Frankie is tacking pills. What happenes when he takes the wrong ones?
It was the right time, right before I’m not ok and after under pressure. Bert was walking offstage by Gerard when I kissed him really quick. Bert stopped for a minute out of confusion, so did Gerard. But the crowd went nuts and I laughed. I knew Gerard was going to ask later. I’ll figure out after I play I’m not ok!
Later on the bus Gerard sat next to me and started drawing. It wasn’t unusual for him to do, and me not to look over his shoulder. He always yelled at me but instead when I leaned over he got up and left quickly looking mad. I looked at ray and he shrugged and looked disappointed. Then I looked at Mikey who glared back.
“What’s your problem?” I asked. He got up and started screaming at me to shut up and I know exactly what’s wrong. “Actually Mikey, I have no idea. Want to share what you think is wrong?” He glared back. He punched me in the face and was to again until Ray held him back. He started to cry and scream things out like “Why are you doing this to Gerard?” Or “Why do you hate him so much?” I stared back in non belief as ray held him close and started looking at me. “Mikey,why did you hit me? What did I do?”
He sat there for a second “I tried to knock some since into your thick skull! Your taking those stupid meds again! Why are you hurting Gerard?”
I stared at him. “I’m sorry Mikey but I don’t mean to hurt Gerard! I love him in all ways possible. He not just my band mate, I truly do love him. I started taking those pills so I wouldn’t kill Bert for taking him away from me. I was going to kill him or me if I didn’t start to take them. I’m sorry-“I got cut off by some one behind me whimpering. His voice sounded like the only voice I didn’t want to hear.
I turned slowly to come face to face with a crying Gerard. His mouth was a little open and he had tears flowing down his cheeks. I was being tortured with this sight. He started moving his mouth but when he did, nothing came out. He was staring at me in confusion. I was being stared at the most beautiful man in the world. It wasn’t pleasant at all. He just stared. I shook my head whispering “I’m sorry” And walked to the back of the bus were I hid my pills. I took two from the bottle and threw the bottle in my bunk. I walked to the bathroom. I opened the door. I walked in and locked the door. I herd Gerard running towards the door and banging on it. “Frankie, how many pills did you take in with you?” He screamed through the door. I just cried and stared at them. “HOW MANY?” He said again. “T-Two” I chocked out. “Ok you better come out with two pills in your hand!” He screamed and I nodded, knowing he couldn’t see me. I stood up and unlocked the door. He stood there with tear stained cheeks and a pale face.
He grabbed my wrist so hard I yelped. He looked at my hand and I opened it two show two little green pills. I looked at them as closely as Gerard. He looked terrified. “You weren’t going to take those, were you?” I looked straight at him and nodded. “Were did you get these?” He said. “I just got them from a dealer who handed me a bottle of random pills.” He stared at me in horror. “Frankie, these are suicide pills. You were going to die if I didn’t stop you.” He said releasing my wrists. I thought for a second before looking straight at him and looked him in the eyes. “ Right now, I wouldn’t care if I die. I just don’t feeling like living.” And before I could blink I threw them in my mouth. Gerard looked like he stopped breathing. I swallowed and went to my bunk. I laid down shutting my eyes. I was silently drifting to sleep when I herd Gerard screaming “MIKEY I NEED SALT IN WATER AND A PARAMEDIC! HE CUMMITED SUICIDE! I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN SAVE HIM!” He started crying over me and I could feel is lips on mine. Maybe this was the wrong thing to do…
I woke up puking over a toilet. I was in the hospital and being held up bye two nurses. My mom stood by me holding my hair while running her hands through it.
“ It’s okay baby, your safe and alive.” My mom kept saying over and over.
I was being carried to a bed and being laid down. I was very lucky for committing suicide! I guess you couldn’t call it suicide. You would be calling it attempt of suicide. “I cant even do this right! I am failure.” I whispered to my self. My mom looked at me. “You are not a failure! Why would you even do this! It’s a very bad sin! Do you want to go to hell?” She shouted. “Yes mom I am a failure in your eyes! I have always been one to you and dad! And guess what? I’m not going to hell for committing suicide! BECAUSE I FAILED AT THIS TOO!” I screamed.
I didn’t notice Gerard at the door until he spoke. “Why do you think you’re a failure? You cute, and funny. You keep joy on our faces on tour. You’re an awesome guitar player and screamer. You have so many people looking up at you Frankie. Just like me. Why would you do this, because that can’t be the only reason! Please tell me it’s not!” I wasn’t openly gay to anyone except the band. My parents didn’t know. “Fag” I herd my mom say. “Mom don't talk to Gerald like that! He is a person to! Just because we are catholic doesn’t mean you can pick on him!” I screamed. She looked over at me “Why is he your boyfriend!” She said in a disgusted voice. He looked up “I hope I am” He said and turned towards me with pleading eyes. My moms’ eyes got huge and stared at me. I smiled and nodded and his eyes started twinkling. “Frank, I hope I never see you again!” She whispered. My smile must’ve gotten bigger while I said this one word my mom banned because it sounded gay. “Touché!” I screamed and she hurried out.
Gerard’s smile faded. “I’m sorry Frankie I just” He started but I finished with “Saved me from a very awkward phone conversation!” I said. His smile was still not on his face. I remembered why I was here.” Gerard um… I really don’t know what to say.” He frowned. “Um… Your doctor said you can come back with us tomorrow. You were really lucky this time you know? If I wasn’t there you wouldn’t be here! Do not ever scare me like that again. I couldn’t live without you!” He whispered. “Gerard! Are you ok?” I suddenly said. “No Frankie. I’m not ok.” He said and walked out the door.
The next day I walked on the bus at 8-oclok. They were going to get back from there show in a half hour. I thought I should do something ice for them putting up with me.
I decided to clean the bus. When I want to clean I can do it fast, like really fast. I started running around, literally. I started bye picking up ray’s video games and putting them in their right cases. Then I Stacked Gerard’s art pads on his bed. I washed all the dirty clothes. I stacked all the clean clothes on the right bunks. Then I wiped down all the windows and tables. I moped up the tile in the kitchen and bathroom. I found the pill bottle right before they walked in. When they walked in I dropped it in the trash. I turned towards them in a shock. “Oh hey guys. I cleaned up a little.” And walked to the bunk area laying down on the my bunk. I heard someone walking towards me but resisted opening my eyes. “Frankie, you know what you said in the hospital. Was it true? Do you still want to be my boyfriend?” He asked quietly. “It depends if you want me.’ I said seriously. He knelt down by me. One tear running down his face “only if you promise you will never do that again!” He whispered. I got up from my bunk and knelt down to.
“Do you think if I have you I would end it?” And I kissed him forcing my tongue into his mouth. In about 30 seconds he pulled back and smiled. He grabbed my hand and puled me too one of the front couches and I immediately snuggled up against Gerard. “How did I end up wit Gerard Way?” I said. Mikey laughed, “That’s what mm said. Gerard stuck his tongue out at him. Mikey turned towards ray and stared. Ray stared back into Mikey’s eyes. Gerard leaned over to me. “ They are either going out and not telling us, or reading each others minds!” He said and they both looked towards us. “First one” mumbled Mikey. “I’m sorry Mikey did you say something?” I said teasing. “I said first one!” he snapped and ray shrugged. Gerard looked at ray, “you hurt Mikey hurt your mom. Got it” it?” Ray nodded realizing Gerard wasn’t playing and Mikey looked embarked. I pounced on Gerard when mike pounced on ray.
We were on two different couches and we were both making out with our boyfriends when mikey laughed “ At least we know gerards bottom!’ said mikey laughing so hard he fell off ray to the round. Gerard blushed and looked away from my eyes. I started kissing him and started rubbing our hips together. He moaned and mikey started crying out yelling “ What kind of sick porno is this?” And I stopped and stared at him before saying “ the kind you would watch” And did it faster making Gerard cry out with pleasure. Mikey ran from the room, right past a very angry ray. “Iero you just had to ruin that for me?” he said before going after Mikey stared down at Gerard. He was asleep now. He probably didn’t sleep for days…
Next chap probally tommorow!