20th October, 2004. 23.
I’m starting to really fucking love makeup. I mean, who wants to look normal when you could be walking around with thick, black X’s for eyes? I tell ya, it is so much fun putting it on for a show. We all do it now we’ve invested in some good face paint and eyeliner; I swear the five of us are more like girls than guys when it comes to getting ready. Gerard recently bought some of that Ben Nye stuff for his face, and hasn’t stopped experimenting with different looks and ideas for our upcoming show. After ditching the red eye shadow, eye liner and even fake scars, he seems to have settled on a thick black bar running across his eye line, the rest of his complexion painted a deathly white for ‘added effect.’ When he’s finished, he actually looks pretty impressive, the makeup seeming to create a uniform stamp on our band for this tour. Though, creating that stamp is not as easy as it sounds. As I stepped over loose strips and rolls of crumpled masking tape, I couldn’t help but chuckle as I knew exactly what the man was doing. The rest of the band, myself included, just go for a more simple method of applying with a sponge or brush, and are done in around ten minutes. Not Gerard though, in the few years I’ve known him, not once has he ever been quick about his creative endeavours. I poked my head round the door of the tiny dressing room and smirked, as there, bent over the little mirror and cursing quietly to himself, was Gerard, a frown knitting its way onto his pale features. I sighed and bit my lip gently, my stomach giving a surprised little flip as he said my name gruffly. The room smelt of booze, but I didn’t bother about it, as so did everywhere else on this bus. Ray and Bob were opening some of the windows to get a bit of air in, but really, when the rest of us get drinking, there’s no point trying to get the smell out as it just won’t leave. I walked over and rested a hand on his back gently, giggling as I tried to see what he was doing. He grunted softly and shrugged me off, ripping off another bit of masking tape after scrunching the first piece up. I could tell he’d been drinking, but he wasn’t drunk; Gerard Way is the only man I know who can drink vodka like water and still turn up for an amazing practice. I watched as he tried again to stick the tape above his brow in a straight line, groaning as a few strands of his greasy wet hair dangled in the way, crumpling the tape up and making parts of it stick together. I knew what he was trying to do, and continued finding it amusing every time he did it. It was a technique he’d learned in art school apparently, where you mask off parts of something you want to paint, and when you peel the tape away, a nice, crisp edge is left where the background is. That’s the idea anyway. It seems that trying this on the face is harder than it looks.
‘Oh for God’s sake,’ he groaned, frowning and looking at me for a moment. I bit my lip and offered a hesitant smile, resting my hand down on his back again. The singer smiled with a soft sigh, hanging his head. He was still feeling the heavy night before it seemed, which is why his concentration was out of whack. ‘Your left X is a little smudged, Frankie.’ Okay, not that out of whack. I chuckled and bent down next to him, rubbing the point with my finger to remove the little black mark. ‘That’s better,’ he praised, looking at me and pressing his dry, chapped lips to my cheek quickly. I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment, smiling at the familiar, coarse touch. I love it when he gives me compliments, he so rarely gives them to anyone and I... I dunno. It makes me feel nice. Really nice. I gently pushed him into a chair and sat down myself, taking the masking tape off and smiling. With a soft ‘let me,’ I had torn another strip off and had stuck it to the fabric of his creased, white shirt. It was filthy, the thin fabric stained with fake blood from a bucket he’d tipped on himself at last week’s show. Already, you could see buttons hanging off, the collar a little torn, and the fabric was getting so worn down that the curves and toned muscles of his pale torso were becoming visible. I didn’t complain, I loved looking at his body. Gerard looked at me innocently as I leaned forward to brush my fingers through his hair and push it back off his face, his eyes looking around the room after a moment. ‘Mm, pass me some drink?’ His soft voice sailed into the room after a moment and I smiled, grabbing a bottle from the side and putting it to my lips first. He groaned with a soft chuckle as I took a swig, pressing the rim to his own lips after a moment so he could taste the nectar we all craved. I smiled after he put it back and let me carry on with the makeup, sticking the masking tape on his forehead gently and grabbing a pot of the charcoal coloured face paint. I dipped a small, triangular sponge into the pot and rubbed it against the paint, smiling at him.
‘Okay, close your eyes,’ I smiled, Gerard doing so obediently and for a moment, I just looked at him. I smiled as again, the overwhelming urge to kiss him took over my brain for a second. He looked so perfect like that, it was a golden opportunity that I missed every time we sat together. I know we’d kissed before, fuck, we did it on stage all the time. But kissing him now, when it would just be us two, was something I became very very nervous about doing. He had a girlfriend for god’s sake, why couldn’t I force myself to come to terms with that? But no, I liked him, I liked him and as I looked at those pale, cracked lips, I sighed and fell right back to square one. I leaned closer and bit my lip, Gerard mewling and asking what I was doing. I chuckled softly, though my heart was pounding with nerves and I thought I should probably get on with this quickly, before he becomes suspicious. ‘Oh I was just getting this a bit wetter, don’t worry,’ I chuckled and bit my lip gently. As I made the first black mark on the bridge of Gerard’s slender nose, I smiled softly at him and wondered what he was thinking about. He never talked about Eliza anymore. They’d been dating for about six months now, but after the first few weeks of him being away on tour, she always seemed the last thing on his mind. I blushed as a feeling of happiness surged in my stomach like it did every time I told myself that, and sighed, trying to push it back for his sake. I didn’t want him to be unhappy, I just... wanted to be the one to make him feel that way. I stroked the sponge delicately over his face in a sort of caressing motion, Gerard raising his eyebrows and sighing softly. ‘You’ll crumple the tape,’ I chuckled quietly, leaning closer and grinning at him as he cracked an eye open. The man smirked and stuck his tongue out, shhing me with a chuckle and closing his eye again. I rolled my eyes fondly and giggled, brushing a hand tenderly through his hair again to keep it back off his face. I smiled as I watched his lips gently pouting, before resting again, his tongue darting out to keep them moisturised for a few minutes if nothing else. He needed to take care of himself more, his lips were always splitting when he sung and he wouldn’t do anything about it. I looked at them for a moment as my sponge stilled a little on his face, Gerard not seeming to notice. He was relaxed by the booze, his head lolling a little to the side when I wasn’t putting on the makeup. A soft sigh drifted past his lips, the cool air wafting over my face gently.
‘Frankie... You’re not moving...’ He murmured gently after a while, his eyes not opening as a hand reached forward and touched my knee gently. I guessed he was probably just feeling if I was still there or not, but shifted closer anyway, liking the feel of it there.
‘Uhhuh, I’m just taking a breather,’ I replied, not sure why I said that, I mean, this job isn’t exactly hard work. His soft little ‘mkay,’ confirmed he’d bought it though, and I grinned triumphantly, unable to resist him any longer. As I bent up a little, I started to wonder if it would be such a huge deal if I kissed him. We’ve kissed offstage before, I knew that, but in this intimate setting, would he still be okay with it? Maybe it could be time to show I wanted more? I shook my head at the latter thought, knowing that, at best, he’d be imagining I was his girlfriend or something stupid as we kissed. I knew I couldn’t convince him to like me back, but even so, one... one little kiss couldn’t hurt, could it? I let myself be tempted closer by my thoughts, and sighed, closing my own eyes as I took the plunge, and leant forward to close the gap with my lips. ‘Mmm...’ The man’s eyes fluttered open as my smooth lips pressed against his own, and he looked at me a moment, before sighing and giving up on any thoughts that might have pushed him away. A gentle sigh sailed into my mouth as he kissed me back, his lips pouting and connecting with mine a moment. I sighed and smiled, nibbling softly on his lower lip, the cool metal of my lip ring rubbing against his warm flesh as he leaned back in his chair.
‘Frankie... This... This what you call a breather?’ He asked, the amusement in his voice telling me this was okay. I smiled and nodded, mewling as I kissed over his chapped lips again.
‘Uhhuh, don’t mind do you?’
‘Course not...’ Gerard breathed when we broke for a moment, and tugged me to him again for another kiss. This time, his tongue pushed its way into my mouth, and I got to taste the strong, musty but oh so divine flavour that was just Gerard. It was a mixture of booze, cigarettes and the face paint on his lips, and something else that was entirely him. As disgusting as most people would find that combination, I loved it, and pulled back all too soon to finish off his makeup. As much as I wanted to just push him over and kiss him like no tomorrow, I couldn’t, we had a show in half an hour and I knew if I kept this up any longer, there’d be some serious trouble the next morning.
I really did miss kissing him though. The stage lights glared up at me as I whirled round with my guitar, beads of sweat running down the back of my neck and dampening my bullet proof vest through my own shirt. My red tie was slung clumsily over one shoulder and my black, sweat covered armband was laying on the floor by Ray’s feet. It was always falling off, I swear we got them made for wrestlers or really fat people or something. I hung my head over my guitar so the black strands of my fringe were brushing against the strings as I strummed my pick down and up in a frantic motion along to the song. ‘Not Okay,’ was always my favourite to perform, and not just because I could kiss Gee in it. I loved the energy everyone put into it, the smack of the bass drum, the whirlwind guitar solos and even Mikey shot around like a bullet on stage, clearly on a high from his awesome riffs. Either that, or the affects of all that pre show beer were finally taking over. They’d certainly got a hold of Gerard. He was staggering about the stage with his hair hanging in his face, sweat and makeup running down his cheeks as he practically spat into the mic. His lips were wet and salivated, and he simply murmured a soft ‘guitar’ for Ray to take his solo, before stumbling off towards me. I couldn’t talk, I was drunk enough myself, but no one seemed to care. The crowd we were playing for were head banging and moshing into each other, singing the words so we didn’t have to. It’s what happens at our concerts, one way or the other, we all leave having had a fucking amazing time.
I watched as Gerard wandered about the stage, one hand holding the mic, the other holding his package. He looked out into the crowd and gave it a squeeze, beckoning me over to him. I raised my eyebrows as my heart started pounding, and stumbled across the stage to him. I nearly fell on my face after tripping over a guitar lead, but my eyes were set on Gerard, and those hazel orbs gazing at me behind his mass of black hair. As if on cue, the crowd pulled out their phones and cameras to snap every second of my journey, tour reps rushing around with their SLRs, each one eager to get the best shot of us. We’re becoming known recently for our ‘frerard’ we tend to put out on stage, and I think everyone knew that tonight would be no exception. Gerard grabbed my tie when I was in reach and yanked me over, his suit stained and grubby but I just didn’t care. He was back singing again as he tugged me close, slinging an arm round my shoulders to keep upright as he sung the words. As much as we all drink, Gerard especially, you can’t fault the amount of effort we put into our shows. It’s all still there, the passion, the drive, the energy. I leaned up to Gerard’s mic as he sung, grabbing it to murmur a soft ‘trust me,’ into the black gauzed head. With that, I leant up, lips pouted to kiss his cheek as usual, but to my surprise, the man turned and our lips connected. I raised my eyebrows as they touched for just a second, before the elder man whipped away and continued singing the punchy chorus. I grinned softly to myself as my head started spinning, and I played the last few seconds with more fire and passion than before, on a high from his lips.
‘You guys enjoy that?’ He slurred into the mic as the crowd roared, cheering and whooping echoing about the concert hall. Requests for songs were shouted out into the room, along with the occasional ‘I love you’ dedicated to one of the five of us. I grinned out at everyone as they looked at me, chuckling at their loud screams and squealing excitement. I figured it was just because of the song, I mean, God, we did nail it. When I turned to look at Gerard, however, I saw why they were all cheering. He was slowly walking towards me, a smirk on his lips as he wiped his hair off his face. ‘I know I did...’ He purred into the mic and I felt adrenaline surging through my body. Oh God, was he going to... I bit my lip and smiled softly, Gerard reaching me in a matter of seconds. He stood above me and looked down, the crowd screaming as one of his pale, artists fingers twirled round a lock of my hair. I tiptoed up, feeling the hard wood of the floor more tenderly now one of my converses had flown off down by the reps. I remembered blushing as it nearly hit one of them in the head, and made a mental decision to buy a new pair before we left the city. I swayed a little from the alcohol as Gerard looked at me, grinning. ‘Didn’t you Frankie baby?’ He purred, and the pair of us grinned as chants of ‘frerard’ soon erupted into the room. I nodded and took the mic from him, purring a soft ‘sure did Gee,’ into it, before I wrapped my arms round his neck and the pair of us sealed the conversation with a passionate kiss. Ray started playing the introduction of one of our songs again, and Gerard bent me over backwards for a second to shove his tongue in my mouth. I groaned and sighed his name gently, kissing back with as much passion I could muster in my drunken state. The kiss was a little sloppy, but as he explored my mouth, I could still feel the tenderness and naivety he always had when he kissed me. Each stage kiss was as magical as our first, and I sighed, knowing we’d be plastered on every fan web page by tomorrow morning, but just not caring. When I kissed Gerard, all my inhibitions flew out the window, and I sighed as he pulled back, knowing it would never be the same for him. Nevertheless, I kept close to him throughout the show, slapping his ass and stealing little kisses from him whenever I could. Mikey chuckled fondly at me and whipped his long, mousy fringe out his eyes, before stumbling backwards as apparently, that was just too much movement for one evening.
‘Hey, and welcome back to Steven’s Rock Show, with me, Steven. Surprisingly.’ He chuckled softly at his own stupid joke and smiled, looking into the camera. ‘We’re here with five of our favourite boys, asking a few questions and looking at some crazy cool new videos, My Chemical Romance!’ The camera crew and techs on set whooped and cheered as the main camera panned over to the five of us squished together on the couch. I had plonked myself in Gerard’s lap strategically before the show, and grinned when instead of normally complaining, he just shrugged and hugged me closer. My legs were stretched out over the others’ and I was leaning against the ratty old sofa arm, smelling the coffee backstage and wishing I could have some right about now. Though I quickly decided that sitting on the singers lap was a much better decision as we all waved and Gerard squeezed my waist gently. I looked at him with a smile, before returning to Steven again, who was grinning away. We’d finished all our shows for the week, and were just closing with a quick interview on how they were going. Steven was eager to know if we enjoyed the area and how the touring was going in general, how we were coping with life away from home and if we ever ‘just want to get back and take some time out?’ Gerard and Ray did most of the talking, answering all the token questions and smiling wearily as they listened to each other. Gerard admitted he missed all his family back home, as do we all, but smiled as he hugged me closer and said that touring with us is like being home already. I sighed as the inevitable happened, and Steven helpfully got us talking all about Gerard’s relationship. ‘You and Eliza have been dating quite some time haven’t you Gee? That must be hard touring without her right? Do you think things will pick up again when you get back home?’ He was grinning, as did the rest of the band, making me sigh. I should be happy for him, it’s awful of me to be feeling so bad about them but I can’t help it. I like the man myself; I’m with him twenty four hours a day and still can’t get what I want. I’m so close, yet so fucking far away and it’s really frustrating when he’s meant to be dating her on the other side of the country. Gerard shrugged with a fond smile and stroked my hip idly, making me look at him.
‘Yeah it’s hard, it’s hard leaving anyone close to you behind ya know? But that’s what makes it so good about having these guys here. They become your mom, your dad, your girlfriend, all the people you care about and if you ever feel lost or alone or anything, they’re there for you. It’s magical touring with these guys, I love it. They’re my family just as much as... well... My actual family.’ He chuckled and Ray gave a cheesy grin, Bob smiling and cuddling Mikey and Ray close to him for a moment as Steven smiled lovingly. I grinned at Gee and snuggled down in his arms, remembering why I have so much patience with him. It’s words like that, the things he says that make me feel so fantastic, so amazing, so... so... his. I smiled and sighed gently whispering a soft ‘love you Gee,’ into his ear so no one else could hear us. Steven saw and grinned at me, crossing his legs.
‘That’s so sweet man, it’s really cool to know how close you guys all are. I have to say though, some of you seem a little closer than others... That little PDA on Monday’s show turned quite a few heads, mine included!’ He laughed and pointed to the screen behind us, a picture of Gerard bending me over and practically devouring my lips plastered on the screen and the five of us laughed loudly. I blushed deeply in embarrassment and grinned, Steven smiling away. He’s so cool with us, I always love coming here for a chat. ‘The phones have been going off the hook with questions, comments and general fan girling over the sight of it, and we were wondering if you’d care to explain yourselves? Remember people, you heard it here first,’ he grinned to the camera and Gerard chuckled, hugging me closer and insisting there was nothing to it. ‘Oh come on, you guys make out on nearly every show! Need I remind you of Thursday?’ With that, he laughed as another picture shot up on screen, this time of me flinging myself at Gerard and wrapping my arms tight round him, my lips pressing passionately to his. Oh yeah, that was a good night... Gerard looked up and laughed, shrugging as he stroked my waist. ‘Well? How is he, Gee? And Frankie? Were you satisfied?’
‘Well... Gerard’s lips are a little slimy’ I laughed and Gerard squeaked, hitting me playfully.
‘Hey! That’s only cos I’m singing!’
‘Well you’re not singing now, are you, slime boy?’
‘No, but you’re not kissing me now are you?’ He challenged, smirking at me. I shrugged and pulled him closer, grinning as, on that high, I just pressed my lips to his. I sighed and kissed him thoughtfully, pushing my tongue in his mouth for a moment to gather some of the addictive taste, before pulling back.
‘Mmm, still slimy.’ I smirked, squealing as he shoved me off the couch.