I felt a bit bad leaving Mikey on his own, but he was alseep and could just dial me if he needed me that bad. It was a bit cold outside so I sank my hands deeper into my pockets and we walked in silence the short way to his. I checked the time on my phone really quickly, 4:02.
We reached his and he just opened the door. I followed him into the next room and copied his move of collapsing on the couch. He put his arms up that little bit and said “So here it is, my heavenly abode.” I couldnt help but giggle a bit at that. “Nice place.” I said. He stood up and walked into the connected kitchen. I followed. He currently had his face shoved in the fridge and his ass in the air! Kind of nice...
“Here” he chucked a can my way, I didnt have good relexes but caught it. I didnt really care what it was but I opened it and started chugging, only now just realizing I was thirsty. It had a funny taste, but it definately wasnt Coke Zero.
We sat in the kitchen just drinking for awhile and when we finished the first can, Frank just took iniciative and toook out the whole carton. We walked into the living room, chucked on an old crappy movie and talked about it all throughout.
“Look at her haircut!” Frank said pointing to it with the can in his hand
I was laughing my ass off and started talking about how one day haircuts would rule the world! We were NOT drunk, just tipsy.... hehe.
What happened next was just.... wow. I dont know whether it was a drunken act or not.
“You know Gee....” Frank said as he faced me. “Theres just... theres something about you.” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion “What do you mean?”
He leaned in a bit closer. Close enough that I could feel his warm breath at the nape of my neck. “Like, your super gorgeous and... different?” he looked confused at his last word. (And he is speaking a bit more slurred then this. So it sounds more like “Tike, poor pooper tortus.”)
Next thing I knew... he was kissing me!!!!
My eyes were wide open as his wet mouth slopped over mine. I didnt know what to do! I was frozen.
My state was soon melted by the vibrations of my cell phone. Frank just pulled away as he felt it and looked to the floor. I fumbled to get my phone out and checked the caller I.D. Ofcourse it was Mikey. I answered.
“Mikes? You okay?”
“Where are you Gee! I woke up and I went downstairs and you werent here! I wanted to just order in some pizza cause I was hungry, but I dont know the number and... YOUR NOT HERE!” He sounded like he was going into hesterics.
“Shh, Okay, Im on my way.” I closed the phone silently and stood. I looked to Frank, but he was just staring at the wooden floor blankly. I just got up and left without saying goodbye.
What did I just do?! Am I that drunk? I hear Gerard walk out and shut the door behind. Thats when I break down crying. I ran up my stairs into my room, locked the door, and then just ran into my bathroom to the lock the door. I sat in the corner crying and crying. My sleeve was totally soaked in my tears. I tried to wipe them away since my vision had been blurred.
Something that glittered caught me eye. I walked up closer to it. It was my straight edge razor. I eyed it. Next thing I knew I was picking it up and smashing it to get the blades out. Once one of them broke free, I just held it in the palm of my hand and stared at the light glinting off of it. It looked like my savior at this moment. I sat back down, this time into the bathtub and just ran the water cold.
The ice water rose above my legs and was now up to my waist. I turned the tap off now. Here I sat fully clothed with a blade against my wrist. I pressed harder and felt it pierce my skin, I could feel the blood trickle down my forearm. Then, I tore it across my skin without hesitation.
I screamed into the pain and did it again and again.
My arm was now cut up and the water turned slightly pink. I just let my blood drip into the water as I closed my eyes. I just wanted to die for what I did.
“Gosh, how could you be s stupid!” I whispered to myself and splashed the water as it hit the shower walls and floor. I sat up and let my arms still hang in the water.
I finally stood about ten minutes later, when the water was just pure red, and walked into my room leaving a trail of water mixed with blood behind me. I collapsed onto my bed, curled into a ball and cried myself to sleep.