Frank turns back to music and Bob gets suspicious.
"Yeah. I am scared though. I mean, everyone's going to find out sooner or later, and then what? We're going to become even more discriminated."
"Who gives a fuck what gender we are? I don't. I just want you, fucking nothing can change that." He put one hand on my chest for comfort. I tilted his chin upwards and kissed him softly, my stomach flipping and my skin burning.
"I think I just need some space. I definitely want this and you. Do you know how hard I'm trying to contain myself right now?" It was true, I had Gerard in my arms and I was engulfed by his smell and the feel of his lips, it was way too overwhelming to just sit there.
"You don't have to contain yourself." He looked up, his beautiful hazel eyes staring into mine. Oh, God. I swallowed hard.
"I- I know. I just think it'd be better if I had some time to calm down. I can barely think when you're around," I admitted. "Could you drive me back to my house?" I added quickly, before my body overcame my sense. Gerard sighed.
"Okay, sure." He stopped leaning on my chest and crushed his lips desperately to mine. My heartbeat rose, and I kissed him back, our fingers tangled in eachother's hair whilst my stomach flipped for the hundreth time. I was left in complete weakness and vulnerability until Gerard suddenly parted our lips.
"Sorry." He apologized sheepishly before pressing his lips softly to mine once before standing up. I breathed in deeply a few times, trying to compose myself. I closed my eyes and nodded, then we went out to the car. He didn't try and talk to me, he knew he'd confused things enough by kissing me. I couldn't tell what I was thinking.
Gerard walked me to my front door and I faced him, pulling him towards me, my hands around his waist. He then put his around mine, and I opened my mouth to try and speak.
"Don't do anything stupid," I said, looking straight into his eyes and stroking his back. "I know you've been focusing on me, but don't forget about yourself. Don't cut. If you won't, I won't. I love you, remember that," I knew I was going to have to be by myself for a few days to get my head around things. "Promise me." Gerard swallowed once.
"I promise," he managed to choke. "I love you too. Just don't hurt me." I nuzzled against his cheek affectionately. It hurt how he always seemed so strong, but I always knew he was just as fragile as I.
"I promise to be the best thing that's ever happened to you." I whispered. I kissed him slowly and softly, our lips perfectly in sync. We pulled away, but only just enough, his lips still lingered on mine. We looked into eachothers eyes once more before he gave me a smile that made me weak at the knee. He put a hand on my shoulder and dragged it down and away as he spoke.
"Call me if things get bad." I nodded and went inside. I felt blissful. I sunk down into the sofa and replayed everything. The way he held me, the softness of his lips, his soul in his beautiful eyes. I shuddered just at the thought of him and decided to get clearing my head. Music. I was going to try. I wanted to make something good. Even if it wasn't, I'd be calming myself down. I was just composing myself when the doorbell rang. I wearily got up and cautiously opened the door. Mikey stood there with a hesitant expression. I tensed.
"Er, hey." I said.
"Um, Frank, could I come in?"
"Erm, sure." I said, walking into the living room, closely followed by Mikey.
"We need to talk." He sighed.
"About what?" I asked innocently.
"Well, firstly, I know about you and Gerard. Don't worry, it's cool I guess. He's acting like a hyper unicorn today, which is a good change," I laughed, as did he. "But yeah, what I really need to talk about is you." My body stiffened. "Why do you want to kill yourself, Frank?" My shoes suddenly became rather fascinating. "Look up." He sighed. A tear escaped my eye and I quickly brushed it away.
"Everything's so fucked up. My emotions, myself..." I trailed off. I couldn't look him in the eye. He put an arm around me.
"Frank. You're absolutely amazing. You're the bestest friend I could ask for, not to mention the best guitarist. You're one hell of a guy."
"G-guitarist...?" I stuttered.
"Yeah! You're such a talented musician. MCR would be fucked without you." Was he being serious? The comment meant so much to me. I shrugged.
"I just need time to clear my head, Mikey."
"Sure. But first, when are you and Gerard planning on telling Ray and Bob?" I shuffled nervously.
"I-I'm not sure. When the time is right." I guessed so.
"Sooner rather than later would be better. One more thing," he added. "Thank you for making Gerard so happy. He obviously loves you more than life, Frankie." He smiled before walking out. I tried not to dwell on his words and sat back down, looking over at Pansy, my guitar. I hadn't played properly in a long time, just using her at rehearsals. I felt alive when I played her, and that was what I needed.
I cautiously extended a hand towards her, picking her up then putting the strap over my shoulder. I strummed a chord. I felt it all come rushing back. Notes and tunes were rushing through my head. Passion. I smiled and immediately began to compose.
My head was driving me insane. Frank. Frank Frank Frank. He was the only thing I could think about. His beautiful hazel eyes, his soft, cute lips, his arched eyebrows, the way his smile lit up his face, his soft hair wrapped in my fingers, his perfect body structure, how our beings fitted together, his muscular arms around my waist, his lips, his eyes, his lips, his eyes, his smile...
I could not think of anything else.
"Are you listening to me, Gerard?!" A sharp tap on my shoulder snapped me back to reality.
"Whaa..?" I wearily enquired. Bob sighed. We always had coffee together in the mornings, Starbucks. I was finding it incredibly hard to act cool to everyone, especially Bob. Also especially now, I had been aching for Frank to be next to me at night, just having to sleep solitarily.
"Seriously, what's up with you lately, man? You're constantly looking all dreamy and shit." He rolled his eyes.
"I'm just tired." Became my excuse.
"Really? Really. When you're not in la-la land you're fucking high. You sure you're not on drugs?"
Yes, I'm pretty sure that's a good adjective for Frank. Yup, I'm on Frank.
"I'm sure." I gave a purposely fake smile and drunk a mouthful of coffee. A smile slowly spread across Bob's face. I leaned away slightly.
"Erm, what...?" I raised an eyebrow at his odd expression.
"You've bagged someone." He stated. I nearly spat out my coffee.
"What?! No! Of course not! Not at all. Single pringle. Absolutely no one. I don't know why on earth you'd ever think th-"
"Definitely bagged someone. Come on, cough up. Spit out. Who is it?"
"No one! Absolutelynoone." I gabbled. Bob gave me a smug smile.
"Yeah right," He rolled his eyes. "Is she hot?" I winced. It immediately became a deal worse after mentioning 'she'. This was so hard. I couldn't tell him yet though, Frank was still just trying to clear up his thoughts.
"I have to go." I blurted before rushing out the cafe. Bob shot me an incredibly suspicious look as I got away. He shook his head unknowingly. We had rehearsal this evening. I was hoping Frank would show up. Also just because it was getting kind of hard without him. Even as friends, we saw eachother practically every day, he'd always been there for me through everything. I still remembered whe something nearly happened between us.
When we were 16. We were playing video games, he was celebrating ecstatically next to me on the couch, ending up on top of me. Out eyes had been staring into one another's for a few minutes before we'd leant in. But Mikey opened the front door and Frank had leapt off of me. Ever since then we'd always have 'moments', but I never thought he'd want to actually give it a go. He was too good for me, I was lucky enough to even have the man I loved as my bestfriend. My phone started vibrating and I jumped out of my skin. I answered it ASAP, like it was going to bite me.
"Hey, it's Ray."
"Oh, hi. Sup?" I asked.
"Well, Bob said you were acting weird?" Shit.
"Did he?" I inquired innocently.
"Yeah, he reckons you have a girlfriend, so...?" He hinted. Argh. We really needed to tell them. That was it. I needed to talk to Frankie. A few days was too long.
"I'll ring you back later." I hung up, changing course to Frank's house.
I soon got there, and took a key out from under the gate where it always was. When I opened the door, I suddenly heard music. I followed the sound of it to his room, I opened the door and he was standing there, playing guitar, his tongue sticking out in concentration. Oh God, how was this beautiful guy mine?
"Holy shit." I hissed.