Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > We'll Love Again, We'll Laugh Again, We'll Cry Again, and We'll Dance Again
Paige is getting over Gerard's death at her own pace, but is everything as it seems? (Sequel to my first story)
Chapter 1: And in Saying You Loved Me Made Things Harder at Best
"Gerard please don't go!" I yelled as I could see the ivory angel moving further and further away. Tears were running down my face and the further away Gerard got the fuzzier everything became.
"No!" I woke up in a cold sweat; I could feel the sweat dripping of my body onto my bed sheets.
I had this dream every night since Gerard died. It always started with Gerard and me walking down the road, holding hands. Just overall enjoying each other's presence. It was a cool summer evening, like the day he died. The sunlight shined on his hazel eyes causing them to sparkle, and make him look even more perfect than he already was. Everything about the dream felt so real, the heat from the sun on my face, the way the breeze blew my hair back, and the warmth of Gerard. Each time the dream would start out beautiful like this, but then the sky turned dark, and the wind started to blow furiously. My stomach dropped because I knew something bad was going to happen, I always knew, but each time it felt like the first time. I saw the monster of Rebecca appear from down the road; she tore him away from and struck me to the ground. I wanted to get up and save him, but I never could, I was glued to the sidewalk. Each night I watched as she killed the only boy the first person I had ever loved and my best friend all at once. I wish I would wake up at that part, but no, my unconscious put me through the pain of seeing him rise away from his corpse, and he would come to me and try to hold me but he couldn't. He wanted to stay but he couldn't, the afterlife pulled him away even though he struggled to go back to his lifeless body. The tears streamed down my face as I watched him finally accept the fact he would never be able to hold me again and that's when I would scream for him, beg for him to come back. After I had felt the most pain I could feel, that's when I would wake up, and each time I would be drenched in my own sweat and tears. The sad thing is that I looked forward to having that dream each night because it was the only way I could see him again, and feel him again. But when I would wake up I would sob because I would remember how he died. I would remember it vividly, each time I thought about it I thought of how unlikely it was for someone to die the way he did. It was like a really cheesy ending to a "love story" I didn't like to think that the love Gerard and I had was some kind of plot line to a teenage romance movie, but the more I thought about it that's what it seemed like. It felt so unreal that it actually happened the way it did. I convinced myself it was all one big dream I was just taking forever to wake up from. But something in my heart told me it wasn't.
"Paige, come on get out of bed! Its been three months, and you missed Gerard's funeral. You know that right. Do you have any idea how he would feel if he knew that" I heard Lindsay yell from downstairs. She came everyday and tried to get me out of bed. But I just laid there like I was dead...like Gerard.
My mom gave up a couple weeks ago, she would just come into see if I was alive, and she wouldn't try and get me out of bed anymore. I couldn't I was numb. Lindsay was the only who even tried to get me out of bed anymore. I had no idea where everyone else was and I didn't care. All I wanted was to go back.
I didn't even think it was possible to just lie in once place for three months. I felt pathetic; I remind myself of that chick from Twilight who sat in that chair for three months. God I fucking hate fucking Twilight. I just wanted to sleep so I clammed my eyes shut, but all I saw were images of Gerard falling to the ground, and watching the ambulance take him away. I never heard anything more than that, I was sure he was dead.
"I'm couldn't go. I couldn't. I wasn't ready." I mumbled I could hear the hoarseness in my voice from all the crying I had done.
I cried every day, every fucking day. Half the time I didn't even know it was happening. It would just pour out. Suddenly I heard the door open, and it interrupted my pathetic thoughts.
"Get. Out." I said sternly.
"Paige, you are getting the fuck out of this bed and getting some life back in you." I heard Lindsay say motherly.
"No." I breathed.
"Why?" Lindsay asked.
"Why? Are you seriously asking me why?" I felt myself sit up in the bed. This was the first movement (besides tossing and turning in my sleep) I had done in three months, and I felt as if I had forgotten how to move.
"Yes, I am. Give me one fucking good reason why you can't get out of bed. It's been three fucking months. You couldn't even go watch the person you supposedly loved get put to rest. Because if you did love him you would know that Gerard wouldn't want you to be like this!" she yelled at me.
I still had my back to her, but I felt myself push myself up from the bed. I stood up shakily and looked down at myself I saw all the food stains I had on my shirt and all the puke stains that were on it from not being able to retain the food. But I didn't care because for the first time in three months I felt something and it was anger.
"You want me to tell you why I couldn't go." I mumbled as I turned to Lindsay. "I couldn't go to his funeral because I WATCHED HIM GET SHOT IN THE HEART RIGHT INFRONT OF ME!" I heard my voice boom through my desolate room. "I COULDN'T WATCH THE BOY I LOVED GET PUT IN THE GROUND BECA--." I could feel tears streaming down my face; I took deep breath and tried to calm myself down. "Because that means he is really dead, and I will never see him again, or speak with him, or laugh with him, or anything with him because he is DEAD LINDSAY HE'S DEAD....and I don't want to believe that." I finished shaking; my voice said each world trembling.
I watched Lindsay's face, she wanted to grab me by my heels and drag me to the real world. But she quickly changed her expression and took a deep breath.
"You're right." she agreed, and that wasn't like her she would usually fight me to the death.
"What?" I said puzzled.
"You're right. I can't force you to get over this. So I'll leave you and you call me when you are ready." she said as she walked out the door.
Well I guess in a weird way I had made some progress. I actually got out of my bed, and spoke. Even if I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I felt that it was enough work for the day. I slugged over to my window and pulled the black curtains shut so no sunlight could find its way into my room. After my curtains were secure I dragged my feet across the floor and laid back in my bed. I was able to find my same spot, because there was now an imprint of my body in the bed, it looked like a crime scene drawing. I adjusted myself back into my attempted self induced coma.
As soon as I left her room I picked up my phone and called Frank.
"I don't know if I can keep lying to her like this Frank. She's gonna find out sooner or later." I said into the phone.
The past three months had been hard on everyone, but Paige the most. When Mikey and Frank approached me about the idea they had, I didn't think I should have taken any part of it. I was the only person Rachel trusted and I hated lying to her like this but as Frank kept saying to me 'it's the best way.'
"Lindsay it's the best way." he said soothingly into the phone.
"Yeah yeah, you keep saying that. But I really am starting to doubt you." I said as I waved goodbye to Paige's mom and walked out the door.
"Lindsay you don't think this is hard on the rest of us, lying to Paige like this, she's our friend too." he said a little defensively.
"I know, I'm sorry." I said and Mikey pulled up, Frank arranged for him to pick me up, to make sure everything was on schedule. "But Mikey's here so I gotta go. I love you."
"I love you too, and it will all get resolved I promise." Frank said with empathy before he hung up the phone.
I walked down Paige's walk way, this place used to be where I would come to hang out with my best friend. We would laugh and just shoot the shit. But the girl in that room wasn't her anymore, and if this is what it took to get her back to normal...this is what I would do. I walked up to black Tahoe Mikey was waiting in. I jerked the door open and hopped up into the seat and Mikey started driving. His eyes focused on the road.
"So did it work?" he said in a monotone voice.
"Yes, she finally opened up about not going to the 'funeral' so she is getting there." I said apathetically.
"And she still thinks Gerard is dead?" he asked, still without emotion.
"Yes Mikey. She still thinks her first love and childhood friend is dead." I said irritated, that I had to lied to Paige.
Suddenly Mikey slammed on the breaks and cocked his head to me.
"Listen Lindsay, none of us like that we had to do this to her. Also I don't like the fact that I can't see my brother. But this is to keep her safe, because that crazy bitch is still on the loose. This is what Gerard told us to do so we are doing it." he said the most distraught I had ever seen him.
"Mikey I'm sorry. This is just getting so hard."
He started driving again and put his eyes back to the road and just nodded.
"I know, hopefully it'll be over soon."