How dementors came to be.
(#) EtherealSiren 2011-04-28 08:10:16 PMSome of the first lines were a bit awkward, like the one that ended in "he" and especially where "stopped" and "hop" are used. this should be rewoeked so both words are the same tense.
This piece seems like it could have come from a fairy tale book sold in Flourish & Blots. Very nice. Just a bit of polish, especially in the beginning of the poem, and it will be good enough that you might even get some authors asking to use it in their fic.
(#) lilgenious 2011-04-29 10:46:23 PMI think your poem was good... though I have to agree with another reviewer, the first lines were a bit awkward.
I think that you should rewrite it if you want, at least it will make sense more. However this is not to say that it is not already good because it is, just fix it up some more and a lot more people will read it:)
I also have to agree with the other reviewer, with a bit of polish this fic can turn into a fairy tale book from Flourish and Blots.