(#) Kid_Vicous 2011-04-24Vampires, witches, ghosts and now were-wolf cat-people. This story is wonderfully creative and original, as I've said before.
The dialogue spacing was better this time. Good work. Just one thing I noticed: "Which didn't shock me, being as she's a wolf." Doesn't quite work. Better would be "Which didn't shock me, seeing as she's a wolf" etc. Just edit that sentence. Also you might want to make it a little clearer that they're not actually animals by calling Sendoa a "were-wolf" instead of a wolf and Nell...er...something else. I don't know the proper word for cat thing.
But I like all these characters, they're really interesting. I think it's a great shame that people aren't reviewing this because it's an awesome idea and pretty well written. Keep writing, it's their loss!
Author's responseHun, Sen and Nell are shapeshifters. The only werewolf I've mentioned so far is James the door guard for the club.
And thanks. I forgot to say this on the first response. I'm actually planning on being a writer. Already working on my first book =^.^=
(#) Kid_Vicous 2011-04-25Ah shapeshifters. Right. I was confused. Maybe make that a bit clearer or maybe I'm just very, very stupid.
I think you would make a great writer. This is such an awesome idea and the writing is also really decent. Just keep at it and taking the criticism. You'll improve more and more.
Author's responseKV no offense dear, but I really don't want to change anything about my stories if they're written the way I want them to be. I love that you like my story enough to comment and try to help, but I might not make changes unless i see the need for them. It something every good writer has to think about.
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