Frank loves Gerard. But Does Gerard Love Him? A Lot Of Things Can Change While On Break On A Cruise.
His voice was angelic. And the way he danced around the stage singing was sexy. I wasn’t really paying attention to Bob, Ray, or Mikey. I was focused on Gee right now.
When he lay down on the stage floor singing and acting all crazy I took it as an opportunity to bring Frerard back to the stage. It had been a year or so since we had ever kissed or done anything on stage. Quite frankly I missed kissing him on stage and just having a fucking amazing time around him. But I knew that he could never be mine.
He would never like me the way I liked him. He made that quite clear when I told him that I loved him and then he ignored me for a couple days after I told him. When I finally did approach him he said he didn’t feel the same way as me and that even if he did he couldn’t go out with me for the bands sake.
So when he got on the floor I just did what my instincts were telling me to do. I ran over to him and jumped on him straddling him. At first he stared at me like ‘what the fuck’ but then he grinned as our hips grinded together. We stayed like that for about two minutes, the fan girl screams getting louder and one girl even trying to throw herself on stage. I got off Gee and we finished the song.
“THANK YOU NEW YORK!” He screamed into the mic. Ray, Mikey, Bob, and Gerard ran off stage but I just walked. What was the point in running? It was the last show. I just haven’t been myself at all lately. The hyper, energetic, overly happy Frankie was gone. Now all I did was wake up, play shows, and cry myself silently to sleep. I could tell that the guys wanted to help me but what was the point? Nothing mattered anymore.
The guys were all sitting in the dressing room with our manager Brian, Christa (Ray’s Girlfriend), and Alicia (Mikey’s Girlfriend). Gerard, Bob, and Ray were whispering about something. Christa and Alicia were painting their nails. And Mikey and Brian were playing video games. I put Pansy(my guitar) down and grabbed my hoodie before walking out. Bob stopped me and sighed.
“Frankie, please tell me what’s wrong. We can help you through whatever it is. We miss the old Frankie.” He said. I frowned and got tears on my eyes looking at Gerard before looking up at Bob.
“What’s the point of trying to win a battle that you have already lost.” I said looking him straight in the eyes. Everyone turned to look at me. Bob started to say something and Gerard got up. But before Bob could say anything and before Gerard could reach me and Bob I pushed Bob out of the way and ran for the tour bus.
Hopefully everyone would realize that I wanted to be alone and nobody would try to come and talk to me. I knew that Brian understood a bit of what I was going through because I had told him about my love for Gerard. But nobody knew why I had been wearing sweatshirts for the last month. Nobody knew that I was cutting myself. Not like they would care. I mean, of course they would care but I didn’t want sympathy.
I ran onto the bus with tears streaming down my face. I ran into the bathroom and closed the door kicking the wall with my converse. As much as I was happy that the ‘Black Parade’ tour was over, I was going to miss the guys. I had so many mixed emotions about everything and I just couldn’t deal with it. So I did the one thing that helped me escape the pain and hurting. I grabbed my razor and sat on the floor with my eyes closed and gripping the razor tightly in my hand.
When the sharp blade first ran across the skin on my arm I whimpered a little but kept on cutting. And it began to ease my pain and once I felt satisfied I stopped and opened my eyes to the new fresh scars on my arm. I cleaned up everything before pulling my sweatshirt sleeve down and walking out of the bathroom without any emotion. Like a zombie.
The guys were walking into the bus now and I started to walk towards the bunks. They were all laughing and joking around. I couldn’t let them see me like this. I walked over to my bunk but Brian had seen my tear stained eyes and the look on my face. I sniffled as I heard him drop something that sounded like metal hitting the floor of the tour bus.
“Frank, what’s wrong?” He asked walking over to me and putting a hand on my shoulder. I shuddered a bit and moved away from his touch. He knew what was the matter. Yet he acted like he was clueless. Everyone else stopped laughing and joking around. It was silent. Everyone waiting for me to reply. But my back was to the others. They couldn’t see my tear stained eyes or the expression on my face.
“Nothings wrong B-Brian. Just leave my the fuck a-alone.” I said shakily before jumping up onto my bunk and pulling the curtain shut. I heard Brian sigh and walk back to the others. I sniffled and hid my face in my pillow. And slowly drifted of to a dreamy and peaceful sleep.