Gerard looked at the beautiful girl lying in the casket in front of him. She was beautiful too, how he wished he could see those beautiful hazel eyes, and that priceless smile just one more time. She looked like an angel at rest. Yes a beautiful, sleeping angel. That was better than a dead 17 year old girl. A corpse.
Corpse, such an ugly word for such a beautiful girl. She looked like she did everyday at school, eyeliner done to perfection, nails painted, and her dark hair done as well. All that was missing was her bright eyes and smile. Something he'd never see again. And only days before they were watching 'Friday the 13th' and tearing it to pieces just for shits a giggles. And now she's gone.
Her skin had a pretty glow to it, although it might be from the pink lighting. Gerard tried to shake Mikey's earlier comment from his head.
"They use pink lighting in funeral homes because when you die your skin turns grey"
"Shut up Mikey!" Gerard shoved past him and out of the house slamming the door behind him.
Gerard waved the comment away like an annoying fly. Gerard could remember the first time he talked to Milena. A group of jocks had smacked his books out of his hands and shoved him into the lockers, calling him a fag. He wasn't a fag he just didn't like any of the girls at his school. A daily ritual that's been going on since freshman year.
"Do you need any help?" Her voice was light and bubbly.
"No I've got it, I'm okay." Gerard mumbled. he knew better than to trust a cheerleader.
"Okay!" She got down on her knees and helped him out anyway. Gerard looked around cautiously. "They're not coming." Gerard blushed and hung his head in shame. "It's okay. I see the way they treat you. Why don't you stick up for yourself"
"It's not worth it." Gerard said standing up brushing himself off, taking his books. "Well...thanks"
"You're welcome Gerard." Milena said. Gerard looked at her. "Your art work is all over the school and you're in the art room all of the time." Gerard just nodded.
"Its the one place the jocks can't get to me." He mumbled. "Umm I have to go so...thanks."
"I'm Milena by the way."
"Okay well, thanks Milena. I'll see you around I guess."
"Is that your real hair color?" She asked.
"Oh no, no this isn't my real hair color at all." Gerard said smirking.
"I like it. It's what makes you Gerard." Gerard just nodded.
"Well I have to go now, so I'll see you later." Milena said. She walked away, but she had a certain bounce in her step. It was actually kind of cute.
Someone putting their arm around him scared Gerard back to reality. It was one of his main tormenters Max. Except he was crying and looked at total mess.
"I can't believe she's really gone Gee." Max sobbed. That was the first time Max had referred to him as Gerard or Gee.
"Me either." Gerard said slowly. The one thing about funerals is that it brings even the worst of enemies closer together. Gerard could remember when his dog Cha-Cha died, he cried like a four year old, took him to a field to bury him. Milena was there with him.
"It's not the end Gerard, it's the beginning of something new" Milena said comforting Gerard as he cried. Gerard wasn't afraid or ashamed to cry in front of Milena anymore.
"B-B-But he was such a g-good dog!" Gerard sobbed.
"And now he's in heaven with all the peanut butter cookies, chew toys, sticks, and other unknown objects he used to eat as well." Milena patted his back, letting him cry on her shoulder even though he was almost a whole foot taller than she was.
"You think?" Gerard asked looking at her.
"I know, and someday we'll know for real." Gerard just nodded. "How about we take a trip to Starbuck's get some coffee then we can go someplace where you can smoke a cigarette. Sound like a good idea?" Gerard nodded.
By the time Gerard came back to reality, Max was gone. Gerard exhaled deeply, but Milena was still lying there in front of him, and he started to cry all over again. He was angry, sad, and everything in between. She'd helped him through his hard times.
"Why?" Milena asked in a soft voice when she say his arms.
"A lot of reasons." Gerard said quietly pulling the sleeves to his jacket down to hide cuts and scars from past cuts.
"Well you don't have to do that with me , because I'll always be here to make you smile. Always" Her smile was promising too.
"You lied." Gerard murmured his eyes full of tears. "Now its my turn to ask why Milena." How tempted Gerard had been when he found out that day, but he couldn't do that to Milena. Even now that she's gone.
Gerard took a deep breath, he was going to do it on their way to school he was going to ask her to Prom.
"You can do this Gee the worst she can do is say no." Gerard told himself. He rang the doorbell and was confused when it wasn't Milena that answered the door, no it was her mom and her eyes were red and puffy with tears. Gerard felt his pulse quick and his heart was beating like crazy in his chest.
"Gerard come inside sweetheart, I need to tell you something." Her mom said. Gerard just nodded. She sat Gerard down on the couch Milena's dad was sitting next to her and he looked just as upset.
"Gerard...Milena commited suicide." The words were ringing in his ears, screaming in his ears. Gerard shook his head.
"No, no please don't tell me that no she didn't." Gerard could feel the tears streaming down his face. He got up and went upstairs and what he saw horrified him. It was true, she had commited suicide. He didn't understand why. She was so happy all the time. "No somethings wrong, something is very wrong." Gerard sobbed falling to the ground curling up into a ball just crying.
"Gerard honey I'm so sorry."
Milena commited suicide, commited suicide, suicide.
That's all Gerard could hear in his head and it was driving, and he had done all he could not to follow her that night, but he knew she wouldn't have wanted that for him. Gerard felt like there was something wrong about the whole thing to begin with but he couldn't figure it out.
"Gerard honey its time to go." Milena's mother scared Gerard, and all he could do is nod in response.
"How'd the viewing go?" Donna asked at dinner.
"It was fine." Gerard mumbled in response. "Can I just go to bed, I really don't feel like eating, or talking about it right now. I mean no disrespect Mom." Donna just nodded and watched Gerard descend downstairs to his bedroom.
It was 4:55 in the morning and Gerard was still racking his brain as to what might have caused this because it's not what it seemed.
Gerard got out of bed and went over to his computer. He tried "asphyxiation" first then worked from there. After about two hours he settled on "autoerotic asphyxia" an intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain, side effects Accidental Death. Gerard punched the wall, then winced in pain.
No one believed him at school when he tried it out. A month and a half later, that's what the detectives ruled it out as. But they didn't announce it to the school, but Milena's mother told him. He went over to Elena's house that afternoon and cried for a good solid hour, before Elena told him to draw it out. In the end he came out with a beautiful drawing of Milena with...
Milena Caprice DiMichaelangelo
May 2, 1993-February 18 2011
"It's not the end, its the beginning of something new.
I love you so much Milena, this one for you. I know I've said it so many times now, but I'll say it until the end. Let me know if heaven really has peanut butter cookies, chew toys, and stick. There is not a day that goes out that I don't think about you. So I dedicate this one to you, because I know you like My Chemical Romance as well. R.I.P. Milena. Love you girl