The hospital and afterwards.
Chapter Two: A New Way
Mikey sat in the lobby, his face buried in his hands. He could not see Ray, or Frank, or Lindsey, who were all next to him -- but he knew if he could, he would see expressions that mirrored his own. Distraught. Angry. Scared. They were currently at the hospital, awaiting Gerard to be out of surgery. He was having eye prosthetics being implanted. It was a simple procedure really, the surgeon had insisted there was little to be concerned about. Yet the prosthetics were simply for cosmetic purposes. The fact remained, Gerard would never be able to see again.
Mikey remembered getting the frantic phone call from Lindsey at midnight. She told him of how she had come home to find her husband raped, beaten, bound and blind. His attacker had fled the scene. He had been given the task of telling the others. It had been the most difficult thing trying to give Ray and Frank the information, when he could barely bring himself to speak. How he was supposed to put the words "Gerard" and "raped" together was beyond him.
And then he remembered seeing him. Right before the surgery. Gauze where his eyes should be. He looked so frail and broken. Mikey didn't understand how anyone could have done this. They destroyed something beautiful, and left it far from perfect. Just... why? It was so senseless.
He remembered seeing the fury in Frank's eyes. Mikey had never seen him so angry. He remembered the confusion in Lindsey's. Like she was completely lost as to what to do. And he remembered the pity in Ray's. Mikey himself didn't know how to describe the emotions he felt at the moment. He may have still been in shock. Right before Gerard went in, Mikey had squeezed his hand and told him he loved him. Gerard said nothing. He hadn't said a word since they found him. Mikey was afraid this could drive him into being mute as well.
All these thoughts about what could happen to Gerard were flooding his mind. Yet for some reason, what this meant for the future of the band didn't occur to him even once. Perhaps it was because it was something that didn't need any thought: If Gerard was done, My Chemical Romance was done.
Gerard was out of surgery. He was being placed as an outpatient, ready to be discharged. He could hear the physician talking to Mikey and Lindsey. Gerard hated it, they spoke of him like he wasn't there. The physician was basically telling them that he had to learn to adapt a new way of life. He was telling them that they needed to take care of him while he did. Like some sort of child. It was humiliating. And it didn't fucking help that they would not acknowledge him directly. He wasn't deaf, and he was perfectly capable of speaking for himself. Or was he?
He hadn't been able to bring himself to speak since the attack happened. Gerard still felt a looming state of terrible fear. The last thing he saw was the sweaty, triple chinned face of his attacker --- his rapist. And then everything was just dark. Although he knew he was in a safe environment now, it felt like the majority of him was lost somewhere. He felt worried he would never find his way back.
Gerard listened to the physician tell them about the prosthetics. He was basically explaining that they had implanted temporary balls into his eyes, to make sure the structure around the eyelids maintained their shape while they made custom prosthetics. The custom prosthetics would be delivered in 6 weeks. Then it would be "easy as changing a contact lens". Gerard almost scoffed at that. Leave it to someone with fully functioning vision to say anything about going blind was easy. The physician told them in the meantime he'd just have to cover his eyes with sunglasses. The temporary implants had no iris, and would be alarming to the public. Gerard immediately wanted to hide his face after he said this. He felt self conscious and embarrassed. What must Lindsey and Mikey be seeing right now? How bad did this look? He felt ugly. This wasn't fair. Gerard hung his head in shame.
Then Gerard felt a hand grip his leg. It was a bigger hand than Lindsey's, but still just as gentle. The hand moved to his chin and tilted his head upwards.
"Don't worry. You're still beautiful." said a familiar voice in a hushed tone.
Gerard wasn't aware Frank had been there, and felt extremely relieved that he was. He knew Frank was able to tell that he was uncomfortable, or embarrassed. They were best friends, and best friends as close as they could tell what the other was feeling just by seeing. Unfortunately, as Gerard could not see, he was unable to analyze Frank's emotions at the moment. But he could hear the sincerity in his voice, and that was enough.
Four days later.
Lindsey had asked him to keep his sunglasses on in the house. She said she didn't want him scaring Bandit. But over the next few days, it seemed Bandit was more concerned as to why her father wasn't playing with her as much as he usually did. Gerard did try, but it wasn't much use when he couldn't see a damned thing. He let Bandit play doctor with him, where he would be the patient, so he didn't have to do much of anything. But he couldn't play ball with her, or color with her. Nor could he ask her to understand that he was now blind. It broke him inside to know he was disappointing his daughter like this.
The blindness wasn't all of it. There still stood the fact that he had been raped, and his disability didn't spare him from the depression that that brought. Visions of the attack plagued him. At times he could almost feel hands groping him. He had multiple night terrors in one night, to the point where he would give up on sleep.
Gerard wasn't sure what Lindsey thought of this. He wasn't sure if she was trying to help him or not. It was true, he didn't feel he was ready to make love to her again. To be naked in front of another human being. So he didn't blame her when she didn't try to engage anything sexual. Yet it seemed like she had completely pulled all affection. It was like she had begun to avoid him. He tried to tell himself it was due to the rape. That she didn't want to make him feel violated again.
He almost hoped it was. Because the alternative was something he didn't want to think about.
Next chapter: Mikey and Frank have a surprise for Gee.