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We had nailed up Mikey's bedroom, Gerard had the key in his pccket and Mikey was pondering about food and drink for when me and Frank would be locked in the bedroom together.
"I think I need some alcohol." I said quietly to myself.
"I don't think thats a good idea." Gerard said. "Last time you got drunk, you ended up locked in your own attic."
"Yeah, what were you doing in there anyway?" Mikey asked.
"I think I was looking for something..." I mumbled. There was a knock on the door and Frank came in.
"Hey Mikey! I brought beer!" He yelled into the house. "And if Mr and Mrs Way is home, I'll leave it at the front door!" I laughed.
"I'll go get him, you get in the room." Mikey told me. I nodded and felt nauseous. Gerard patted me on the shoulder and smiled warmly at me.
"Yeah so why don't you go upstairs, I'll get us some chips and dips." Mikey said rather loudly. I hurried into Mikey's room and sat on his bed. Gerard hid in the bathroom next to Mikey's room ready to lock it when Frank got in.
I heard his shuffle-y footsteps and then there he was. He looked shocked when he saw me then confused. Then the door slammed behind him and he jumped. It locked and we could hear Gerard's evil laugh. I couldn't help but giggle at him.
"Hey Frank." I said.
"Hi...Roxy." He mumbled. "What's going on?"
"Well, the only way we could talk is if we were locked in a room together." I explained. "So lets talk."
"I have nothing to say." Frank said.
"Look Frank, you may not have anything to say but I sure as hell do." My voice was raised slightly. "First off, I'd like to apologise for getting you locked in this room. Secondly, I'd like to apologise for saying what I said a few weeks back. Thirdly, I want to say I'm sorry for feeling the way I feel about you. Its not your fault, even though I make it seem that way."
"Well, it can't be easy." Frank mumbled. "I'm kinda wishing Mikey didn't take those beers from me." He said with a smile. "It can't be easy for you to still be friends with me, even though you're in love with me."
"Well, I don't even know if I'm really in love with you. I just have a crush." I half lied. "But we still need to talk. There's been tension between us for a while."
"Yeah, I know." He agreed. "I'm sorry that I'm such a jerk. I know I always go after the wrong girl, but I'm gonna change. That new girl, Andie is amazing. She's so pretty and she likes the same music as me, and she's not a bitch."
"Well thats good." I replied, secretly wishing Andie would get hit by a car. "As long as she treats you well, I'm happy for you."
"Good," Frank said. "I promise you, I will change."
"I know you will."
"It'll take some time." Frank warned. "But it'll happen." I nodded. "What about you? Are you going to move on?"
"Well...I'm gonna try." I said. "I guess I could go on a few dates with some guys from school."
"Yeah but not the jerks." Frank said.
We talked for what seemed to be an hour and maybe it was, Mikey didn't have a clock in his room. After a few minutes of silence, I had to talk to Frank about his songs.
"Frank, I read your lyrics." I said.
"Oh..." Frank looked at his shoes.
"I think they're really good." I replied. "They're actually amazing. I can't wait to hear the music that goes with them."
"Thanks. We've got some music together but not a lot." I picked at the nail varnish that was flaking off my finger nails. It was something I did when I was nervous.
"I've missed you. A lot." I admitted.
"I've missed you too." Frank stood up from his chair at Mikey's desk. "C'mere." He whispered. He stretched his arms out, I got up from Mikey's bed and wrapped my arms around his skinny waist. He needed to put some weight on.
I heard the lock click and the door open. I saw over Gerard and Mikey over Frank's shoulder they came in and joined in the hug. I moved my arm so I was touching Gerard's back and we all stayed like that for a long minute.
"Lets go out and celebrate!" Gerard said.
"Um... No I think I just wanna stay in and watch a movie, maybe."
"Ooh! There's actually this film I wanted to rent, we could go get it out." Mikey said. We all thought that was a good idea and Gerard volunteered to go out and rent it. I decided to go with him so we could pick a few bits of junk food as well.
Roxy sat next to me with the window opened. The cool breeze was blowing her hair around her face and she looked as if she might be happy. I knew her better than that. I concentrated on the road for a minute but all I could think of was her. I wasn't in love with her. At least, I didn't think I was. She was just a kid. Best friends with my kid brother. I couldn't be in love with her.
"What are you thinking?" I asked her.
"I'm thinking, I might just go home." She replied. "I'm also thinking about edging myself away from the group."
"Why to which one?" She sighed. "I think I might go home because I'm tired. And I think everyone might need a break from my whiney, obsessive nature."
"Come on, Roxy." I said. "We love you. We don't mind that you're a little whiney. And I thought you said to him that you were gonna try and get over him."
"I am. This might be the way to do it." She said, her voice was breaking slightly. "I don't want to. But it could be the only choice I have. I mean, my dad has be itching to get me out to California. I don't want to change schools but I could take an extended Christmas vacation."
"That might be an idea." I smiled a fake smile. "Still wanna go home?"
"I suppose I could endure another night of wishing Frank would fall in love with me." She said unhappily. I hated seeing her like this. She was in love.
Love's a bitch.
Roxy waited in the car as I got the video, Mikey wanted. I looked out of the store window and over to her. Maybe I should ask her out. No. Thats crazy. She'd laugh at me.
I got back out to the car and saw that Roxy had put on lipstick. Bright red. Her favourite colour. Her face looked whiter with it on. With her black hair and blue eyes, she reminded me of a pin-up girl whenever she wore red lipstick.
"Nice lipstick." I said when I got in the car.
"Thanks." She said and blushed. I smiled softly at her. She was going to be fine.
"Right, next stop junk food city!" I started the car and we drove off.
Weeks after that night, everything seemed to be good. I had arranged to go stay with my dad in California for Christmas, plus a two weeks before Christmas. I was looking forward to it. I get to see my dad, I can get away from my crazy assed, drunk mother and I would be able to get over Frank some more. I spent less time with the group and my pain seemed to be easier to deal with.
Being at home was getting harder though. My mom was getting worse and so was the house. I found myself sneaking into Gerard's room at night through his little window. The first time, he nearly killed me cause he thought I was a killer or something. The second time I snuck through his window, he had rearranged his room so instead of standing on his desk, I stood on his neck.
I got home from school a few weeks before I was set to go to California, to find my mother passed out on the floor. The phone started ringing, making me jump. I ran to answer it because I didn't want mom to wake up and be angry.
"Hello?" I said quietly. I took the phone and went upstairs to my room.
"Hey Roxy, its Frank." I turned and tripped over a shoe.
"Aah!" I fell to the floor and bumped my head. "Ouch..."
"Roxy?!" I heard Frank's panicked voice and it reminded me of what I was doing.
"Yep? I'm here." I said into the phone. I started giggling. "I tripped."
"Riiight." Frank said. I could see him rolling his eyes. I heard heavy footsteps come up the stairs. My bedroom door flung open and there stood my not so wonderful mother. Her t-shirt was covered in something brown and sticky and her jeans were dirty. The stench was impossible.
"Frank, I've got to go,"
"What's happening? Say Rox the Fox is signing off if it's your mom." He was worried. So sweet. Rox the Fox? What the actual fuck?
"Rox the Fox is signing off." I said seriously, trying to hard not to giggle.
"I'll be there in ten." And he hung up.
And ten minutes was all it took. My mother, the human being that carried me for nine months, nurtured me for ten years, the woman that taught me never to give up had knocked me out. She kicked me in the head and then I think she stabbed me with a broken bottle. Either way, I think I was dying. And I would have defended myself but the old bitch was strong and I was lying on the ground, probably already concussed from being clumsy.
Frank was there like he said he was going to be. He might have been a little early. I was fighting against falling asleep when I heard him come in.
"Roxy! What did you do you old bitch!?" He yelled at my mother. Something smashed but Frank was by my side, checking my injuries. "Roxy? Baby? Can you hear me?" I tried to smile but I had to close my eyes. "Don't you dare close your eyes Roxy!" He ordered. He grabbed the phone that was still in my hand and I assumed he dialled 911. I was asleep.
I woke up and someone was singing. Someone was singing Green Day. When I Come Around. Well I was coming around now, boys. Except my eyes weren't opened. They felt crusted. I tried to find my arm to lift it. Oh there it is. Oof. I just smacked myself in the face. Thats very good, Roxy. Well done. The singing stopped.
"Roxy?" Gerard asked. It was Gerard who was singing.
"Beautiful..." I murmured. "Singing..." I opened my eyes, finally. It was too bright, but it felt nice to move my eyes around.
"I'll go get a nurse." Mikey said. "And Frank."
"Frank?" I asked. I wasn't entirely coherent. "happened?" I asked.
"Well, Frank called you to ask you if you wanted to come to his band's show and then your mom attacked you." Gerard took my hand. He felt nice and warm. "She kicked you in the head really hard and stabbed you with a broken bottle."
"Bitch." I muttered.
"Yeah, she is a bitch." Gerard laughed. Then it all came flooding back to me. My mother attacked me. My own mother. My head starting hurting. I started crying and that just made it worse.
"Gerard, my head." I tried to reach out for something but all I got was Gerard's hands. I gripped them tight and he reached and pressed the button for help.
The nurse came in and I started talking to me. I think I passed out again because I don't remember much after that.
A few days after I was discharged from hospital, my mother was found dead. She drank herself to death. I let the State deal with her.