Desole sees another side of Gerard.
So Gerard and my mother got to know each other over the next day. It was weird being back home with my mother. I think she actually liked having Gerard around. I was surprised at how docile she was being. Maybe it was because Gerard was there. Or maybe she had missed my company, though I doubted it. Whatever the case was, she didn’t pick at me or call me a whore the entire visit. It was weird being back home, maybe not nice but it was okay. And as much as okay as the visit had been I was eager to get back on tour.
“Are you sure you don’t wanna stay a little longer?” mom asked as we watched Gerard struggle to load the suit cases into my car. I shook my head, smiling as we stood together in her drive way.
“Nope! I got lots and lots of ground I still haven’t covered. Gotta keep moving. Tour‘s not finished yet. But it will be soon.” I said, staring off into the early morning sun. we decided to leave early so that we could get back to the tour on time. She sighed and folded her arms across her wrinkled chest.
“Maybe you should move back in with me.” she said absently, as if this was her last resort. I held back a laugh because I didn’t want to be mean to her after she‘d been so fair to me this visit..
“Not in a million years mom. Nope.” I said, also crossing my arms, unable to fight a smile which I kept to myself. She sighed again and turned to face me.
“Well, I’m here if you need me to be. If you get arrested or gang raped or something just call and I’ll come get you, no matter where you are.” she said, trying to be nice an trying to be a good mom. I knew if I called her at three in the morning for any reason she would hang up on me. But hey, at least she was making some sort of effort. She moved a strand of stray hair out of my face and patted my cheek. I almost cringed because I was so used to her slapping me.
“Thanks mom, but I’ve got Gerard here to take care of me now. And Milo still. You don’t gotta worry anymore.” I assured her. I always told her not to worry but I don’t think she ever stopped. Who could blame her? She took a deep breath and let it go, smiling with a little bit of sadness behind it and behind her dulled eyes.
“I suppose your right. He has been taking pretty good care of you so far, I‘ll admit.” she said a little thoughtfully. I grinned to myself. Gerard took awesome care of me, just like Milo always had.
“Okay, we’re all packed.” Gerard said, panting as slammed the trunk of my car down and walking over to us. “It was great meeting you Beatrice.” Gerard said, extending his hand for my mother to shake. She unfolded one of her thin arms and shook his hand.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you sometime in the future.” I said, having no earthly idea when that would be. It was kind of a sad feeling, not knowing if or when you would see your mother again.
“Alright then. You two better get going before traffic kicks in.” she said, obviously wanting to avoid a long goodbye all together. I chuckled inwardly. She hadn’t changed one bit.
“It was good getting to see you again, mom.” I said honestly. She nodded curtly. Most people would’ve gone in for a hug at this point, but not us. Mom awkwardly patted me on the back and sent me on my way.
“Your mom doesn’t seem that bad.” Gerard commented as we pulled out of her neighborhood. I had this weird empty feeling in my stomach that I couldn’t seem to shake. I was thankful that I had Gerard to talk to on the ride home.
“She wasn’t this time. Maybe they changed her medication or something. She hasn’t been that nice to me since my father was around. Weird…” my voice trailed off. Gerard half frown-half smiled in what was either sympathy or regret.
“Well, it seemed to me like she was sad to see you go.” Gerard said eventually. I glanced at him quickly before turning my attention back to the road.
“Maybe not, maybe so.” I said mostly to myself.
We made it home safely and right one time too. The plan was that tonight we would all rest up and then tomorrow we would melt some more faces. But Milo informed me that our label couldn’t afford to keep putting me and Gerard in a room separate from our bands just because we were a couple, so we would have to share hotel rooms normally for a little while. It was a bummer, I’ll admit. But its not like we didn’t get to see each other every day.
Either way, things were pretty much normal. All the MCR boys got wicked drunk while Milo and I decided to hit the hay early and head back to the hotel. I kissed Gerard goodnight and noticed something was off about him. There was a sense of brooding and anger in the kiss. I kind of wanted to ask him if something was bothering him, but I figured it was just the booze and left him to his thoughts. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but I was concerned that something bad was going to happen tonight.
And I was right.
I had just gotten out of the shower to find Milo on the phone. He looked distressed and sighed silently with relief when he saw me. I shot him a puzzled look and he dashed over to me, holding the phone at arm’s length with a disgusted lookg on his face as if it were a dead rat or something.
“Here! Take it! You’re lover-boy is one hell of an asshole, FYI.” Milo said exasperatedly, literally throwing the phone into my arms. I stammered my questions but Milo just held up his hand and stormed out of the hotel room.
“Hello? Gerard? What just happened?! Why is Milo so mad?!” I asked, poking my head out hotel door. “MILO!!!” I called after him. He shook his head without looking back and turned the corner. I groaned loudly and went back inside the room, shutting the door behind me. It was best to let him cool off. Besides, I was naked expcept for a towel and didn't feel like chasing him down at the moment.
“Gerard? Are you there?” I asked irritably. I wanted to get to the bottom of this and fast.
“Oh, finally! Finally she answers the phone!” Gerard slurred loudly. Oh my god, uh-oh. It looked like it was going to be a rough night.
“Gerard, you’re drunk. What did you say to Milo?” I said flatly, flopping onto the bed, my wet hair flying around beneath me.
“I just wanted to know what the fuck you were doing.” Gerard said, pissed off about something. I rolled my eyes.
“And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” I retorted.
“I think you’re fucking around. I saw you flirting with that guy in the latex shirt this afternoon and I knew something was up.” Gerard admitted, his voice a drunken growl. I sat up, appalled.
“Woah, woah, woah. I am not fucking around on you! I was signing an autograph for a fan. I’m not the one with fan girls crawling all over me!” I snapped at him, adjusting the towel so that it was tighter under my arms.
“Yeah well I’m not the one with her tits out on display for all the world to see every night!” he snapped right back.
“Its part of my stage persona, okay?! Good god you sound just like my mother!” I barked at him. What was with him tonight? I’d never heard him his angry before. I never pegged him as the jealous type.
“Fuck this! I’m coming over!” He yelled, slamming the phone down before I could protest.
“Gerard! No! GERARD!” I yelled, the dial tone stinging my eyes. I threw Milo’s phone at the wall, watching it snap in two on impact. I sat on the bed, my arms crossed waiting for Gerard to show up and make an ass out of himself.
Within two minutes I heard a furious banging on the door and knew it would be him. I got up and opened the door and he charged inside. His eyes were so blood shit and red and I could smell the booze rolling off of him. He looked awful, just awful.
“Wow! I’m surprised! You don’t have any other guys in here with you!” Gerard said, throwing his arms up dramatically and almost falling over. I dove to catch him, but he fixed himself and shied away from me.
“Gerard, please calm down. You’re drunk, you’re fucked up. You don’t know what your saying.” I said pleadingly. I sounded like I was trying to convince myself more than I was him. Maybe being hostile wasn’t the most effective way to talk to him at this point. I figured my best bet would be to try and just calm him down.
“I knew exactly what I’m saying!” He insisted. I was hurt, genuinely hurt.
“Gerard, you know I would never ever cheat on you. I love you to death. Please, baby just go to back to sleep.” I said tiredly, wishing I hadn’t broken the phone. If it wasn’t lying in two pieces on the floor I would’ve called Frank or Mikey to come take care of Gerard.
“Get off me! Am I not good enough for you?” He shouted, cringing away from touch when I tried to put my hand on his should. I was angry. What was with him? Why was he asking this way? I had never seen him so mad before, especially at me.
"Gerard? Where are you getting this utter bullshit from? You know I love you. You're all I need." I said, my desperation showing in my voice. He didn't take any notice and scoffed at me.
“What the fuck are you on?” I shouted at him, loosing all sense of self control I had over my anger. “What the fuck did you take? Why are you acting like such a fucking prick all the sudden?!”
“Oh, I'm being a prick? You’re the one flirting with everybody you meet! You’re the one throwing her fucking affections any way the mother fucking wind blows!” Gerard shouted back, pushing a stray black lock away from his face.
“I am not a flirt!” I yelled. Gerard rolled his eyes and I wanted to hit him, but I held back.
“You are too! You used to be a fucking stripper! You’re whole life is flirting! Its likes you don't even notice all the hearts you break on a regular basis.” he fired back. I felt my shoulder slump involuntarily as I pouted. For such a sweetheart, he sure knew how to cut a girl down. He’d probably picked it up from me.
“Fuck you Gerard! Fuck! You! I don’t fucking need you! I don’t need anybody! You are just like my mother, y’know that? You’re controlling, possessive and jealous! You’re probably just upset because you can’t say you’re the only one who’s seen my tits!” I screamed at him, the words spewing out of me like sick.
“Really? You don’t need me? Who bailed you out of jail? Huh? Who got you to the fucking hospital when that hick smashed your face in? Tell me! You say that you don’t need anybody, but right now it seems to me like you need me a whole lot more than I need you.” he said, lowering his voice and becoming deadly serious. What was tha supposed to mean?
“Wh…what?” was I all I could manage to choke out at this point. I was heart broken. What had just happened? Did he just break up with me? What was this? God I was so confused it hurt. We'd never had a fight before, at least not one this volitile.
“I’m leavin’.” Gerard said finally, turning his back and stepping into the hallway. I followed him in my towel and bare feet, my hair still dripping. He was so calm now, like the way the clouds clear after a big storm had passed. A few hotel guests were poking their heads out of their doors to see what all the yelling was about. I paid not attention to them.
“Gerard…wait.” I called impishly as he walked drunkenly down the hallway, his back still turned to me. He kept walking as if I hadn’t said a thing. Milo appeared behind me, his hand on my bare shoulder. I shook it off and took a few steps forward.
“Gerard! If you walk away…” my voice trailed off into nothing but a dry squeak. “Come back. Come back!” I said, taking a few more steps forward as my voice cracked over the words. Gerard held up his hand and kept walking, turning the corner to get to the stairs…