Part three of Chapter 7. Frankie's POV. LOVE THIS.
Sometimes I wonder why Gerard chose me. I mean, out of every single guy on the face of the earth, why me? I’d even think some chick’d be a better match than me. Now, there is no doubt in my mind that I love Gerard to no extent, and he loves me equally, but I still wonder. What made me so much better? I mean, I’m not worth half the trouble I cause, and if Gerard were to just be stringing me along to just do something terribly crazy and break my heart, I’d deserve it. After all, I was sucking on his brothers face, in his house, when he was home, and we were about to go out. I still don’t think I’m good enough for Gerard, no matter what he says. I mean, he has no reason to lie to me about the way he feels-unless of course he is a deranged lunatic who likes making people want to die, so he makes them go head over heals for him, then he dumps them on their face and lets them kill themselves…-and I want to believe him so badly, but I can’t force myself to believe I’m good enough for someone like him.
Now that I think about it… I don’t want Gerard to forgive me for what happened between Mikey and I… I want him to yell, and scream, and tell me he hates me for it. I don’t want him to forgive me. Him telling me that he hates me with every fiber of his being would make my stupid decisions less of a burden. As much as I love being with Gerard, sometimes I think I’d be better off alone, because I constantly feel like sh*t for kissing Mikey back. I’d be able to leave in peace if Gerard finally told me what he really thinks.
“Lunch?!” Gerard said, snapping me out of my slightly depressing trance. He was being especially adorable today.
“Where?” I asked, grinning at how cute the bast*rd is.
“Duuuuunkin’ Doughnuts?” He asked, knowing that had to be one of my favorites.
“Twist my arm.” I said, and slipped my jacket on.
Gerard and I sprinted through the doors, racing to the counter. I’m NOT going to let him pay, no, not this time. I’m determined to get ahead of him. I always felt like a mooch because he’d always get up there before me and pay, and I hated feeling like I was taking something from him.
He beat me up to the counter, took a breath, and considered his options for lunch. Hell no. I was going to order, and then pay, whether or not he liked it. I playfully shoved Gerard away from the counter, and my shove was returned his a small push from Gerard. Now, it seemed like Gerard and I had a bigger gap between us, I got a brilliant(for the situation, I’m not recommending you try this at a Dunkin’ Doughnuts) idea.
“We want a-” I ran at him, and pushed him as far away from the counter as I could, making it nearly impossible for him to get back over here before I spat out an order without thinking.
“We want a breakfast bagel with eggs, cheese, and bacon on it. We would also like a glazed doughnut and two medium coffees.” I panted, and handed the cashier whatever I had in my wallet.
“You should’ve let me pay, Frankie…” He mewled at me.
“No! I have done nothing but mooch, so now, I’m paying for it. And it’s been paid for. So… Naaaah!” I said, sticking my tongue out at him.
“Fine, Franklin.” He said, and I raised an eyebrow at him.
“H-Here’s your change…” The guy said, and with a shaky hand, he gave it to me. “You can sit down… Someone will bring your food over to you.”
“Okay.” Gerard and I replied. I pulled Gerard over to a nice booth by a window. I wasn’t a person who liked getting to much light, but today seemed like a nice day for that.
It seemed like my previous thoughts about wanting Gerard to say he hated me were fading. As bad as I felt for kissing Mikey, I couldn’t live with myself if I’d made him hate me. I have so many mixed feelings about this.
Mikey kissed me, and I could tell that he was looking for a little more than a kiss. I didn’t really like Mikey back I mean, of course, he’s cute and all, but, he’s not Gerard. Why did I kiss back? I can’t figure this out… Was it just Mikey’s approach, or was it just me? I’d hate to think it was me with the strange urges to make out with my boyfriends brother.
I wanted Gerard to hate me, and still love me and keep me around at the same time. All I wanted to know was that what I did could not and would not be tolerated, and it was my first chance.
Maybe instead of telling me that he hates me, he could tell me how badly I hurt him. As much as I didn’t want to hear that, either, it still would’ve made me feel better.
I hated how much I always thought about this. It confused me, frustrated me, and hurt me all at the same time. I knew that with thinking about it came wanting to cry and have Gerard tell me; “No, Frankie. What you did was not okay. You deserve to cry.” and then after a while have him come back, hold me and tell me everything was going to be fine.
From now on, I’m going to spend the rest of my life proving to Gerard that I love him, and that kissing Mikey was a huge mistake.
I hate being so all over the place about this. Now I need to get my mind off of it.
“So… How was your day, madear?” I asked, trying to take my focus off of my spinning head. It really wasn’t working, so I placed the hand that was still intertwined with Gerard’s on his leg.
“Just dandy, babe.” He answer, smiling at me. I couldn’t help but give him googily eyes. I loved it when he called me babe. I always felt like a stupid school girl after he did, though. A stupid school girl, in a good way.
“You guys had the breakfast bagel and a glazed doughnut, and the medium coffee?” I heard someone that wasn’t Gerard ask. I paid absolutely zero attention, and kept staring at Gerard.
God! Why did he have to look like such a… Well… God?! I mean, people have told me I look nice before, but I look a mess compared to Gerard. His beautiful hazel eyes. His thin kissable pink lips. His black hair that is barley ever attended to but always looks just oh so perfect. His cute smile…
I was thrust out of my reverie when I heard someone say my name.
“Frank?” The voice said.
My first reaction was to look up. This person didn’t seem worth breaking me out of my Gerard induced daze. They were just an employee. Then I noticed the persons figure, and I only knew one person who was that skinny and tall. Mikey.
“Mikey?” I asked back, giving him a hollow stare.
“Gerard?” Gerard interjected.
“O-Oh… I just d-didn’t think you two would… Um… Get back together…” He said, with a tinge of pain in his voice and expression. I wonder why he was upset. Is he okay? Did I do something to offend him?
“Well… We did…” Gerard snapped in reply.
“Okay then… Um… Did you… Erm… Never mind.” He said, almost slamming the food on the table. “See you ‘round eight, kay, Gee?”
“Alrighty, Mikes.” Gee said as Mikey hastily walked away from us.
Now, I was curious.
“So… He does still live with you?” I asked, trying to look nonchalant.
“Yeah. I really couldn’t live by myself… after… Um…” He paused. What had he done? What did I do?
“After what…” I began, losing my cool.
“After I downed an entire bottle of aspirin.” He said, trying to avoid my stare.
I couldn’t think. The only thing that came to my mind was ‘you did what?!’ and I wasn’t about to scream that in a public restaurant.
“You did what?!” I whispered without delay.
“I couldn’t handle myself. Mikey and I were fighting for a long time… and I didn’t have you in my life… and I wasn’t sure what else to do…” He answered, causing me to inhale sharply.
Why would he do that?! Why?! He knows he’s got a lot to live for, and I’m not-no one else is worth killing yourself. (I-however-am excluded from that rule.)
“Oh my god… Gerard…” I threw myself at him, and hugged him tightly, realizing that this is my fault. “I’m so sorry… That was all my fault…”
“No it wasn’t… Don’t blame yourself, Frankie.” He appeased me, caressing my hair and pulling me closer. I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve the warm embrace of such a kind, caring, beautiful man…
“B-But …” I sniveled.
He silenced me by pressing his index finger to my lips, and I did as the unspoken command had ordered.
“Frankie… Stop it. I’m still here. So are you. We’re together, and that’s how it’s going to stay. Alright? I promise.” He said, and I moved closer to him, if that was even possible.
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