Categories > Celebrities > Beatles

Why Don't We Do It In the Road?

by McLennonLove 3 Reviews

Ringo sees something he shouldn't have seen. Meanwhile, John and Paul keep on arriving to work late. (Warning! J/P)

Category: Beatles - Rating: R - Genres: Humor - Characters: George Harrison,John Lennon,Paul McCartney,Ringo Starr - Warnings: [X] - Published: 2011/08/10 - Updated: 2011/08/11 - 1800 words - Complete

"Hey Ritchie," George called from his seat one day when Ringo trudged his way into the studio. He had a disgusted look on his face as he ignored George and sat down at his drum set. "What's wrong?" his mate asked concerned.
"It's nothing, George. It's just that I saw a young couple shagging on the side of the road on me way to work."
"Really?" the younger man asked putting down his guitar.
"Oh yeah. It was quite a distraction if you'd ask me. Couldn't get the image out of me head. No clothes or nothing. It was as if they didn't have a care about privacy or anything. And, they were really going at it, too. I had to stop at a nearby café to clear me head before I came here."
"Sounds grotty."
"It was," Ringo responded lighting a ciggie. "But, it's whatever. I don't care what people are doing these days. If they wanna fuck in the middle of the road, that's their business, not mine. I don't tell others where to do it, and I don't ask them where they do it, either."
"Me, too."
"I just worry they'd get caught or somethin'. If you'd ask me, I'd be embarrassed to get caught doing an explicit thing on the side of the road like that. I mean, what if there's a copper strollin' about?"
"I agree. If that were me, I'd make sure I'm nowhere to be seen or heard from by anyone. It's too dangerous what with people driving about places anyway. What if you get hit by a car? It's just too much of a risk really is what it is."
"You bet it is. I just wish I could forget the whole damn thing."
"Well, don't let it get to ye, Rings. It's not good for the mind, y'know."
"I guess you're right, Georgie," the older man sighed picking up his drum sticks. "So John and Paul make it to the studio yet?"
"No. John called an hour and a half ago saying he'd be late. Something about Julian missing a toy or whatever. Haven't heard from Paul yet, but he hasn't shown up any earlier than noon for the past few days anyway. So I take it he'll be here later," he answered picking up his guitar.
"Alright. In the meantime, got anything you wanna rehearse before they get 'ere?"
"Not exactly. John wants me to finish me guitar solo from yesterday, and Paul thought of a song he wants me to play lead guitar in. I'm just waiting for him to get here."
"Alright. Just thought I'd ask."
George resumed his tuning as Ringo smoked before tossing away his ciggie.
"The funny thing is that the bird looked completely flat."
"What do you mean? The bloke was squishing 'er to death?"
"No, no, no! I mean, she didn't 'ave any knockers."
"Oh. Well, not ev'ry bird has a decent pair y'know."
"I know that, but she just looked like she didn't 'ave any period. From what I could see, she had long hair and was on bottom, but had no breasts. It almost makes me wonder if the bird was really a--"
"Top of the mornings to ya lads!" John shouted from the doorway.
"'Ello John," replied George.
"Mornin' John," Ringo said not looking up from his foot pedals. John approached the drummer and slipped his granny glasses to the tip of his nose.
"Hmm, somethin' doesn't look quite right 'ere," he said pushing his glasses back to the bridge of his nose. "What's the problem, Ritchie?"
"He just saw a bird and her fellow having a go at it on his way to work," George blurted out.
"No way! Was it intense? Who was on top? Did you see how far they went? Was the bird sexy?" John joked punching Ringo’s shoulder.
"Hey, sod off, John," Ringo said pushing the rhythm guitarist away. "It was hard enough for me to get it out of me 'ead, and now you're asking me for details? Geez! What do I look like, a bloody snoop to ye?"
"Well, sorry for asking, son. I just wanted to know what ye saw, that's all."
"I already told George about it, and I don't want to say anything more about what I saw."
"Alright. 'Ave it your way, yeah?" John walked to his guitar case and opened it. He grabbed it out and started tuning it. "Were they that good?" he asked not looking up.
"John! I bloody told ye I'm not saying a word!" Ringo whined.
"Aw, c'mon Ringo! At least tell me what they looked like."
Ringo thought for a moment and finally gave into John's questioning.
"Alright. The bloke on top had shaggy, dark hair, an' the bird was kind of hard to distinguish 'cause she was hiding in the grass. But the features I could make out were her long brown hair and lack of jugs."
"Wait, you mean the bird didn't 'ave any knockers to speak of?"
"Yeah. I mean don’t get me wrong, she probably did. I just couldn't see them that well."
"Alright fellas. Enough with the chit-chat," George Martin interrupted walking into the room. "Paul is going to be a tad late today, so we'll have to carry on without him until he gets here. Got it?" he said.
"Got it," the three answered together.
"Good. Now, let's start with John's song from yesterday. George, I'll need you to finish that guitar solo for the final overdub."
"Alright," the lead guitarist said rising out of his chair. "Oh an' John. Did you find whatever it was Julian lost?"
"Lost what?" John asked casually strumming his freshly tuned acoustic guitar.
"Y'know, the toy he lost before you got here?"
"What toy?...Oh! Yes I did. It was under me bed the whole time," he laughed. "Yeah, I don't know how any of that crap gets under there anyway. Haha! Well, shall we get back to work then, lads?" He kept his eyes down while George and Ringo exchanged looks before returning to work.
A few hours passed and still no sign of Paul. George recorded a few overdubs for John's song while John gave pointers for Ringo's drumming in his next song.
"So, you'd like me to do sort of a tap, tap, tap on the high hat?" Ringo asked John.
"Hmm, actually, I was thinking more of a loud boom, boom, boom on the bass. Y'know, like, the sound you can hear from upstairs in yer parents room when they're fooling around? Or in this case, the sound ye heard from the side of the road."
"Aw for fuck's sake, John!" Ringo cried. "Why'd ye 'ave to bring it up again?" John laughed much to his amusement.
"I can't believe you're still upset about it! Was it really that painful looking er somethin'?"
"No, but it's still someone doing it in a public place. I mean, what the bloody 'ell? Doesn't anyone 'ave dignity anymore?"
"Geez Rich. Sounds like you're jealous you couldn't think of a more clever place to do it," John winked at him mischievously. "'Course, you'd have to have the balls to do it in such an exotic place, too."
On the other side, Paul walked in carrying a sheet of music. Ringo and John continued to bicker.
"Oh, piss off ye wanker. Only you would want to stick yer nose into stuff like that. Why are you so interested in me story anyways? Even George didn't ask nearly as many questions, and he's always concerned about me feelings towards this sort of shit."
"I never said I was interested. An', I didn't ask that many questions. Why are ye getting so damn defensive?"
"Sorry 'm late, fellas," Paul interrupted trying to break up their little argument before it grew worse. "How's the recording going?"
"Oh hey Macca. Did ye hear? Ringo saw a couple fucking right in the middle of the road this morning," John shouted.
"Oh, is that so, Rich?"
"Yeah, but he's too embarrassed to give away any juicy details," John answered for him. "Even little ol' George didn't get as big of a piece as I did."
"Oh, stop being so nosy, John," George called from his seat. "It's just a screw, that's all."
"To me, it sounded like a good one, getting down and dirty in the road like that," John snickered walking towards Paul.
"Only you would be interested in a story like that," Paul laughed taking off his jacket. "By the way, is that lipstick on your mouth I see?" he asked smudging cherry red lipstick with his thumb against the corner of John's lip. "Did Cynthia spill her makeup on the sink for little Johnny to play with again?"
"Fuck off, Macca," John said punching Paul's arm. "I'd like to see you dress in drag to work one day."
"Someone's being a horny little booger today, 'ey?"
"You bet yer lucky stars I am. Whadaya say? Fancy a little fucking spree in the road?" he asked putting his arm around the bassist's shoulders and tugging him.
"With you, Lennon, I don't know what kind of trouble we'd get ourselves into,” Paul winked at him and removed his arm. "Okay ev'ryone. I have here in my hands our next number one hit."
"Well, it's about bloody time, Macca. We've been waiting for ye all day to show up with that damn song," John said as he returned to his guitar.
Paul followed him to the chair next to him and pulled out his own acoustic guitar. As he began to tune it, John leaned in closer to him and whispered so the rest couldn't hear, "Next time, I get to be the man, and you’re the bird."
"Well, next time, how about we save the fucking spree for after work, yeah?" Paul grinned keeping his eyes fixed on his guitar.
"Fare enough," John said backing away. "Now, what's the 'next number one hit' called, Paulie?"
"Well, why don't you read it yourself?" Paul said handing over the music sheet. John skimmed through it and playfully slapped him with it.
"Hey!" Paul winced almost dropping his guitar.
"You sod! You think you’re so clever with yer song titles an' all that shite," John teased pointing to the title.
"You asked," Paul winked again. John tossed the paper to the ground and grabbed his guitar.
"Well, tell us how it goes, then?" Paul strummed a few chords and began.


(A/N Can anyone guess what song dear Paulie wrote on his way to work? ;D Hehehe! Btw this is my first published piece of slash, so go easy on me, yeah? If you liked it, I'll be more than happy to write MORE MORE MORE!)
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