The tremors never seem to stop, do they?
That feeling won't go away. I want to drown out all of my memories from this moment all the way into my dark past just so I can feel more self assured. The pain has me in it's grip until the day I take my last agonizing breath. I'll embrace the darkness that searches for me, never to hear the dwindling melodies that the souls of this fading planet contain. Never to see those comforting eyes that changed my perspective on my hatred for the rest of the world. Bittersweet, I suppose.
Even still, the silence takes me on another journey that I long for. I can hear the voices that haunted me for my entire childhood disappear in gasps of anguish. It makes me smile inside to think of such things. Those people were horrible since the moment they saw daylight for the first time. Of course it seems morbid to wish death on someone. But they deserved every little spine tingling shock of pain that pulsed through their slowly decaying nerves. They deserved even more than that, but their punishment truly came in the afterlife as they were consumed by the raging fires of Hell for all eternity.
And even in all of this anger that dwells inside me, I wish for something more pleasant. I never believed in it, and I'm still not sure that I completely do. But love seems so beautiful when you can truly see it. In the darkest of places, it seems to shine a dim light. The thought had always crossed my mid that it wasn't real at all. Just a feeling that people believe they have. But I don't have anything to back my theory up.
Is it possible for someone like me to find another person who shares interests with me? I'm not average, I know. Maybe it's just a dream that I'll finally wake up from so I can accept the fact that it's not true. Maybe it's something that I just have to wait for. Perhaps I've already found the person who is my 'soulmate' and I haven't realized it. But that's a slim possibility entirely.
Besides that, rejection is a pain all too familiar to me. The bitter emotions that it brings aren't something I'm ready to deal with again. Jagger had been enough for me to find that out. I was so close to him, and it took a turn for the worst when I assumed that we were closer. I know I'll never make such a naive gesture again. But will I be open for someone if the time comes?
Sorry it was so horribly short, but it's just one of her letters, as I had mentioned. It all ties into something coming up....