Gerard compares himself to Frank
"GERARD!!!" Mikey and my mom squealed with joy as they smouthered me in hugs. I let them drag me inside the door before I dropped to my knees from exhaustion. Worry creased their forheads as they looked me over, taking in my injuries. Then as I expected, they pelted me with questions. "What happend? Where were you? Why are you so late? Are you alright?" I was glad they cared, but I was in no mood to be interrogated....
"I'm f-fine..."I said trying to choke back tears. They glanced at each other then back at me with disbelieving looks. "I just got in a bit of a fight at school, is all. I fell asleep in the janitor's closet until about 7ish and then I literally ran into a person who I ended up talking to for a bit," I explained to them and looked at the floor in shame. I could feel the tears beginning to well up to the brim, almost on the verge of being released.
"Oh honey," my mom sighed with sympathy, once again wrapping her arms around me and kissing my cheek. The tears that I had previously tried to keep hidden now were spilling out and streaming down my pale cheeks, causing me to hiccup sobs uncontrollably. My mom softly 'shushed' me while pulling me into her warmth as she rocked back and forth, like she used to when I was younger. My wailing slowly ceased into small whimpers. She pulled back to look at my face and smile. "C'mon, let's get you cleaned up and into bed," she said calmly while placing her hands on either side of my shoulders and coaxing me to my feet, pushing me up the stairs as Mikey trailed behind us.
After all the grueling cleansing from the achohol soaked wash cloth, I lay awake in my bed tracing the self inflicted scars on my wrists as I stared up at the ceiling. I found myself thinking about a certain red and black haired boy with big, chocolate, puppy dog eyes. This must be how Romeo and Juliet felt like when they first met. Love at first sight.... Wait, what am I thinking? Frank doesn't love me... Who would? I am a big nothing.... A waste of space... A weird, unloved emo faggot. He probably isn't even gay. Even if he was, he could find a much better guy than me... A boy that special deserves someone better than me anyway... He is perfect and I'm a disappointment. He is strong and I'm a wimp. He is simply gorgeous and I am an ugly fuck up.... I sigh and roll over, wincing a bit from the pressure on my rib cage which had been kicked in my earlier beat down. I am pathetic... I can't even stand up for myself. My family must be ashamed of me. Almost everyday I come home with new injuries and I end up crying myself to sleep like the wimp I am.
I can feel hot tears welling up in my eyes for the 3rd time today. I silently let them spill on my pellow and just like every other night, I cry until I can cry no more letting myself fall into a deep, depressed slumber.