Because sometimes love is strong enough to save lives. [Waycest]
I own everything except the characters, yada yada yada.
And as he lay on a crappy bed in a crappy hotel, Gerard looked at his brother lying next to him, his head curled into the crook of his elbow, his sweaty hair tickling the skin of his bicep, arms draped over his waist and leg pushed between his own. He fell in love all over again. Emotion pushed up and filled his throat, choking him. He swallowed, for all the good it did, and felt his heart feel twice as solid, twice as warm, and twice as purposeful.
Mikey looked up at him, his eyes big, blank and beautiful, full of love. "What is it, Gee?"
Gerard's voice failed him so he wrapped his other arm around Mikey and curled him into his body, holding him tightly. He kissed his forehead strongly, then rested the bridge of his nose on his hairline, sighing. "Mikey. My beautiful, precious Mikey." He kissed his forehead again, and Mikey muffled something like a giggle against his collarbone. "Mikes... I can't ever lose you, you understand that right?"
Mikey paused. He understood what Gerard was talking about. "Right..."
Gerard looked over Mikey's head, blinking back his emotion. "I... I know it's hard, I know each day feels harder than the last, I know each day that you wake up you wish you hadn't. I know nothing feels right, I know everything hurts, I know there are moments when it feels good then you go straight back down. I know that living is purgatory and anything seems better because it's just too hard to face, but please, fucking please, for god's sake Mikey, just please don't leave me. Don't fucking leave me." His voice cracked and Gerard squeezed his eyes shut, his mouth open in agony as he cried silently into Mikey's hair.
He felt Mikey stiffen in his arms and tighten his own around him, his bitten-down nails digging into his back. Mikey pressed his face into Gerard's collarbone. "Gerard, please. Please. Don't make me cry." he croaked, but Gerard's shoulder was already wet from his tears.
Gerard swallowed, his face still crumpled. "But Mikey, I- I can't take knowing that you feel that way, I can't take knowing that you don't want to live. Not you. I'd give anything to make you feel better. I know it doesn't work that way but I'll try anything. You have to stay living Mikey, please, you have to. You have to not be afraid."
Gerard's collarbone got wetter and wetter. Mikey curled into the safety of his brother closer and closer. Every word hit him so hard. Everyone else that told him it was worth it, that he should keep trying, had no impact on him. But Gerard, Gerard made his heart splinter in his chest. Gerard made the bad things seem far away. Gerard made sense.
Maybe it was because Gerard was the only reason he was still here. Maybe it was because Gerard understood the feeling. Maybe it was because Gerard was his brother. Maybe it was because he could hear Gerard's heart breaking. And maybe it was because he was completely in love with Gerard. Every word hit him so hard.
Mikey's nails dug into Gerard's back again. He was holding on for dear life. Dear, dear life.
"I'm scared, Mikey." Gerard whispered, rocking slightly. "I never thought I'd say it but I am, I'm so fucking scared. I'm terrified of waking up one day and you not being there. I'm terrified of days going by and you not coming back, of finally having to realise that you're not coming back. It keeps me up at night, I wake up screaming and sweating, it's driving me insane, this fear. I just, you are absolutely everything that I love and hold dear, you are such a huge part of every day and everything to me that I just don't know what would be left. There wouldn't be anything. I know it's selfish but please Mikey," His lip faltered, and his voice came out quiet and shaky. "Please don't leave me."
Gerard clung onto his brother, as if squeezing him hard enough would make him see how much he needed him. He kissed his hair and rocked him and did anything that he could to make him see.
Mikey sniffed and lifted his head up, and looked at his brother. He couldn't keep a straight face, not this time, and tears ran steadily down his cheeks as he brushed Gerard's away gently.
"Gerard, I, I love you." he said through tears, forcing himself to keep composure.
Gerard's face crumpled again. "I love you too Mikey, I love you so much." he breathed, kissing all over Mikey's face, his fingers brushing away Mikey's hair and stroking it, touching as much of him as he could to convince himself he was still there.
"A-and you're the only reason I've stayed here till now." Mikey admitted. "I couldn't leave you." He looked down, and his hand traced over Gerard's hip and up his ribcage, stopping and pressing palm-flat on his chest. "I wouldn't ever be able to." He looked back up and met Gerard's gaze, broken and intense.
They stared at each other for a while, then Gerard crashed his lips into Mikey's and Mikey opened his mouth, clawing at Gerard's back to pull him closer, and Gerard held Mikey's face between his hands, to feel every inch of it and keep it next to his, where it belonged. Mikey took control, and he moved his lips against Gerard's, as deeply as he could, and he could still feel his tears sliding down his face, and he could feel them mixing with the ones running over Gerard's cheeks, and it struck a chord deep inside him. Just that snapshot of a moment, that intense, pure love and the pain of two lost souls tied together, it was something worth having. It was everything worth having. It was something to live for.
Mikey broke the kiss and looked at Gerard. He felt that he was saying everything with his eyes, and he must have been, for his older brother cried harder, his eyes became redder and more tears splashed down over his chin, but Mikey knew that they weren't quite the same as the other ones. He understood as he kissed away Gerard's tears and stroked his face, he understood as Gerard's hands ran over his bare shoulder blades and up and down his back, pressing into and warming his skin. He understood when he stared into his brother's eyes and saw that spark that was his everything. His reason to believe. His reason to live.
"It's okay to feel weak sometimes, and it's okay to feel lost," Gerard reassured him, because he felt he had to say it. "But Mikey," Gerard pleaded, kissing his lips and running his hands up and down Mikey's upper arms. "Please let me save you."
Mikey leaned on Gerard and pushed him onto his back, lying on top of him. He kissed him slowly and ran his hands over his chest, over his heart. "Okay." he murmured against Gerard's lips. "Okay."