FicWad

After following James into the cabin, we sat on opposite sides of the bed. I tried to wipe my tears off my face as I blinked sadly up at him. James was looking at me in concern, looking much more like the James I was used to and less like the drunken James I had met last night. Leaning forward across the bed to close the gap between us, James offered me his hand.

I was still slightly irritated at James because of the events from earlier this morning, but I needed comfort right now. So despite the fact that I was still trying to be mad at James, I reached out and took his hand. James put his other hand over mine and pulled me towards him. Not sure what he was up to, I let him pull me forward and looked at him in confusion.

James leaned forward as well and met my lips with a very soft kiss. It felt nice and was comforting, but it wasn't like any of Cutler's kisses. Ugh, Cutler. Why was he always in my brain? Trying to shove him out of it, I looked up again at James and waited for him to speak. Taking a deep breath, James said quite formally, "I need to apologize for what I did to you the other night."

"It's alright," I told James, offering him a sad smile. "I shouldn't have let you. I knew you were drunk." James quickly waved my apology away and insisted, "No, no, there's no need for you to apologize. Like I said, I don't blame you at all for the situation. After all, I was the one who initiated it and it should be me who takes the blame." He looked at the floor guiltily.

"It's fine. Really!" I added, trying to get James that I wasn't upset because of him. No, I was upset because of a certain Cutler Beckett. James gave me a little smile and replied, "You're too good for me, Jenna. What do you think about a marriage? If we marry, we can make this all right and pretend that last night never even happened. What do you think?"

I looked at the floor and thought about James' suggestion for a few minutes. Did it sound really bad of me if I said I no longer wanted to marry James? As unfortunate as it was, my heart now belonged to Cutler and Cutler only. Yet, I really should marry James after what I had done with him last night. Fuck, why did things always have to be so complex?

"Jenna?" James pressed, looking at me. I figured he deserved an answer right away, but shouldn't it be something I should be able to think about for a bit if I wanted to? I bit my tongue and tried to come up with an answer. Looking slightly disappointed, James spoke first, "I would understand if you would like to think about it for a while. Would that be best?"

Thank god for James giving me options. I knew it wasn't really fair of me to keep him waiting a second time, especially after I had promised I would marry him in our past life, but this wasn't the past life anymore, was it? Giving him a grateful look, I replied, "Yes, that would be nice. Are you sure you don't mind? If you do, I can answer now."

"No, it's just fine," James insisted. "I have no problem with you thinking about it at all. Come back to me when you have an answer." I nodded and stood up to leave. James walked to me to the door and pressed another soft kiss to my mouth, whispering gently in my ear, "Come see me soon. I'll be waiting." With that, he shut the door with a click.

Now all alone, I couldn't figure out to do. Somehow, I wanted to make up with Cutler and see if he would marry me. After all, if I was being honest with myself, he was the one I really wanted. Unfortunately, Cutler didn't seem to want to make up with me at all. He had even taken the ring away from me. So how the hell was I going to get him to make up with me in a matter of a few days?

I said a few days because I knew I couldn't keep James waiting for too long. That just wouldn't be very nice. I wanted to go talk to Cutler now, but something told me that now was certainly not the best time. Perhaps tomorrow would be better. He would calm down, I would find reasons to make him take me back, and we'd all be happy again...right?

Well, I sure hoped so. Unfortunately, there wasn't anything to do at the current moment about it. Yawning, I realized I was very exhausted. A nap could definitely do me some good. It wasn't as if I had gotten a lot of sleep last night anyways. I looked around for an empty cabin and saw one with the door propped open. I peered inside it and luckily found it to be empty.

Running into the room, I shut the door firmly behind me and went to collapse on the bed. I buried my face into the pillow and tried to keep from crying. Although, to be honest, I felt like this had perhaps been the worst day of my life. Cutler had dumped me in the matter of seconds and I had made my relationship with James even more unstable and now it was rather awkward. Shit.

Despite being upset and on the Flying Dutchman of all places, I woke up a bit later to find it was a new day. Light was shining into my cabin from the single window on the opposite side of the room. Stretching, I decided now was a good time to go and track Cutler down. After smoothing my skirts and trying to get myself to look fairly decent, I slipped out of the cabin.

Now I had to try to remember what cabin was Cutler's. However, no matter how hard I thought, I couldn't quite seem to remember what one it was. Perhaps it was the one to the left? Scratching my head irritably, I couldn't remember. Had the effects of the Dutchman already made me forgetful? A lump of worry sank to the bottom of my stomach.

Deciding that I didn't want to go barging through all the cabins to find Cutler, I figured my best bet was to go to the deck and wait for him there. I climbed the slippery steps up to the upper deck area and walked around, looking for Cutler. After spending ten long minutes of searching around, I still hadn't found Cutler. Where was he? Was he intentionally avoiding me?

Annoyed and wondering where the hell Cutler was, I leaned up against the side of the ship and did nothing. There wasn't anything else to do but wait in my opinion. I waited for about twenty minutes. Finally, I saw a glimpse of a figure in a dark jack and black breeches. The familiar black hat that he always wore immediately gave his identity away.

I watched Cutler for a few minutes, trying to gauge what kind of mood he was in. He walked to the helm, spoke to Will rather quickly, and then started retreating back to the lower decks. Knowing I couldn't let him do that, I scurried to the stairs leading below decks and stood in front of them, pretending to be scrutinizing the ground carefully.

Cutler stopped when he saw me in his way and clicked his tongue in annoyance. I tried to summon my nerve to say something, but nothing intelligent came into my head. I kind of lost all my intelligence when Cutler was around. He made my brain get foggy and my body go numb. Cutler tapped his foot on the ground irritably, obviously waiting for me to move.

Okay, so I obviously had to think of something to say soon or I really would have to move out of his way. Finally, Cutler got irritated enough to say, "I see you find kicking the ground to be entertaining. Surprisingly enough, I have business to do and in order to do it, I must get down those stairs you seem intent on standing in front of. So perhaps you could move out of my way."

Not really sure what else to say, I started out, "Cutler, I wanted you to know that I'm very truly sorry. Can't we talk?" Cutler sighed and leaned against the railing as he replied, "Already? Unless I have forgotten, I believe we talked yesterday." He was right, but I had to persist, saying, "Yes, we did. I would really like to talk again though. Please?"

Cutler sighed, "Very well. I rather do home you have something to say this time though." I took that as a slight. Basically, he was trying to say that I hadn't said much the last time. That wasn't really my fault though. He had been insulting me and I had been upset. This time, I would not let myself start crying. I would be strong and make him see reason...right?

I stepped to the side and let Cutler lead the way down to the cabin. I followed him down the stairs and almost slipped on them. It was hard getting used to staying on a ship. The only other time I had been on a ship was when Cutler and I had been on the Endeavor. Besides for that, I had just been on Gillette's little boat and that was it.

Cutler pushed open the door and stepped inside, not looking behind him to see if I was still following or not. I stepped inside and shut the door behind me. Instead of going to the window like last time, Cutler sat on the bed and looked blankly ahead of him. Since there was nowhere else to sit, I tentatively sat on the bed with him, wondering what he was thinking.

Neither of us spoke for five minutes. Instead, Cutler just stared at the wall and I just stared at him. Finally, I decided to ask what I was thinking about most at the moment, "What's going through your head?" Cutler blinked as if he had completely forgotten I was in the room. Without facing me, he said simply, "Revenge. A way to take down the pirates."

It was a great plan and all besides for the fact that he was dead. Just in case he had forgotten, I added, "But Cutler, you're on the way to the afterlife." Cutler's eyes narrowed and he said, "So it would seem. And it's Lord now, not Cutler." I felt like he had slapped me in the face again. So now I wasn't even allowed to use his first name? So much for making up with him.

"Yes, Lord Beckett," I said, deciding not to argue as I was trying to earn his favor. Ever so slowly, I tried scooting a little bit close to him on the bed. Cutler gave me a dirty look and looked me in the eye. I hadn't been this close to him since I had been with him in real life. There were scars on his face that had faded slightly. They made him look rougher, but just as beautiful as before.

"It seemed that you had something to say to me," Cutler started out, "But if you do not..." He let his sentence trail off and pointed towards the door. Shit. I was making no progress. Instead, I was going backwards. Sighing, I repeated what I had said yesterday and pleaded, "Please give me one more try. I won't mess it up this time. I promise."

Cutler did not answer. He moved his gaze away from me and looked blankly at the wall again. I did kind of wonder what he was seeing there. It was as if he was seeing something that didn't exist. Since he still wasn't answering, I made another move. That move ended up being a mistake. I stretched my hand forwards and hesitantly put it on top of his.

Cutler whipped his gaze back to me. His blue eyes were stormy and lightning flashed in them. Seeing the warning signs, I quickly moved my hand. Cutler was very upset though. He pushed me roughly away from him and stood up sharply, going to stand by the window as before. I hit the wall rather forcefully and rubbed my head, watching Cutler.

Peering out at the blue nothingness outside the window, Cutler murmured, "I care not for a woman to love. My desires are not nearly so petty." Okay, that was worse than a slap in the face. That was like a punch in the stomach or something. Not thinking through my thoughts at all, I muttered in annoyance, "James is going to marry me."

Cutler turned away from the window and tilted his head up as he said knowingly, "Ah, I see. You think threatening me with your marriage with James will make me jealous. I am sorry to say that you are misinformed. Now, I think some time to myself would be rather pleasant. So..." Cutler pointed to the door and added, "Please don't make me take you out myself. I don't care for using force."