Fawn loved James, but he didn't love her. Feeling nothing but heartbreak, she blames herself. Which leads to a wrong choice. But can a hidden love save her from herself? Beware Mentions of Anorexia!
As the first period bell rang Fawn woke up from the daze that she had been in and after grabbing her bag walked to her first class. Entering the room with little time to spare Fawn sat down in her desk and waited for the Professor to begin the lesson. After the tardy bell rang and the class settled down the Professor began speaking. Fawn had been hoping for busy work, or anything that would make it hard for her to think. But it seemed that fate was against her, because the Professor had decided that they were to watch a movie that day.
As the movie began Fawn's thoughts returned towards James, her boyfriend of two years. He was the love of her life, and she felt like she could spend the rest of her life with him. When they had started dating, James had been the perfect gentleman. Everywhere they went he would open the door for her and would listen to her problems and give her advice, well try at least. Recently whenever they got together he seemed to pull away from her, and when she went to kiss him he would flinch away from her. James had even stopped telling her that he loved her!
Fawn was so focused on her thoughts that she didn't her the bell chime again to release students to their second period. She was snapped back into focus when she felt someone shaking her shoulder. Looking up, Fawn met the eyes of her concerned Professor. She stared at him for a short while and then without saying anything Fawn stood up, grabbed her bag and left the room.
Throughout the rest of the day it seemed that the Professor's had deemed it a movie day. Ever class was a repeat of Fawn's first period. All of her thoughts circled around James and how he was acting. Fawn nearly danced for joy was the bell rang for lunch.
Walking into the cafeteria Fawn silently went to sit with her group of friends. Fawn was again sitting there looking at something the rest of them could not see. So when her phone vibrated in her pocket Fawn nearly screamed in fright. Looking around and after seeing no Professors in the vicinity, Fawn pulled out her phone. There was a text from James. It seemed that he had said that he was through with her and wanted nothing to do with her.
Fawn felt tears begin to form in her eyes and before they could fall she stood up and calming walked out of the cafeteria and walked into an empty room so that she could cry in private. She was trying to stop the tears that were silently falling down her face, but it seemed that there was nothing that could ever make her stop crying. She felt like she was being ripped apart a small piece at a time.
Unnoticed to Fawn, Nathanial had snuck up behind her and he had read the text over her shoulder. So when Nathanial spoke her name she gave a startled cry of surprise. Fawn quickly turned around so that she could see who had called for her. When Nathanial saw that she was in tears he tugged her into a hug. For a moment she just stood there not knowing what to do but finally she hugged him back.
As she was held she caught a whiff of Nathanial's scent. There was something about it that reminded her of the first breeze of spring. Not wanting to be let go, Fawn stepped farther into the hug and continued to cry. But this time the tears were no longer silent, sobs racked her frame as she cried into Nathanial's shoulder. Nathanial just held her while she cried. Every so often he would whisper nonsensical things into her ear while rubbing her back.
Pulling back slightly, Fawn rubbed at her eyes trying to remove the evidence of her tears. While still standing in the circle of Nathanial's arms, Fawn was afraid to look into his eyes and see pity there. Instead Fawn looked over his shoulder and stared at the wall behind him. Nathanial seemed to want none of that, for he gently cupped her face and wiped away the tears that Fawn had been unaware were still falling. Still afraid of what she would see in his eyes, Fawn finally looked up and nearly sobbed again when she saw nothing but love shining in his eyes. Surprised at what she saw, Fawn reached up and hugged him again.
After some days passed Fawn began to realize that she had feelings for Nathanial. But even after discovering that Fawn couldn't stop pinning over James. Each and every night she would cry her self to sleep. Fawn couldn't help but feel like she was the reason that James hadn't wanted her. Looking into a mirror, Fawn saw nothing but an overweight girl. Knowing that Fawn began to eat less and less, and finally it was to the point where she wouldn't eat at all.
Fawn continued this throughout the rest of the year, and when school released for the summer Fawn had gone from weighing 110 pounds to a startling 80 pounds. She felt like that wasn't enough, so weighing herself every day and reducing the little amount of food she was eating; Fawn continued to lose weight.
One morning as she was about to weigh herself, someone knocked on the front door. Since her parents weren't home, Fawn went and got it. Forgetting that she was in nothing but a sports bra and some old track shorts, Fawn opened the door and was surprised when she saw Nathanial standing there. They just stood there for a moment until Fawn invited him in. As the door shut behind her, Fawn remembered what she had been about to do and what she was wearing.
Knowing that it was too late to cover herself, Fawn tried to be as nonchalant about it. Nathanial didn't buy it. He stopped in front of her and stared at her, waiting for her to speak. Fawn shuffled her feet and looked anywhere but into his eyes.
Feeling his stare made Fawn want to just stop eating, she knew that she was fat and ugly. If Nathanial loved her before he couldn't love her now. Not after he saw what she looked like, how unattractive she was. Completely unnerved by Nathanial's stare, Fawn finally looked into his eyes. The look disappointment there made her want to cry.
Nathanial did nothing for a moment, and then he walked up to Fawn and with cold voice and only asked her why. Why would she do this to herself? What had been running through her mind when she starved herself? On and on he questioned her, not once giving her time to answer.
Finally, Fawn broke out into tears and told him everything. From knowing that it was her fault James left, to how she felt about Nathanial himself; to feeling that she needed to be thinner to be pretty. Fawn left nothing out, she had wanted to tell someone but had been afraid they would realize that she was ugly as well.
As Fawn finished, Nathanial wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. He took a moment to gather his thoughts and began to speak. He told her that it wasn't her fault that James left, that she was beautiful, and that nobody thought she was ugly. He told her that what she was doing to herself was unhealthy and could kill her if it continued.
They spent the day talking and Nathanial made Fawn promise to talk to her parents when they got home and if she needed him he would be there with her. Nathanial told her that he did love her and he would do anything he could to help her. Hearing this, Fawn smiled and told him she loved him as well, but that she wasn't ready for that commitment yet. It wasn't that she didn't want him; she wanted to be healthy and back to herself before she entered a relationship with him. Nathanial smiled and kissed her lightly on the cheek in joy.
It was months before Fawn was at a healthy weight, and a couple of weeks before she was fully out of her depression. She knew that it would be years before she could ever look into a mirror without judging herself, but with the help of her loved ones she could over come that need to starve herself.
Nathanial was waiting for her when she came home from the hospital. Fawn laughed and ran into his arms. She asked him if he would still take her in a whisper. Nathanial pulled her away at arms length and looked her over, as if to check that she was indeed healthy. Nodding to himself, he pulled her close and kissed her fully on the mouth. When they pulled apart, Fawn giggled and heard Nathanial murmur a yes then he pulled her back into another kiss.
Even though they came together in a time of strife for Fawn, Nathanial couldn't help but think that even though she had lost a love, at the end of things she gained one as well.