Charlie apologises to Ray. Romy apologises to Kerri.
So me and Ray are no longer together. It sounds harsh but to be honest, I don’t really care. But it seems like everybody hates me and I don’t think it’s very fair. I mean Frank used Jamia to make Jenna jealous but no one cares. Now I’ve basically done the same thing and everybody hates me but loves Frank and Jenna.
I’ve gotten friendly with Romy recently because she understands what I’m going through. It’s nice to have a friend but now people hate us even more. Everyone thinks we’re both bitches and that we do nothing but slag people off behind their backs or plan to ruin people’s lives. But they don’t understand that we just made a mistake. They must’ve made mistakes before, right?
“Do you ever feel guilty about Tatiana?” Romy asked me one lunch time. We were sitting by ourselves, as usual.
I shrugged “Not really. I didn’t do anything to her but I do feel kind of bad to Ray. He didn’t deserve it. Do you ever feel guilty about Kerri?”
“All the time,” She mumbled “I’ve tried apologising bu-“
“Yeah, to Mikey.” I told her “Did you try apologising to Kerri?”
Romy shook her head “I couldn’t. Shed kill me. After what I did…”
“You could at least try?”
“I just can’t.” Romy was still shaking her head and tears were dripping from her eyes “What I did was terrible… But it’s like the only bad thing that I’ve ever done. And that was the only bad thing you’ve done. How come an entire life of good deeds is suddenly erased by one bad thing?”
I shrugged “I don’t know, not many people are good at letting things go…”
“I might try apologising to Kerri.” Romy muttered “I don’t think she’ll forgive me but it’s worth giving it a go…”
“When?” I asked her.
She looked up at Kerri who seemed to be making her way over to the bathroom by herself “Now.” Romy told me, getting up from her seat and following her away.
I started thinking. I don’t think I’d even apologised to Ray. I mean I’d explained everything to him and told him the truth and all of that. But I think I walked off before I had the chance to say sorry. I don’t think I turned back either to see his expression.
I’ve never considered what it’s like to be Ray. I mean he’d been used twice. First Romy did it because Gerard asked her too. And then I used him to get to Gerard which didn’t work as well as I thought it would work. I might hate the fact that Gerard is with Tatiana but I’d hate it even more if Gerard and Tatiana broke up and he got with me only to make Tatiana jealous. And what if I dyed my hair a different colour and people teased me for it? Though he did look a little like Ronald McDonald…
I looked up and saw Ray eating lunch by himself. Today he was wearing his beanie hat, probably to cover up his red Ronald McDonald hair. I instantly felt guilty and knew that I had to go and talk to him.
Completely scared, I got up off my seat and went to sit down next to him. He didn’t even look up, making me blush pink “Hey Ray…” He still didn’t look at me “Is everything okay?”
He ignored me. I sighed heavily “Okay, I know you’re pissed off at me but please don’t blank me out? I really like you but just not as a boyfriend…”
“So why did you go out with me?” He snapped “Why did you use me? Why does everybody just use me? Why can’t somebody just like me?”
“Somebody does!” I told him “I don’t know who but there’s someone out there for everyone, right? And I was wrong to use you, I know that but I wasn’t thinking at the time. Well I was but I thought something really weird. I thought that maybe if I had a boyfriend that I’d be able to get over Gerard and fall in love with whomever I chose to go out with.”
“Oh great,” Ray said sarcastically “I wasn’t even specifically chosen to be used, I was just the first person available that popped up in your phonebook?” I shifted uncomfortably in my seat “Oh my god, I was!”
“Ray, like I said, I’m really sorry! You were so sweet to me and I was terrible to you. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that. But please I need you to forgive me!”
He turned to face me “Okay I forgive you Charlie. But I can’t be your friend anymore. I’m really sorry.”
“I’m sorry.” He sniffed “I don’t like being used. I really want someone who likes me but how am I supposed to know? I mean I thought you really liked me but I was wrong. How am I supposed to tell the difference? Have I got to be insecure about girls for the rest of my life?”
I put my hand on his shoulder “Nobody will use you again. I’ll make sure of that, right?”
Ray nodded and burst into tears. He put his head in his hands and rested it against the table. I rubbed my hand up and down his back.
“Kerri?” I called, entering the toilets “Kerri, are you in here?” She ignored me “Kerri I know you’re in here because I watched you walk in.”
“Just leave me alone!”
“No!” I cried “I was talking to Charlie and she made me realise. I apologised to Mikey but I forgot to apologise to you.”
“It doesn’t matter if you apologise,” Kerri told me, walking out of the cubicle and washing her hands “You can’t take back what you did.”
“I’ve tried,” I whispered “Yesterday someone said something mean about that picture I put on the bulletin board. I stood up for you and I will continue standing up for you whether you forgive me or not.”
Kerri sniffed and turned to look at me “I know we’ve always kind of disliked each other but what made you do it?”
I glanced down at the floor and told her “I’m jealous. It’s why I kept blackmailing you. I wanted more time with Mikey because… Because I’m in love with him.”
Kerri blinked at me and said “Look, I forgive you. But please, just back off. I really like Mikey and you don’t know how insecure I have been recently. I’m terrified of everything. Everybody’s making fun of me and they’ve started calling Mikey things to. I’m scared that he’s going to dump me and he’s the last good thing in my life. Me and my family are really poor, my Mom… My Mom…”
“What about her?”
Kerri sniffed “She’s not going to make it okay? We got the surgery and even the Doctor said that she hadn’t re-acted well to it. I just know she’s going to die!”
She burst into tears. I stood there horrified, not knowing what to do. I was hoping to come here and feel less guilty about what I’d done but now I felt so guilty… I’d never escape from this.
I put my arms round her “Kerri, I am so sorry. I should never have posted your picture up. I knew you were paying for your Moms surgery but I just wanted to make you feel rejected. As rejected as I felt when Mikey first started going out with Mikey.”
She looked up at me “I didn’t know you liked Mikey, okay? I’ve done nothing to you. My intentions were totally innocent while yours were to ruin my life. Thanks a lot.”
Then she stormed out of the bathroom.