!FRERARD! after a move, Frank is struggling with life.... can the mysterious raven-haired stranger he meets one night on the beach change things?
Disclaimer: I do not own MCR, just the plot
NOTE 25/5/11: Hey...wow, thank you all so so fucking much for all the rates and reviews!! i seriously can't believe it- 30 reviews and 1004 views?!?! you all fucking ROCK!! anyway, I edited this a bit, so if you'd like to read now, that'd be awesome :) there aren't many changes, but...yeah. hope you like, and if you haven't...please R&R :) I'm considering doing a second part sometime soon, but i need to concentrate on my other stories at the moment. thank you all a million once more, I love you guys!
Someone Save My Soul Tonight
Frank’s point of view:
To begin with, November 6th, 2010 had given all impression of being yet another depressingly repetitive, frustrated, anxiety ridden day, but had actually ended up being one of the most life changing twenty four hours of my existence. It was the day I discovered who I really was.
Once again, I had spent the majority of my day in a room that felt like someone else’s, sorting and unpacking yet more boxes from the move, getting more and more anxious about my dreaded first day at the local hell hole; staring out of the window in my bleak, box-filled room, gazing up at the overcast, murky sky and glowering grey clouds, wishing I was somewhere else.
Suppressed frustration, anxiety, misery and anger prickled relentlessly at my insides; anger at my Dad for bringing us here, seemingly uncaring about my feelings, misery at seeing my Mom look so sad all the time, as she too, despised our new lives, and frustration at myself for letting them take me here, for letting my anxiety get to the point where I could no longer even leave the house without having a panic attack. I felt utterly pathetic and helpless; there was nothing I could do to change my fate.
It was pretty much identical to all the other eight days I’d been living at 37 Canongate, each day unbearably repetitive, confined and progressively worse than the previous.
It all started just as Mom, Dad and I had finished a tasteless dinner of rice and beans; Dad had made a start on the washing up, Mom had gone to check her email and I was clearing the table.
“Hey Dad, can I phone Martin when I’m done here? We haven’t spoken since we left, and he is my best friend.” I had asked, stacking the dirty plates.
“No, I don’t think so, Frank.” Dad said, running hot water into the sink and pulling on Mom’s rubber gloves.
“What? Why not?” I asked, confused.
“I don’t think you should be able to just speak to your friends whenever you like until you’ve actually left the house.” Dad said in his forced reasonable tone, squirting washing up liquid into the sink. “It’s not good for you to stay in your room all the time.”
“I can’t help it- you know I have anxiety problems, and stopping me speaking to my friends won’t help that!” I pointed out, the beginnings of pent-up frustration prickling at my chest.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Frank, of course you can help it! You just need to stop making such a big deal over it!” Dad said, the forced tone of his voice becoming even more strained, a vein jumping in his temple.
“You know that’s not true, and I don’t get what you hate so much about me getting anxious! I can’t help it! And how am I supposed to speak to my friends? You take me away from them, you can’t expect me to just forget about them!” I growled, anger prickling my stomach like red hot needles.
“Well maybe it’s for the better.” Dad said through clenched teeth.
I was getting seriously pissed of by this point; my anxiety issues had always caused problems between my Dad and I as he always seemed to think I was just making them up, or it was something I could choose, but this time I was really beginning to have had enough; enough of being pushed around, enough of being told my feelings were imaginary or didn’t matter. Maybe he just didn’t understand what it was really like, but whatever it was, I’d put up with it for too long and it was gradually wearing me right down.
“No it’s not for the better! How the hell am I meant to keep in touch with my friends?!” I fumed, scraping tiny grains of rice off the plates and into the bin with more force than necessary.
“I don’t know, Frank.” Dad said in that ‘and I don’t care either’ tone. “I think for now you should just stop thinking about your old friends and concentrate on making new friends and girlfriends.”
“I can’t just forget about my old friends! And I don’t WANT new friends, or a girlfriend!” I was shouting by that point, slamming the dishes into the sink.
“I’m you actually made an EFFORT it would be easy enough!” Dad spat in that overly calm tone that meant he was getting worked up.
“What?! It’s not fucking easy! I’m stuck at home all day with nothing to do and no one to talk to!” I snarled, viciously wiping grains of rice off the table with a cloth, red hot anger burning my insides.
“Don’t you dare speak to me like that! And maybe if you actually got up off your backside, stopped listening to that depressing gothic shit you call music, went out and stopped dressing like some emo faggot, you might find it easier!” Dad snapped.
My blood boiled, my fists clenched, my teeth gritted as I tried to control the blistering fury, swelling up inside me and gushing through my veins, like lava from a volcano.
“You’re utterly pathetic!!” Dad spat.
It was that that pushed me over the edge I was already so close to. To be called pathetic by a man who just took away everything that made my life worth living.
“I fucking HATE you!!” I screamed, the volcano inside me erupting, making me tremble with weeks of suppressed angst. “I’m the one who’s pathetic?! You’re the one who’s dragged me hundreds of miles away from everything that made me happy! You’re the one who hates me for who I am! And you don’t even seem to CARE how unhappy I am!”
The fury had taken me over, white-hot, burning, intoxicating, totally overpowering.
I grabbed one of the glasses from the kitchen table, flung it at the tiled floor and stormed from the kitchen, slamming my way out of the house, snatching my hoodie from the hall on the way and ignoring Dad’s yells of fury.
I marched furiously down the street, the scorching anger still flooding my chest as my Doc Martens pounded the grimy pavement.
I walked for seconds, minutes, hours…I don’t know, the anger had completely possessed me, taken me over, made me oblivious everything other than my blistering anger and hurt.
I didn’t notice the ebony black clouds, the bullets of icy rain drumming against the pavement, the bitter wind howling through the trees that lined the street, the growls of thunder from the colliding onyx clouds overhead, or the intermittent flashes of lightening streaking through the sinister night. I guess it was just because the outside matched the inside so perfectly at that moment.
When I finally stopped, panting and still trembling slightly with the aftermath of my rage, I realised I was on a beach.
I realised it was dark.
I realised there was a thunderstorm.
I realised I was angrier than I’d been in my life.
I realised it was pouring with rain.
I realised I was totally and utterly alone.
Suddenly, all the anger that had been red-hot and writhing inside me dropped like a stone, plummeting away and leaving me feeling empty, hollow.
As I gazed out at the onyx waves crashing onto the silvery sand, the bullets of indigo that fell heavily from the velvety sky became salty tears, trickling down my cheeks.
I sank down onto the damp, icy cold sand, head in my hands; helpless.
I don’t know how long I was there in the velvety night, listening to the waves breaking onto the silver sand, but all of a sudden, I felt something gently touch my shoulder, and a soft, slightly ragged voice whispered- “Are you okay?”, making me jump and look up, wiping the raindrops of self-pity from my stinging cheeks.
The voice belonged to a boy; a boy taller than me, dressed entirely in black, his shoulder length hair dishevelled, a deeper ebony than the thunder clouds, falling tangled across his face, which was a smooth ivory with prominent cheekbones, thin pink lips and a button nose. His eyes were a stunning, startling, entrancing jade green, glimmering in the slivery light of the moon, looking right into me; turning my soul inside-out.
He was…beautiful, in a mysterious, slightly sinister way.
“Uh…yeah.” I muttered, voice hoarse and dragging my hand across my raw, bloodshot eyes.
“You don’t look it. Is it okay if I sit with you?” the boy asked, a small smile playing across his lips.
I nodded, bemused and lost for words as he sat down beside me.
“W-who are you?” I stuttered, wiping my tear soaked cheeks with the fraying sleeve of my hoodie.
“Gerard.” The boy replied softly. “You?”
“Frank.” I shivered in the bitterness of the November storm.
There was silence for a couple of moments, broken only by the rumbling of the colliding clouds overhead and the slight hiss of the delicate, silvery grains of sand being blown across the deserted beach by the wind.
“…Do you wanna tell me why you’re sitting alone on the beach in the middle of a thunderstorm?” Gerard’s soft whisper broke the silence between us.
I sighed, glancing up at him. His deep jade eyes are sparkling in the moonlight, concerned, curious and intriguing.
“…I…I’ve just moved here and I’m finding life kinda difficult.” I summarised, not really sure what made me blurt this out to the mysterious, raven haired boy.
Gerard nodded sympathetically. “That must be shit.”
“It really is- and my stupid fucking Dad won’t even let me stay in touch with my friends!” I started getting worked up again, feeling my throat aching, hot, salty tears welling up inside me and brimming over the rims of my stinging eyes. I wiped them away fiercely, furious with myself for crying in front of him.
“Seriously?” Gerard looked kinda shocked.
“Mhm.” I sighed, taking a deep, trembling breath. “It’s just so horrible, being stuck all alone by myself to do all day but feel sorry for myself.”
“I totally know what you mean.” Gerard nodded, brushing a strand of ebony hair out of his eyes. “Whenever I feel shitty, I just come down here and watch the waves- it’s peaceful, y’ know?”
“Don’t you ever get lonely?” I asked.
“Kinda. But there’s something really calming about this beach, I think. I could sit here for hours- it just feels so peaceful, kind of like the cemetery at the edge of town.” Gerard sighed, fiddling with the hem of his black leather jacket.
“You like cemeteries?” I said, half intrigued, half understanding.
“Some cemeteries.” Gerard corrected me. “I dunno- the one here just feels really serene and it’s got this really peaceful atmosphere to it. You probably think I’m a right freak!” he chuckled darkly.
“No, no I don’t.” I said, for some reason, eager to reassure him. “When my Grandad died, I used to go and visit his grave a lot, partly because I missed him loads- he taught me how to play my guitar and I really looked up to him, but also partly because there was just something calming about sitting there on the grass, undisturbed.”
“I don’t think all cemeteries are like that though- when my sister died, the graveyard she was buried in had a totally different feel- really depressing and claustrophobic. I hated it.” Gerard sighed.
“You’re sister died?” I said, feeling a sudden pang of sympathy for the raven haired stranger.
“Ellie.” Gerard said softly, the expression in his eyes becoming tenderly reminiscent. “She was two.”
“Wh-what happened?” I asked tentatively.
“Pneumonia.” Gerard answered quietly. “It was long before we moved here.”
“I’m sorry.” I said, and honestly I’ve never felt more sorry as I look into his dreamily sad, grief riddled, far-way eyes.
“It’s fine.” Gerard smiled weakly. “It was years back, and I’ve got Mikey- he’s only a year younger than me and he’s pretty awesome- we’ re just as much best friends as brothers.” That time, his smile was stronger.
“I’ve always wanted a brother. Or a sister really- I’m an only child.” I sighed shivering, in my hoodie.
“I bet you get lots of presents and attention and stuff from your parents though!” Gerard said, a twinkle in his eye.
“No, not at all.” I said sadly. “Mom and Dad don’t really get on that well. I have anxiety problems, and he just seems to hate me for it, when I get to panicky to go out or whatever. He thinks I’m pathetic. I am.” I spat out the last bit, and wondered how I wound up on the beach in the freezing dark of a thunderstorm, spilling my heart out to an almost complete stranger when I feel like my life isn’t even worth living.
But somehow, Gerard didn’t feel like a stranger, bizarre as it might seem, it felt like in some way, I already sort of knew him. He intrigued me, and there was something unique, something trustable about him. Even I’d been feeling more angry and unhappy than ever before, as I sat on the icy sand with him in the violent night, talking about cemeteries and families and anxiety, I felt calmer than I had in months, years even.
“You’re not.” Gerard said very softly, so softly, it was merely a whisper over the crashing thunderclouds and pelting rain. “Don’t ever let anyone tell you that.”
I stayed silent for a moment, shivering violently inside my damp hoodie, for some reason suddenly feeling close to tears again, touched by the caring sincerity in his ragged whisper.
“Hey, you must be freezing.” Gerard stopped looking thoughtfully out to the stormy sea and smiled gently at me; a smile that made my heat flutter erratically.
“Yeah, it tends to happen when you sit in the pouring rain for hours like and idiot.” I said darkly.
Gerard chuckled, shifting closer to me for body heat, his shoulder pressing gently against mine, and suddenly, the atmosphere between us changed subtly.
That was when it happened.
The shoulder touching his burned, my cheeks flushed, my heard pounded wildly against my ribs, my body breaking out in goose bumps that had nothing to do with temperature.
I turned to look at Gerard, pulse fluttering irregularly, palms clammy, stomach twirling.
His raven black hair blew gently in the bitter wind, slightly damp from the rain and sea spray, his lips pale pink, soft and smooth. His eyes were glittering in the shimmery silver moonlight, gleaming, an entrancing, bewitching deep jade, rimmed with long, dark lashes, his skin a ghostly, glowing pallor.
He was beautiful.
Really, really beautiful.
I could feel his warm breath tickling my lips, I could smell the faint scents of coffee and charcoal drifting off his hair and worn leather jacket, feel the heat of his body so close to mine…making my heat beat faster, faster, faster, as his bewitching eyes gazed into mine the whole time, totally compelling, making his presence overwhelmingly intoxicating. I couldn’t think straight anymore…
Before I had time to stop and consider what I didn’t know I was about to do, I had crashed my lips forcefully into his; cold from the rain and faintly salty from sea spray. I wrapped my arms round his skinny hips, pulling him to me as my mind whirled nonsensically, heart thumping wildly, sparks igniting in my chest.
He stayed statue-like for a moment, though I barely noticed- I was so caught up in the frenzied passion, the indescribably incredible feel of his soft lips against mine, but then he sighed into my mouth and pulled me closer almost fiercely, fingertips icy on the small of my back. His lips meshed against mine urgently, hands exploring my back feverishly, our chests crushed together- I could feel the frenzied beat of his heart against my chest.
We broke apart momentarily, our breathing loud, gasping breaths in the silence of the ebony night.
The moment we were apart, I yearned to feel him again, a longing like no other I’d felt, and I dived at the nape of his lily-white neck, nibbling and sucking the ghostly skin, making him moan raggedly into the night.
He grabbed my cheeks desperately, and held my face mere millimetres away from his, making my heart rate increase by the millisecond as I observed every tiny detail of his face in the faint, misty moonlight; the tiny hazel flecks in his entrancing eyes, the two tiny freckles by his left eyes, the spikiness if his dark lashes, the now slightly pink tint to his previously chalk-white cheeks…my pulse felt more like it was humming, it was going so fast, craving his mouth on mine again.
“…You’re beautiful…” he said hoarsely, before pulling me into another magical, breathtaking kiss.
My stomach was doing cartwheels of ecstasy, all the energy from the anger that I’d felt previously renewed, but as furious, frantic passion as I kissed him desperately, feeling the soft warmth of his lips, our kiss getting harder, faster, as Gerard pushed me down onto the icy silver sand, his body crushing me, but still not close enough… I pushed my hands under his t-shirt, feeling his taut, skinny back and groaning into the kiss as his hands wandered across my hips…
I was overcome, possessed, unaware of anything else; utter ecstasy.
Until Gerard pulled away, gasping.
I suddenly noticed the thunder, the lightening and the rain had stopped.
“Wha-why?” I panted deliriously.
“I have to leave, Frankie.” He whispered brokenly, getting off me.
“Wh-why?” I stuttered again, my legs trembling as I got unsteadily to my feet, heart pounding wildly with the enormity of what had just happened.
“I’ll see you again. Promise.” Gerard murmured, kissing my forehead. “You’re amazing, Frank. Don’t forget that- and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise…we’ll meet again one day, I promise.” And with that, he meandered away from me, into the swirling mist.
I blinked, wondering if it had been a dream, and suddenly, his silhouette was gone, leaving nothing behind but the after scent charcoal and the frantic thumping of my heart.
Maybe I did have something to live for after all…
So what did you think? xD Do you want more or would it be better as a oneshot? Was it okay? Like I said, I’ve never don’t something like this, so please tell me how I can improve! Please please please, if you read it, Rate and Review as this took a lot of time haha! Please tell me why you/ liked didn’t like and yeah, I’m gunna shut up now hahhaha! xD love you guys and thanks so much for reading! :D
CosmicZombie xo xD