankie’s mother as she invited me inside. I’d never meant a word of it. I’d always been so scared of what everyone else thought. Everyone else’s opinions were more important than my own happiness and now I could never be happy again. I loved him. I sat on their couch, thinking back to years before when Frankie and I would fight over things like what movie to watch. It seemed important and the time, but now it seems stupid.
“He loved you, Gerard” his mother told me.
“I know…” I whispered.
“He was so sad when you told him you didn’t return his feelings… but… you should have been a bit more subtle with it all…” his mother sighed, wiping away her tears. It surprised me, really. His parents treated him like dirt.
“I did… I just wasn’t brave enough to admit it. I’m not brave like Frankie. I’m weak…” I sobbed.
“Oh, hey Gerard! Frankie’s in his room!” Frankie’s father smiled as he walked through the door from work.
“He hasn’t taken it too well at all” Frankie’s mother sighed. I nodded.
“Can I go to his room?” I asked quietly. His mother nodded and I fought to climb to my feet. I crept up the stairs and into Frankie’s room. I sat on his bed. I could see the blood stains on his bedroom floor. It had soaked in and stained the white carpet. I grabbed his diary from underneath his pillow and read every page. Every fucking page. The words scribbled on the pages repeated in my mind. I had hurt him. I’d hurt my Frankie and I’d been too blind to see it. I grabbed a pen and began to write my own entry.
“21st October 2006,
I’m sorry, Frankie. I never meant for this to happen. I know you’re gone and I can’t bring you back, as much as I’d love to. I want forgiveness. I know I don’t deserve it but I need you. You know that teddy? The one you bought me when I was 13? Well… every night I hold him close and snuggle him as I sleep. And now he’s all I’ve got left of you. Our 13 years old selves seem so far away. 2 years isn’t really that long, but it seems like it because I left you. I left you when you needed me the most. I could’ve told you the truth and we could have been happy… but I made a mistake and left you. And now I can’t go back to you because you’re not here. One more chance is all I need, Frankie. One more chance to prove that I love you. I know you can’t give me that chance, but if you could…. Would you? I’d die for you. I’d do anything for you. But I realise now that anything isn’t enough, what’s been said has been said and what’s happened has happened and I can’t change it. When we were told at school, everyone cheered. They were happy. Well, everyone but me. I’d stopped… I told you I’d stopped, but now you’re not here and I can’t even be half happy, I’ve started cutting myself again. I know you wouldn’t approve… So I’m sorry for that too.
I wish we could go back to how it used to be… I miss you and I can’t believe you’re not here anymore. I can’t think about love, because I think of a grave stone. I can’t think of my future because all I see is a white hospital room with a bed and a flat lining machine.
I need you, Frank. And I’ll never forget you, I promise.
Gerard Arthur Way
xoxo (We’ll always be best friends in my heart)”
I shut the diary and slipped it under his pillowcase. A life without Frankie just didn’t seem worth it. I didn’t want to grow old and leave him behind as a memory. But I had to. I knew Frankie… well, the Frankie I had been friends with - would have killed me if I’d killed myself.
And that’s why I sit here today as a 75 year old virgin writer, telling you about my past. 60 years ago I was contemplating suicide but because of Frankie, I pulled through. I’m dying though. Cancer. Everyone thought there’d be a cure by now…
But at least when I’m gone people will know I lived for a reason.
My reason, my own oxygen supply is, has been and always will be Frank Iero. I could never break another promise. I haven’t ever forgotten him. I still miss him. My little Frankie.