What was the point? Life was bitter, pointless, a journey which could abrubtly end at any point. Why delay the process? I would be doing everyone a favour.
I crawled up onto the ledge. The concerete was cold, and I shivered as I was only wearing a t-shirt. I stood up slowly, taking in the beauty of the world below.
I looked down, and saw a police car, a crowd of people and a crime scene. My eyes wandered onto a policeman I closed my eyes. This was harder than I thought.
I reopened my eyes, and returned my gaze to the policeman. He looked upwards, and a look of shock came upon his face. We caught each others gaze. I held eye contact with him for a couple of seconds, then quickly looked around. I saw rooftops. Flat, dark, concrete, tiled, slated rooftops.
I remembered back, to earlier that day. Walking through that cold, damp, dreary car park. Some men were moving things behind me, and I glanced over to see a man half hidden by garbage bags's shoes being stolen by a homeless person. This didn't surprise me in the least, though it saddened me greatly.
I snapped back into reality, realising I was crying. A solitary tear rolled down my cheek and splashed down in the mysterious abyss, that was the world below.
I looked down again,and the sinking feeling in my stomach worsened. I watched a man trip presumably, and break the safety tape of the crime scene. I watched the paramedics move gurneys about. I watched a fight break out. I watched these things happening, but felt no emotion or reaction towards them. I felt numb, and sick of this pain which has been plaguing me for what feels like centuries.
I swayed on the edge of the building. Could I do this? Is this really what I wanted? It had begun to snow, but I couldn't feel it. What I did feel, was my life slipping away. Every day, people I trusted let me down, and fucked me over. Every day, I faced the world alone. Every day I could almost feel my life dwindling away. A once fiery ember, reduced down to a pile of ashes.
Stop. I could almost feel his presence behind me. He wouldn't have wanted this. Bill. Stop. I felt him whispering in my ear. Please, stop. He sounded more urgent now. STOP. His voice was getting louder, ringing in my ears. Bill. Please, Don't do this. For me? I turned around, and no one was there. ''Tom..'' I whispered, not bothering to hold back my tears any longer. ''Why did you leave Tom?!'' I screamed, not that anyone was listening. I knew I must have looked crazy, talking and screaming at thin air. ''I fucking needed you..'' I whispered, wiping a few tears from my face. '' I scream into the night for you, don't make it true..'' I sang softly, remembering the fun we had recording that song, how much Gustav hated the drums on it, Georg's constant complaining about the bass line, and you Tom, fucking up the chords constantly during rehearsals. A small smile surfaced on my face. I closed my eyes, and made my final decision. ''I love you Tom..'' I whispered to the darkness.
''I'll jump for you.'' I sang softly into the eerie silence, and toppled backwards off of the building.
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