Thank you XxxFallenAngelXxx!
(#) XxxFallenAngelXxxx 2011-06-21 08:18:09 AMOh, poor Alex! So, love the story and hope you are okay and all, and I think the re-humanising of the interent is cool. I personally think that mokeys sit at compuers and type and stuff. Anyway, here goes, something no one knows.
Erm, I`km actually more afraid of living than dying, because I`m afraid I`ll screw everything up just like my parents have. I`m afraid I`ll never follow my dreams `cause they are constantly holding me back and want me to be "Normal" 9which I`m not, apparently) I`m afraid that I`ll go through life not really living it, ya know. But I`m also afraid I`ll never be glod enough for my mum and dad. Even just yesterday my dad told me I`ll never make it to Uni `cause I find it hard to actually get out of bed in the mornig beacuse I`m up most of the night. What noone knows is that I can`t sleep at night cause I`m worried about what is going in in my shitty life at the moment. And even when I do get to sleep, I have nightmares. So, yeah, but the worst part is, my everyone thinks I love my parnets and that they are actually good parent, when I..well, not quite hate them,, but not far off. So, yeah they`re my biggest fears. Sorry for going on so long, but it feels good to get it off your chest, ya know?
Author's responseI understand the whole thing about being afraid that you won't follow your dreams. I kinda feel the same way. And about unencouraging parents, I get that too. For awhile I let it get to me and took it to heart.
Eventually, I just said "you can't hold me back, I won't let you anymore". I'm assuming that by Uni you mean University (it could mean something completely different). If it means Univerisity, I'm sure you can get in! You seem really intelligent, and really you can do anything you put your mind too. It still hurts when parents tell you that you can't do something, but not letting it get to you helps you do it anyway.
Thank you for putting yourself out there. It means alot to me. I hope you have a great day!
Sorry, I'm typing on my iPod, so my sign off got messed up.
(#) rainbow_apocalypse 2011-06-21 11:17:36 AMumm where do i stared am sceared that people are going to abandon me i know that know one stays for very long and that most of the time thay dont want to be in you life in the frist place. i cant rember the lass time i sleept a fall night. i thinks my mum wishs i was a poppler plactes bitch and not the 'emo' art freak in the back of the class. i feel like a huge disappointed to her every thing i do is wrong i think she would only be happy if i was the opposite to who i am. when i go to my dads i get yelled at for the littles thing so it not much better. its no like there druges or any thing they dont hit me and i have food to eat and a bed to sleep in so i have more then some people. i try every day to make my mum proud but i feel she only see the things wrong. i cant get out of bed in the morning coz i dont wont to face it all know i will never follow my dreams or be any body the only thing the keeps me going is music it why am still living still moving still breathing. i just wish i could run away but i cant i have to stay for the people i love my 2 best friends i wouold have run a long time ago but i keep finding thing to stop me. when my mum found out i was cutting all she did was take my to get a shot and didnt even asked why the one of the thing that makes me ask does she love me? so thats me that 'emo' art freak who cant get a boy friend who only have a hand fall of friends and most of them are back stabers so 2 really friends i think i am lucky to have them.
that it my life
really sorry about just spilling it all to you but i just need to get my pathetic life off my chest
Author's responseI feel your pain. I used to try to make my mom proud and she always wanted more it wasn't enough I was good at martial arts, she wanted me to be a dancer, it wasnt enough that I was a dancer, she wanted a gymnast, it wasnt enough that I could draw well and got A's and B's in all advanced classes, she wanted someon who was normal. I learned a while ago that some people really are impossible to please.
Most likely you've ben born into the incredibly difficult situation of having one of them as a mom. And on the friend front, I totally get what you mean. People are so gossip-y. I'm casually friends with a lot of the kids in my school but I'm only clos friends with a few. And I dont even feel real close fo them anymore.
I hope you're okay and that things get better between you and your mom. And always remember, being an emo art freak is awesome, and if you ever need to vent I'm here for you.
Love you lots!
(#) ShannonThePirate 2011-06-23 04:44:04 AMSo as i said in the review on your second chapter, sorry for not reviewing, i totally forgot about this but i'm back so it's all good i guess, it's a realy realy good story, you have awesome skills and whatnot. You have me lost at the meaning of life, i honestly have no idea. I always thought life was like a video game for someone out there... Idek where that came from but it's what i think, everything happens for a reason i guess... And something about me: I over think everything, i go through everything repeatedly in my mind and stuff... Which i think is something that contributes to my paranoia. Once i get an idea into my head it repeats itself and gets worse and actually scares the life out of me, if someone says something bad about me, like one tiny little thing, it could mean nothing but i rethink it again and again and i get super paranoid. I'm gonna just post this now before i erase it lol i hope u update soon (:
Author's responseAww, thank you! I have to say I dont think anyone has ever said I have awesome skills before. :) It made me smile. I kind of always picture that to. I guess since I'm not religious I tend not to think it is that way but when I used to be religious and i thought of it like it was Sims or something. I'm an athiestic existentialist, so I personally believe that there isn't a meaning to life. It's all just meaningless and most people tend not to have much of an impact on the world so...yeah. But I do believe that everyone hasa reason to live. That radom paradox is why I'm an existentialist.
I'm glad you like the story and I have two more chapters written. Hope you like them!
- I'm not really sure if this is like a MAJOR thing in my life but I don't believe in God. My whole family does and they are very religious and they think I am too. The really weird thing is that I still go to church (I choose too) I'm not really sure why. My belief is that if there really is a God, he is an unloving and deaf God. Am I weird for still choosing to go to church? It makes me feel shitty and normal at the same time. And I've caught myself glaring at the pastor and the congergation alot lol. I don't really have anyone to talk to because the last time I tried that it blew up in my face. My mom thinks that I've changed from what I was (a cutting, drinking, and smoking emo freak) but I've just gotten alot better at hiding it.
On a different note I'm sorry for not reviewing your story lately. My mom decided that I shouldn't go on the Internet so she took my computer away. So right now everyone in my house is asleep and I'm on the computer lol. Anyways I love this so far! And why were Alx and Frank making out so heavyly?
Author's responseI'm not religious either. I'm forced to go to church, but I tend to just day dream the whole time. I get what you mean about a deaf, unloving God, that's pretty deep. If you like going to church than you should if you don't then...well...don't. I get what you mean about getting better at hiding things. I'm an insomniac and so I don't sleep. Ever. Well...once in a while I do, but not often. About three hours a day? Yeah, about three. Anyway my mom says she'll punish me severely if I don't sleep, and she does, so I got better at hiding it.
I have to warn you, every cigerette you smoke takes about seven minutes off your life. I know, I know, you've probably heard that before but, well, yeah.
My mom didn't even know that I had been cutting until a while after I stopped. And no problem about not reviewing. I honestly haven't had ANY computer access in a while so I've horribly neglected my story so, I'm sorry. My mom actually took apart my computer and I litteraly couldn't put it back together anymore (I'm at my dad's house right now). It's great to hear from you again by the way!
And about Alex, she's just stressed and would do anything to forget about her home life. Next couple chapters explain it better.
- Ive stopped going about a couple of weeks ago, I got feed up with all of the shit that they are pushing. When I did go I was hoping for the feeling of wholeness that I used to get from church and not feeling bad or evil that everyone calls me. And you know what I find funny? All of these retarded bible thumpers say that they love everyone unconditionly and no matter what you do god loves you also but they are lying through their fucking teeth. If what I believe in doesn't match perfectly with their beliefs they start getting all pissy and mad. If heaven is going to be filled with a bunch of stuck up asswips, I'd rather go to hell.
Uhm sorry for sorta ranting there and not makeing much sense lol
And Im sorry about your mom, I hope things get better for you :)
Author's responseHa ha! LoL. I'd rather go to hell too! And no problem! I enjoyed your rant. :)
Thanks about my mom. She's spiralling downward and is schizoaffective. That's why I've been gone so long. She been hiding food and decided to take my notebook (with about ten chapters of I Brought You My Love in it). I just found it.
Thank you for your well wishes, they mean a lot to me.