FicWad

“Are you sure you want to do this, honey?” Paulina’s mother asked worriedly from the driver’s seat of their car. Paulina was in the passenger’s seat, palms resting in her lap, knapsack at her feet.

“I’ve told you so many times, Mom: yes.” Paulina stared out the window, feeling strange. There should have been a blindfold over her eyes; she wasn’t supposed to know where she was going. However, on the contrary, this time it was Paulina’s decision to go.

“Fine. Here we are.” They pulled up outside of South County Public High School, Mrs. James putting the car in park and staring protectively at her daughter. “Honey, are you sure you don’t--”

“No, Mom,” Paulina snapped, hoisting her bag onto one shoulder. “And please, for the last time, stop calling me ‘honey.’ You know I hate it.” From anyone but Frank. She hated hearing that name by anyone else’s voice; it just wasn’t right.

The mother cleared her throat. “Alright, Paulina. I love you. You know that, don’t you?” Paulina sighed, her tone and gaze softening.

“Yes, mom,” she said gently. “I love you, too.” With that, she was out of the car and walking up the steps of the school, alone.

Paulina knew that the minute she walked into her class, all the kids would stare. They’d stare, wide-eyed, mouths agape, whispering behind their hands when her back was turned, and Paulina wouldn’t care. She wanted them to stare. She wanted them to know that she wasn’t afraid of them anymore. Because that’s what she’d been, try as she might to convince herself otherwise; she’d been afraid to let other people in, for fear that she’d be rejected. But she’d let someone in, she’d been rejected; she was no longer afraid. At least, not of rejection.

Her footsteps echoed around the hallways, empty, as class had already started. The first class of the day should have just been beginning. With every step towards the familiar door of her homeroom, Paulina had to push herself harder and harder. She didn’t fear rejection, that was true; she just feared having to do this without someone there to make sure she did the right things, said the right things. She was on her own this time. Paulina took a deep breath once she was in front of the door. Before she could dwell too much on what she was doing, she pulled the door open and stepped inside, holding her breath.

As she’d predicted, the entire classroom turned and stared, including the teacher, Ms. Ben Lev. Paulina stared back, her hand creeping up to her temple and fidgeting with a lock of hair that was doing particularly well in growing out. She quickly corrected herself, knowing it was a sign of weakness. Never show weakness.

“You never show weakness!” Ray ripped her arm away from her mouth for the umpteenth time. “This is weakness,” he growled, holding the chewed-up nails in front of her face. “Biting your nails is a weakness. Vices are weaknesses. Do you want me to see when you’re feeling weak? Do you?” He shook Paulina when she didn’t answer. They’d just run into each other in the foyer, where Paulina had been wandering around, chewing her nails nervously, wondering if she was doing something wrong by doing nothing at all. As she was learning, it was not nothing.

“N--no…” she whimpered.

“More weakness, Paulina!” Ray rolled his eyes and released her. “Your lip is trembling. Your hands are shaking. You’re stuttering. You’re mumbling. I can see that you’re weak. If you want people to think you’re strong, you must never show when you’re feeling weak.”

Paulina stood up straight. Consciously, she stilled her hands and her racing pulse. She bit the inside of her lower lip, ever so slightly, to keep it from trembling. She locked her knees to keep them from knocking together.

The room began to buzz with whispers. Did they think she couldn’t see their hands fly up to their mouths? Did they think she didn’t know what they were saying. Paulina tipped her chin upward, refusing to show weakness. Finally, Ms. Ben Lev cleared her throat.

“Settle down, class. Settle down. Good morning, Paulina,” she said once she’d gotten the classroom quiet. All the teachers had been told that Paulina would be returning, but Paulina would have thought that the teachers would at least have warned the students. To avoid a scene, and all. Oh, well. Paulina could have cared less.

“Good morning, Ms. Ben Lev. How have you been?” She smiled politely; a couple of kids gasped. A lot of them had never heard Paulina’s voice. Even the teacher was taken aback, although she did the best of concealing her shock.

“Ah…I’ve been…fine, Paulina. Why don’t you take a seat?” Paulina smiled again and nodded, doing as she was instructed. The only available seat was front and center, quite a change from Paulina’s former back corner seat, as far away from anyone else as possible.

Although there was only a month left of school, Paulina still hoped to graduate on time. She was taking accelerated classes online and would, it seemed, be able to graduate with the rest of her class and walk at the ceremony to receive her diploma. She could only fulfill the latter, however, if she took at least one class at school and passed the exam. Not that it much mattered whether she walked or not, but it was just something Paulina had always seen herself doing.

The lesson was long, something that Paulina didn’t really think was important enough to spend so much time on. However, it was simple enough, and Paulina didn’t mind the extra time it allowed for thought, reflection. She couldn’t keep herself from stirring up memories, not that she wanted to. She craved to see the faces of those five men, even if it was only in her mind. Especially…

“Paulina,” Frank murmured. His chest was sticky with dried sweat, but Paulina didn’t mind. She lay with her cheek resting right over his heart, listening to the even beat, smiling at the tiny vibrations that echoed in his chest.

“Hmm…” she hummed, tracing the ink that decorated his entire upper-torso with her finger. The skin was soft, scarred, raised where it was tattooed. Paulina liked the way it felt when she laid her palm flat on Frank’s chest, feeling it rise and fall, the bumps and ridges of the body art.

“Do you want to shower before you fall asleep?” Frank’s voice resonated deeply in his chest. He leaned forward, pressing his nose into her hair and inhaling deeply. “Not that you really need it. Your hair smells like fruit. And me.” He smirked when Paulina tilted her head back to look up at him, also wearing a smile. With a bit of effort, she managed to peck him on the cheek with her lips.

“I like that. I think I’d like to keep that scent a little longer.” Paulina settled back into the crook of his arm, taking a deep breath of her own. What did Frank smell like? Cigarettes were there, faintly, but there was something else…something she couldn’t quite place…It was familiar, but not familiar enough. It smelled so fresh. Paulina closed her eyes and inhaled again. It was so fresh it was almost sweet. “I love the way you smell.” Frank laughed.

“I’ll let you borrow my cologne.” He dragged his finger up and down Paulina’s bare arm, letting silence fill the room, save for the gentle hush of skin on skin. “Paulina…” he began, suddenly becoming…nervous? “How long have you felt this way?” Paulina smiled, finding one of Frank’s hands and intertwining her fingers with his, pressing their palms together.

“Honestly?” Frank nodded. “I became very flustered when a handsome stranger asked me to light his cigarette.” Frank chuckled, squeezing Paulina’s arm affectionately. “How about you?”

“Honestly?” Paulina just smiled, squeezing his fingers between her own. “That first time we made breakfast together…in French?” Paulina smirked. “You had flour all over your face from when you dropped the bag. You used the shirt I’d given you from my closet to wipe it off, and you got so scared when you realized that you’d messed it up. Then I put my hand in the flour bag and rubbed it all over your face. When you smiled, I smiled.”

“I remember that,” Paulina said fondly. I was shocked that you’d done something like that. It was very…carefree.” Paulina was so tired, her eyelids hung like lead. She lowered them, only for a moment, she told herself. The last thing she wanted to do was fall asleep, only to wake up and realize it had all been a dream.

“Don’t fall asleep,” Frank whispered.

“I’m not,” Paulina murmured, eyes still closed. “I’m just…”

“Paulina,” Frank said, quieter. “Paulina…Paulina…”

“Paulina? Paulina…” Ms. Ben Lev’s voice seemed very far away, at first, but it soon became very sharp. “Paulina!”

“Hm?” Paulina snapped out of her reverie. She looked around, realizing that she and her teacher were the only ones left in the classroom.

“The bell rang, dear.” Paulina cleared her throat and nodded, picking up her things. “Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m fine, sorry. Must’ve just dozed off.” Paulina fumbled to get to the door quickly, before her teacher could ask more questions.

“Well, if you’re sure…” Paulina was out the door before she needed to answer.

The rest of the day passed in roughly the same fashion. Paulina arrived late to every class, just so everyone could get the shock and awe out of their systems, sat down, and paid minimal attention while returning to the past six months. By the time lunch rolled around, she’d developed a glazed look and was moving around in a daze. After walking into the cafeteria, though, Paulina seemed to come back round.

She didn’t have to eat. She could just sit down in the courtyard, under a tree, and not eat. She could daydream some more. She could let her thoughts wander. She didn’t have her parents, or Bob, or Ray, or anyone else breathing down her neck, telling her to eat. However, she found herself standing in line in the kitchen, waiting to buy an apple and some cheese. It wasn’t much, but it was something. Bob would be proud…if Bob were ever proud of anything she did…

After twenty minutes of sitting beneath a tree, munching her apple and peeling off strings of cheese, the bell rang, just barely jolting the teenager from her thoughts.

As Paulina walked on to her last class of the day, she found herself being unusually left alone. No jostling, no bumping, she wasn’t even touched. It seemed like everyone was avoiding even brushing her. Paulina shrugged and held her chin up higher, proceeding through the crowd, into the door of her classroom.

“Hey, Paulina.” A very familiar person sat down in the seat next to her, a forced tone of friendliness in her voice.

“Laura,” Paulina said absently, nodding curtly.

“How have you been?” Don’t ask questions, Laura, Paulina thought bitterly. Of course, everyone in her grade had probably gone to Laura, the only person Paulina had ever had real contact with, to extract whatever she was willing to reveal about what had happened.

“Great. Just dandy. Getting kidnapped is actually code for flying down to Key West for the summer, so I feel great. And you?” Laura faltered, as Paulina had hoped she would. All she really wanted was to be left alone.

“I’ve been…good, Paulina…uh…So…” Just spit it out, Laura. The other girl took a deep breath, which, for some reason, deeply frustrated Paulina. “So…I’m sure you know…people are wondering about…well, you know…”

“What? What are they wondering about?” Paulina feigned ignorance, looking at Laura with a concerned look on her face.

“Well…they’re wondering…and I am, too…what happened?” By this time, almost everyone was in the classroom and seated, probably buzzing with gossip about Paulina’s return to school. Paulina looked at Laura’s hopeful face, attempting to be empathetic, and couldn’t help but laugh.

“You know what?” she said, shaking her head and picking up her book bag. “Fuck this.” She laughed again and walked out, still shaking her head and chuckling at the ridiculousness of it all. When she was half-way down the now-deserted hallway, Paulina heard footsteps behind her.

“Paulina!”

“Laura!” Paulina yelled back, laughing still. She couldn’t help herself.

“Paulina, please wait!” Laura was running now; how sweet, she was concerned.

“Alright, Laura. I’m waiting.” Paulina turned on her heel and faced her childhood friend.

“What happened to you?” Oh, so now she was done beating around the bush? “You’re not the same. You’re…you’re just different.”

“And you would know, Laura? You know, I think this is the first time you’ve talked to me in four years. Tell me, are you really concerned for me, or do you just want to be the one that gets to tell my tragic sob-story to the rest of our class?” When Laura just stood there, dumbfounded, Paulina went on. “Imagine the prestige! Laura, surrounded by all her shiny new friends, fresh with the latest gossip about poor, pitiful, kidnapped Paulina. Say, Laura, I bet when it first happened, everyone came swarming to you then, too, didn’t they?” She didn’t answer. Venomously, begging to twist the knife a little further, Paulina pressed. “I bet they all ran to Laura, and you just lapped it up, didn’t you? Yes, I bet you did! Laura Miller’s big break: the former friend of the kidnapped girl tells all! I bet it was just wonderful.” Paulina smirked maliciously, relishing in the look of “caught” Laura wore. “Oh, honey, it’s written all over your face.”

“I--I--” Laura gulped, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t know what happened to you, Paulina, but I liked the old you better.” Paulina gave one last bark of laughter before spinning on her heel and continuing down the hallway.

“Like you would know!” she barked, laughing the entire way out the front door of the school.



Hey, there. So...this was a long one, eh? What is this, the third update in 5 days? I am awesome. I didn't think I'd be able to do this whole, "update all the time" thing, but it's coming along surprisingly easier than I thought. You may be asking yourselves, Whoah-that, why are you updating at 3 am? Simple, I'm waiting for Day 2 of Pottermore early registration. So, I figured I'd get some writing done while I was waiting, and I ended up finishing this, so I thought, eh, why not? Anyway, please go comment/rate/subscribe, and I'll get to work on the next update. OverAndOutxx