Is Frank not allowed happiness?
Hey, sorry I didn't have time to update yesterday, I had to 'revise' for my German exam. Updates may become a little slower this week because I have sixth from induction week and then prom etc. But I'll update as much as I can. Enjoy! :)
The journey to the hospital was uncomfortable to say the least. I sat in the back of Bob's small Punto with Frank on my lap; his head buried in my chest. My shirt was soaked through from all his crying. I had no idea what to do, no one ever taught me what to do in these situations. This is what we should learn in school, instead of shitty equations that we'll probably never need.
The car was silent, apart from the sudden outbursts that erupted from Frank's body every few minutes. He kept muttering incomprehensible things over and over, thinking out loud as to why this has happened. I didn't know how to comfort him; I didn't want to say the wrong thing and have Frank hate me. What was I supposed to do?
"Gerard?" Frank whispered.
"What did I do wrong?"
I felt my heart break.
"Frank, you can't honestly think that is your fault. Don't even say things like that."
"But it is!" Frank cried. "I mean if we'd never moved here she wouldn't have had to get a new job and..." He broke down again.
If you never moved here, you'd have never met me. I thought selfishly.
"Frank, these things just happen. Nobody knows why, and nothing can be done to stop them. At least your Mom is in safe hands."
"But what if she doesn't make it Gerard?"
Bob cleared his throat. "We're here."
Frank leapt out of the seat and ran into the hospital.
"I'll keep you posted Bob." I said. "Thanks."
I watched as he drove away before chasing after Frank.
The scene felt unreal. My Mom was lying in a hospital bed in front of me, unconscious, having just been involved in a severe car crash. She had multiple, visible, wounds on her head, knew and arms, and most likely several scattered around the rest of her body. Her face was covered in bruises and dry blood, and there was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless just sitting here. I was leaning against Gerard, who was singing quietly in my ear. My hand was latched to my Mom's - yet her hands were cold; lifeless. The monitor was quiet, although a beep would startle me every so often, giving me hope that she was still holding on.
I felt the grip on my hand tighten slightly. I looked up to see my Mom's once beautiful brown eyes, but now bloodshot and sad. Her weak grip on my hand loosened as she attempted to lift it. She moved slowly and gradually pulled her hand up to her face to remove the mask which helped her to breath.
"Frank..." She croaked.
My voice was gone, I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.
"Frank..." She said yet again.
"Mom, I'm so happy that you're awake. You have no idea how worried I was. I can't believe I almost lost you." New tears escaped my eyes. Tears of joy mixed with tears of sorrow from how weak she looked just lying in that bed.
"I'm... sorry, your Birthday... ruined..."
I shook my head.
"Shhh, don't waste your energy." I said, stoking the hair from her face. "I made friends, like you told me too. And Gerard. Mom, Gerard is my boyfriend."
She gave a weak, but genuine smile.
"Gerard." My Mom mustered, sounding even weaker, if that was possible. "I... like your hair. So bright... and happy."
Gerard laughed. "Thank you Mrs Iero."
"Linda... call me Linda." He nodded. "You will take... care of my Frankie? Please...Gerard... Make him happy."
"Of course. Forever." Gerard whispered, tightening his grip around my waist.
"Frank? I'm.... I'm sorry...just too...weak." She whispered.
"No! Mom! You're doing fine. Just hold on, please. I love you." She started coughing, blood seeping from her mouth.
"Frank, I... I love you." I grabbed her hand, I could tell she was trying to tighten her grip again, but it soon became lifeless. The beeping on the monitors started to slow.
"No..." I whispered. "No! You can't leave me Mom! I need you!"It was no use. The beeping flat-lined.
The next few minutes went by in a blur. Gerard and I were hurried out of the room by people dressed in blue hospital robes. We were taken to a small white room where we were told to wait. I collapsed in t Gerard's arms, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Why did this happen?" I asked. "Why is it that for once Imy life I'm actually happy and something has to go fucking wrong? I don't fucking deserve happiness, that's why."
"Frank, don't talk like that. No one deserves happiness more than you."
He was interrupted by the entrance of a man. I knew what he was about to say before the words even left his mouth.
"I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do."
I slid down to the floor and started rocking back and forth. The man spoke to Gerard before leaving the room. Gerard sat beside me, pulling me in to another hug.
"Frank, I'm so sor-"
"Gee?" I cut him off.
"What..." I took a deep breath. "What do you think happens when you, when you die?" I sniffed.
"My Grandma used to tell me that death would come to you in its happiest for. Sort of like your happiest memory being replayed to take you to your next life."
I looked up at him, trying to give him a smile. But Iwasn't ready for smiling yet. I felt as though I may never smile again.
Everything was fine, Frank was happy, we were all happy. Why couldn't the world have frozen before Frank got that phone call? It was supposed to be his Birthday. I'd tried to make it special, but now this day will haunt him - his birthday was now the day his Mother died. Halloween was his favourite of all the holidays. Yet now every year he'll be reminded of that scene in the hospital - seeing his Mother fall in to an endless sleep right in front of his eyes. October 31st: Frank Iero's birthday, Halloween, and now, Linda Iero's death date.
Bob had come to collect us from the hospital. I explained what had happened out of ear shot from Frank. I didn't want him reliving it again. I'd also text Mikey prior to our arrival, telling him to not ask him any questions which could potentially make him even more upset.
Once we arrived back at the house, Frank went straight down to my bedroom. I sighed, it was going to be hard getting him through this. But we are going to get through it - together.
"How's he bearing out?" Mikey asked. I shook my head.
I walked into my bedroom to find Frank curled up fast asleep on my bed. He looked so peaceful. Yet you could still see the strong emotions spread across his face. I carefully lay down next to him, wrapping my arms around his torso protectively; drifting off in to a deep sleep.
I heard the door creak open; Gerard, I figured. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, not even him. I pretended to be asleep when he climbed on to the bed next to me, holding me in a tight embrace. His hot breath played on my neck, getting deeper and deeper as he fell asleep. My eyes were dry and sore from all the crying I'd done. I've never cried so much before in my life. I just lay there, I don't know how long for, but it seemed like forever until my eyelids closed and I was engulfed into the darkness of the night.
I was alone, sitting in the corner of my bedroom. The room slowly became empty as all the furniture started to dissolve. All that was left was a small mirror handing on the wall. I wearily stood up and walked over to it.
"If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out first-hand what it's like to be me."
My appearance was ugly. My hair was greasy and tangled around my pale face. My eyes bloodshot from crying, smudged with old eyeliner which ran rings around my sockets. There was a lost tear which escaped the safety of my eye.it was rolling slowly down my face, lingering when it reached my dry, cracked lips. I stared at it, watching it make its journey. It was soon accompanied by even more tears - I was crying again.
I punched the mirror with frustration, causing my reflection to disfigure. Though through the cracks in the mirror, I noticed something in the corner of my once empty room. I spun around, my mouth agape.
"M... Mom?" I asked quietly. My voice was trembling, I was trembling.
My dead Mother was standing just meters away from me, though something was wrong. She looked like my Mother, only she showed no signs of stress and looked sort of pure in a way. Her eyes were distant and held no emotion, although she had angelic glow around her.
"Mom?" I repeated again. She still didn't answer. Instead, she gave me a small smile. "Mom, I love you." My voice had stopped trembling, yet it was still only a whisper. There was a moment of silence; only the soft sounds of my breathing could be heard.
I wanted to walk over to my mom, give her a hug, tell her that everything was going to be okay; anything. But I was too afraid. Afraid that she was going to disappear.
The walls around me started to fade away, just as my furniture did, leaving the two of us stood in what looked like a deserted, burnt down city. My heart started to beat faster, yet my Mom seemed unscathed by this. That's when the music began. I was much too loud for this situation, yet it soothed me in a weird kind of way.
"Frank, it's time." My Mother spoke at last. But what did she mean by that? Time for what?
"Time? What's going on?" I asked, slightly apprehensive from the music.
"Just remember that I love you Frank, more than you could ever know; I just want you to be happy." A tear rolled down her cheek as she spoke these words.
She then turned and walked away from me, I stared after her through my burry vision. The music grew closer; my Mom came to a halt.
I could see a large, black shape moving towards us; it looked almost like a parade float, although it lacked the vibrant colours and the happy, cheering audience that usually followed. It was advancing, so I walked hurriedly towards my Mother, wishing I just lean forward and clasp her hand. She hadn't seemed to have noticed me, as her eyes were fixated on the float. Yet I could see that her lips were turned up into a smile.
"Mom, what's going on?"
"Shh, Frank, it's time for me to go now, but remember, just because I'm dead and gone, I'll never stop loving you." She pulled me into a hug. Finally giving me the touch I'd been longing for. She kissed the top of my head before pulling away.
The float was near enough for me to see now. It was black, with deep, red roses covering the sides. There were five men standing upon it - each of them equally beautiful. Their faces were painted white, with dark circles around their eyes, and they were all dressed in military-type jackets, each with slightly different designs. They were the source of the beautiful music. However they stopped playing when the float finally reached my Mother.
"Linda Iero!" Proclaimed the man standing at the front of the float. "I hereby invite you to join The Black Parade. Do you accept?"
"Yes! Of Course!" She answered, almost immediately. The frontman smiled and helped my Mom climb up on to the float. He was then handed a box, from which he took out a medal. The other four men were standing behind them now, bowing slightly as the frontman placed the medal around my Mother's neck.
"Linda Iero!" He shouted. "Welcome To The Black Parade!"He shouted.
The float suddenly became mobile, the music continued and my Mom was slowly disappearing in to the fog, along with the five beautiful men. I just stood there in shock, unable to move. Until the scene started to evaporate around me.
Frank? Frank honey are you okay?" I felt terrible for waking him, although he'd been talking in his sleep; screaming really at times. His eyes flickered open.
"What time is it?" He asked, his voice hoarse and groggy.
His eyes widened.
"But, we have school?"
"Frank," I began. "No one expects you to go to school after..."I tried to think of the right words to say. "After everything that's happened."
"Yeah, but I don't want you throwing away your education for me, and what about your job?" I smiled down at him.
"I don't think missing a few days of school is going to jeopardise my education, and Mikey's filling in for me at the comic book store until you're back on your feet." He opened his mouth to protest, but I just cut him off again. "It's my choice to be here looking after you, I want to be here. I love you Frankie."
"Thanks, I love you too." We stayed silent for a while, just sitting there on my bed.
"I dreamt about her last night, my Mom that is." I looked down at him with a raised eyebrow, trying to read his expression, although he was just staring aimlessly at the ceiling. "She told me how much she loved me, love me, and then she was taken away by this band on a float; The Black Parade."His voice stayed steady, although I could tell he was holding back tears. I had no idea what to say or do.
"But she looked happy." Frank continued, "And I know it was only a dream, but it felt so real. Her smile when she was welcomed; she was so excited." Frank smiled. It was slightly forced, but it was still a smile. "I love you Gerard, I know you can help me get through this." He kissed me softly on the lips.
"I need to start thinking about her funeral too." Frank whispered. "I haven't even told any of my relatives; I don't know if I can bring myself to phone them."
"I can do that for you." I said quietly.
"Thank you." Frank curled up with his head placed softly on my chest. We stayed like that for a while, until I heard Frank's stomach growl.
"Breakfast, I think." I said. Frank looked up and nodded.
Thanks for reading :) I really appreciate your reviews. Aiysha Xoxo