Monster Mix, Swings and The Misfits.
Frank’s point of view:
Weak, watery sunlight shimmers off the damp, chewing gum speckled pavement as I trudge wearily along the street on my way home from school, converse soggy, head aching, the strap of my school bag cutting heavily into my left shoulder.
The all too familiar defeated feelings of exhausted depression, confusion and frustration are pressing heavily against my chest as I recall the events of today; Aled yanking off my favourite skeleton gloves and ripping them to shreds- “only emo faggots wear shit like this!”, Luke sneering at the playlist on my ipod and deleting all my songs, Dom forcing me to join in with their taunting, their sneering, their sniggering, snide comments.
Trying to block out the teasing taunts ringing in my skull, I duck into the local corner shop to smother my angst in sugar and E-numbers.
After paying for a bag of my favourite haribo Halloween monster mix, I wander back out of the shop and slowly toward the park, not wanting to spend yet another solitary afternoon confined to the house. I push open the creaky gate of the park and slouch across the scrappy tarmac towards the swings that sit under the deciduous trees that are shedding the russet and gold raindrops of Autumn, as I sit down on my usual swing and start swinging gently, feet scuffing the worn tarmac beneath me that’s strewn with golden leaves.
The cruel remarks of my “friends” still echoing through my mind, piercing my insides with hurt, making me swing higher, faster, screwing my eyes shut against the icy wind that’s whipping my cheeks, making them sting, but making me feel alive, feet kicking more forcefully off the ground as I try and swing away my self pity, my anger, my confusion.
Suddenly I feel my outstretched feet slam into something, and I stop swinging abruptly, eyes snapping open.
“Ooooof…” says the thing I just kicked.
My stomach performs a tiny, unexpected back flip as I recognise the voice.
“Shit, I’m so s-sorry!” I gasp, jumping off the swing.
“Unughh..it’s f-fine.” Gerard Way mumbles from where he’s sprawled on the ground.
“Are you o-okay?!” I stutter apologetically, feeling my cheeks heat up with humiliation.
“Umm..yeah…thanks.” Gerard mutters, rubbing his elbow. “Ouch.”
“Want a h-hand?” I offer, holding out a slightly shaky hand.
“uh-thanks.” Gerard grasps my hand a little timidly and I pull him to his feet, wondering why my heart’h pounding like I’ve just been chased round the school field by my evil PE teacher, Mr. Whyte, just like it did this morning in Biology.
“Sorry.” I try for a small, sheepish smile, fiddling nervously with the zip on my stripy hoodie and somehow finding it difficult to look up and meet those startling, greeny-hazel almond shaped eyes.
“It’s fine.” Gerard smiles shyly. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”
“Oh.” I glance up at him from under my floppy side fringe and my stomach performs yet another unnecessarily twisty manoeuvre as I take in his appearance; faded black skinnies that cling to his slender frame, black Smashing Pumpkins hoodie over his school shirt and scruffy tie, adorned with safety pins, worn black doc martens with tailing, frayed laces and smudgy black rimming those startlingly unique eyes.
There’s a distinctly awkward silence for a moment as Gerard brushes leaves off his hoodie and I wonder why my stomach has decided to become a hyperactive ballerina.
“Uh..is it-um- okay if I, uh, s-sit with you?” Gerard mumbles, then blushes violently, ducking his head. “I mean, it’s just, Mikey- my little brother- and my friend- Bee- are kinda annoying me…they seem to think my pathetic excuse for a life is amusing..”
“oh.” I say, not really sure what to say. “Um, yeah, sure you can sit with me.”
Gerard smiles shyly at me, still pink-cheeked. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” I smile awkwardly, sitting back down on one of the swings. Gerard hesitates for a moment, then sits down gingerly on the seat beside me.
We swing gently in silence, feet scuffing the crinkly leaves as the silence hanging between us gets progressively heavier.
“So…um…project…uh…Biology…” I mumble, staring at my muddy converse, and for some reason, suddenly hyper-aware of Gerard beside me.
Wow, I really am great with riveting conversation starters.
“Uhhh…you any good about…uhh..the squirrel..thingy?” squirrel thingy?! What the fuck? Can my conversational skills get any worse?!
“Oh. So…uhh..you like…um- squirrels?” apparently they can.
Gerard looks slightly bemused.
Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with me?! I know I’m shy in school, but that’s only because I’m scared of Aled- outside school, when I’m without that gang, I’m fine- so why am I talking like a stutteringly retarted moron right now?
“Umm…they’re..okay…” he says catiously, looking confused.
“Umm..cool?” I stutter, feeling the red hot embarresment colour my cheeks.
“I burn just about anything in Biol. Or spill corrosive liquids. Or spatter dissected rat guts everywhere. So, um, yeah…biology isn’t really my strong point.” Gerard smiles sheepishly at me from behind his dishevelled, ebony hair.
“What?” Gerard looks up at me, all wide greeny- hazel eyes and innocent expression.
“I’m kinda-uh-squeamish..” I admit, “Blood and guts and stuff kinda freak me out.” I laugh awkwardly.
“But you like vampires.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement. Gerard is still looking at me, a small, shy smile playing across his ghostly features.
“Yeah, I fucking love them.” I can’t help grinning at him; somehow, the fact that he remembered I once mentioned how much I love vampire films boosts my confidence a little, making the shy stupidity fade a little.
Hardly anyone pays attention to what I say these days.
“But vampires just suck blood, y’know? It’s all the guts and stuff I don’t like.” I clarify.
“Totally.” Gerard nods.
“And anyway, if I wasn’t so squeamish, I’d have murdered at least five of my teachers by now.” Ok, seriously, why the hell can’t I think before I speak?! I’m either mumbling about squirrels or fantasising about the death of my teachers. For fucks sake, he probably thinks I’m some sort of deranged, squeamish, vampire obsessed, teacher slaughtering, squirrel loving freak.
Yeah, I really rock at first impressions.
Proper, sugar-high, girly, insanely cute giggles.
“Which teachers?” he giggles, still hiding slightly behind his raven black hair, but his voice sounds slightly more confident, and-
Hold it right there.
Did I just call his giggle insanely cute?!
“Umm, Mr. Whyte, my PE teacher, Mr. O’sullivan my maths teacher, Mrs. Rees my physics teacher and Mrs. Hearne, my music teacher. I especially want to kill her, because she makes my favourite subject HELL.”
“That really sucks.” Gerard says sympathetically. “I’ve got Mr. Whyte for PE too…ughhh!” he shudders theoretically.
“He chased me all round the school field one week because I told him he shouldn’t stereotype me just because my PE shirt has a skull on it…” I say with a grin, feeling the shyness ebbing away. “or maybe it was cause I wrote Emo is imaginary, unicorns are real in the boys changing rooms.”
We both burst out laughing, and I suddenly remember how great it feels to be able to be myself without worrying about getting beaten up for it.
“Awesome.” Gerard grins; his shyness too, seems to have evaporated, like we’ve laughed all the awkwardness away.
I get out my bag of monster mix, rip the bag open and offer one to Gerard.
“Thanks.” Gerard smiles, taking a green one and popping it into his mouth. “Mr. Whyte told me off for listening to Misfits on my ipod while we were jogging round the field. Bastard. I mean, he lets everyone else listen to the stupid shitty pop stuff. It’s so unfair!”
“Tell me about it.” I sigh, chewing a red monster.
“you like the Misfits, right?” Gerard asks, accepting another monster from the proffered bag.
“Yeah, they’re amazing.”
“I might be going to see them next month.” Gerard says happily.
“Seriously?” I gape, accidentally dropping my sweet.
“yeah, hopefully.” Gerard looks faintly amused at my reaction.
“No fair!” I whine. “I so wanted to see them on their last tour but my stupid parents wouldn’t let me.”
“That’s shit.” Gerard sighs, chewing another sweet. “The misfits concerts are always awesome- I met the whole band backstage last time.”
I drop my second sweet. “Really?! Lucky! How many times have you seen them?”
“Three.” Gerard says as I fish in the bag for another sweet. “the second was the best though- I was thrown up onto the stage by the crowd and I got to sing the chorus of Helena with them.”
I drop my third sweet. “This isn’t fair! And I keep dropping my fucking sweets!!” I complain.
Gerard chuckles. “Sorry.”
“Three second rule!” I scoop the sweet up off the tarmac.
Gerard raises his still slightly singed looking eyebrow.
“What?” I protest.
“That was more like ten seconds.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever.”
I put the sweets on the swing between us.
“So what’s your favourite Misfits song then?” Geard asks, putting his hood up against the fine drizzle, which has gradually become heavier, but still looks like golden mist in the weak Autumn sulight.
“I dunno…maybe Scream or Helena..how about you?” I stick my hand into the bag of sweets and jump as I feel Gerard’s smooth, ice- cold hand there too, making me shiver.
“Sorry.” I mumble, going pink again and hiding behind my fringe.
“S’ok.” Gerard mutters, suddenly seeming to find the appearance of his doc martens fascinating. “Umm..probably Dig up her bones or crimson ghost…but I love Helena too.”
“Cool.” I smile. “hey, I’ll play it now!”
I fish out my ipod from my jeans pocket, happy to be able to hang out with someone who actually likes my music.
Turning it on, I scroll down my playlist.
The weight that had lifted from my chest while I was laughing with Gerard drops like a stone, wrapping tightly round my ribcage, constricting my breathing.
The blank screen stings my eyes, my throat; a reminder of today, a reminder of reality, a reminder of who my “Friends” really are, a reminder I can’t hang out with the people I’d really like to. Reminding me I can’t be friends with Gerard, because he’s the kind of person I can be myself with; who I want to be, who I’m happy being.
Who I really am.
What do you think? Please let me know if you think it’s getting bad, and how I can change it. Preeeeety pleeeeease R&R it makes my day :D as you all know, the more R&Rs the sooner I try and update xD love you all!