So I was reading a part in Tommyland where Tommy was talking about how after he got out of jail and slept with some hookers sex grossed him out. This is a fiction about how he got over his sex phobia.
I walk into the next room and sit down at my desk. I lean back in my chair and turn on my laptop. Maybe I’ll work on my book today. When the computer is finally on I open up the file titled Tommyland and see where I’m at. I lean closer to the screen and will my fingers to type. I’m only on chapter two but I think it’s coming along nicely. Well here I go. “You guys need to know that Dr. Lee is always “in” unless I’m working, stressed, miserable, or in a fuckin’ load of trouble. That means that the female anatomy is consistently on the Doctor’s mind, please believe.” I chuckle at the lies I’m typing because lately I’ve had other things on my mind. I really hate lying, but it’s not like I can tell the public everything! If they knew everything then my following would deplete to almost no one! I shake my head and continue to type. “The longest time that it wasn’t was the four months I was in jail. When I got out, I celebrated my freedom in the best way and worst way: a visit from a pair of cheap hookers. I’ve done a lot of shit, I’ve been low, I’ve been high, but that night, when those girls left, is one of the times I can easily say I felt worse than the lid on a rancid can of fuck. It was fucking terrible. I’m totally not a hooker kind of guy at all. But I was so out there, so tweaked by solitary confinement, that I had totally forgotten how to relate to anyone or anything. Fuck, I had a hard time just holding up a conversation. It sucked.” I shudder as I write about the horrors of my life immediately after jail. I want to go lie back down with my lover, but I need to get this typed. If I don’t do it now I’m afraid it’ll never get done. “I thought getting laid was the answer. Boy was I wrong. The hookers came over and got the pent-up sex out of my system but it made me feel worse. After that, sex grossed me out for a long while—and that was weird as hell. There had never been a time in my life when a sexual experience had not made me just want more sex.”
I pull my hands away from the keyboard and cover my face. That was a horrible, horrible time in my life. I didn’t have sex for nearly four months after that. In fact the first person I slept with after those hookers is sleeping in the next room right now. I uncover my face and smile at a picture of us that is sitting on my desk. It’s an old one from the Girls tour. It was the person in that picture who helped me get over my phobia of sex and ever since that person helped me I’ve never wanted to sleep with anyone else. Even after almost five years I haven’t slept with anyone else. I sort of stopped believing in love after Heather left me and after Pam took the kids and left, but I’m convinced that I’m in love again. I’m in love with the most amazing, supportive, insane, beautiful, crazy, and wonderful person ever. I’m in love with the person who helped me get over my fear of sex, the person who I slept with less than five hours ago, and the person who is lying in my bed at this very moment. I’m in love with Nikki Sixx.
I let out a yawn, lean back in my chair, and close my eyes. The night we had that helped me get over my phobia was one of the best nights of my life. The sex was amazing and the lust, need, and love practically oozed from every orifice of my body when I was with him. I had already fallen for him, but it was that night that brought everything out into the open. As it turned out, we’d been feeling the same way for each other. I barley even remember what led to the sex, but god do I remember the sex itself. I let out another yawn and start to drift into a comatose state. All of my surroundings seem to disappear and suddenly I’m back in my room.
I look around the room and confusion washes over me. Didn't I get rid of that carpet years ago? And when the fuck did my bed get back over there? My questions coming to a screeching halt when I hear my doorbell ring. I stumble out of my bedroom and make my way to the front door. I open it and see the most amazing person standing in front of me. My lover and best friend Nikki is leaning against the side of the door with a cigarette in hand and a serious look on his face. When the hell did he get outside? My question never leaves my lips and all of the sudden I feel like greeting him with a kiss to maybe make him smile, but I can tell something's wrong. I didn’t notice until now, but he looks different, younger almost. "We need to talk T-bone." he says before coming in and sitting on the couch. Wait didn’t I destroy that couch last year when I tried to shoot fireworks from the living room window? Well that makes a lot of fucking sense. "Alright, what's up?" I ask, baffled by his tone. "It's about this sex thing. You need to get over this and I'm going to help you." he takes a long drag on his smoke before locking our eyes together. Oh shit. I fell asleep and I'm dreaming. I smile and realize that I'm back in 1998 and this is the night that changed my life forever. I can’t believe I’m having this dream again. Oh well, I might as well humor my imaginary Nikki. "And how the fuck do you expect to help me Sixx? I can't even think about sex anymore let alone partake in it! I can't even remember the last time I was genuinely aroused." I cross my arms over my chest and scowl at the ground. On the inside I’m smiling as I remember that Nikki always aroused me, even when sex grossed me out. I can feel the tension building between us just like it did all those years ago. This night started out really awkwardly for both of us. "C'mon Tom, there has to be someone who turns you on. Even if only a little bit." he moves closer to me and puts a hand on my knee. His eyes soften and he smiles lightly. I sigh and suddenly feel embarrassed. If this is a dream then the Nikki in front of me has no idea that he's the only person I'm still attracted to. You know what, fuck it. If this is a dream I might as well do whatever the hell I want. I've had this dream a million times before and no matter what I do or say it always ends the same way. It ends with a flashback of the best sex I've ever had in my entire life. Too bad the time leading up to the sex is always different. I wish I could remember how it all started. "Well there is one person that still catches my interest..." I begin with a grin. "but I don't really know how to tell you who it is." I chew on my bottom lip and look up at him. "Well, what does she look like?" he asks, slightly tilting his head to one side. Fuck he's so cute when he does that. "Um…okay. The person is slender and a little bit shorter than me with black hair and lots of tattoos." I clear my throat, "And he's also an amazing musician and friend..." I turn away from Nikki's intense gaze and prepare myself for the worst. This feels so real all over again and I can't help but feel like it's actually happening. "He? You mean you're...um…wow Tommy. I had no idea." he leans back and scratches the back of his head. Nikki never did feel comfortable talking about gay people. "Well I am." I state as nonchalantly as possible, folding my arms over my chest. “So…um…do you think that this…um…person could be the one to h-help you…get over your s-sex phobia?” Nikki stammers before clearing his throat. I let my arms fall to my sides as I stand up to get a drink. “Well yeah, but I would never want to force that person into anything that they didn’t want to do.” I say as I grab two cold beers out of the fridge. “Well how do you know that this person doesn’t want to? Have you ever asked him?” He takes one of the beers and sits straight up. I swear I just saw his cheeks get three shades redder. “Well…um…no. I haven’t asked him…” I mumble as I take a sip of my drink.
Nikki stands up and puts his drink down on the coffee table. He walks over to me and takes my drink out of my hand, placing next to his on the table. Before I can protest he sits in my lap and straddles my legs. He holds my face in both hands and brings it less than an inch away from his. He stares deeply into my eyes and says, “Well that’s all you ever had to do. He would’ve said yes in a heartbeat if you’d just asked.” Without thinking I wrap my arms around his waist as he brings our lips together. I can hear my heart pounding in my ears and I can feel blood rushing to my cock. Our lips move together in perfect harmony as he tangles his fingers in my hair. I feel a burst of confidence rush through me and I part my lips against his, demanding entrance to his mouth. He grants me that luxury and I suck his bottom lip into my mouth. I nibble it lovingly as I rub my hands up and down his sides. When I release his lip our tongues engage in a battle for dominance. He eventually gives up and surrenders his mouth to me. I feel my cock throb against the confines of my jeans when Nikki moans into the kiss. Suddenly I feel as if my sex phobia never existed and if I don’t have sex with Nikki soon I might just die. It’s just as I remember it. There was so much need in this night that it almost overpowered the want completely. Since I can’t very well stand up with Nikki on my lap I break the kiss. “Would you mind if…um…we did this somewhere else?” I stammer, not making eye contact. He smiles at me and stands up. He grabs me by the wrist and gingerly leads me into my bedroom.
Once we are inside he turns to face me. Before I can control myself I tackle him onto the bed. I climb on top of him and straddle his thighs. I hold onto his shoulders as I lick and suck the skin on his neck. I go a little bit lower and bite down on his collar bone. A guttural moan escapes his lips as he writhes beneath me. Soon I feel the need to shed clothing, but I am hesitant to do so, just like when this happen five years ago. It was all so new to us, so we didn’t want to rush into it. I am torn away from my thoughts when I feel Nikki’s hands slide under my shirt. I smile and lift myself off of him so that he can remove the garment. Once it’s off and thrown somewhere in the room I take my turn at undressing him. I quickly work my way past every button on his shirt and when it’s nearly off of him I climb off the bed. I start to undo my jeans and Nikki gets up and does the same. Once we are both stark naked we take some time to get a feel for each other. Tentative fingers take time to rub over smooth, hot skin as we feel each other for the first time. As we make our way back to the bed I feel strange. There seems to be a weight holding me down and I can’t seem to move. Then suddenly I feel a soft, warm puff of air in my ear. My entire world fades to black and before I know it I’m at my desk again, only this time I’m not alone. “Good morning baby!” I say cheerfully to Nikki who is sitting in my lap. I press a soft kiss to his lips and pull him to my chest. “Morning. What were you dreaming about? I heard you moaning from the other room.” He asks quietly before letting out a yawn. “I was dreaming about the first time we had sex, but you woke me up before the sex part!” I say as I reach around Nikki to turn off my laptop. “Well I’ll have to make it up to you later then.” He chuckles softly as he nuzzles my neck. I laugh quietly into his hair before yawning. A huge smile occupies my face as I imagine the night that’s to come. Later may seem far away, but great things come to those who wait.