Well,he thinks the world of you.
I have to write this fairly quickly because I promised to go shopping with my aunt later,fun times.She's lovely,she's from New Jersey actually.
There are what writers call "delicate" themes in here,ye be warned.
First of the Gang to Die
Frank looked to his husband as he heard him utter the barely audible blasphemy,and smiled as Gerard continued to mutter under his breath as he cut up the carrots,droplets of blood clotting a small incision of his finger.
"Are you alright?"Frank asked,sliding off the table and going to aid his wounded lover,leaning over his shoulder."Did you cut yourself?"
"Genius,right?I can shoot some guy up so good there'll be holes as big as craters in the motherfucker but when it comes to chopping vegetables I maim myself."He lifted up his finger,where a stream of blood was now racing down."Lick it for me,will ya?"
"Last time I did that you said I was a freak!"
"I didn't say that,I implied that you drink blood for sustainance and mine happens to catch your attention.Anyway,you should feel honoured.Not everyone gets to lick my fingers,y'know."
Frank raised an eyebrow but said nothing,simply taking Gerard's considerably larger hand in his and tentatively licking a stripe of scarlet from the digit before dropping it gently.Gerard laughed to himself.
"I just-"he grinned mischievously."Nothing."
"Tell meeee,"Frank whined,tugging at the older's elbow,"I wanna know."
“I was just thinking about your eating arrangements,”Gerard drawled,turning around slowly and pulling the smaller to his waist. “Your lack of protein.”
“How I’m vegetarian?”
he is isn't he?or maybe he's vegan.I don't know.
“Mmmm,”Gerard confirmed,leaning down to brush his lips along the boy’s jawline. “And I wondered the reasoning behind it.”
"I just..."goddamn,it's hard to concentrate with Gerard Way molesting you,"I don't like what they do to animals."
"Really?And yet you're married to me."He mock tutted."The irony of it all."
Frank was slightly confused.Then,dawning horror.
"You kill animals too?!"
Gerard straight-out laughed.
"No,sweetheart.I'm just saying that you get offended by killing a chicken or whatever and then you are romantically involved with someone who is arranged to get the death penalty."He smiled and continued to watch the steaming vegetables over Frank's shoulders.
"Don't joke about that,"the boy attempted to sound threatening,but it came out a lame,terrified whimper."I hate it when you talk about that."
"What?Killing chickens?They're horrible looking.All bony and walking around in shit-"
"No."Frank tugged him closer."The death row thing.Please.I hate it so much."
"Aw,sugar,I didn't mean to upset you,"Gerard murmured,brushing his lips to the top of Frank's hair."I'm very sorry."
"It's okay,"Frank replied,before noticing Gerard study him intently."What's wrong?"
"I was wondering how you're feeling.Health-wise."
"Good,much better,"he said."My ribs are nearly healed now."
Gerard nodded.The boy automatically saw the flash in his lover's eyes,and knew the cause.No matter how patient and understand he was,he was still a guy,and a very handsome one at that.Someone who could go out and get sex from whomsoever he pleased,male or female.Iero could the feel the upset building up in his throat.
"Gerard...if you really want to...you could...y'know...go to someone else."Even the suggestion brought him to tears.He felt horrible."If I don't...please you."He squeezed his eyes shut as tears leaked."I'd understand if you want to."
He tried to act as if it wouldn't bother him at all,this whole sex thing-but deep down, somewhere in the filing cabinet of his mind,he knew that once he would strip of his clothes and kneel,that's when the tears would come.The exposure and revealing of his damaged self was mortifying,no matter how many complements Gerard would pass,and when his lover would let his hands linger too long or the kiss would intensify,Frank would try to bite back his screams of discomfort.He felt bad,dirty,sick-but most of all he felt ashamed.
Suddenly he was pulled over to the table,and pushed onto the edge,legs hanging over the edge,with Gerard positioned between them.The stronger pressed his nose to his husband's and stared into his soul.
"Listen to me,"he said roughly,"I realize that I may come across as some sex-crazed freak with a tendency for adultery,but you,and only you are the only person I plan to make love to for the rest of my life.I could not bear it if you ever betrayed me and so I would like to extend that gratification to you."
"Yes,sometimes I do go overboard with sexualization,but I will happily go the rest of my life without it if it meant you were satisfied and pain-free."He searched the darker pair of eyes."Your well being is more important to me than lust,Frank,I need you to know that."
"But I feel like I...like I'm disappointing you.Like you don't love me or something."
"Baby,I don't...I don't like talking about these sort of things normally.I'm in the Mafia;I kill and fatally injure on a daily basis-I ain't no fucking poet."He sighed and dropped his hands to Frank's hips."But I have never...adored someone or something like I have with you.I heard Raymond talk about me a few weeks ago.I agree with him-I'm different when I'm in your company.I still am a hateful bastard but I-I don't know.I don't think I'm making a lot of sense here."
"You are.And thank you."He didn't quite know what to say-Gerard had just delivered a speech of never ending passion and love.Frank was struggling to form words."I love you so much,and I wish I could make it up to you,"he said quietly,as Gerard turned off the oven.
He thought for a moment.
In the past,after all fights and arguments,all of which James would win,Romano would expect his fiancee to lower himself as way of reconciliation.As in,"oh,I'm very sorry to have disagreed with you,take my dignity as means of apology".It was true that Frank was a virgin,but that did not necessarily mean himself and his fiancee did not engage in sexual activity,which was usually one sided and reluctant.They were together for six years-and in that six years there had been a lot of fighting,and a lot of "apologizing".
So,naturally,the boy began to work at the older man's belt buckle,undoing the clasp.
"Baby,what are you doing?"
"Making it up to you,"he murmured almost inaudibly,getting down on his knees and tugging Gerard's trousers down his legs.
Way copped on and sighed,pulling Frank back up by the hand,as well as his pants.
"Sweetie,I don't want you to do that if you don't want to,that's degrading."God,James was one fucked up man."And you have nothing to apologize for,honey,and this...this shouldn't count as sorry.I'd only want you to do that if you really wanted to,not because you feel guilty or something."
"But I should,shouldn't I?"His orbs glistened with blissful ignorance,and he was starting to get confused."Isn't it right?"
"No,bunny,it's not.That's something you should do out of love,not out of absolution or something."He lightly kissed him on the mouth,so tender it was barely there."You shouldn't try to gain my approval in return for sexual favors.I love you enough already,I don't want to force you to do anything you wouldn't want to."His jaw clicked."I suppose Romano put you up to this task?"
"Well...I guess.At the start."
His brow knitted together and he leaned forward."What do you mean?"
Frank gulped nervously and avoided the gangster's gaze.Fuck fuck fuck,he'd said too much.
"Won't the food burn?"
"It doesn't matter,"Gerard growled."What did you mean by that?"
The sharp tone and lack of pet names frightened the boy and he shrank in on himself.Way felt terrible instantly.
"Please just tell me what you meant,baby,"he whispered."I'd just like to know."
Frank shook his head.
"You'll hate me."
"No I won't."
"No,I will not.I can't."He shrugged."I find it physically impossible to do anything less than obsess about you."
"Please,Gerard."Shit.The crying."Please don't make me say it."
This bore a striking resemblance to the day when Iero admitted he had been raped.Gerard raised an eyebrow.
"If you tell me he raped you,baby I swear before God I will dig that fucker up and bring him back to life just so I can kill him all over again.Hell,I'll clone him five times just so I can kill him five times-"
"He didn't rape me,"Frank muttered.Then:"Not really."
"What the fuck do you mean,'not really'?!"Gerard stopped himself."Oh sweetheart,I'm sorry about that,I have a short temper,but sugar,baby,honey I need you to tell me what happened."
*disturbing information alert*
"Well...James used to gamble.You know,poker and stuff?"He sniffed and began to wipe his cheek with his sleeve,until his husband dried his eyes with a tissue."He wasn't very good."
"Yes,I'd heard that.Within the Romano gang,right?"
"Yes.Usually with his friends,sometimes random strangers.And after a while he fell into death."
"Do you mean 'debt',sweetheart?"
He flushed magenta."Oh yeah.I'm sorry I don't-"
"It's perfectly fine.Please go on."
"And he didn't want to give away money because he was greedy,I guess.So he would...um...uh..."Fresh,fat,warm tears."You're gonna hate me,"he repeated.
"Why?Why would I hate you?"
"Because it's sick.And dirty and gross and sinful-I hate thinking about it."
"Please,Frank?Just tell me.Everything will be fine,I promise."
The boy sighed and closed his eyes again, thinking deeply.He tried to pick his words appropriately.
"I think I was about seventeen when it started.The very first time.We were dating for almost a year.One day he came in and said he was in really deep shit;he owed some guy hundreds of dollars that he didn't have.And he said he wanted me to do something for him-not just wanted but forced and that it would pay off all his money."
"So he told me to go downstairs and into the living room and some guy would be waiting on me there.I remember telling him that I was just in my boxers and I'd get dressed-"he broke down again-"but he said it was fine,to go down anyway.So I did."
Gerard as silent and still,listening to every word his pet was saying,every syllable spilling from his mouth.This was the back story to the monster that was James Stephen Romano,famed in song and story.He had hated the man before,but now he didn't know what it was.Hate was certainly an understatement.
"And when I got there this guy was there,waiting.He was smiling in a really bad way,all evil and crooked.And he told me to-to get on my knees,"he finally forced out,starting to shake again,Gerard shaking with rage,"and to suck him off."
"I did it a lot,"he said in a thick voice."Lots of different men."
Way was speechless.He just couldn't fathom a more horrible human being who forced the most precious,innocent,helpless kid in the world to suck some guy's dick just because he didn't want to spend his fucking money.What a sick fuck.
"You must hate me,"he whimpered."You think I'm disgusting."
"Oh,please,Gerard!"He hugged him tightly around the neck."Please forgive me!"
The murderer slipped out of his grasp easily and let the boy's short arms fall to his side.
"I cannot forgive you."
Frank cried out in pain like he had just been shot.His heart began to split in two.
"Because there is nothing to forgive."
The smaller looked up at him,water still streaming down his cheeks.Both men had now completely forgotten about eating.Gerard cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes.Then he spoke.
"That is...one of the most...vile and horrific things I have ever heard,"he said in a hollow tone."And I have done my fair share of vile and horrific things.But he...he fucking shared you around like some fucking cheap rate whore!"
That did dent Frank's feelings,and did a poor job of boosting his relatively low self esteem.He had branded himself a whore,a slut,easy plenty of times-but someone saying it in the open was extremely hurtful.Especially the most important person in the world to you.
"Oh,sugar,I'm sorry,"he said softly,wrapping his arms around him."I am so,so,so sorry.About everything.That was horrible to say,I just got so angry there,bunny,that I say stupid shit.I don't know what I can say to you about that-it's just awful you had to live through that.Darling...that is sexual abuse."
so totally wrong time and everything but I've been sitting here for like ten minutes trying to come up with a response because what the fuck do you say to "darling that is sexual abuse"???
well fucking done lorna
blinding ye all with my crazy writing skills
A knock on the door.
Frank smiled sadly as Gerard sighed.
They were never truly alone.