FicWad

The Harry Potter universe is the creation of J.K. Rowling. This is fanfiction. The standard disclaimers apply.


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Chapter 32: Another Hogsmeade Weekend


Saturday, November 24, 1990.


Tonks jumped up and waved as Sirius walked into the Hog's Head bearing a small suitcase that she hoped contained shrunken trunks. After giving him a warm hug, and placing their orders with Aberforth, they sat down, Sirius once again marveling as Tonks set up her privacy charms.

"So," she began, "it looks like if you want to do anything to the Dursleys now, you'll probably have to get in line." Sirius raised his eyebrows, but gave no signs of recognizing what she meant. "Have you been reading the Prophet?"

"Nope! I lived without it for a long time, and find I don't really miss it. Also I haven't bothered to get a subscription yet."

"You probably should. They somehow managed to find the Dursleys and sent Rita Skeeter out to interview them. Huge story—spread it out across three days. I don't know how Skeeter got them to talk so much. In any event, it was detailed and really awful."

"Wait, you're surprised the Prophet was able to find him?"

"Yeah. Dumbledore's wards were pretty good."

"But you found them."

"And your point?"

Sirius thought better of pushing the issue. "Uh, nothing. So, what—did they just talk about all the times they beat Harry, and how much they hated him or something?"

"Pretty much. Talked to the neighbors, too, and some other people. They were pretty thorough."

"So the Prophet just published all the details of Harry's childhood?"

"Right. Page after page of it. You could see where the muggles were coming from, in a twisted sort of way, but they came off looking like monsters all the same. The Ministry has had to keep a very heavy guard on them at all times, which they're probably trying to do without the muggles noticing."

"Wow. So they think someone might go after them?"

"It's a near certainty. Short of using powerful magic to change their identity, I don't know how they'll ever be safe."

"Can't say I feel bad for them."

"Me neither. It's a real headache for a lot of people right now, though. Fudge, Dumbledore, the aurors . . . and anyone who has any opinion on Harry is all worked up about it. Anyway, on the subject of Harry, do you have something for me?"

"I do!" He put the box he had brought in on the table. What had at first appeared to be a small suitcase, or perhaps a large briefcase, was, on closer inspection, a block of polished, reddish wood with a copper handle.

"What is it?"

"This is an original Gurunath Gavaskar." Tonks had a blank look. "He's a famous artist from India. Sometimes he makes things like furniture—cabinets, trunks, and the like. This one is versatile, pretty, and has a huge storage capacity. Harry should be able keep his letters in it and still bring it to school as a trunk, too."

"So, it changes shape? How does it work?"

"Right. It's like a mirror. You just talk to it."

"That kind of thing can get nerve-wracking. Can it talk back?"

"Gavaskar refuses to make anything that can talk or walk around on its own, so no. Let's get this bit over with." Sirius looked down at the trunk, or whatever it was. "Okay, trunk, this is my cousin Nymphadora Tonks, but just in case you can actually talk, never call her by her first name. Just Dora, or Tonks. Anyway, you still belong to Harry, but I'm handing you over to Dora here so that she can put some of Harry's things in you before we give you to him. Hm. I'm going to assume that worked. We don't really want it transforming in here."

"I look forward to playing with it. Do I even want to know how much you spent on this?"

"No. Definitely not."

"Right. I thought as much. Did the Ministry give you any trouble importing it?"

"Uh uh—Gavaskar is well known enough that nobody's going to worry about it. Even though maybe they ought to. Imagine you were importing an assassin's dagger made by da Vinci, and it was the only one of his daggers not in the Louvre. Except with the dagger you'd register it with some international art people in case it got stolen. This thing ought to be capable of defending itself against theft."

Tonks looked skeptical. "You sound really confident of that."

"Well, go look the artist up if you doubt me. Besides, he had three weeks to customize it for, as he said, 'the boy who lived', and he apparently had some very detailed ideas about what that ought to involve. Not that he gave me a discount, or anything—I paid for the three weeks, too. He's apparently one of Harry's many well-wishers, and anyway he knows his reputation will be on the line if anything happens." Tonks looked skeptical. "Come on, Dora—it's not like it's a dark artifact. Gavaskar's eccentric, but he's not dark. I am entirely confident that every feature of this thing is well-intentioned, and that it all works as designed."

Sirius decided to change the subject. "So, what else should I be buying my godson for Christmas?"

Tonks, deciding she might as well accept the "trunk" as a done deal for now, thought back to her original Timeline. "A broom! You should get him his first broom." Sirius' eyes lit up. "Last I heard, Harry and Neville were using Frank and Alice's old brooms, which I think is a little creepy, personally. Harry's father played quidditch, right?"

"Yeah, James was the Gryffindor seeker."

"So you can regale Harry with quidditch stories, too, then!"

"That is a truly excellent idea. Have you seen him fly? Is he any good?"

"No idea. I know he's been playing one-on-one with the Weasleys' youngest son, Ron, for a few months now. Maybe we can watch a game over Christmas break?" She was pleased to see Sirius looking excited again. "Do they make snitches just for practice? Could you get him one of those?"

Sirius grinned. "They do, and I will. I'll resist the urge to buy out the entire stock of Quality Quidditch Supplies, though. Need to save something for future Christmases and birthdays."

Good, Tonks thought. He's planning ahead. Let's make sure he always has things to look forward to. "We'll need to get him alone in order to explain the letters and how the trunk works, right? Maybe we could schedule an excursion? We could disguise the two of you, and I could change, and maybe we could all go to Diagon Alley? I'm not sure he's been there yet."

"Would Mrs. Longbottom trust me?"

"Not if you don't go see her beforehand, she won't. Go visit!"

"Okay, Okay!"

"Besides, you're looking a lot better. Your last letter said you were going wand shopping—did Ollivander say you were good to go?"

"He did!" Sirius pulled it out. "The core is dragon heartstring, same as my old one. That one was hawthorn. This . . . is dogwood."

"Hah! That's great."

"Gavaskar tried to convince me that Ollivander was crazy to limit himself to only three types of cores, one core per wand, well-understood woods only, and so on. If I ever need a second wand, I'll go abroad. But this one works nicely so far. I like it."

"Yeah. No one ever dislikes an Ollivander wand. Hm. Should we take Harry to Ollivander's when we get him?"

"What, start him in early? My family tried that with me. I wasn't very good at anything, though. You might need to make sure the underage magic sensors won't notice. But sure, lots of pureblood families do that. Let's try! Worst case, Ollivander shoos us away."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


They had spent the rest of the meal making plans for Harry, gossiping about the school, and generally catching up. Tonks thought Sirius was well enough not prescribe the entire stock of Honeyduke's again, but had dragged him into Zonko's, hoping that it would have a similar effect. It did. They were browsing Zonko's wide selection of fireworks when the door chime rang, announcing the arrival of Fred and George.

Tonks quickly looked around, wondering if she could introduce Sirius to them as 'Padfoot', but unfortunately the store was too full of students she didn't know. She'd do what she could. It helped that they were noisy, even though they were very obviously running down a shopping list of banned items. Nudging Sirius, she whispered "those two who just walked in are Fred and George Weasley. They aspire to someday surpass your achievements as a prankster."

"They do, do they? That's ambitious, there. Nobody knows half the stuff the Marauders did."

She elbowed him again. "Shh! They know that name, but not who it refers to."

"I wonder . . ."

"Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking. Don't make a scene, or they might too. Hero worship and all that."

Sirius was laughing, causing the other students to look at the two of them. "Come on, I'll introduce you. Behave yourself." He gave a hurt look. "Yeah, yeah, puppydog eyes. Save it. Hey, Fred, George, um, I don't think we've been introduced. I'm Tonks. And this here is my cousin, Sirius Black." The twins eyes went wide. She assumed the other people in the store were listening in now too—she'd have to be careful. "Sirius had a distinguished record as a prankster in his day, and wanted to meet his . . . what, rivals?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Sirius protested, "since there's no way they'll ever catch up. I mean, there were four of us, and only two of them, right?"

"Sirius!" Tonks elbowed him, far too late, since the gears in the twins head were obviously already turning.


"We, . . ."

". . . of course, . . ."

". . . have no idea what you are talking about."

"None whatsoever."

"We deny everything."

"But if you'd like to join us when we're done here . . ."

". . . for a walk or something . . ."

". . . we'd love to hear about your own pranks."

"Nothing you can still get in trouble for, right?"


Sirius looked like he had to think about that. The twins politely waited several seconds.


"George, I do believe he doesn't know."

"I believe you're right."

"An excellent sign."

"Yes, I think he passes."

"Sir, if we could just finish our shopping here? We'll be another ten minutes or so."


"Of course." Sirius grinned. "We'll pretend not to watch."


To this, the twins said nothing, and got back to work. Tonks and Sirius ambled back to the fireworks section, when a girl came around the corner from the other aisle, and sidled up to Tonks.

"You know, we overheard most of that. Aren't you going to introduce us to your cousin?"

"Argh! Merlin, Sandra." Tonks shook her head in frustration.

"Yes, hello there!" said a second voice from behind them. "I'm Rissa. Pleased to meet you." She was already shaking Sirius' hand.

Tonks hoped to minimize the damage. "Sirius, Rissa and Sandra usually sit behind me at meals."

The girls forged ahead. "What, you never mentioned us to him?"

Okay, fine. Tonks admitted it was funny. "I might have."

"Wait, wait, Dora—"

"He calls you 'Dora'?"

"Are you the girls with that . . . scene? With Harry and Rita?"

"Well, we were the brains behind it."

"Rissa means we cast the glamors and egged everyone else on."

"I'm told it was an impressive sight. You wouldn't happen to have done this more than once, would you?"

Tonks cringed.

"Nah, the girl who was doing it kind of freaked out afterwards and we haven't been able to convince her to try again. Which is a pity now, after that article came out, you know."

"Dora was telling me about it. What, exactly, were you thinking of doing?"

"Harry and Rita!" answered Sandra, without hesitation. "That's still hilarious. To me at least."

Sirius shook his head, grinning. On the one hand, Tonks thought, this was really good for him. On the other, it was embarrassing. 'Riiight!' said a voice in her head. 'This from the girl who has read Harry's mail how many times?' 'Yes, but that was embarrassing too,' countered another voice, 'and this is in public. And you know it will end poorly.' 'Maybe, maybe not, but it's hilarious. You should totally make it worse.'

"Yeah," continued Rissa, "we're sort of limited by willing actors. Like the kid, Oren, who was Harry, and Angie—we can only do so much with glamors, and I don't think Oren would go in for Snape and Dumbledore anyway." Sirius nearly fell over laughing.

"Dora sent us on a wild goose chase for this potion, polyjuice, which is supposed to be way better than glamors."

This was where Tonks did not want the conversation to go. "But the recipe's in the Restricted Section, right? So the world is safe for now." Wrong phrasing, damn it. She should just keep her mouth shut.

"Oh, polyjuice." Sirius looked thoughtful. "That one's a bugger to brew. We had to steal the bicorn horn from Slughorn's office."

"Sirius, please don't encourage them to break into Snape's office." Even though the past timeline's Snape had killed Dumbledore, something was weird about that, and she had always felt he was on the fence. And this timeline's Snape hadn't done anything wrong so far. She didn't want to push him over the edge.

"Why on earth not? Girls, I think it's only fair to tell you that your Head of House and I are . . . not friendly to each other. Perhaps you should ask him about me."

Tonks had some idea of how things had been back then, and thought everyone involved had been pretty awful to each other. "Sirius, that's mean!"

"What are you doing, sticking up for Snape?"

"I'm not! He's mean to me in class too. I just don't . . . we'll talk about this later."

"Fine. Anyway, as I was saying, polyjuice is a real pig, but all the ingredients are probably somewhere in the castle, and if you're motivated enough you ought to be able to brew it yourself." Tonks was gritting her teeth.

"Hey." Rissa reached out and patted Tonks on the shoulder. "You don't need to stick up for Snape. I know you're a Hufflepuff, and want everyone to have a chance, but you aren't personally responsible for the fairness of the world."

"Yeah," added Sandra, with a smirk, "we can look after our own if, you know, Fred and George or somebody gets out of line. Now, about that polyjuice recipe . . ." She batted her eyelashes at Sirius, clasped her hands together, and tried unsuccessfully to smile sweetly.

"No! Argh." Tonks couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't be taken as encouragement, and everyone looked frustrated with her.

"Just because you don't use your abilities for anything fun," Rissa explained, "doesn't mean the rest of us don't have ideas. You know," she said, looking at Sirius, "you should encourage her to make the most of her time at Hogwarts. She could be going around pretending to be anybody's girlfriend she wanted!"

"Or boyfriend!" added Sandra.

"Rrr." Tonks took out her wand, which made the girls start backing away and Sirius tense up. Instead of hexing them, she just glared intently at them, and started transfiguring her clothing. After a few moments, the girls' eyes widened as they realized what was happening. Tonks screwed up her face, and in seconds she was a flawless doppelganger of Sandra, Slytherin robes and all. Only Harry's weird trunk in her hand looked out of place. "You mean like this?" she said, mimicking Sandra's voice as well. "Sirius, I don't think I want to hear any more of this conversation. I love you, but I'm going to go back to the castle now. Make sure you talk to the twins—they'd be disappointed if you didn't. Oh yeah, Sandra, I'll be you when I check in with McGonagall on my way back. You're all on your own!" Tonks was quietly swearing to herself on her way out the door.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Tonks kept her promise, checking in as Sandra before switching back to herself in an unoccupied bathroom. Her self-image was one of a girl who was always getting into trouble, but this year she had managed to avoid getting caught for anything, so she wasn't getting the kind of positive reinforcement she used to. She just wasn't interested in pretending to be someone else so she could hook up with their boyfriend in a broom closet. "No, no, I'm just secretly looking at naked, underage pictures of them, while covertly manipulating all of wizarding Britain via anonymous notes." Somehow that felt inadequate.

Back in her dorm, she stuffed Harry's box, or whatever it was, in her own trunk, and flopped down on her bed. She had been looking forward to going straight to Harry's mail room, seeing what form the box would take, and playing around with packing spells. Right now she wasn't thinking clearly.

She told herself that if she knew, for certain, that the Slytherins were just going to use polyjuice amongst themselves, she wouldn't worry so much about it. And as to Sirius, she just didn't want him to get in trouble. And she really resented being made out to look like she was always well-behaved. The twins could look like they were up to something just by showing up—they had a self-sustaining reputation at this point.

The one bright spot in all this was the prospect of Sirius arming both sides in a prank war—it was hilariously awful, and would give him more things to live for. She didn't like phrasing it that way, but the long term effects of dementor exposure could be quite severe, and from what she had heard from Sirius, no one else was worrying about him.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Sandra had not shown up for dinner. Tonks was watching. Halfway through, she got up and tapped on Rissa's shoulder.

"Uh, hey Tonks. No, I don't know where she is, but she checked in with McGonagall, so she must be okay." Rissa was actually capable of smiling sweetly. Tonks sighed.

"Look, you're the one who decided to, um, leave Sandra alone with your cousin. You don't get to look all upset about it if she took advantage of the opportunity. It's not like she actually knows how to take advantage of anything else, you know." She smirked.

Tonks gestured in frustration, searching for words.

Rissa shrugged, saying "I guess she might be a fast learner." Tonks gave up and went back to her bench.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


It was late at night when Sirius finally side-along apparated Sandra back to Hogsmeade, appearing, to her surprise, within the Shrieking Shack. She looked scared briefly, until she realized Sirius wasn't. He led her along the tunnel into the school grounds, showing her how to temporarily pacify the Whomping Willow. She gave him a big hug, and practically danced back to the castle. After watching her go, he turned and started home, spending a while visiting the shack. It looked more or less the same as he remembered, only dirtier.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


When Tonks had stomped out on him in Zonko's, he had been faced with all four kids—the girls and the twins—wanting his attention. He had compromised, explaining that he had promised to talk to the boys about his days at Hogwarts, and asked the girls to be in Tomes & Scrolls in an hour.

They walked in silence down the side streets of Hogsmeade, until they were far enough away to talk in private. Sirius cast some privacy and warming charms (it gets cold there in late November!), then had the three of them sit under a tree. The twins looked nervous.

"So," he began, "my cousin has hinted very strongly that the two of you are in possession of a truly remarkable artifact." The twins were still looking at each other, presumably silently debating how much to trust him. "When I said that I had three other friends who helped me pull pranks, you certainly looked like that meant something to you. Hmmmm?"

"How did she know?"

"If you ever figure that out, be sure to tell me. Dora seems to have an uncanny ability to learn things she shouldn't be able to. Just because she's bothered by the idea of some Slytherin girls getting ahold of polyjuice doesn't mean she's innocent." The twins laughed, then became serious again.


"Well, let's find out, shall we?"

"Go ahead!"


One of the twins pulled the familiar folded paper from within his robes.


"Was this what you had in mind?"


Sirius just smiled and pulled out his wand.

"I solemly swear I am up to no good. Merlin. I can't believe we did this. It's really a masterpiece, but then you know that. Took us most of my fourth year to get it right." He stared in amazement at the various students walking around on it. "We 'arranged' to have it confiscated by Filch at the end of our time there. The idea was that someone like you would come along and nick it from him. That was my idea, you know—I'm pleased to see it was a sound plan. Mischief managed!" He handed the map back to them.


"So, er, if you don't mind us asking . . ."

". . . which one are you?"


Sirius made a small mock bow. "Mr. Padfoot, at your service. Mr. Moony is, so far as I know, alive and well, but not answering my letters. Dora's seen him. Apparently going on telling her stories about me which she won't repeat. Wholly unfair. Mr. Prongs was James Potter, Harry's dad. And I'm afraid you are intimately familiar with Mr. Wormtail, having lived with him for some number of years. Yes, Peter."


After a suitably horrified silence, they asked about the origins of the names.


"I'll tell you if you're good. Or, rather, convince me that you are up to none of it. Good, that is."


"Mr. Padfoot, sir, you have no idea how much you have done for us already."

"We would take off our hats to you, were we wearing any."


They still looked nervous. It was extremely flattering. "So tell me, what are you two up to? Anything I can assist you with?"


"Do you know anything about restoring belfries?"


Of the many possible responses to his question which Sirius had imagined, this was not one of them. "Belfries?"


"Yes, Mr. Padfoot, belfries."

"We have made it a point, you see, . . ."

". . . to search out things which you did not include in your map."

"And one of those things is an old belfry."

"Did you ever pry off the grating on the back wall of the boys bathroom on the opposite side of the main dungeon level from the Potions classroom?"


"No, I can't say that we did. What did you find?"


"Well, from there you can follow the water pipes along a crawl space for a few hundred feet. That leads to a vertical shaft. If you chimney down that, you come out in the ceiling of a room with some big water tanks. Once you find a way to get down safely, there are passages going off in all directions, but they all lead to more vertical shafts, except one of them has roots growing in the walls."

"And there's a place in the middle of that hallway where you can climb up on the pipe and push up on a big piece of flat stone."

"You come out in a little courtyard that looks like no one has been in it for centuries."

"It's like a giant light well—the walls go straight up for hundreds of feet—except there are these ivy plants that have taken over every surface."

"Very old. Foot thick trunks."

"All the way up it, there are windows buried in the vines, but they don't open and you can't see in."

"So once you climb up several hundred feet, if you can pull yourself onto the roof without the gargoyles getting you—"

"—I lost a shoe. Little bastard."

"If you can do that, you can climb in the window of this tower, which has a belfry at the top."

"But the ropes look all rotted, and we're scared the wood might be too, . . ."

". . . and having a ten-ton bronze bell fall on our heads sounds unpleasant."

"But, here's the thing, if you go down that tower, it comes out in the back of a broom closet, and then the freakin' door disappears behind you once you turn your back!"

"And we can't find the tower or courtyard from the air. It's a hidden space."

"Which means that if we could get the belfry working . . ."


Sirius, who looked very impressed, nodded in understanding. "You could make a lot of noise and no one could stop you?"


"Precisely."

"We would be sure to reserve it for special occasions, of course."


"So have you explored any of the other passages with the pipes?"


"Not yet. We're researching spells for climbing, . . ."

". . . or at least for falling slowly."


"Ah, yes, those are useful. I'll look that up for you too, once I get home. Did you know that you still set off the alarms if you enter the girls' dormitories through the windows? Of course, if you're fast and no one's there, you have a couple minutes before a professor shows up."


"Actually our brother Charlie taught us that."


"How many kids did your parents have, anyway?"


The twins made a show of counting on their fingers. "Seven!"


Sirius whistled. "Okay, you two, unless you have anything more to talk about that's specific to the map, let's go meet those girls. Do you two know them?"


"Nope."

"Not at all, before today."


"Hm. I guess they don't get noticed outside of their own little sphere. Pity. They seem imaginative enough."


They found the girls in the bookstore. Sirius was curious what they had been looking at, but they jumped up in excitement when they heard the door open. "Hi girls. Let's go for a walk. I know it's cold out, but the sun's shining, and it was just a few months ago I didn't think I'd ever see it again."

"That's fine. Are the boys joining us?"

"If you all want to talk to me, then yes. That is, whether you want to get pranking advice, or are just drawn in by my irresistible charm." The girls giggled. "You know, it was Dumbledore, and these boys' father and brother who brought me home from the courthouse. And they all seemed doubtful of my assertion that the girls would go for the haunted, starved, demented look. Hah!"


"We'd be happy to tell Dad that he was wrong . . ."


Sandra managed to cut off the other twin, and seamlessly continue ". . . but you look a lot better than you did in your newspaper photo."


"Yeah, that."


"Thanks, all of you. So, girls, Dora was telling me you were talking about love potions. I had some close calls with those back in the day, as you might imagine. Were you planning on using them for your own purposes, or was it just speculation?"

"Just speculation," explained Rissa, "mostly about Harry Potter. Kid better get really paranoid, and have friends with antidotes, is all I'm saying."

"Dora tells me he's quite the celebrity."

"It's more like he's the only celebrity under fifteen, and there are all these girls who would be looking for something to obsess over anyway."

"So once he gets to school," added Sandra, "they can all be creepy stalkers!"

"Right. So Sandra and I overheard some of the boys talking about using love potions for pranks. They think no one can hear them. Anyway, they were hung up on how to get a target to eat or drink it."

"Hm." Sirius rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Well, there's plain old trickery—send somebody food they like. You can pretend the food came from someone else, like cookies from a relative whose handwriting you can forge, but you have to be careful with the recipe and all unless it's store-bought. You can use guilt for that too—people respond to guilt really well, for instance if they think someone put a lot of effort into making something for them.

You can find a way to spray it on them, although that risks getting bystanders. It's hard at the Hogwarts tables, but people did it in my day—hover it into their drink or soup while you create a distraction, or put dosed food on their plate. You can use the brute force approach of knocking them out or immobilizing them, then making them swallow it. If they take some potion regularly you can mix it in.

If it's strong, like amortentia, you can deliver it with a thorn or pinprick that breaks the skin. If you formulate it right, you can do it topically in an ointment, either as a trap or disguised as something else. Don't use amortentia for anything you need subtlety for, by the way—everyone can recognize the effects immediately, so you should save it for when Snape gets out of line.

Right, traps. There are a lot of spells for triggering or stopping on a certain event. Like, say, a notice-me-not or disillusionment charm that terminates when the target shows up—that's a nice trick when you can use it, because it's hard to detect a spell that's not there. You can prepare a spell for launching a spray or powder and combine it with your trigger—that's how you'd do a letter bomb, of course—but you still have to worry about bystanders with those.

Now, if you don't care about bystanders, or better yet if you don't have a particular target in mind, your options expand dramatically—I once dosed a bunch of chocolate frogs with a subtle potion keyed to James, to try to make Lily jealous over him, but that backfired and they both wound up hexing me. Most of the frogs got eaten before anyone figured it out, though, and there won't always be someone as clever as Lily to catch you.

Do not try to tamper with Hogwarts food while it's in the kitchens! I know it sounds like a way to get the whole school at once, but the house elves take a lot of pride in their work and will stop you. Besides, you really want to stay on their good side so you can get sandwiches in the middle of the night. Aside from that, though, wide-area delivery systems can be very effective—it's really easy to suspend a cloud of vapor in the air, for instance.

There's no breeze in the Hogwarts corridors, remember, and the air-freshening charms don't remove anything exotic. You can't mess with the temperature easily, but the spells that maintain humidity don't work very quickly on magical conditions—either they're careful not to make sudden changes, or they're easily overpowered, or maybe they just leave something alone if it looks like somebody put it there on purpose. I don't know. In any case we used that technique a lot."


All four of his listeners had been paying very close attention. "So," asked one of the twins, "would those work on any old potion?"


"Certainly! I should have mentioned that."

"Wow," said Rissa, "I've never heard of most of all that before. Harry's in trouble next year, isn't he?"

Sirius grinned. "I should probably have also mentioned that Harry is my godson."

This produced looks of shock on the girls, who had not known this, and grins on the twins, who had been keeping their mouths shut because it seemed funnier that way.

"Well, that's awkward!"

"Sandra, you have such a way with words."

"Seriously, though, um, Sirius—you probably get that all the time, don't you?"

"It never gets old!"

"Good, I guess. But seriously, I promise to lay off Harry, but we can't, you, know, control everyone in Hogwarts. I mean, chances are he'll be in Gryffindor, right, with these guys?" Everyone seemed to agree. "And if you're his godfather, you know he's going to be picking on Slytherins . . ."

"Nah, don't worry about that. Although, he really is my godson, and if he actually gets hurt you'll learn why the Death Eaters were scared of me back in the war. But I expect you two will stick to harmless pranks like love potions and such." He gave them his best McGonagall impression, looking stern. "I want Harry—and my two disciples here—to have some decent opposition."


"I do believe, my dear brother . . ."

". . . that we are being set up."

"Indeed! We will, of course, . . ."

". . . rise to the challenge."


Sandra smirked. "I don't know, boys, you might rise to the challenge, but do you have the stamina to see it through?" Sirius laughed, Rissa sighed and shook her head, and the twins looked confused.

"I think that was too subtle, Sandra," offered Sirius. "You'll need to polish up your technique if you want to get a rise out of them."

Rissa nearly fell over laughing. Sandra snorted in almost-genuine indignation. Once Rissa recovered, she explained. "I think you just insulted her—that's probably the first time anyone's told her she wasn't direct enough."

"I'm glad I could provide her with some positive motivation, then!"

"If you say so."

"So, what was the last prank you boys pulled?"

The twins looked at each other, frustrated.


"See, that depends on your definition of a prank."

"Which in turn assumes, philosophically speaking of course, . . ."

". . . that there is any true meaning to the word at all."

"If there were, . . ."

". . . surely someone, . . ."

". . . like, say, Mr. Filch, . . ."

". . . would have shared it with us by now."

"Yet they have not."

"Which leads us to believe there is no such thing as a prank, . . ."

". . . or, alternatively, if you will, that all things are pranks, . . ."

". . . and in fact life itself is one big prank in which we can only hope to play a small, . . ."

". . . but perhaps glorious, part."


"I think that might be the best effort of dodging a question that I have ever heard. Girls, what was the last thing you remember them getting in trouble for?"

"Filling the hall outside Snape's office with geese."

"That's more like it! Good show. Why geese?"


The twins shrugged. "They were easy to get?"

"Except for the biting."

"Also they were against the rules."

"Specifically so."


"What, geese?"


"Live poultry."

"It's on Filch's list!"


Sirius looked troubled. "There's something off about that, but I can't put my finger on it. Good job, anyway. How'd you get caught?"


"We didn't. We were just the only ones who knew it was against the rules."


"Owwww. That's a new one on me. Seriously twisted, too."


"We know!"

"It's unfair!"

"Of course, it only adds to our reputation . . ."

". . . so we aren't complaining too much."


"Building up your own reputation has two sides, you know—you have pressure to live up to expectations, or you'll disappoint people."


Sandra kicked a pebble. "Don't I know it!" Everyone looked at her. "What?"


"It's true, though . . ."

". . . our dear brother Charlie lost a bet with Hagrid over that!"


"What, over Sandra?"


"No, over whether we would bring squirrels into the school by the end of October."

"Which we did not do."

"He really should have dropped a hint or something."

"We aren't a full time wildlife-smuggling operation, you know."


"Squirrels?"


"Because they are from America, apparently."

"It makes sense to Charlie."

"We think."

"Speaking of things we don't really know, one of the items on Filch's list is 'French can openers'." The girls giggled.

"You wouldn't happen to know why, would you?"


"Sorry. It never really occurred to us to look at Filch's list while I was a student, and I'm kicking myself about that right now."


"Don't!"

"Not everyone can be as brilliant as us!"


"Don't push your luck. Girls, what are you snickering about?"

"French can openers."


"If you know, please tell us!"

"We've been asking everyone!"

"Come on!"


More giggling. "We might, er, . . . if you're nice to us . . . explain it when you're older?"

Sirius made a handbrushing gesture. "I'm staying out of this!" He cast a time spell; a glowing clock face appeared in front of him. "Four-thirty. When do you need to be back by?"


"Now!" said one of the twins, as they all looked back towards the castle.

"I don't! Can you sneak me back in later?" Sandra tried for puppydog eyes, which didn't work any better than smiling sweetly. "Pleeeeeease?"

Before Sirius could respond, Rissa grabbed each of the twins by the hand, pulling them with her. "Let's get going and allow her to get into trouble on her own, okay? It was very nice to meet you, Sirius!"

"Yes, it was!"

"We look forward to our next meeting!" They attempted a salute with their free hands, as Rissa sped up.

Sirius and Sandra watched them hurry off. As they turned a corner, Rissa dropped their hands. "Don't think that meant anything, you two. It was just funnier that way. You're still Gryffindors."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"Soooo," he had said, and waited to see her reaction.

"Eee."

He looked at her expectantly, just to make her more nervous, and briefly contemplated what, if any, responsibility he had towards this girl. She might have a crush on him, which was flattering, but was also something he decided not to think about for now. Remus would probably have said to wait and see what she asked for, rather than luring her to stay away from school any longer than she would on her own.

On the other hand, he was charmed by her eagerness to cause trouble. And it would certainly be nice to have more allies, or sort-of-allies, within the school once Harry was there, especially in Slytherin.

Okay, no, honestly he just wanted to cause more trouble himself, fancy justifications be damned.

"So, young lady. How can I assist you in your nefarious schemes?"

She had some ideas.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


When she got back to her room, Angie was already in her bunk, reading.

"Someone looks happy. Rissa says you went off with Sirius Black."

"Eee!" Sandra bounced up and down.

"You know, I really ought to tease you the way you would if it were me."

"But you're not that good, I know! It's okay. I have something to show you . . ." She reached into the large paper bag of stuff she had brought back with her, pulling out a piece of paper and passing it up. "This is the recipe for polyjuice. Sirius doesn't think we can get the ingredients on our own, but he says he could be convinced to send them to us if we are . . . convincing enough."

"What is this 'we' business?"

"I'm hoping you'll play with us again if we make it fun enough for you."

"Fun?"

"Look, I'm not sure how to convince you, but you're really good at acting and you're actually braver than most anyone else I know, once you have something you want."

"Flattery won't . . . well, maybe. Still. I'll think about it. So what else did you do besides plot to have me act out your sexual fantasies for you?"

"Angie! You're learning! I might have said that! I'm so proud." Sandra really did look happy. "He took me back to his place."

"Annnnd. . ."

"Showed me around. I yelled at his crazy house elf for him, and it made us dinner. The Black place is really nice! He made copies of a bunch of stuff from his library, and gave me lots of good ideas for pranks, and taught me some spells."

"Annnnd. . ."

"Sneaked me back onto the grounds just now through a secret tunnel."

Angie raised her eyebrows.

"No, we didn't do anything else. Hmph."

"Rissa was pretty sure you wanted to. Disappointed? Frustrated?"

"I didn't really think anything was going to happen." Sandra changed into her pajamas as Angie contemplated the polyjuice recipe. "You know, it's okay to tease me back. I can actually take it, and it's fun."

"I'm not you. We'd have to steal these from Snape."

"That's what Sirius said, and then warned us about the guy reading our minds. But Oren cornered Snape on that point for us, and I think we're safe."

"Oh?"

"Snape says he doesn't like reading the minds of Slytherins, because he learns things he didn't want to know about."

"Huh. I wonder if that's true."

"I think it is. You're pretty innocent."

"I don't think I could manage to look innocent if I were planning to steal from the potions storeroom. And this thing takes what, a month to brew?"

"Right. So we wouldn't be starting on it until January anyway. And maybe we can pick the ingredients up over break somehow, or maybe Sirius will give in and buy it for us."

"Okay, fine. What kind of 'convincing' does he have in mind?"

"I think he wants us to provide a challenge for the Weasley twins."

"Oh."