An hour later and I'm still curled up in a ball on Gerard's floor, weeping. Nothing will get the images and memory out of mind.
Luckily, Gerard hasn't tried to kiss me or anything, just hugs. I don't think I couldn't handle a kiss right now. The way Travis kissed me-I shudder.
Gee has placed himself on the floor so he's lying next to me. He stares at me through tear stricken eyes.
"I'm so sorry." He whispers.
"None of this is your fault!" I protest between sobs.
"I-I shouldn't have walked off. I shouldn't have believed that you would do something with Kat. What if he would have killed you Frankie!? Wha-what if-"
I interrupt him, "Gee, shut the fuck up."
He looks at me; he seems taken back, confused and surprised.
"What?" He asks shakily.
"Look" I begin, "It's not your fault. Yeah okay, you shouldn't have walked off, but it's not your fault what happened, happened."
Gerard moves closer to me and puts his arm on my hip; it makes me feel somewhat safe. His hugs and touches just seem to give off an aura of safeness.
"I'm never letting you out of my sight again." Gerard says to me.
"I'm not a baby." I try to smile, but it doesn't seem to work.
We lay in silence for a few moments.
"Gee, can I have a shower? I feel...really gross." I say extremely quietly. I try to hold back my tears, but they come gushing out of my eyes anyhow.
"Of course." Gerard says quietly.
He goes out of the room for a bit and comes back with a towel.
"C'mon" He says, poking his head in his door.
"I'm not having a shower with you." I say, shocked.
"When I said I wasn't letting you out of my sight, I was serious!" He attepmts to keep a straight face, but fails miserably as he's probably thinking about me in the shower.
"You just left me alone like two minutes ago!" I say, walking over to him.
"Hush now." Gee says, placing a finger to my lips.
He goes to kiss me but then decides against it and turns his head suddenly. I think he sees the hurt in my eyes because he says "It's not because I think you're dirty. I just don't want to be associated with this; I don't want to make it worse."
"It's okay, Gee." I say, hugging him and breathing in his smell of coffee and cigarettes.
I guess it sounds a bit odd saying I like the smell of coffee and cigarettes, but it's my favourite smell in the world.
We stay like this for about five minutes until I pull away. I walk into the bathroom and start to run the shower, waiting for the water to get hot.
"Gee, get out!" I say, trying to sound persuading.
"No." He says flatly.
"Do you seriously think-" I start to say it. But I can't. I can't even think of Travis's name without bursting into tears. I slide down the wall and end up as a heap on the floor. Gerard runs over to me.
"I'm not leaving you alone." He says, almost in a harsh tone.
I look at him through streams of tears.
"I'm sorry I've put this all on you." I cry.
"Don't be" He smiles, “Are you still having a shower? I'm not leaving, I don't care what you say or do."
"You're not getting in the shower with me."
Five minutes later Gerard and I are both sitting on the floor of the shower; the warm trickles of water falling perfectly over his bare shoulders.
We're both wearing boxers, so it's not like anything's going to happen. I don't want anything to happen. Not now.
I can tell Gerard feels like he could jump me right then and there. He keeps fidgeting and staring at me but then turning away when I notice. I guess it's hard to focus on much else, except for a bottle of shampoo or something.
"Gee, I know these are weird circumstances and, and, Gee, I can't, can't-" Tears begin to fall again. I start to get pissed off at myself because I can't control them.
"I know. And I'll wait." Is all he says for the rest of the time we're in the shower.