Categories > Original > Fantasy > Imaginary
Pushing and Pulling Me Down
I opened my eyes, but the room was dark. Only a little streak of moonlight peered through the window. All of a sudden, the door to my room opened, slowly and carefully. The wind, I thought. It was probably the wind. But when I turned I saw that no windows where open, I started to panic. I turned around and saw a man at the door, dressed all in black except for a red tie and had long raven-black hair. I was about to ask, “Who are you?” to the man (thinking that he was probably a staff men (my aunt has a LOAD of money) that had entered the wrong room. But then I saw his hand was carrying a kitchen knife. And it was bloody.
I screamed in horror and tried to move but I couldn’t. No matter how much I tried, I was immobilized. I could do nothing but watch as the man with the kitchen knife approached me, his hair covering his face. He threw himself on the bed over me and put his hand over my mouth so I couldn’t say anything. I could see an evil grin on his face that reminded you of a clown and two blood-thirsty mad eyes staring at me. He laughed an evil, insane laugh before taking his dirty hand of my mouth and replacing it with his lips. His rough, dirty, violent lips and his rotten smell were revolting. I looked down and noticed he was just on top of me. With all my strength, I lifted my knee and kicked him hard where it most hurts. He pulled away from me, groaning in pain. But that didn’t stop him. He brought up his knife and, with another evil laugh, brought it down.
My breath stopped and the world went dizzy. For a minute I was filled with a deep hollow feeling but it was soon replaced by an awful pain. I wanted to scream, cry and yell for help, but I couldn’t do anything. ANYTHING. The man brought his knife down and stabbed me again, and again, and again until I lost count of how many times he did it. The pain was uncontrollable. There was blood all over the man’s face and body and over the walls. I should have been dead by then but I was not. I couldn’t die. No matter how many times the knife entered by skin and organs, I could only lay there in horrifying pain. With all my strength took one large deep breath and screamed as loud as I could, with everything that I had left.
And then there was silence. I lifted my head and… he was not there. It was dawn. Another nightmare. Anger swelled up in me and threatened to explode into another loud scream… before I took a look down and saw my whole body full of deep, bloody cuts and the scream got tangled in my throat. My body started aching terribly, like if someone had pushed me into a pool of blades and broken glass. The more I tried to move, the more painful it was. This couldn’t be real, this can’t be real! But as much as I told myself this was another nightmare, I know it wasn’t. It wouldn’t be the first time I have a dream into another dream. But this time it felt real. I managed to walk to the bathroom, through the pain and the dizziness and looked at myself in the mirror. It was terrible. I looked like I had just stepped out of a horror movie.
I took a cold shower, washing off the blood. The cuts stung like fucking hell but I hold back my tears. After a while under the frozen water, my body had become almost numb to the feeling of the cuts and I stepped out of the shower, looking at the mirror again. The cuts were not bleeding anymore, but without any blood over them, they looked even deeper than I thought they were. A tear escaped my left eye and I wiped it again quickly. “Don’t cry, don’t cry”, I told myself over and over again. This was starting to really creep me out thought. Dreams were becoming reality. I had to tell someone about this. I should tell Will, maybe he could help me out? Yes, he will. He is always there for me.
Meeting Will had really been a blessing. He would always listen to me and comfort me. He would bring me up when I was down. Whenever I felt bad, he would make me laugh with his random comments and silly faces. We had met almost a year ago and he had become my best friend. My only friend. We had grown very close; we were almost like brother and sister. At least I myself considered him my brother. And I’d rather be with him that with Sally. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister, I don’t know what I’d do if something ever happens to her, but I felt like she only loved me when there was no one around. Like, when we were alone she was a total sweetheart and we had a great time together, laughing and talking about girly stuff, but whenever one of her older friends came up to her or Aunt Marie was around, she would change completely. I know that is something Will would never do. He is himself, and that’s why I love being with him, because he is not afraid of showing himself how he really is, of speaking up what is on his mind.
He would always worry and take care of me. I remember once, when school finished, the jocks cornered me behind the main building, where no one could see us. Fucking Brian started groping me while the rest laughed their heads off. Luckily, Will came and punched Brian hard and I ran away, expecting Will to follow. But he stayed. I waited for him for hours but he didn’t appear, so I went home and left him like 21 missed calls and 15 messages. At about 8:00, he appeared in my window with a black eye and a bleeding nose. He got in a fight for me. He really didn’t have to do that, he could’ve just ran away like I did, but he stayed and fought for me. And after that, he is always keeping an eye on Brian and the others and making sure I stay away from them. He would always protect me…
And how am I going to tell him? He will want to protect me and he is not going to be able to. He would worry so much he would not let me sleep alone… I can’t tell him. I can’t. He’s going to make a mountain out of it. It’s fine. I don’t have to tell him. I can find out a solution for it alone.
So I cleaned my cuts, finding out they were not so deep, and put bandages on them. I got dressed in my jeans and converse and my neon green t-shirt with “SING IT LOUD” written on big yellow letters on it. The (luckily, minor) cut in my shoulder, I’d say I fell and hit it with a sharp edge. I got my bag and went out the house without saying bye to anyone. I was not in the mood. I decided to walk, rather than take the bus. I wanted to avoid the biggest number of people I could today.
I reached school. Will was lying against the wall, and he greeted me with his typical smile. I couldn’t help but smile too. I don’t know why, but his smile is contagious. His eyes had a special glint that day, those deep hazel eyes, and his black hair was falling perfectly over the contours of his face… I must admit, he looked quite cute…
-Hey! Dez!
I jumped, noticing he had been talking to me and I was ignoring him.
-Wha…
-You were daydreaming again weren’t you?
“Down to you
you are pushing and pulling me down
to you
but I don’t know what I…”
-N... no! I... was…-he looked at me with that little smirk on his face-…daydreaming again.
He laughed.
-Well what a surprise. I was asking you where’d you get that cut from- he pointed to my shoulder. Here we go.
-Oh... this. Yeah, I… I fell…
Way to go…
-You fell…-he looked at me with eyes that said “I don’t believe a word”
-Yeah and I… hit my shoulder with the edge of a door…
-Ouch
-Yeah…
I sighted. I hope that worked.
-Well... we should get going. Class is about to start.
-Eh... yeah! Sure. Let’s go…-I said nervously.
“You got it, you got it
some kind of magic
hypnotic, hypnotic
you’re leaving me breathless…”
What was wrong with me? I used to be good at lying…but when I saw him in front of me, with that smirk on his face I just couldn’t. I had practiced excuses while I was walking to school, but once I saw him, everything that was on my mind flew away. That was weird.
-What was weird?
-Eh... what? WAS I TALKING OUT LOUD!?
-I dunno… you just said “That was weird” out of the blue.
-Oh... yeah well, you know me. In my own thoughts the whole day- I said looking at my shoes. I saw him looking at me weirdly from the corner of my eye, but didn’t say anything. This was terrible.
“I hate this, I hate this!”
I lifted my head. He was walking in front of me and I found myself staring at his ass.
-What was that?
-Huh?
-Oh my god, stop talking to yourself!
-I...I was talking?
-Yeah... it’s like the third time you do it. What’s wrong?
-No… nothing. But I didn’t say anything, right?
-No. I just heard you mumble something about me so I thought you were telling me something.
CRAP
-You? No, no. I was not thinking about you.
-Oh...ok?..-that came out more like a question. I mentally slapped myself. IDIOT!
“Now, when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
from saying something that
I should’ve never thought
of you, of you
you’re pushing and pulling me down
to you
but I don’t know what I want…”
-Never mind, forget about it…
********
song: Paramore - I Caught Myself
I opened my eyes, but the room was dark. Only a little streak of moonlight peered through the window. All of a sudden, the door to my room opened, slowly and carefully. The wind, I thought. It was probably the wind. But when I turned I saw that no windows where open, I started to panic. I turned around and saw a man at the door, dressed all in black except for a red tie and had long raven-black hair. I was about to ask, “Who are you?” to the man (thinking that he was probably a staff men (my aunt has a LOAD of money) that had entered the wrong room. But then I saw his hand was carrying a kitchen knife. And it was bloody.
I screamed in horror and tried to move but I couldn’t. No matter how much I tried, I was immobilized. I could do nothing but watch as the man with the kitchen knife approached me, his hair covering his face. He threw himself on the bed over me and put his hand over my mouth so I couldn’t say anything. I could see an evil grin on his face that reminded you of a clown and two blood-thirsty mad eyes staring at me. He laughed an evil, insane laugh before taking his dirty hand of my mouth and replacing it with his lips. His rough, dirty, violent lips and his rotten smell were revolting. I looked down and noticed he was just on top of me. With all my strength, I lifted my knee and kicked him hard where it most hurts. He pulled away from me, groaning in pain. But that didn’t stop him. He brought up his knife and, with another evil laugh, brought it down.
My breath stopped and the world went dizzy. For a minute I was filled with a deep hollow feeling but it was soon replaced by an awful pain. I wanted to scream, cry and yell for help, but I couldn’t do anything. ANYTHING. The man brought his knife down and stabbed me again, and again, and again until I lost count of how many times he did it. The pain was uncontrollable. There was blood all over the man’s face and body and over the walls. I should have been dead by then but I was not. I couldn’t die. No matter how many times the knife entered by skin and organs, I could only lay there in horrifying pain. With all my strength took one large deep breath and screamed as loud as I could, with everything that I had left.
And then there was silence. I lifted my head and… he was not there. It was dawn. Another nightmare. Anger swelled up in me and threatened to explode into another loud scream… before I took a look down and saw my whole body full of deep, bloody cuts and the scream got tangled in my throat. My body started aching terribly, like if someone had pushed me into a pool of blades and broken glass. The more I tried to move, the more painful it was. This couldn’t be real, this can’t be real! But as much as I told myself this was another nightmare, I know it wasn’t. It wouldn’t be the first time I have a dream into another dream. But this time it felt real. I managed to walk to the bathroom, through the pain and the dizziness and looked at myself in the mirror. It was terrible. I looked like I had just stepped out of a horror movie.
I took a cold shower, washing off the blood. The cuts stung like fucking hell but I hold back my tears. After a while under the frozen water, my body had become almost numb to the feeling of the cuts and I stepped out of the shower, looking at the mirror again. The cuts were not bleeding anymore, but without any blood over them, they looked even deeper than I thought they were. A tear escaped my left eye and I wiped it again quickly. “Don’t cry, don’t cry”, I told myself over and over again. This was starting to really creep me out thought. Dreams were becoming reality. I had to tell someone about this. I should tell Will, maybe he could help me out? Yes, he will. He is always there for me.
Meeting Will had really been a blessing. He would always listen to me and comfort me. He would bring me up when I was down. Whenever I felt bad, he would make me laugh with his random comments and silly faces. We had met almost a year ago and he had become my best friend. My only friend. We had grown very close; we were almost like brother and sister. At least I myself considered him my brother. And I’d rather be with him that with Sally. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister, I don’t know what I’d do if something ever happens to her, but I felt like she only loved me when there was no one around. Like, when we were alone she was a total sweetheart and we had a great time together, laughing and talking about girly stuff, but whenever one of her older friends came up to her or Aunt Marie was around, she would change completely. I know that is something Will would never do. He is himself, and that’s why I love being with him, because he is not afraid of showing himself how he really is, of speaking up what is on his mind.
He would always worry and take care of me. I remember once, when school finished, the jocks cornered me behind the main building, where no one could see us. Fucking Brian started groping me while the rest laughed their heads off. Luckily, Will came and punched Brian hard and I ran away, expecting Will to follow. But he stayed. I waited for him for hours but he didn’t appear, so I went home and left him like 21 missed calls and 15 messages. At about 8:00, he appeared in my window with a black eye and a bleeding nose. He got in a fight for me. He really didn’t have to do that, he could’ve just ran away like I did, but he stayed and fought for me. And after that, he is always keeping an eye on Brian and the others and making sure I stay away from them. He would always protect me…
And how am I going to tell him? He will want to protect me and he is not going to be able to. He would worry so much he would not let me sleep alone… I can’t tell him. I can’t. He’s going to make a mountain out of it. It’s fine. I don’t have to tell him. I can find out a solution for it alone.
So I cleaned my cuts, finding out they were not so deep, and put bandages on them. I got dressed in my jeans and converse and my neon green t-shirt with “SING IT LOUD” written on big yellow letters on it. The (luckily, minor) cut in my shoulder, I’d say I fell and hit it with a sharp edge. I got my bag and went out the house without saying bye to anyone. I was not in the mood. I decided to walk, rather than take the bus. I wanted to avoid the biggest number of people I could today.
I reached school. Will was lying against the wall, and he greeted me with his typical smile. I couldn’t help but smile too. I don’t know why, but his smile is contagious. His eyes had a special glint that day, those deep hazel eyes, and his black hair was falling perfectly over the contours of his face… I must admit, he looked quite cute…
-Hey! Dez!
I jumped, noticing he had been talking to me and I was ignoring him.
-Wha…
-You were daydreaming again weren’t you?
“Down to you
you are pushing and pulling me down
to you
but I don’t know what I…”
-N... no! I... was…-he looked at me with that little smirk on his face-…daydreaming again.
He laughed.
-Well what a surprise. I was asking you where’d you get that cut from- he pointed to my shoulder. Here we go.
-Oh... this. Yeah, I… I fell…
Way to go…
-You fell…-he looked at me with eyes that said “I don’t believe a word”
-Yeah and I… hit my shoulder with the edge of a door…
-Ouch
-Yeah…
I sighted. I hope that worked.
-Well... we should get going. Class is about to start.
-Eh... yeah! Sure. Let’s go…-I said nervously.
“You got it, you got it
some kind of magic
hypnotic, hypnotic
you’re leaving me breathless…”
What was wrong with me? I used to be good at lying…but when I saw him in front of me, with that smirk on his face I just couldn’t. I had practiced excuses while I was walking to school, but once I saw him, everything that was on my mind flew away. That was weird.
-What was weird?
-Eh... what? WAS I TALKING OUT LOUD!?
-I dunno… you just said “That was weird” out of the blue.
-Oh... yeah well, you know me. In my own thoughts the whole day- I said looking at my shoes. I saw him looking at me weirdly from the corner of my eye, but didn’t say anything. This was terrible.
“I hate this, I hate this!”
I lifted my head. He was walking in front of me and I found myself staring at his ass.
-What was that?
-Huh?
-Oh my god, stop talking to yourself!
-I...I was talking?
-Yeah... it’s like the third time you do it. What’s wrong?
-No… nothing. But I didn’t say anything, right?
-No. I just heard you mumble something about me so I thought you were telling me something.
CRAP
-You? No, no. I was not thinking about you.
-Oh...ok?..-that came out more like a question. I mentally slapped myself. IDIOT!
“Now, when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
from saying something that
I should’ve never thought
of you, of you
you’re pushing and pulling me down
to you
but I don’t know what I want…”
-Never mind, forget about it…
********
song: Paramore - I Caught Myself
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