Noun: The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity. Frequently known to betray thy lovers and break thy hearts Xx
a. A substance used in the diagnosis, treatment, or prevention of a disease or as a component of a medication.
b. Such a substance as recognized or defined by the U.S. Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act.
2. A chemical substance, such as a narcotic or hallucinogen, that affects the central nervous system, causing changes in behavior and often addiction.
3. Obsolete A chemical or dye.
To me it all meant so much more.
I passed out one day. I just dropped down onto my knees, let my eyes shut and didn't get back up. To be honest I didn't want to. I felt like I couldn't but that was lie.
I never knew anymore how I felt, only how I thought I should. The drugs would create a shrowd pulling it across my eyes makeing me see what wasn't there and blinding me from things that were. It no longer felt as if I was living my life but someone else was in control of my body.
I faintly remember the day I woke in the hosiptal for the first time. Frankie was sitting my side his eye's red from tears. I remember turning my head towards him wishing I could say something cute or romantic anything but what my mind was thinking.He reached out for my hand holding It tightly with his own reminding me he love me.
“Do you have a smoke?” The wors seemed to tumble from my mouth and before I had noticed it had alrady happend.Frank seemed frozen as he gave no responce. I cursed myself.
“Yes” he asnwered plainly tears beginning to tricklr from his eyes. He stood up from his chair and walked out of the room. I didn't attempt to stop him I knew I didn't deserve a boy like him.
I gazed around the room it was decorated completely in white.The only spot of colour came from the screen of the machines attached to my arms and the black 'The Used' jumper Frankie had left slung over the chair by my bedside.
I sat in that room for what must have been a hour until the door reopened. I frowned as a nurse entered I was expecting my Frankie.
“Hello.” she greeted me cheerily.
“Yeah hi.” I mummbled awkwardly as she studied the screen of the machines at my bedside intently. She nodded to me before makeing her exit. I was left alone again. I let my head hit my pillow again and my eyes shut.
I dreamed of the first time I had spoken to Frank.
It was a dark night on 1st December. Rain clouds had been in the sky all day but they onlt began to show their wrath as I turnd the corner from my goo friends Bert's house. I would have asked for a ride home but Bert was so out of his head he barely knew what a car was and I was still a little drunk.
I pulled my hood up over my head and began the 15 minute long walk home. The rain became stonger and it was diffucult to make out where the footpath ended and the road began threw the curtain of water. I trudeged on anyway hopeing for the best. I walked for a couple more minutes untill I stopped suddenyly my body had connected with somthing soild. I froze it had been a boy and he was now sprawled on the path in a large puddle.
I crouched down beside him. He was sobbing quietly as he attempted to pull himself once again to his feet.
“Sorry” I mummbled slightly dazed from the impact. The boy took no notice of me, pulling the hood of his soaking wet 'The Used' jumper back over his head.
“Doyeahh wanna handup?” I asked my words slurring together. He didn't answer so I reached out to grab his forearm and help him up. As soon as my hand brushed against his arm he jumped back screaming.
“GET OFF ME!” I pulled my arm back alarmed by his sudden change in attiudide. I rasised my hands up palms faceing him to show I meant no harm but I could see threw the wind and rain that his hand were clenched into fists.
“I'm nada gonna hurt yeah” I told him. The kid pulled a large grin then attempted to turn and walked away.
“WAIT!” I shouted at him. He stopped. “Why'd ye think I'dd hurted you?”
“Your drunk!” he exclaimed laughing lightly to himself.
“I'mm nott datt dunk” I answered.
“Okay course your not” he agreed then reached out and pushed my shoulder lightly I stumbled back a few paces.
“Case proved?” he asked about to walk away again before I began to speak.
“Iffa dunk cud I dos dis?” I asked before cleching my hand into a fist and sent it flying towards his face.
I woke up with a jolt. This was some-what of a reoccuring dream. It had always haunted me what had occured on that first meeting and ever since I'd been trying to make it up to him, but it seemed that the list just got longer. Every week there would be a new addtion. I'd flip out and hit him or come home drunk and smash his guatiar or kill his kitten. It was only so long before I ran out of paper.
The door of the room opened and a familar face peaked through.
“Your awake” stated Frank almost sullenly. I nodded he took a seat back in the chair beside my bed and handed me a small packet from his pocket. I studeied it then smilied to myself it was a pack of Marblo Red.
“Wanna go a walk?” he asked smilieing.
/Authers Note/ for whom it may concearn xX
Okay so here it goes.
I know you claim not to read to fanfiction but you seem to know alot about the FANFICTION! stoiries I've written here.
First; I'm sorry for not saying this to your face.You think by now I'd have the fucking guts but you were right when you said I was a coward.
Second; I'm sorry I lied to you. I should have told you straight out but I was scared of how you'd react.
Thirdly;Im sorry for lieing now because honestly I'm not sorry, I am however sorry that I do not feel sorry or have any feelings og guilt for what I've done.
Okay. Now you have the right to shout at me.
But you didn't before.
Would anyone be interested in update??